Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Kentucky and Iran on line one...

Did you know that every time a child begins developing an unhealthy attitude towards sex, an angel gets its wings?

Seriously, the SI swimsuit issue is so incredibly damaging to 12-year-old-boys that they should probably just euthanize the kid before he destroys civilization as we know it. He receives a three-day suspension for "nonverbal harassment" and "possession of lewd or suggestive material." What the fuck is that? Oh yeah - uptight cunts overreacting.

I like JFR's take on the whole thing. "You're going to send the kid home for three days with that magazine?"

The only thing I find offensive about the swimsuit issue is the fact that it fucking sucks nowadays. Maybe I'm just jaded because I now have easy access to plenty of pornography, but there's no excitement anymore when February rolls around and the issue comes out. I haven't even bothered with it in a couple of years other than an obligatory glance through an issue I didn't pay for. "Oh look, yet another unattractive girl who I'm being told is pretty with next to nothing on. Yay." Sure, some of them are hot, but I can find pictures of attractive women elsewhere, and I don't have to simultaneously look at an African tribal native while I'm beating off to said pictures. Furthermore, those models could definitely do good to eat some fucking food every once in awhile. Just what I want in a woman: the potential for our time together to degenerate into counting her ribs.

About the only good thing to come of this is that it reminds me of an incident from high school, and I know how you all love my bullshit stories from high school. Of course, I think of this story from time to time anyway, so it's not like the news item did anything special. Anyway, freshman year, a friend of mine decided to bring the swimsuit issue to school with him. Now, I don't know about this sixth grader, but this friend of mine was pretty much the kind of guy you'd expect to bring the swimsuit issue to class. There was one bitchy, bearded teacher who was unimpressed with his bringing the issue, and she politely told him it was inappropriate and asked him to put it away.

There are far too many amusing stories about this kid, but I'll spare you for the moment. They're pretty much "you had to be there" kind of stories, which means only ETP will find them amusing. Oh, except for the time he decided to fake a heart attack in chemistry class, which I'm required to at least mention. "What smells like corned beef in here?"

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