Friday, January 09, 2004

He wanted to marry and have children, huh? So, basically, he was looking into becoming some kind of alternative farmer.
I just can't understand why people are always making fun of Wisconsin.
Why don't you fuckers get a hobby or something?
The Supreme Court keeps busy.
I just realized a HUGE campaign issue that I hadn't thought about before: do any of the candidates have hot daughters? I'll support anyone who can get some hot poon into the first family. Except for Bush. I have principles, you know.
Separate from anything else, Wes Clark wins mad points this week for running around in a Belushi-esque "COLLEGE" sweatshirt. It would be so much cooler if he also had a bottle of Jack on hand, but I understand how that might be frowned upon. Visiting date-rape clubs (frats) is of course OK.
So I take it that Dell will be remaining at orange alert?

Speaking of orange alert, are there any Trekkies out there who think it would be interesting if the nation were at the red level? Sure, we don't actually want that since it means we're gonna die (supposedly), but if it happened, we'd at least have a legitimate excuse to run around saying that we're at "red alert." For once, it wouldn't be just because we're playing Star Trek in our heads. Not that I do that.
I've made my opinions on the file-sharing debate known before. If this is true, it's just one more example as to how the RIAA is a bunch of cocksucking assholes.

Music piracy is illegal, and the record companies have a right to do work to put a stop to it. However, their methods leave a lot to be desired. We have a word for people who take the law into their own hands: vigilantes. Vigilantes are generally frowned upon since, at least technically, we have groups of people devoted to fighting crime. Until the RIAA becomes a division of the LAPD, they should not be allowed to do shit like this.

This isn't the first time the RIAA has deemed itself judge, jury, and executioner. Like remember that plan to allow the RIAA to break into suspected offenders' computers and fuck them up? It even had the support of some real bright pennies like Orrin Hatch.

While we're at it, I'm going to send up a call for Orrin Hatch to be raped by an eight-dicked walrus.

If the RIAA wants to keep an eye out for pirates, that's fine. But when it comes time to propagate threats or take action, they need to at least be doing it through official channels. Of course, when they do use the criminal justice system, that often opens up a whole new can of worms, but we'll leave it alone for now. At least until they decide to start suing 12-year-olds again.
Bush is just kissing ass with Martian voters. Either that, or some people in the aerospace industry have given him some money. Either that, or he's just trying to make himself look progressive and visionary in an election year.

But how "visionary" is this? "We'll be on the moon in, I dunno... 2018, maybe?" Who the fuck is coming up with that timetable? Me? Christ, remember when Kennedy said we'll be on the moon by the end of the decade, and we were? Now, though, it's gonna take us around a decade and a half.

Of course, if this is just a ploy to make Bush look cool, it's a decent ploy. By setting the proposed mission dates out so far, it's a very safe thing to do. Bush won't really have to commit much in terms of money or resources for awhile, and there's plenty of time for the plans to be scrapped.
Excuses, excuses.

Look, I don't know the details of all the maneuvering Grasso did to hide the money he was making or who was involved in helping him hide it, but maybe if the rest of you board fuckers had been paying some attention this wouldn't have happened.

Of course, there's probably more than a decent chance that a lot of these guys knew what was going on, and they're just covering their asses now. Seems kinda interesting that Spitzer and the SEC are only going after former board members, as well. How convenient that it's only guys who left that were involved in possible wrongdoing.

And yeah, letting securities guys self-regulate is a real good idea. Why don't we just let sex criminals and known alcoholics self-regulate themselves while we're at it? Only the business criminals could get away with a neat little arrangement like that, considering that this country has for all too long been owned and run by business criminals.
Thanks, Joe.

"Lieberman said he would install a systematic review of the new powers under the Patriot Act to determine their impact on civil liberties before supporting their extension." How about a systematic review to decide what needs to be rescinded before even thinking about extending shit?

"Lieberman would direct the Justice and Homeland Security departments to disclose as much information as possible about how they are using the Patriot Act and about those arrested and detained in the war on terrorism." That's a big part of the fucking problem with the PATRIOT Act, Joe - they don't have to fucking tell us what it is that they're doing.

"Industry-funded research would be disclosed under the plan." This WOULD be nice, so when when we have things like scientists funded by Exxon-Mobil telling us garbage like global warming "needs more study," we can get an idea as to how full of shit they are.
Well, the jobs aren't there. Guess we'll have to look a little harder.

