Sunday, February 29, 2004

I'm sure all four of my regular readers have noticed the marked decrease in posts over the past couple of weeks. Whereas I've been known to bang out 15 posts in a day sometimes, last week saw like 15 posts total. I'd apologize, but you know, I've gotta fucking work and stuff. I said for awhile that I was actually going to have to do work and stuff, and it finally came through. I'm sure no one believed me when I said that, which I find puzzling because it's not like I ever bullshit around here.

Okay, I know I somehow actually have more than four regulars here. Sitll, we're well on our way to being around that four mark with the recent dropoff in site traffic, which is undoubtedly partly due to the lack of posts. I'm sure that the occasional racial blast have nothing to do with this, nor is it related to the fact that this site just plain sucks.

So, how am I going to make up for this continued transgression? As is becoming customary, by diverting blood from the brain that criticizes to the brain that thanks with some fresh sailor schoolgirl pics. For some of you, at least. For everyone else, a treat is in order as well, and it's just what you wanted to hear: boring shit about my personal life.

Last week had a couple of standouts. First, there was probably the best call ever on JFR's show. Okay, best call I've heard so far. There's this guy, Jeff in Richmond, who's apparently a regular caller. I've only been listening consistently for a couple of months, and as such had not yet heard one of Jeff in Richmond's calls. This guy calls in, and spends four minutes bragging about how loaded he is, how much he loves his kids, how good looking he is, and how much he likes Dubya. Keep in mind that this is a show primarily about sports. At first, I was like, what the fuck is this asshole's problem? Other Rome show listeners were pissed, too. One guy, also a noob, e-mails: "I'm new to the show, and I've got to ask: what the hell was that." Jeff in Richmond's call got the "huge call" of the day. Then, since JFR's show plays twice on the station I listen to the show on, I heard the call yet again. It was about halfway through hearing the call the third time that I realized just how fucking brilliant Jeff in Richmond really is. The guy is so over the top, and so totally full of it that it's fucking hilarious. He just can't be taking himself seriously. Even still, he gets people flaming pissed. This guy knows how to push buttons, with highly amusing results. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff in Richmond doesn't even like Dubya.

The other highlight, which is more significant than a phone call that I didn't even receive personally, was the fact that Chris Rock was in town doing standup. That was a fucking quality show. There was a little too much pandering in there, but don't let that fuck 'ya up. I was dying during some parts. It's great that we got to see him, too, since he hasn't toured in five years, so who knows when he'll do it again. Keep an eye out for his upcoming H2O HBO special.

Saturday was shopping day. One place I hit was K.B. Toys. That's K.B.; B as in bankrupt. The K.B. is strapped for cash, and they're shutting down tons of stores, including several local ones. And I say good, fuck 'em. It's also extra amusing because one of the stores close to me is closing for the second fucking time. You see, this store opened up in the mall at one point, and after seemingly no time, it closed down. I mean completely shut down. The whole store was completely empty for quite some time. Then, for some odd reason, they reopened the store in the exact same spot in the mall. Now, it's closing yet again. It's almost like the JAG of toy stores.

I realized that this was the first major closing of a toy store in my area since Toys 'R' Sucks put the venerated Lionel Playworld and Children's Palace out of business many years ago. I sat there in K.B. today, amidst the piles of nothing but crap, realizing that I was not mourning the loss of K.B. Furthermore, I never really mourned the passing of LP and CP when they were closing down since I was too young to really mourn anything, but have been doing it ever since. Not only were those great toy stores, but they were always packed with great toys. We don't have either of those things anymore. This makes me sad. You never really realize how good you've got it until it's far, far behind you. It's also a sad referendum on my life that probably my biggest fantasy - besides finding a girlfriend who will occasionally dress up in a sailor uniform for me - is to build a time machine and go back to the 1980s with about a million in cash printed in the 80s and clean those fucking stores out.

In addition to the aforementioned pickup of Lost in Translation, there were a handful of other things acquired. Hands down the best pickup was a veritable boatload of Megami backissues. A few of you may remember my struggle to collect issues of this magazine; even fewer of you care. Still, this was a fucking coup, and I don't care if that's inappropriate in light of the shit going down in Haiti. I've realized that Megami is not the sole reason we invented print media as I once did, but it's still like one of the top three. Any day where I can pick up eight issues that I didn't already have is like fucking Christmas... In, er, February.

Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled little shit.

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