Monday, August 25, 2003

Christ, do I hope this trend continues. As much as I'd love to see Arianna Huffington or Larry Flynt running California, I know Arnold (pronounce it as Ahhhhh-nold if you want; other than this example I fucking refuse to type it that way) is going to win if it goes to a vote.

Okay, I guess I'm kinda like the Californians with regards to Larry Flynt - they want Arnold because he's famous, and I'd love to see Flynt in office mainly because he's a smut peddler. Well, OK, it goes further than that. I wouldn't want Hugh Hefner as Governor, partly because Playboy isn't smut, it's just crap. Plus, Hef would probably fill all governmental positions with unattractive, huge-titted platinum blondes. Fuck, he'd probably just deport any woman who didn't fit that profile from California. Wait, that could be good, because maybe some of those women would move to my state...

Fuck, anyway, I'm getting off track. The last thing I need is more women around, especially attractive ones, because as I was recently reminded that scenario just leaves me depressed. God damn it, I'm getting sidetracked again.

Ok. Larry Flynt. Why he would be cool as governor if Arianna, my first choice, didn't win.

First off, Larry Flynt puts out a quality product. To me, that counts. I've never had a Hustler subscription, but I've made plenty of questionable purchasing decisions that left me muttering "I should've just gotten a subscription to Huster instead." We could use more magazines like Larry's in this day and age of shit like Maxim. Here, however, I'll have to confess that I once had a subscription to Stuff, which was such a piece of shit that I hated it when I even liked those other crummy magazines. I currently have subscriptions to Maxim (which is nearly done, I'm not renewing and have ripped up any re-subscribe mail I've gotten), FHM (ibid), and Playboy (don't know how many issues are left on the current subscription; haven't decided on renewal because I've got nearly every issue since 1999, when the Playmates were what they should be, amazingly hot, and I don't know if I can bring it upon myself to end the streak). Anyway, I'm thinking of taking the money I pull out of Maxim, FHM, and Playboy and re-invest it in Hustler. And I'm going to need it; Hustler subscriptions are fucking expensive. Then, once I do that, I can start complaining that "I should've just gotten a subscription to Perfect 10 instead."

Fuck. Sorry, I didn't expect this to become a diatribe on men's and porno magazines. So, it's been established that I have respect for Larry's business. That brings me to another Flynt selling point, in that he has run a successful business. That know-how may be useful in a state that is facing a budget crunch. Business and otherwise, Larry Flynt doesn't fuck around. Nothing put a smile on my face during the Lewinsky mess quite like when Larry went after all the fucking Republicans leading the impeachment effort, exposing them for the tail-chasing assholes that they were. Of course, let us not forget Flynt's First Amendment credentials. In this day and age of "you'd better watch what you say," it's nice to see someone who still understands one of our most basic and most important rights.

Finally, Larry Flynt wouldn't be a half bad idea as governor because the guy is clearly more open-minded than most politicians. I just don't see him as having a lot of the hangups and issues that every other politician has that keeps him or her from being effective. Flynt would take charge, do what he thought was right, and not give a shit as to what other people thought. Also, the citizens of California might be able to get some sort of government subsidy for buying pornography.

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