Saturday, November 22, 2003

Am I the only one who sees stuff like this, and at first is a little confused, thinking they're talking about the southern state and not the country?

But c'mon, let's be honest. If it turned out to be the Georgia that's here in America, no one would really be surprised.
One thing (as if to imply that there aren't many other things) that really pisses me off is spam. It isn't so much that spam is a huge annoyance to me personally, though. Yeah, I get way more spam than real mail, but that's partly because no one likes me. Still, it doesn't irritate me so much, just because I know that while e-mail is this great tool which allows me to avoid a lot of much feared contact with other humans, nothing good comes for free. I'm not insensitive to the plight of others, though, because I know that there are tons of people who have important activities such as porn and work (notice the priorities) impeded thanks to spam.

One of the most infuriating things about spam is that it actually works despite the fact that it is so poorly executed. Quite often I get spams that are nothing but random characters pounded into a keyboard with a link stuck in there. I mean, what the FUCK. They can't even take the time to write a couple of marginally English sentences to try and peddle whatever the fuck they're peddling? You cocksuckers.

Like I said, though, spam makes money for the spammers and the products they're pushing. Someone has to be clicking on all those links for Viagra, ejaculation volume increases, low-cost prescription meds, hot barnyard action, sexy MILFs, and low 3% rates. If people weren't responding to spam, thus making it effective, spam would be dropped as a marketing tactic.

It's because of this that I hate people who respond to spam more than the spammers themselves. That isn't to say that I don't have a seething hatred for spammers themselves, but the dumbasses who help make spam effective are the asshole enablers who are fucking all of us. If they could learn to control themselves, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

The problem is, as was pointed out in a recent Slashdot discussion, a statistical one. For the millions and millions of spams that go out every day, all it takes is a very small percentage of responses to spam for it to be profitable. Considering how many truly stupid people there are out there, the odds are against us, and, well, that's why we're where we're at.

My guess is that spam isn't going to go away, despite efforts to the contrary. You know what I think they should do? Every spam should be required to have a joke in it. That way, even though we're getting all this annoying spam, at least we might get a laugh or two out of it. Of course, some spams aren't meant to be jokes but have fucking hilarious subject lines, so they wouldn't need to do any more work on those. But, c'mon, you spam-sending assholes, give us something.
For anyone who's been paying attention, the bane/single joy of my existence for sometime now has been Megami Magazine. It's this bloody Japanese anime magazine that I've been snatching up every month while desperately searching for near impossible to find back issues. Well, near impossible to find, or near impossible to acquire thanks to low-life eBay fucks. But let's try and avoid sending me down that route.

To help pacify me, there's this site, which has a bunch of poster and cover scans from my beloved Megami. Pretty much no one will give a shit, but I can think of at least one other similarly afflicted individual who will appreciate this.
Oh, to be so young, and so fearless. I was going to say "dumb," but that word wasn't quite right, because believe it or not, I'm not trying to be insulting. Being the huge pussy that I am, it's just interesting to see someone like this.

I mean, she just had her arm sheared off by a shark, and she's like "Yeah, whatever." Okay, I sincerely doubt it's as rosy a face as she puts on for interviewers, but still. She seems to be doing way better than I would. Me, I'd just sulk for awhile and then do a 'blog post on it, most likely.

Not surprisingly, it took virtually no time at all for me to hit the 1 Gigabyte cap on newsgroup downloads. Actually, I managed to go a full third of a Gig past the cap, so now I'm fucked for the rest of the month and also fucked for next month, since that 1/3 gig will come out of next month's quota.

I just realized something. When I initially got the newsgroups thing going, they said something to the effect that if you went over the 1 Gig quota, your current download would complete, and simply come out of next month's cap. However, I went around 333 MB over cap, which is obviously multiple downloads, and there was no stoppage. So maybe it allows you to go over, so long as you're connected to the server. Once you're off, if you try and reconnect, it'll probably say "Nope, try again next month."

