Saturday, October 25, 2003

Woo hoo! An extra hour for downloading pr0n and jerking off tonight!
Yeah, next thing they're gonna tell us is that jerking off causes arthritis.
So I'm not really what you'd call a "music buff." Sure, I like music, but it's one topic that I have even less room to spew pretentious bullshit about than lots of other topics. I hate concerts, don't buy or download a ton of CDs, don't know lots of cool, eclectic, unknown bands, etc. In fact, here's a list of what I've spent the majority of my time listening to since fucking May:

Love Hina Original Sound File
Fluke Progressive History X and Progressive History XXX
Love Hina Spring Special
Full Metal Panic Original Sound Track 1 & 2

Sure, there's been other stuff mixed in there, but that's been the majority of my listening time, most of which has been on the road. I don't listen to FM radio, because I pretty much can't stand anything that's "mainstream." Plus, nowhere am I going to hear the Onegai Teacher opening theme followed by something done by Ferry Corsten and then the entire Xenogears soundtrack.

I pretty much just find a handful of things I like and play the living fuck out of them, somehow failing to get tired of them. Like Progressive History X, which somehow I've played constantly for two bloody years without it getting old. I always wonder how people can be married to the same person for so long without getting sick and tired of them. Now I know: I just need to find the female equivalent of PHX, because that's what it's all about.

Not surprisingly, five of the six albums up there are imports (and I'm just counting the PHXXX set as one disc; it's actually a three-disc set), because we get nothing but shit here in America. And not just music. Europeans have my trance/techno/electronica/dance/whatever shit. The Japanese have my anime. And toys. And electronics. And it's looking like my porn, too. Not that there isn't decent porn elsewhere (except, I'm realizing more and more, America, because our shit is so fucking sub-par it's not even funny), but I'm definitely appreciating the Japanese stuff more and more because these people are SERIOUS about their leg and school uniform fetishes.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here. The main point of this post was to mention that a new CD is entering the "play it until it's burned to a crisp" rotation. Amazon finally got me my imported copy of Fluke's latest, Puppy. There's really nothing on their site right now, but it's worth it just for that image.

This CD must be pretty good, because I've been listening to it non-stop all day today. I'm not sure if there's any point in comparing it to Fluke's earlier stuff, because it's always hard to compare electronic shit to other electronic shit. "Yeah, there's some synthesized stuff, a decent beat, and some random lyrics every now and then." It's good, so I'd say it's reminiscent of Fluke's earlier work.

One thing I hate about music is that the cool tracks, I mean the really cool ones, are always like a minute and a half long. Waaaay too fucking short, and I end up having to play the good ones five times in a row to really get my groove on. Aww, who the fuck am I kidding? I've never had a groove to get on. Still, I hate having to do that looping shit. Fluke, however, usually gets it right, and that trend continues with Puppy. "Yeah, this track sounds good... Let's make it nine and a half minutes long." Nice.

Apparently, this is the first release without one of their members, which means there are now two guys pushing buttons instead of three. The result is a CD that I can put in, press play, and not have to worry about pressing fucking buttons of my own because it's all pretty good. I don't have to do much fast forwarding, unless I'm anxious to get to a particular track.

Despite all being good, my favorite tracks at this point are 5, 6, 8, and 11.

Christ, that was the most worthless review ever. Like I said, I'm just not enough into music to be able to say anything pretentious or even remotely useful to others, but I know what I like.
The usual "should probably be avoided at work" warnings apply for this next link.

So, yeah, fuck it: let's get it on.
Okay, so as it turns out, the rational side of me was right, and my Angelfire account where I was hosting images for the as-yet-un-resurrected other 'blog was removed because I was using it as my personal image repository. Well, it was either that or what they call "direct linking" - they just sent me some fucking form letter e-mail which didn't give the specific reason as to why I got 86'ed.

Anyway, I'm safe from the FBI. For now. But make no mistake, they're coming for me.

So, I've got a couple of options as to what I can do in terms of image hosting. I can use my other Angelfire account, which hasn't been shut down yet. I can probably write up a few token HTML pages to make it look like I'm "building" something, and maybe they won't catch on, especially since they haven't as of yet. There are also a couple of other places I've found, one which is designed for image hosting, so that might be the way to go.

The only thing really holding me back now is paranoia. Yes, it's stupid, but I can't help it. And does this mean I'm afraid that I might be doing something I consider "wrong"? Nope. It's just that living in this country, I've learned that you don't have to do something wrong to face unfair punishment.

