Wednesday, January 28, 2004

The Beastie Boys ain't got shit on me

One thing I always find disarming is that despite being all uptight about sex in this country, we seem to have no hangups talking about dick medication. Viagra or whatever else is A-O-K nowadays. We get embarrassed over anything remotely sexual, but we're chomping at the bit to talk about old, broken dick. It's nice that we're opening up, but it's just weird to me when we do.

In addition to the prescription shit like Viagra and its competitor (or competitors; I can't remember if that second one is available yet or not), there's all that other "male enhancement" nonsense that you always see magazine and radio ads for. I hear a bunch of these when I'm listening to JFR, which is no surprise since his audience consists of almost nothing but male cretins. Yes, I'm obviously one of those cretins, but for what it's worth my dick still works okay. Although, just between you and me, I'm not sure why it does. You'd think it would have wised up to the big picture and just given up about six years ago.

Anyway, one of the commercials I constantly hear is for Enzyte (bring on those Google hits, guys), which advertises itself as "natural male enhancement." This reminds me of a complaint I once made. If it were fucking natural, you wouldn't be taking a pill for it. NATURE would do the job for you. So quit calling it what it isn't.

Another one is for something called Prosilon. I don't know if I'm spelling it right or not, but I really don't care anyway, and I sure as hell am not going to go searching for it while at work. No, I'm just going to talk about "old, broken dick" while at work. Getting back to the point, this commercial is done entirely by a woman who is way too enthusiastic to be talking about poorly performing penises and whose voice is just a little too pleasant anyway. The whole commercial is a bunch of bullshit about re-gaining your youthful sexual prowess and staying power and blah blah blah. My favorite line is "Become the legendary lover that women BRAG about!"

You've got to be fucking kidding me. At this point, I'd be lucky to be the shitty lover that women bitch about.

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