In theory, it seems like I could just stay logged in and download all the pr0n I wanted. Probably not, though. Still, this is totally like that episide of Friends where Joey and Chandler wouldn't turn on the PPV porn channel because they were afraid that if they did, it wouldn't come back on.

Anyway, this means that it's back to trolling websites for my porn fix. I managed to come across a decent Asian thumbs site, and it's located here. Also, in one of the 'blog search engines, I listed "porn" as a keyword for this site, so this will help me not feel too guilty about the hits I get thanks to that.

Oh, and for anyone not versed in the empirical porno sciences, "thumbs" is short for "thumbnails," and I do not have some creepy amputated thumb fetish. Remember, I have the creepy teen and sailor school uniform fetishes. Just wanted to keep that straight.

Oh, and fuck. I'm hoping that everyone at least knows what a "thumbnail" is in the WWW context, and that no one is thinking I have a weird fetish for women's thumbnails. If I'm going to be damned as a deviant, I'm going to be damned for the deviant I really am.

Again, just ignore most of this shit, because that's the booze talking. I need to get some help.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Google search of the day:

"hey everybody" look at me i'm downloading gay porn

As if Google gives a shit.
I'm going to continue verbally fellating Galvin because A) I like his site and B) my occasional mentions of his site sometimes lead to links back to mine, which is neat for my site traffic and my self-esteem. At least until I realize, yet again, that it's all a lie and a farce. Anyway, you've gotta check out his March 18th entry on this page. Any kid who grew up hooked on Transformers can relate to the experience discussed in the entry, and the picture just might be the funniest thing... Ever.

Oh, and not to mention the entry that directly follows. Maybe it's just the booze talking (am I developing a drinking problem?), but the "John-Henry-style" line is just plain rhetorical genius.
The battle rages on over the proposed prescription drug bill.
Remember the "Tainted Meat" episode of Beavis and Butthead? Man, was that episode great. These people, on the other hand, are probably not very amused.

Also, am I the only one laughing at the Beaver Valley Mall? Probably.
Since I'm still in the ramping up/finding shit to do phase at the new ol' job, things have been slow today. Slow enough that I've spent time looking over MIT OCW lectures on solid state device fundamentals. Don't give me that look. You know it turns you on.

Actually, it totally has me turned on. I actually resurrected some of my calculus skills to derive how to get from equation A to equation B in one part of the notes awhile ago. This may not seem like anything to most of you, even those with decent math skills, but it was neat to me even if it was pretty easy. Since I started focusing on computer architecture, software, and digital design in general back in school, my math skills have severely deteriorated since there's not a ton of math involved there. My new job is back on the analog side, and I'm totally stoked. But that also means that if I want to advance in my position, I've gotta do some studying.

The fact that I'm now going to be an "analog guy" is simultaneously neat and troublesome. Neat because, as the years went by, I started viewing analog stuff as being more and more hard-core. Digital just looked fucking weak. Okay, there's still some hard shit in digital, and part of my viewpoint basically came from the standpoint of "I'm not doing that, so it must be harder." If I'm not doing something or don't have the ability to do something, that's what I end up wanting to do. Just this stupid mix of OCD and a desire to be challenged.

The re-focusing on analog is troubling mainly because I'm an idiot. I always wanted to be a computer chip designer (which falls in the digital realm), but as time went on, I started to drift more towards the analog side of digital (i.e. low-level VLSI design, laying out custom FETs, etc., if that means anything to anyone), and of course, ended up in an analog position. So I'm like, "Good job, dumbass. If you had just focused on this from the start, you'd probably be right where you want to be right now - as a semiconductor circuit designer." Of course, had I done that, I'd probably be wanting to be a CPU architect or logic designer all over again, because I'm incapable of letting myself be happy with anything.

So why the fuck am I telling you this, when I swore not to go "online diary" with this fucking site? Well, because it's a slow news day. Yeah, there's this mess, which is an awful tragedy which is being met with the usual canned, infuriating responses from Bush and his prison bitch, Tony Blair. Not much I can really think of to rant about there.