Oh well. The whole Angelfire experience was worth it, I suppose, just to have an e-mail sent to me that started "Dear John Shaft." Now I've just gotta figure out if I care enough to continue with the other 'blog.

Friday, October 24, 2003

A recent study has once again brought to the forefront the issue of biology and homosexuality. This is another debate that I'm fucking tired of. Why the hell would anyone "choose" one kind of sexual orientation over the other? And, given the choice, why choose the one that is going to lead to a ton of discrimination from a bunch of knuckle draggers?

I don't even need biology studies to explain it; it's just common sense. Think about it: can you explain to me, in a clear and concise manner, as to why you're attracted to certain people as opposed to others, or why you're turned on by certain things but not others? The best answer you'll ever get out of questions like those is "I dunno, I just am."

Typically, when we make a choice, there is some sort of thought process involved, and we have some reasons as to why we arrived at our desired choice. Since we can't really explain why some things appeal to us and others do not, I'm pretty sure that shows that no "choosing" was involved. Otherwise, we'd have some trail of evidence explaining why we have one sexual preference as opposed to another.

Of course, the majority of this debate comes from, once again, our religious buddies. It's not so easy to condemn homosexuals if they have no control over their sexual orientation. In fact, if sexual orientation is indeed just hard-wired into our minds, it's pretty damning to their damnation. You see, if it's not a personal choice, then God must be responsible for them being a homosexual. That's unacceptable because God wouldn't create any of those dirty faggots.

However, if they choose to be gay, then they are defying God and gays can be maligned and murdered. Thus, people can rationalize their ignorant thoughts and behaviors while still being "Christ-like."

Sure, some homosexual behavior is pure choice - either just experimentation, confusion, whatever. But homosexuality itself is NOT a choice.

I'll come right out and say it: if you think homosexuality is a "choice," you're a fucking idiot.
What, they don't have real champagne in Queens? God damn it, Queens sucks.

Hey you stupid assholes, if it was so bad, why didn't you just move? Yeah, that's easier said than done, and it's gotta be hard to find someone dumb enough to move into the area. But someone obviously suckered a few dumbasses into moving in after the Concorde flights started, so I'm sure you could have found at least one other person equally as clueless in a quarter fucking century.

I'm gonna buy myself a supersonic jet, learn to fly it, and start buzzing these people's houses. And if you think I'm being too hard on these people, fuck that. You can see what class of winners they are by the rallying cry of "Let's go to Starbucks." Give me a break.
Okay, this ejaculation-centric spam has got to stop. Today, I was told that "now you can squirt it like a firehose!" You know what, assholes? I don't wanna squirt it like a firehose! Don't you see how dangerous that would be?

Actually, these guys are only offering a 300% increase. What a bunch of con-artist, slack-off assholes. Those other guys were offering me a 500% increase.

Still, this firehose nonsense bothers me. As has been made light of several times, I'd be lucky just to find a girlfriend or even a date at this point. But if I actually got to the point of having sex with someone, I sure as hell don't want to be unloading a fucking firehose on her. I mean, she's already gonna be pissed with how long I didn't last and my otherwise complete lack of skills. The last thing I need is a concussion and broken bones added to her list of grievances.
There are some people who get here via Google searches, and I just can't imagine what the hell they're looking for, nonetheless why they thought they'd find it here:

under the clothes of andriod 18
Beer Sandwich by the fuck fucks

Is there a band called the "Fuck Fucks" or something? And who the hell is andriod 18? Furthermore, what exactly in the fuck is an "andriod"? Have we moved beyond androids already? Either way, I presume #18 is hotter than andriods one through seventeen. The question is, is andriod 18 fully functional and programmed in multiple techniques?

Oh, ok, a quick search for android 18 yields results about some DragonBall Z character, which means I've immediately lost interest. Apparently, andriod 17 is her twin sister, but they don't look so hot. No fantasy about twins is any fun if the twins aren't hot (like that horribly unattractive pair famous for those obnoxious Coors commercials, but that's a whole 'nother rant in and of itself).

Anyway, dude, if you want to see underneath some anime character's clothes that badly, just learn to fucking draw.

Then there are those who I can tell what they're searching for, but I can't imagine why they think that their search terms are going to yield decent results:

information about dumb fucking broads that do anything for money
tons of pictures of women in really tight cop outfits

Haven't people learned to use Google effectively by now? Well, apparently not, if they're ending up here. Still, they should know by now that you can't talk to Google like you would talk to another human being.