I'm going to re-new my claim that econ is nothing but total fucking bullshit. What is that "downwardly revised gain" bullshit? I have never seen that explained. Did someone fuck up, and that's why they had to revise the numbers? It seems like this ALWAYS happens. Every fucking month we hear these numbers, and then the next month the revision fairy comes along and changes those numbers. I can't help but feel I'm being lied to, which is strange because I never get that sense from anything else.

What would Brian Boitano do?

God effing damn it. So it's just after midnight (and no, my dick isn't stuck in a cow this time), and I go to check my mail, only to find a message from Matt letting me know that the U.S. figure skating championships are on at 7. Last night. That's what I get for not being compulsive enough with checking my stupid hotmail account.

Naturally, I missed Sasha coming in first in the short program. Now I've gotta make sure I don't fuck up and miss the free skate on Saturday which, unless if the schedules are lying to me, is on ABC at 2 PM Mountain. Hopefully this post and the alarm I set on my phone will be ample reminders. Yes, the alarm on my phone.

Brian Boitano would remember to fucking watch figure skating; that's what he'd goddamn do. And he wouldn't need to have his bloody cell phone tell him to, either.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Google search:

fleshlight ebay

For anyone unfamiliar with the Fleshlight, it's a male masturbatory tool shaped kinda like a flashlight that guys stick their dicks into. This search raises a couple of questions.

Was this person looking for a Fleshlight on eBay? Unless if it's brand new, yuck. Okay, technically this really wouldn't be much different than having sex with a woman who has had sex with other men before, but still, there's just something not right about the whole affair.

I suspect that this person may not have been looking for a Fleshlight on eBay, because if they were, why the fuck would they do a Google search instead of just going directly to eBay? Of course, if someone is potentially willing to buy a used sex toy, my guess is that they aren't horribly bright and as such might not make that connection.

Even I am not this hard-up to spend money.
For anyone previously unaware of the Club For Growth, they're a far-right group (fiscally, at least) hell-bent on cutting taxes. They sometimes scare even Karl Rove for being too conservative. Here's a handful of selections from CFG's "News and Commentary" section.

Insane psycho-Christian ranting.

I'm presuming that most of this is a joke, but I wouldn't be surprised either way.

Um, you know, even if that 25% figure is correct, $125 billion is still a lot of fucking money. I will give Moore credit for calling the government out on rampant spending; that certainly IS a huge problem. But to imply that all of the costs in the war on terror are justified while other federal spending isn't is nonsense.

In continuing the government spending theme, here Moore gives his opinion on Iraqi reconstruction financing. Some of this I again agree with, up to a point. Yes, it does suck that we (the taxpayer) should have to foot the bill for reconstruction. On the other hand, it would have been shitty to force reconstruction on Iraq, and then tell them to pay for our decisions. Also, we (again, the taxpayer), are the ones who are allowing the administration to get away with all this shit. In the end, Moore loses me when he starts ranting about the French and Germans, but we've been over that before.

The CFG is known for viciously attacking anyone who opposes the Bush tax cuts IN ANY WAY, both D and R alike. This article wasn't written by the CFG, but it's linked off their pages. It talks about one of these attack campaigns against senators who merely wanted to limit the tax cuts to $350 billion, a campaign in which the "traitors" were compared to the French at a time when anti-French sentiments were peaking last year.

No, wait, they can't be far-right after all, what with their ardent support of Rush Limbaugh and all.

I also like how their "Hey, Howard Dean" section includes "Independent" analysis from the totally centrist Wall Street Journal.

I don't think the CFG is real well known, but whether or not one agrees with their methods and goals, I think people definitely need to be aware of them. They are most certainly a force to be reckoned with. Oh, and they don't resort to negative campaigning.

If the CFG were more focused on the "controlling government spending" agenda, I might be a little more in tune with them. However, their primary motivations seem to be tax cuts, tax cuts, and tax cuts. They are rabid in pursuing this goal, which quite frankly, I find troublesome. Plus, seeing Moore speak makes me wonder what planet he's receiving instructions from.
Yeah, campaign finance reform sure did a lot to clean up American politics.

Also, the very notion of The Club For Growth helping determine the outcome of this next election scares the piss out of me. Have you ever seen its president, Stephen Moore, in interviews? That man is fucking insane.
And speaking of the liberal media...
And speaking of Colin Powell...
This is definitely good to hear. Hey, when's Ken Lay going to prison? Oh, never? That sucks.
I think the word you're looking for is "unraveling," Colin.