Oh, and since we were on the subject earlier, I might as well link to Maureen Dowd's latest column.

Otherwise, the only big thing brewing is the next media circus surrounding kid toucher Michael Jackson. Just something to add to the pile of "big stories I could give less than a fuck about" which already includes Kobe and Scott Peterson.

There's some more shit I want to say about the whole gay marriage issue, but there's an article I want to read first before I do, so that will get put off until later when I'm at home. You can check out the comments for my post from a couple of days ago on the court decision if you need to be held over and wanna see me rip into someone.
Yahoo search:

'Maureen Dowd's boyfriend'

Looks like I've got some competition.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Is this story somehow related to this story?

Yeah, I know, cheap joke. Not just cheap, but not really good at all. I mean, worse than normal for me. But c'mon, when's the last time you heard a fucking Lewinsky joke?
Unnecessary image of the day, courtesy of Jay:

Of course, being older and wiser, I feel that I can appreciate Radiohead on levels unavailable to your average 19-yr old fan, who still had parts of him running down the inside of his mother's thigh when I was bud-freaking to Rush and Ozric Tentacles back in the day.

I mean, Rush sucks, and mentioning them is just disgusting. Shame on you, Jay.
I got a ton of hits today thanks to a mention by Galvin, and I almost feel obligated to say something in return. As if saying something really does anything, but what the fuck. So here it is... Mention. Oh, and while we're at it, you need to check out his entry for Nov. 19th, and not just because he mentioned my shitty 'blog. You will never look at jumpropes in the same way ever again. Or at least, one particular type of jumprope. Whether or not that's a good thing is up to you. Personally, I feel enriched. But we all know how I am.
Hey, so does everyone remember the Filter song "Hey Man, Nice Shot"? Of course you do. Well, one day about eight years ago, ETP and I got bored of perusing for awhile and decided to make some music. No, not the music of sweet, sweet love, but another kind of music. For one day only, we formed our own shitty cover band. The result is linked below.

As a warning, this gets pretty loud at one point, so you may want to A) keep the speakers at fairly low volume and B) brace yourself. I don't want to be responsible for scaring this shit out of small children, waking the dead, or blowing out your nice Klipsch speakers.

Without further ado, he's Voltaire, I'm Twain, we're Filter.
One thing that died a fairly quick death here was the W^4, the weekly roundup of translated Japanese tabloid stories coming our way via the Mainichi Shimbun. Part of the reason was because I had been reading these tabloid stories for awhile when I started doing the weekly post, and as such, was already pretty jaded. Stories of schoolgirl prostitutes and train gropers were still fucked up, but definitely had a "been there, read that" feel to them.

I thought about continuing with it anyway, if nothing else for new readers who still had an idyllic view of Japanese society. Of course, this is coming from their tabloids, so it's not as if it's any more indicative of Japanese society as a whole than the Enquirer is here (wait a minute...). Still, it's fun to get a glimpse of the fucked up side of a society that clashes with a lot of preconceived notions of that we have here, and thought some people may find it interesting and/or amusing.

This is also nothing against the Japanese. I've developed an obvious fascination with Japan. In trying to learn their history, their culture, and their language, it's also fun to get a look at the fucked up side of their society. Let's face it; all cultures have a dark side to them, and it can be fun to explore.

I noticed that some other 'bloggers have even started linking MDN WaiWai stories, and so I thought I'd resurrect the W^4. I doubt I'll be motivated enough to do it weekly, but we'll try and bust it out every now and then. So, here we go.

Just to drive home some of that "fucked up" point...

Can a straight guy still get married if he uses one of these?

Don't read this one too close to dinner, or if you're planning on ever having sex again.

And finally, the headline of the week.
I have a feeling that posting this link, about the Paris Hilton sex tape, will get me some hits.