Get a clue, people. Otherwise, you're going to end up reading my shit, and no one wants that.
Boy, this upcoming Phantom gaming console (or whatever the fuck it is) sounds like the most worthless piece of shit ever.
I've never fucking understood this group, Jews for Jesus. Don't we already have a name for Jews who also believe in Christ? Aren't they called Christians?
These past couple of weeks have been fucking great for stand-up comedy.

A couple of weeks ago I saw Dave Attell, Lewis Black, and Mitch Hedberg perform as part of the "Comedy Central Live" tour. That was a fucking great show.

Last weekend, Robert Schimmel was in town. Lucky for me, Schimmel has been in town twice this year, and they've both been great shows. At this past weekend's, he was selling and autographing DVD copies of his HBO special Unprotected. That special is so goddamn funny that it nearly killed a friend of mine.

I am as yet to see him perform live, but Dane Cook's CD Harmful if Swallowed was re-released by Comedy Central just recently. Included with the re-release is a DVD which includes performances on Premium Blend and Comics Come Home, as well as an un-cut (well over an hour) and uncensored version of his Comedy Central Presents special. The DVD alone is worth the price, but the CD is fucking great on top of it. Dane Cook is a master of physical comedy, and watching any of his specials always has the potential to be yet another life-threatening comedy experience.

If you're not familiar with any of these comics, I suggest checking them out if you're able to get along with Fuck Everything, because these guys are actually funny.
Once again, time for some big ups to other 'bloggers.

First today is Daily Grumble, run by a fellow Linux junkie.

Next is Title? What Title? And who stole my pants?. Dude, I don't know who the culprit was, but I promise you that I did not steal your pants.

Next is Assimilations, which gets mad points for the Borg references. Also, this guy kept talking about some friends of his who he referred to as "the twins." I was getting totally stoked, until I found out that it's twin brothers he's talking about. Fantasy over.

Finally, Fuck Everything got some recognition from my site du jour, in Galvin's latest entry. I'm totally looking forward to digging through more of his archives (as well as to future posts), but I can't at the moment because I'm fighting off more stomach troubles today, and I'm afraid that if I laugh too hard (which is inevitable at that site) that I might die.

As always, thanks to these fine 'bloggers for being brave enough to associate themselves in one way or another with Fuck Everything.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

I just got done playing some DOA3. I'm gonna go take a shower, then I'm gonna put on a viking costume and go outside and start beating the shit out of people, because the game gave me the idea.

Speaking of DOA, someone made a comment on an Xtreme Barbie Doll Dressup-centric post about how all her guy friends are experts on camera operation in that game. The real question is, have those guys reached the moment of true clarity where they realized that all of the camera controls can be operated with just one hand?

And yes, those DOA girls are the only girls I get to play with.
I guess my calls were sort of heeded as there are three new GYWO strips posted.
I am so sick and tired of this debate. It's as stupid as the one that says porn leads to rape. It's just this cheap correlation, and as we learned in psych 1001, correlation does not imply causation. Yes, lots of violent kids play violent video games, but those kids would be fucked up without the video games. Same goes for rapists. Furthermore, if the games aren't at fault, how the fuck can the people who make and sell those games be culpable?

We are all about scapegoating in this country. We never, ever want to deal with the real issues at hand, because that would force us to think and to analyze, which can only lead to us finding out bad things about ourselves which we may then feel bad about and have to fix.

Kids like these ones obviously have something fucked up in their head that prevents them from controlling themselves like you or I can. Also, these kids are so full of shit, but they're smart. They know GTA didn't give them any ideas, but it's a perfect scapegoat. One that parents will just eat up because it allows them to no longer have to admit that their kid is fucked up and that they might have to do some fucking parenting to make matters better. No need for that, it's all the video games' fault!

Fuck you, lazy ass parents. If you didn't want to have to deal with the tough issues, you shouldn't have been having kids in the first place. I think it's time to start looking into aborting these fucking asshole parents in the 160th trimester.

You know, just because you get ideas from a video game doesn't mean you go out and actually act on those ideas. I remember when I got Grand Theft Auto III. I played it for a couple of days, and when I went out driving on the real roads, I couldn't help but get the urge to run red lights and pass cars on the sidewalk while running down pedestrians. But I didn't. Why not? Because I'm not that fucking crazy, that's why!

Of course, in this case, it's not the parents of the perpetrators who are suing SCEA, Rockstar, and Wal-Mart. These are just people who have suffered a loss, for which I have sympathy, and decided to exploit that loss and be greedy fucks by suing people who have lots and lots of money, for which I have nothing but contempt.
Show me some fucked up stories from Japanese Tabloids? Okay! (With all due respect to Dave Attell).