For anyone interested in checking out the Carnegie Endowment's report, it can be found here.
Ingrates. "What's Britney done for Kentwood lately?" You mean, other than letting people know that Kuntwood exists? Some fucking people - never happy.

Yeah, I don't know if that line is a direct quote from someone in the town or not, but it does allow me to point out that there is also no ring on Kentwood's finger. "Eddiieeeeeee!!!"

Spears is "just a very nice, hometown country girl." And a whore. You forgot to mention whore.
That damn liberal media, always doing what the liberal agenda tells them to.
Apparently, Ann Gerhart wants to paint a picture of the Bush twins as these horrible, awful little whores. Well, that may be an accurate portrait, but I don't see what the big deal is or where the surprise comes in. You won't often hear me coming out in defense of members the Bush family, even if that defense does sound strangely like criticism, but here we go.

Okay, first off is the basic case being made that Jenna and Barbara are spoiled brats. Gee, you wouldn't expect that coming from a rich family. Christ, my parents and grandparents were far from rich, and they spoiled me rotten. Some parents spoil their kids, others don't. It's oftentimes helped along when those parents are fucking loaded.

Next up is all the drinking and partying. Teenage and college-age girls going out drinking and partying. I've never heard of that before. Lighten up, everyone, this is just what fucking kids do. Sure, it's not exactly the healthiest way to live, but it's actually pretty fucking normal. That's part of what your teens and twenties are for: fucking around. Hell, I can recognize this as normal behavior, despite being the world's biggest square who never went to a frat party despite making it all the way through college.

As a side note, the notion that Jenna called her father, the recovered alcoholic, to complain that her Secret Service bodyguards were "interfering" with her drinking is just fucking HILLARIOUS.

Finally, there's the fact that the girls are generally uncomfortable with being in the limelight. Despite never having been under public scrutiny like this, I think I can still understand it. I mean, who the hell would want to have this thrust upon them when they're in their teens or twenties? They didn't ask for this. Their daddy just decided that he wanted to play president (or, more appropriately, someone decided for him, Mr. "I never really was that worried about the career path"). In addition to having to deal with all the regular nonsense of growing up, they've gotta do it with the Secret Service watching their every move? Talk about a buzz kill.

As one more side note, I'm feeling real good about the secret service, what with their not thinking ahead to get one of those automatic toll passes and losing the President's daughter for FOUR FUCKING HOURS.

So of course, people are like "Well, Chelsea handled things much better than the Bush girls." Yeah, no shit she did. She handled it remarkably well, especially considering all of the vicious shit she had to take. But you know what? That's Chelsea. I find no surprise in the fact that Chelsea was smart about things, even when she fucked up, considering her parents are bright fucking people who know how to keep their shit together. Jenna and Barbara's parents are a former alcoholic who's still a dumbass and, well, an idiot. So it's no surprise that they turned out drunken idiots as well.

Furthermore, Chelsea's behavior and tendency to not treat people like shit is going to pay off for her. It already is. I suspect the Bush twins will also get theirs, whatever that may be.

Like I said, their behavior isn't model, it's just not unexpected. Take a look at their situation, factor in the age they're at, and throw into the mix one of their role-models - their cocaine-snorting, alcohol-addicted, frat boy fuck-up father - and it's pretty obvious how the Bush twins got to be the Bush twins. A lot of what they're doing isn't rebelling against their father and his position, they're just being kids. Just because their whole family is (supposedly) a bunch of model citizens who have dedicated their lives to making money public service doesn't mean they're going to choose the exact same path (of course, with all the debauchery, they are looking like they're on their dad's path). They'll probably get their shit together eventually. So to everyone, just fucking lighten up already.

Quick note to the Bush twins: if you are, in fact, rebelling against your father, having sex with me would really, really piss him off. Just a thought. I'm sure they'll be jumping at the chance seeing as how I called their father a dumbass, their mother an idiot, and them a pair of stupid drunks.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Modern day, low-tech Trojan horse.
PATRIOT II or otherwise, at least it doesn't (yet) suck this badly here.
Just saw an ad for another one of those online matchmaking sites, asking "Are you fun & single?" And I'm like, one out of two ain't bad.
Just in case you were feeling good about living here in America, here's a reminder of the recent Intelligence Authorization Act which incorporated a provision of the "failed" PATRIOT Act II.
Personally, I think their confession is still more heartfelt than the one coming from Pete Rose.
Here's something to add to the recent Fe year in review:

Best gig, if you can get it
War profiteering
And speaking of 'Blog awards, the Fourth Annual Weblog Awards are getting underway.
An article giving some idea as to where we are (or aren't) with the WMD search.