What a stupid cunt. "I... never, ever thought that these things would become public." Ummm, let's see... You're rich, you're famous, and you fucked someone and let them tape it. What did you expect to happen? Well, obviously not this.

As a side note, isn't it embarrassing that we actually refer to people as a "reality TV actress." Just goes to show you how real "reality TV" really is.

Fuck this little tramp. And not in the sexual way, either. Neither this bitch, nor her sister, are attractive in the least. Just like those fucking Coors twins. They're not going to be hot just because they're blonde and identical twins. I am so sick and tired of unattractive women being paraded around while we're told they're hot and expected to buy it. Fuck you, I can decide who's hot and who's not. I don't need Coors or Maxim telling me how shallow I should be, because I do a great job of being shallow all on my own. Oh, and to further the discussion, Coors, fuck you twice for the twins bullshit. I have lots of twins fantasies, so please quit fucking with that. But that's a post for another time.

The problem is that some guys are so fucking stupid that they can have a blonde pair of tits paraded in front of them and they're immediately like "Oh, that's hot." You didn't even look at her. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's pretty stupid to argue about who you're physically attracted to. But some people don't even try. That's right, they don't even try to be superficial.
Google search of the day:

schoolgirl outfits that transform guys to hot girls

Trust me, dude, if such a thing existed, I would have gotten ahold of one of those uniforms by now. I would have gotten one, put it on, and never, ever had to leave the house again.
Some analysis of the Massachusetts court ruling with regards to same-sex marriages.
Here's a shocker.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

I dunno about this. Yeah, they might get cult status just for pure comedic value. Or bonus points for hot women a la the Spanish soap operas on Telemundo and Univision. Either way, I feel a drinking game coming on.

While we're on the subject of Spanish-language television, let's pay our respects and point out that Don Francisco kicks ass.

No matter what, I don't think Japanese dorama can be any worse than fucking Days of Our Lives. Yeah, as if I need to distinguish myself as an even bigger pussy than I already have, I used to be hooked on Days. Personally, I think they're feeding crack through the TV tube and that's why I was addicted.

Pretty much the only good thing about being in the dorms freshman year of college was that it helped get me off Days. We didn't have cable in the dorms that year, and so all we got was shitty antenna reception. I got tired of coming home from class every day only to watch a horribly fuzzy tape of that day's episode. Yes, I was taping it. CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY, PEOPLE. Get off my ass.

Like I said, I'm better now. So, um, like... What's going on with that show nowadays, anyway? Not like I care or anything.
Thanks to Mary for this, which was just way too cool. She gets a hat trick for capitalizing on the Lolita reference, making a reference to The Goat, and for saying stuff about me.
Google search of the day:


Some of you may be disturbed by the potential reference to bestiality in this query. What gets me, though, is that the person doing the searching felt the need to use the word "dog" twice.
Well, I'm not holding my breath on this one. Maybe some progress will be made, since the administration is getting visibly nervous with the clock ticking on election season. Whether or not we make some real concessions to get others involved is yet to be seen.
Some views on Bush, his policies, and his state visit to the UK.

Oh, and boy is that Mickey kid pissed off. I smell a future guest contributor to Fuck Everything. The force is strong with that one.
So let's see what conservatives do to (try and) fuck this up.

Here's a big hearty fuck you to all you conservative assholes. This whole issue shows what a bunch of hypocritical dicks you are. You preach freedom, yet push for things like Constitutional amendments to unreasonably restrict the freedoms of others. Let me repeat that in a slightly different light: you want something added to the Constitution, at the core of which is (theoretically) liberty, something that goes against the very spirit of the Constitution.

Oh, and don't give me that nonsense that (whiny sissy voice) "we're defending the institution of marriage." Bullshit. You don't like homosexuals, plain and simple. As a result, you act out. And you know what? You're bad people for it. You're asshole pricks who are so afraid of anything even remotely different from your lame, white lives that you overreact to anything that doesn't fit into your boring paradigm for everything.

