Thursday, September 18, 2003

Anyone who's opened their eyes and thought about things for more than six seconds can see that this world is full of injustices. One of the most infuriating to me has been the tendency for people to feel ways that they don't deserve to feel. There are two sides: the people who feel good but shouldn't, and the people who feel bad but shouldn't.

Celebrities are most often in the first category. Untalented, unattractive shallow fucks who get attention and adoration that they don't fucking deserve. Attention that leads them to feel talented and attractive, and to feel good about themselves and as if they're somehow a cool person. I call this "Justin Timberlake Syndrome." I'm not sure why he's the one I always think of when this shit comes to mind, but he's most certainly not the only one. That little fuck totally got what was coming to him, though, when Ashton Kutcher and his show Punk'd went after him. I only wish the IRS would really come after him and break his guitar, right before shoving the wooden shards and metal strings up his ass.

Celebrities aren't always victims of Justin's Syndrome, and they aren't the only ones who are victims. There are plenty of other examples, like the asshole guy who treats his super-sweet and completely wonderful girlfriend like shit, yet thinks he's a total stud for getting the babes. Or the guy who gets through Yale on his daddy's and granddaddy's legacies, then flounders through life drunk and stupid until his family's influence leads to him being President (see, I told you I couldn't leave Bush alone for long). These assholes feel good about themselves and who they are, and they don't fucking deserve it. What they deserve is to feel like shit and - wait, I'd better not go too far, since I mentioned the "President." You catch my drift.

On the opposite end of this spectrum are the people who feel depressed, disenfranchised, and live with low self-esteem. For some reason, it's always the smartest, funniest, nicest, most interesting people who end up feeling bad about themselves in one way or another. It frustrates me to no end, because I just fucking know that they deserve better.

This seems to be a common theme with a lot (but not all) of the people I know and have known. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Hey, you know what? Maybe it's you - maybe you're the one who's doing it." No, even with as much shit as I give myself, I know I couldn't be totally responsible (although I'm sure my positive demeanor isn't exactly helpful). The few people who make life worth living for the rest of us lots of times end up getting the shit end of the stick.

It's not just people I know personally, of course. We've all heard plenty of stories about brilliant authors killing themselves, talented musicians dying, or something equally depressing. To paraphrase how Denis Leary once put it, why is it John Lennon getting shot, but nothing like that ever happens to Motley Crue?

This seems to happen a lot with smart kids. I'm no genius, but I'm decently smart, and I tend to surround myself with equals or superiors. As such, the pattern of intelligence coupled with this problem of unnecessarily feeling shitty has become painfully evident. I'm sure we can sit around and theorize a million different reasons as to why this pattern exists, so no sense delving too deep into that right now.

As I mentioned, I've seen a lot of these things with people I've known over the years, and I hate it more than anything. I hate it because it's so often due to events beyond their control or stupid societal bullshit. I so desperately want to do something about it, but I know that I almost certainly cannot. Of course, I have this problem with myself. For as down on myself as I can get, I know I'm not that fucking bad, and I deserve to feel a lot better. So why the hell don't I, if I have the confidence that I'm bettter than I feel? The fact that I can't solve the conundrum for myself makes it even more evident as to how hard it will be to solve it for others.

You see, this is just one of many, many reasons as to why I cannot believe in a benevolent god. Things like this are just too fucked up, too ass-backwards, to be the work of someone who loves us. I know it's something I can't bring an end to, especially if I can't figure it out for myself. As you may have noticed, though, just because I can't control something doesn't mean that it isn't going to fucking piss me off. Lack of control partly feeds the anger, of course, but that's negligible when compared to the contribution from seeing lousy fucks feeling good, and good people feeling lousy.

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