Yeah, I know this is a day late, and I've killed my weekly theme as a result. This week, at least. Either way, I sincerely doubt anyone's hopes were hinging on the W^4 being on time.

Okay, this is kinda interesting. The article was pretty much only amusing for the first paragraph, but I just noticed that it has changed from earlier in the week. It used to be much harsher, saying "... Norika Fujiwara would probably be the average Japanese man's ideal woman if she were 20 years younger." instead of the "childlike cheesecake" bit. Apparently, Mr. Connell (who writes a good deal of these tabloid review bits) got in some hot water for implying that the average Japanese man wants nothing more than to fuck 12 year old girls (I smell more pedos on the way...). Which may or may not be true.

I wonder what the application and interview process is like for becoming SpermMan. Why the fuck didn't they show a picture of him, goddammit?

Because what woman doesn't want to use an angry cartoon character to stimulate herself sexually? You know, I'm reading that headline, and thinking it's going to be something really kinky. Nope, just pissed off cartoons. Anyway, I'm sure most women would much rather "massage" themselves with a cute character.

Okay, so maybe prostitution is illegal there, but not like it matters. Also, I have a new goal - fuck engineering, I wanna be an "ejaculation industry expert."

Old people sex manga. Yeah, but are the character designs any good?

Kind of a slow week with the tabloids. Either that, or this shit is all normal to me now, and doesn't surprise me. When I read about schoolgirl prostitutes or cartoon sex toys, I'm just thinking "Yeah, that's about right."
Management: 1
Me: 1

Our long national nightmare of me not having a "real" job is finally coming to an end. Despite having been beaten by management at one company earlier in the year, this time I emerge with an offer of employment from another.

Yes, after all the fucking bitching and complaining I put everyone through (if you think you've got it bad, that's nothing compared to people who actually have to put up with me in real life), I ended up getting the job. It's been over a month and a half from first interview to job offer, but I don't give a shit now that I know that I'm on this side of the fence. I can now move on to begin my customary continual apologizing for all the bitching I did which turned out to be for no good reason.

So, yeah, I'm sorry.

This just goes to show you, though, that just "thinking positive" is total bullshit. Look at me, I've been nothing but negative, and it ended up working out. Of course, that's just how I work - I'm all about worst-case scenario planning. That way, if things end up shitty, I'm not as disappointed. It's just like, "Hey, this is what I expected." If things happen to go well, then it's even better and way more satisfying. "Holy fuck, this is great! I never expected this to happen!"

Yeah, I know, I have problems. And again, sorry.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Fucking yay. Just one more day involving one victory after another in the battle of personal choices and freedoms vs. government control over our lives.

Fuck you, U.S. Congress. Fuck you, Florida legislature. Fuck you, George and Jeb Bush. And fuck you, Christian nonsense which is at the root of all this crap.
You know shit is ridiculous when The Onion can write articles where it doesn't have to make shit up. The brilliance of The Onion shines through yet again.

Monday, October 20, 2003

You know those WB shows like 7th Heaven and Everwood? Those shows make me wanna stick a fork in my eye. That is until I realize I like my eyes, and instead decide it would be better to shove a fork in the eye of all the actors and people responsible for those pieces of shit.

Why my parents insist on watching that crap during dinner I will never know. However, I did get personal chuckle out of something that was on tonight. This one irritating fuck bought his daughter a car for her 16th birthday, a scenario which reminded me of a Robert Schimmel joke that goes something like this:

"So I surprised my daughter with a car for her birthday. It was the exact car that she wanted. Upon seeing this, her boyfriend was like 'I wish you were my dad.' And I said to him 'Well, I don't, because if I were you'd be fucking your sister.'"
You hear these stories from time to time, and I never believe them. How the fuck do you not know you're pregnant for 9 fucking months? I'm no OB/GYN, but for christ's fucking sake, don't a few things change when a woman gets pregnant?
So here's another amusing site that I've just started exploring: (Galvin's Japan Files). It's worth clicking the link just for the pic on that opening page. Also, if you only read one thing there, look in the Journal for the entry on this page entitled "Tuesday the 7th, 2003: Encyclopedia Brown and the Mystery of the Lonely Log." This guy just has a way with words, let me tell 'ya.

Also, you will be doing yourself a favor by making sure to read this gem. I'm gonna hit "post & publish" right now just to make sure that I don't pollute this with any more links. Like I said, check out the guy's site, he's a riot.