The key there is overreact. I don't give a shit if you're not into homosexuality; that's your right. If you're a guy who isn't down with homosexuality, then just don't take it up the ass from another guy. Or if you're a woman, don't go chowing down on box. Either way, just leave these people alone. Even if they can get married, that doesn't nullify your marriage. That doesn't keep you, or your children, or any other lame-asses from being miserable in marriage as well. Allowing gays to exercise the freedom to get married does not prevent you from exercising the same freedoms. All it does is impinge upon your ignorant religious ideals, and that is not good enough grounds for denying them the right to get married.

Monday, November 17, 2003

Last week's What do you think? from The Onion was great as always. Especially those top two.
Thanks, Pope. Big help.

Okay, well, it is interesting that the old man (or whoever is speaking for that decrepit fuck) came out against Israel. Just not something I'm used to seeing from Westerners.

I'm sure that all my bitching about Israel has some people thinking I'm anti-Israel and pro-Palestinian all the way. Well, I'm not. The reason I bitch about Israel is because it seems that virtually no one else does. At least, not from the standpoint of the general mindset that we have in this country. Ariel Sharon could sodomize Palestinian babies in front of their mothers and we'd still be voting down the U.N. resolution condemning his actions.

Look, I'm not letting the Palestinians in general, or Arafat in particular, off the hook. Nothing serious is being done from that side to stop any of the violence.

At the same time, Israel doesn't do shit to help matters either. Just like the Palestinian side, I think they're much happier to let all of the killings continue. It's sad to lose some of your own, but revenge is sweet. As such, they're not doing anything serious, either.

I realized at one point that if they really want peace over there, which I'm not convinced they do, it doesn't matter who is wrong and who is right. Worrying about that is just going to lead to a continuation of the bloodshed. If peace is ever going to be even a remote possibility, one side is going to have to man up and be the better person. That, however, is not going to happen.
ETP and I were discussing online gaming last night. Our "discussions" of online gaming usually entail someone saying "This is bullshit" and the other saying "I'm not fucking paying for that shit."

I suppose I can see where online gaming would be kind of fun. Except for the fact that I'm not really a hard-core gamer, but being a good nerd I do enjoy video games. As such, I do alright, but I'm not stellar. Furthermore, I can't get motivated to go play against a bunch of guys (yes, I'm sure there are one or two women out there into games) who fucking LIVE for games and will beat the living hell out of me. I enjoy challenge, but no point in kicking it Kobayashi Maru school.

In addition to not wanting to have my ass handed to me all the time, I really just cannot fathom paying $50 for a new game, and then fucking paying a monthly fee or something like that just to be able to play the goddamn game. The gaming industry has already gotten us to readily accept that $50 mark for a new game, and forcing to pay more is just a bullshit scam. Well, maybe scam is harsh. I understand that they need to cover costs of servers, support, etc. As such, I'm just not going to buy into the bullshit.

You know what the fees remind me of? Anyone remember Divix, the alternative to regular DVDs? Paying a small fee for the disc itself, and then paying a fee each time you actually view the disc. Again, I suppose I can see the idea behind that, but my entrenched affection for private property just made the idea seem fucking retarded. I bought this goddamn thing, and I'm still gonna have to pay more to actually use it? Fuck that.

Is anyone out there into online gaming? Do you feel it's really worth the extra cost?

I guess it just comes down to what you're willing to spend your money on. I'd just feel stupid paying monthly for a game I already bought, but at the same time lots of 24-year-old guys would feel gay buying plush Care Bears. For himself.
Work on the latest gift to the energy industry trudges forward. However, it's nice to see that the whole Arctic drilling nonsense didn't make it in.
Well, California, you got your celebrity governor. You'd better hope he doesn't fuck this up.
I continue to be amazed that we haven't seen suicide attacks here in the States yet. We've been lucky thus far, but who knows how much longer that luck will last.
One thing I forgot to comment on last week was great quote from Ted Kennedy when the Senate was pulling its all-nighter over the court nominee filibusters:

"What has not ended is the resolution and the determination of the members of the United States Senate to continue to resist any Neanderthal that is nominated by this president of the United States for any court, federal court in the United States."

