Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I have the urge to watch some Thunderball

While we're on the subject of horrible human beings (Bush, Hitler, me...), let's talk Christians. Can't you fuckers leave the rest of the world alone for six seconds? You can't handle the fact that four people out there might not be Xtians, so you have to go harass them at Hooters?

Yes, harass. If that was just about them meeting some place and having a discussion, that'd be fine. But no, they want to go someplace where they think people are in need of divine intervention -- they're looking for people to convert. This selfish, insecure need to get people to convert and, furthermore, the act of trying to satisfy that need is one of the things that pisses me off the most about religion in general, and Christianity in particular.

I view the act of winning converts as selfish and reeking of insecurity because it all seems to be about scoring brownie points with God and trying to externally validate your own beliefs. You say you're trying to help someone else by bringing Jesus into their life, but so often it's about trying to enrich your own (after) life. Not only does it (supposedly) make you look better to God, but it also makes you look better to yourself. After all, you just got someone to agree with you. As humans, we love nothing more than having people agree with us.

The act of trying to convert people is furthermore arrogant because there's the implicit assumption that Jesus is better, and everyone surely must agree with that. Maybe some of those people don't want your stupid superstitions. They may have stupid superstitions of their own or none at all. Those people might be perfectly fine without the Bible, so why can't you just leave it alone? Oh, yeah, that's right -- because that means there's someone out there who doesn't agree with you and that hurts your tiny brain.

I suppose it could be kinda fun to come across this group and fuck with them, except that it wouldn't. They're not gonna see my side, and I'm not gonna see their side, so it's all just one big waste of time. Besides, if I'm at Hooters, I'm there to eat unhealthy food, drink heavily, and look at some hot waitresses.

Yeah, except for the fact that the waitresses are never very hot. Or if there are any hotties working there, none of them are waiting my table. It never fucking fails. Like the Hooters in Fort Collins, which I was frequenting a few summers ago. Man, there was this one... She was a hot brunette, petite, and she wore glasses. God, do I love girls in glasses. But, naturally, my table had the plague or something, so she came nowhere near it.

Now, I would think that this phenomenon is just an extension of women normally avoiding me, but you'd think the hot ones would smell the desperation coming off me and gravitate towards it, knowing a potential good tip might be in the works. Maybe they just don't think I have the money to back that up since I look like I'm 12, maybe they're just not smart enough to try and work that scam, or maybe they have some standards even if money might be on the table.

In the end, I go to Hooters for wings. Fuck what Chris Rock says; that's why I go. And, since those things are so horribly bad for you, that's why I had to stop going to Hooters. In fact, my cholesterol has jumped twenty points just posting about the fucking things.

Finally, let's get back to this religion shit:

"It's something Jesus would've done because he looked past what people may think and looked at what people's needs are."

I agree that it's quite possibly something that Jesus would have done, but he would have done it not because he was looking out for people's needs, but because he was looking out for his needs. As we all know, Jesus is fucking metal.

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