Originally came across this via Japaneze, another 'blog I'm mining for interesting content and/or links.
Yeah, so I know my railing on people who care about David Blaine's "pointless" endeavors is pretty hypocritical since everyone, myself especially, cares about stuff that lots of other people would consider pointless.

Now that I'm being a bit more rational, one of the reasons I take issue with this stupid crap from Blaine stems from my hatred of our obsession with celebrity. I just don't see why someone else's life is so fascinating and important, especially when that life is lived in such a vapid, crass, and arrogant manner. That shitty life is for some reason more important just because of fame. I really do feel like peoples' lives must be empty if they're worrying about Kobe, or Ben Asslick & Jennifer Lopez, or whatever in the fuck else is going on with famous stars.

Sure, gossip and scandal can be interesting. But none of it is that interesting.

Anyone who has paid any attention to athletes, or movie stars, or pop musicians, or even illusionists like my friend David Fucking Blaine should be able to tell that these people are not the highest echelon that humanity has to offer. So, again, why the fuck to we care?

I'm sure lots of it is just because these people are rich, and famous, and those are things that so many people aspire to be. People look up to them. It's easy to be interested in these people, because we know that they're never going to make us feel stupid since they're clearly bottom-feeders. In fact, since they tend fuck up so much, it actually makes us feel better about our simple, mostly boring lives. Sure, we have to deal with shitty jobs and shitty people, but at least we didn't get caught being blown by a transvestite (or was it transsexual?) hooker when we could have been at home fucking Elizabeth Hurley.

The main reason, though, is just because we need to be entertained. Since we do have those shitty jobs and all that other crap to deal with, we need some sort of escape. I just wish we could latch on to more escapes that didn't allow Hollywood types to think that they're special and important, because they're not.

It's coming from a self-admitted arrogant and closed-minded standpoint, but investing too much in shit (yes, sports included) like this is just such a waste of time and energy. In the end, though, I guess it's up to the individual to decide what does and does not entertain them.

But if you're entertained by some stupid asshole who starves himself on purpose, you're still a fucking idiot.
This sounds kinda interesting.
I'm going to renew my call for David Blaine to fucking die, preferably on his next stunt. What a self-important pretentious asshole. You think you're fucking special, David? Because you can starve yourself on purpose just for attention, while people around the world starve because they have no choice? I wish they would have just lowered that goddamn box right into the river. Fuck you, David Blaine.

Oh, and to all those "fans" of this assfuck, fuck you ten times more for encouraging this insipid, meaningless crap, you empty-headed animals. God, your lives must be bankrupt to actually care about something so pointless. If you're so stupid to call Blaine a "pioneer of human endurance" and get all emotional over him, then - fuck it. Nevermind.

"Oh please, oh please Mr. Blaine... Give me a bag that you shit in!"

Hmph. I must be getting angry, now.

Thanks, though, to the writer of that article, for making me smile by putting the whole stupid affair into perspective: "That was because it was the only thing that had actually happened."

Speaking of lowering shit into water, this reminds me of a plan I came up with once. As soon as I'm in charge, we're going to round up as many stupid people as we can. We're going to load them into a big cage, and drop that cage into the fucking ocean.

You know what's fucked up? I came up with that idea years and years ago, when I was nowhere near as jaded as I am now. So that oughta give you an idea as to where I'm at these days.
Like always, I'm in a very shitty mood. So, I'm going to malign someone else's 'blog, despite the fact that mine is fucking garbage. Here's a quote from one I came across via Fresh Blogs:

"so i took sadaf home today, and she forgot her key and went to her neighbor to ask for it, and i being the nice guy that i am waited for her in their driveway in case they dont have it. turns out they do and i was about to leave and i was backing out and then wham there goes my bumper. why do these gay things always happen to me? apparently there was a hydrant there that i didnt notice hahaha."

Why do these "gay things" always happen? I don't know... Because you're a fucking idiot?

I'll be nice and not post a link to his 'blog. For now. I should leave him alone, because he's just some dumbass kid. But still, anyone who says shit like "being the nice guy that i am" is a fucking asshole.
In case I ever need to, here's something that just might kill that little fetish of mine.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Hmmm... Progress?
I just saw advertised that The Dick Van Dyke Show is out on DVD. Fuck that. When are they gonna release Get Smart on DVD?
A brief editorial from the current head of the Iraqi governing council.
Yeah, but is any of this really a surprise? I mean, c'mon, it's fucking Woody Allen.