Drunk or otherwise, Teddy keeps it interesting.
My apologies to all for that last link. I knew that it was going to be absolute rubbish when I saw the link on, but I just could not help clicking on it. I suppose I didn't need to post the link, though, for myriad reasons, but I just felt I needed to share the suffering. Also, I guess I tend to forget that not everyone wants to be as pissed as I am.

Nothing but the best for Fuck Everything readers.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

This made me wanna vomit. I pray (insofar as this heathen prays) it's a joke, but it probably isn't. I can't read more than six words without getting the shakes in order to find out, either.
In all the excitement, or whatever, from this past week, it took me awhile to get around to reading this article from The Onion, but it was totally worth the wait.
Fuck, the hot entomologist died. She was one of the few highlights of that fucking show. 'Course, she was only in three episodes, but that oughta tell you how well Enterprise has gone.
Okay, yeah, so that posting while drunk business? No more of that. I just noticed that I fucked up closing out a tag for making text bold, and most of my 'blog was showing up in bold as a result. God damn it.
One of my favorite jokes, courtesy of Patton Oswalt:

"But you know what I like even better than women? Pornography. 'Cause I can get pornography."
You know, the bullshit obsession we have with death and our dead bodies is stupid. Organ donations really should not be so rare.

We are so bloody shortsighted. I mean, c'mon. Exactly how in the fuck are you going care what happens to your body and its organs after you die? How the hell are you gonna even know? Fine, if there's an afterlife, you'll know. But will it really matter once you've cast off this mortal coil?

Of course it won't. But we're so terrified of death that we just can't handle things like commiting to donating our organs after we die. Death is only hard on the living.

Despite how needlessly selfish we are and how much it pisses me off, I've always been hesitant to sign the back of the driver's license. Mainly because of that whole paranoia bullshit. As Carlin put it "Hey Bob, don't bother saving this one. This man's a donor!" And yeah, there's all that other black market shit and whatnot. Odds are, that really is all bullshit.

So I decided it's time to man up. I signed the donor card. Here's a note to family and friends: if I die (and I'm not planning on this happening anytime soon, sorry), let them take whatever they can, and just burn the rest. I'm not going to give a shit, because I'll be fucking dead.

I just know that I'm gonna die now that I've done and said this. Fuck.
Stupidest search of the day:

how do guys fuck eachother

Jesus christ, man. If you have to ask, you'll never know.
Search of the day, which was submitted to Ask Jeeves:

will someone fuck my asshole

Just how well does Jeeves know you, anyway? I would have to think pretty fucking well if you're expecting him/it to be able to give a useful answer to that question.
Okay, so I promise, I am not going to turn this 'blog into an online journal. Not that there's anything wrong with doing that; that works just fine for some people. I just think that my life is so utterly lame-ass (not to be confused with someone's trademark Lame-Ass Parties) that no one could really give a fuck about it. Yeah, I suppose some of my anecdotes may be kind of amusing, but I don't want it to be nothing but those anecdotes.

So, instead, let's continue the theme of doing nothing but complaining about Bush. Here is yet another instance of what I think is unnecessary bullshitting.

Look, I know that we hung out in Japan and Germany long after WWII. In fact, we're still hanging out there. So I know that any sort of occupation is going to leave us with a military presence for quite awhile. I'm not happy that we're at this point, but I understand the reality of things. So why this bullshit now that we're going to stay in Iraq and Afghanistan until the "job is done," which includes finding Saddam and Osama? This just sounds like a cheap tactic to justify what's going to be a long-term military commitment no matter what.

It's just more bullshit to try and pacify the ignorant American people. And you know what? It's nothing but 1984-style doubletalk, too. We're going to pull out of there real soon now, but we're going to be there for awhile.

