Saturday, November 22, 2003

One thing (as if to imply that there aren't many other things) that really pisses me off is spam. It isn't so much that spam is a huge annoyance to me personally, though. Yeah, I get way more spam than real mail, but that's partly because no one likes me. Still, it doesn't irritate me so much, just because I know that while e-mail is this great tool which allows me to avoid a lot of much feared contact with other humans, nothing good comes for free. I'm not insensitive to the plight of others, though, because I know that there are tons of people who have important activities such as porn and work (notice the priorities) impeded thanks to spam.

One of the most infuriating things about spam is that it actually works despite the fact that it is so poorly executed. Quite often I get spams that are nothing but random characters pounded into a keyboard with a link stuck in there. I mean, what the FUCK. They can't even take the time to write a couple of marginally English sentences to try and peddle whatever the fuck they're peddling? You cocksuckers.

Like I said, though, spam makes money for the spammers and the products they're pushing. Someone has to be clicking on all those links for Viagra, ejaculation volume increases, low-cost prescription meds, hot barnyard action, sexy MILFs, and low 3% rates. If people weren't responding to spam, thus making it effective, spam would be dropped as a marketing tactic.

It's because of this that I hate people who respond to spam more than the spammers themselves. That isn't to say that I don't have a seething hatred for spammers themselves, but the dumbasses who help make spam effective are the asshole enablers who are fucking all of us. If they could learn to control themselves, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

The problem is, as was pointed out in a recent Slashdot discussion, a statistical one. For the millions and millions of spams that go out every day, all it takes is a very small percentage of responses to spam for it to be profitable. Considering how many truly stupid people there are out there, the odds are against us, and, well, that's why we're where we're at.

My guess is that spam isn't going to go away, despite efforts to the contrary. You know what I think they should do? Every spam should be required to have a joke in it. That way, even though we're getting all this annoying spam, at least we might get a laugh or two out of it. Of course, some spams aren't meant to be jokes but have fucking hilarious subject lines, so they wouldn't need to do any more work on those. But, c'mon, you spam-sending assholes, give us something.

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