Friday, January 30, 2004

Google Yahoo search:

hot dog+mastubate+stuck

Oh, man, this brings to mind a couple of great stories. Great, of course, being relative.

The first story is about this girl (who was occasionally a man... don't ask) who was, um, promiscuous. She was as easy as Super R-Type on novice. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the joke needed to be made.

Anyway, there was one time she was getting herself ready for sex. It may have been her first time, but either way, to get herself prepped she decided to use a perfume bottle to loosen herself up. I'm sure you can see where this is going. The ploy backfired, and the bottle ended up getting stuck inside her. She ended up having to have her DAD take her to the ER to get it removed. Her excuse was that she was masturbating with it, but she neglected the "getting ready for sex" part. Not like it really matters; that's already a traumatic enough event for all involved.

The second story feeds from the first. We were telling yet another girl this story, and somehow that segued into the above mentioned hot dog situation. I can't remember exactly how we went from perfume bottles to hot dogs. Maybe it was just a natural progression, or maybe someone specifically brought up an anecdote. No matter; this girl, who was pretty damn funny, had a great solution to getting a hot dog stuck inside. "I'd just give my boyfriend a call: 'Hey, have you eaten yet?'"

I just realized that I created some nice foreshadowing with a great pun at the beginning of that last paragraph. I fucking rule.

Don't ask how I became privy to the perfume bottle story. In case you're wondering, it wasn't my girlfriend. I'm sure it will come as a total shock to everyone, but I didn't exactly see a lot of action back in high school. No, for some reason, we would just hear the occasional vaginal rumor that was floating around school. Nothing but maturity amongst high schoolers. There's even another one I could relay, but I'll spare you that one.

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