Like I've said before, just own up to your shit, okay? If we're going to be there for awhile because we just plain fucking have to be, just fucking say it. I know - not gonna happen. But just like that ultra-cool bride, I can dream. And that's about it.

Apocalypse Now

Before we get started, this post also could have been entitled "Welcome to the Springs fuck you."

So the wedding that you just wouldn't quite expect (unless, again, you're going for irony) is said and done with. I was simultaneously looking forward to it and dreading it, and it more or less lived up to that setup. It was a decent evening.

The ceremony was, well, a Christian ceremony. And rather negative, I might add. Let me repeat that: it was kinda fucking negative. This is coming from me, mind you. Even I like to have people talking about happy shit when it's a wedding ceremony. There were, and this is all true, references made by the pastor to divorce, sin, how sin is a "virus," Satan, the BLOOD of Christ, and dirty, stinking socks. And of course some praying and reading from the bible, and some other Christian stuff that I obviously don't agree with, but that was OK because it wasn't my wedding. I made a conscious effort to not spout out "Bullshit!" or roll my eyes while all this was going on. I think I behaved pretty well.

Regardless of all the goofy pageantry (which is part of any wedding ceremony), at least it wasn't a Catholic ceremony. Oh, JFK (Jesus Fucking Christ) do I hate Catholic ceremonies. Every three seconds it's "Let us pray." Hey, how about I just slit my wrists instead? It'll save us all a lot of time.

There were also some lame attempts at humor by the pastor, but I'll let it slide. He did the best he could for, once again, something that is almost always boring for everyone in attendance. It really made me think that if I ever get married, I want the ceremony to be way more entertaining than pretty much everyone else's ceremony. I wanna get someone like George Carlin certified as a justice of the peace and have him perform the service. There will most definitely be some swearing involved, and maybe a little copping of de feel during the bride/groom kiss. Like I said, entertainment. I want people to fucking enjoy themselves. On our way out, instead of some traditional wedding music, we could have something playing that makes everyone say "What the fuck is this?" You know, like the Love Hina theme or something. Holy hell would my wife have to be cool for that to happen I'll keep dreaming.

Anyway, I've gotten off track. Back to the wedding that actually happened.

After the ceremony, as you may expect, was the reception. Unlike some weddings I can mention, people were actually assigned tables to sit at for this reception. Yes, I've been to a wedding where that didn't take place, but that was pretty much the worst wedding ever, and that is another 'blog post in and of itself.

The people I got put at a table with were pretty much a "who's who" of bad high school memories. Okay, not really. I just wanted to use that phrase. Anyway, yeah, there were a couple of people I haven't seen in like six years, including this one really tall, hot girl who was, well, still tall and hot. Them and a handful of complete strangers. In typical fashion, I was pretty quiet all night, but that's pretty much what I was expecting, and the main reason for the dread. Like usual, I survived.

Oh yeah, then there was the fire drill. I shit you not. As we got to the reception, there were fire trucks getting ready to leave. I'm like "This can't be good." Well, later on, just after salad was served, the fucking fire alarm went off. Amusingly enough, no one gave a shit and just went on with eating and bullshitting. Eventually, though, they told us we were going to have to leave the building. Furthermore, it was going to be like a half hour before the fire department came back and we would be let back in. So, that gave me some time to go and sit in the car and listen to some of the new anime soundtracks I had just gotten. So it wasn't a complete waste.

So, things were fairly normal from there on out. Dinner was served, the dancing started, with the music being handled by "DJ Dan." Yeah, I think he was spinning in London last week, and came back stateside to do the wedding.

Again, my wedding would be so fucking cool because I'd just have them play my CDs, so all night people would be subjected to techno, instrumental movie soundtracks, game soundtracks, and anime soundtracks. Oh, and most definitely a little Beck. Thus completing the circle of people saying "What the fuck is this crap?" How cool would it be to hear NIN's "Closer" at a wedding, I might ask? Just let people know right up front what our union is going to be like. Oh, and shit, how about "Ruiner"? I'd better stop before the irony and amusement kills me.

