Sunday, March 21, 2004

Okay, so I ended up with a bit of a 'blogging hangover today. I don't know what it is; I'm terrified of embarrassment, yet I'm leaving up those audblog posts despite the fact that they're fucking embarrassing. Just a policy I've developed here; once I get a post out in the wild, that's it. No turning back. Even ones that are shitty. Which, of course, partially explains the shittiness of this site.

I've come to realize that I have a bit of a drinking problem. I know you're thinking to yourself "No shit..." For once, I'm not trying to be flip about it, though. Now, I'm not trying to be a huge drama queen or anything, especially since I know that there are some people with real drinking problems. The serious chemical dependency kind that needs AA and other counseling. For once, I'm honestly not trying to make a bigger deal out of something than it really is. I'm definitely not somewhere horribly bad, but I'd kinda like to clean things up a bit. For one, I do drink alone quite a bit. That's never good, and I'm certainly not proud of that. Then, of course, the fact that I get the need to share things that I should probably not be sharing (the sharing could be worse, though... believe me).

That's the main thing; the drinking alone. It's pretty much always on the weekends, and it's not every single weekend. In fact, I rarely ever drink during the week. It's not like I'm addicted and have a craving for liquor all the time. I don't miss work or social obligations (what few I have) thanks to booze. And there are few things where I have to drink to have a good time. I've found some things - like bars and clubs - where I can't enjoy myself unless I'm fucking hammered. As such, I just don't go to those places. Still, even if it's not a huge problem, it's still a problem. A small turd floating in the punch bowl is still a turd floating in the punch bowl.

All I need to do is make sure that I don't have hard alcohol in the house, and I'm pretty much okay. Just like with strip joints, as long as I don't put myself in the position to be tempted, I'm good. I pretty much never go out and buy liquor on my own, since my desire to avoid people trumps any desire to drink in many circumstances. As such, I'll be calling on ETP and BOETP to help keep me honest, which shouldn't be too bad.

Cutting back or just giving up booze would be nice for other reasons. It fits in nicely with this latest attempt to eat better and start exercising. I know, I know, I always bullshit about this kind of stuff, and then end up fucking it up at some point, but I'm giving it a shot nonetheless. We'll see where it goes.

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