Oh yeah, and of course, there were all the bloody toasts. The father of the bride gave a really long speech, which I think got to some people after awhile, but again, I cut him some slack since he did just give his daughter away. Isn't it kind fucked up that we say shit like that, by the way? "Giving the bride away." Still talking about women like they're property. Which they aren't; they're sex objects.

If nothing else, the father of the bride pointed out that he was paying for that whole fucking thing, so he was gonna talk as long as he wanted. Again, that's fair. He at least had some amusing lines, like when he started out a joke by saying "A man isn't complete until he's married." At first, that kinda bugged me. Like Bill Maher says "You complete me? Fuck that. I complete me." But he did save it by closing out the statement with "And when a man gets married, he's finished."

Oh, and then there was the mother of the bride who broke in halfway during his speech, talking about how mothers never get to give those toasts and how it was nearly time to start partying. Yeah, speaking of things that are toasted... Anyway, it was amusing, and nice to see that the parents had some enthusiasm, even if there was more bullshit talk about the Bible and praying. Again, it's their thing, not mine, so whatever.

There were a decent number of hot women there, which was nice. At least while I was sitting there quietly I had a nice view. Oh, man, especially this one girl. I think she was like half Asian, had this body that was so nice that you just wanted to cry, great legs, and was wearing this nice little black dress and oh-so-sexy strappy heels. Naturally, she was there with her boyfriend, who looked like a total yutz. Not like I was gonna do anything anyway or even talk to her, just like all the other hot women there.

Wait, that's not totally true! One of the hotties was seated next to me and actually talked to me quite a bit. Mainly because she was one of those people who can and will talk to anyone, even people like me who don't talk to anyone. Oh, and if you're thinking I must have been like "Dude, this chick totally digs me," fear not. A) I know better and B) she was there with her boyfriend. Who was a nice guy, but a civil engineer. Of course, she was talking about how said boyfriend gets nervous when she wears her "So many boys, so little time" t-shirt, so maybe... Yeah, no. Like I said; I know better.

Then there was this other guy seated next to me who was, again, a nice enough guy, just kind of a dumbass. He kept leaning over to kiss his girlfriend all the time we were there, and I'm thinking, "God damn it, guys are fucking stupid." I see behavior like this from guys all the time, and I'm like, girl, why don't you slap him and tell him to knock it off? I mean, showing affection is nice and all (no, really, I think so), but don't be doing it every three seconds like it's some fucking cron job.

Speaking of jobs, the new job I started last week couldn't have come at a better time. I was totally dreading going to the wedding and having to tell everyone I was unemployed, but I was spared. And yeah, it's just bullshit arrogance, but it was fun to throw around where I work and that I'm an electrical engineer. Oh, I know that telling people I'm a double-E is never, ever going to get me any women, but I just don't fucking care. I worked for it, and it's fun to say, goddammit. If I'm going to be an outcast, I'm going to be an outcast that sounds smart (when, in fact, I'm not really all that smart, but they don't have to know that).

I got to catch up a little with some people, which was nice. That was pretty much what I went there for, and it was worth it. Even though I'm giving the guy who got hitched a hard time, I'm actually happy for him. Again, unlike some other weddings I can name. If nothing else, it was worth it to have some drive time to myself to listen to my new Noir soundtracks, and also because there was a Media Play close by which I hit afterwards where I managed to find the Good Luck Care Bears plush I've been looking all over hell for (hell being every Media Play and Suncoast within striking distance).

So yeah, not like anyone gives a shit, but there was my evening. A kinda fun yet rather uncomfortable evening (which is par for social misfits like me with no people skills) where I got to see people I haven't seen in over half a decade. Once again, I was reminded of how I'm going to die alone, but at least I still have the Girls and my Care Bears.

Time to go crank Queen's "Another one bites the dust."