I'm not ready to declare total victory on the WMD front, and I doubt I ever will. It seems kinda stupid to be saying this, seeing as how even I expected them to find shit over in Iraq once we invaded. I did not expect them to prove me wrong on the one thing we agreed on. The problem is, even if we find nothing, the question will remain as to whether or not we just didn't look hard enough. Of course, we are looking pretty hard. If any of it pays off, and we do find (or plant) something substantial, my guess is that it will show up sometime this year, and probably before November.

One thing that does seem pretty evident is that, yes, Iraq did have some plans or at least desires to develop banned weapons. This, however, IS NOT WHAT WE WERE TOLD about Iraq's supposed weapons. We were told that they had shit on hand, and lots of it. Shit that he planned to use on us.

Weapons programs do not constitute an immediate threat. I'm no expert on genetics, biology, or weapons hardware, but I do have a little bit of experience in R&D. Enough experience to know that when you want to develop something, it takes fucking time. There's no magical factory that you can send an idea to which will produce a finished product that same day. There's a lot of planning, research, design, simulation, and test before you have some sort of viable product. Iraq sounds like it was nowhere near that "finished product" stage.

The reason why I did not support the war despite (probably mistakenly) believing that Iraq had WMD was because I was nowhere near convinced that Saddam was going to use them on us. We kept such a tight reign on Iraq, carving the country up with no-fly zones and dropping bombs if Saddam so much as woke up all wet and sticky after dreams of illicit weapons. He didn't have the capability to strike the American homeland, and even if he were brazen enough to strike an ally like Israel or some other American interest, that would have been fucking suicide. We would have immediately figured out where the attack came from and then been in there wit' da quickness to fuck him up. If nothing else, I figured Saddam would have used them when we were on Baghdad's doorstep, but even that didn't go down.

The only other possibility would be that he would transfer his weapons to someone else, like terrorists, who would then use them. Well, this didn't really fly either, because I doubt it would be all that easy to move shit like that without someone noticing. Of course, now that it's looking more and more like there was nothing to move, it's all a moot point.

The main point here is that even if Iraq had weapons before the war or if they had them in the future, that doesn't mean they were planning on using them. This makes the Bush team's justification for war, that of an imminent threat, a complete and total lie.

I know what you're saying. "Why would they have all these horrible weapons if they weren't planning on using them?" Well, there are lots of other countries that have some pretty evil shit, the United States included. Just because we have it doesn't necessarily mean we're going to use it. "But this is Saddam we're talking about it. He's crazy."

Yeah, let's talk about Saddam a little more. Sure, Saddam was a brutal dictator who was hungry for power. In the end, though, he was what so many other world leaders are: a big fat pussy. He didn't go out with guns ablaze, he surrendered to U.S. forces without firing a shot just so he could have his hair checked for ticks and lice like a first grade child.

If that there was our "imminent threat," then I am not impressed.
So it looks like justice has decided to prevail for a change, as Galvin's site ended up winning both awards it was up for in the Asia 'Blog Awards. Even though I don't think he wins anything other than website hits and worthless praise from Fe, congrats to him nonetheless.
Money - it brings out the best in all of us.
No way, those kids wanted it.

I sincerely hope that the gold and diamonds were for the older kids. Otherwise, he was totally giving those younger ones completely unrealistic expectations for later in life. No, who am I kidding, adults have been trading sex for jewelry for centuries. Might as well let them get used to that arrangement.

Now on a more serious side...

"York's attorney, Adrian Patrick, said the case was about government oppression." Yeah, government oppression of a kiddie raper. You know, one of the things we actually like seeing the government oppress.

"This is a sexy case. It's about sex and money." Yeah, it's about sex with children, and that's bad.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

This here is a God I could worship. Okay, not so much worship as maybe just accept, but you get my point.
Here's another irritating phrase we like to use: "dotted the Is and crossed the Ts." We bust this one out to give a sense of completion and thoroughness. Are there instances where people write shit up but leave dotting the Is and crossing the Ts until the very end and, since they're just too fucking lazy, they don't bother doing it? And what about lowercase js and fs? Does nobody dot or cross those?
Despite the rules, how long before someone claims that choosing a Jew's design is a blatant crack-back on Muslims?

"The water would cascade on attack victims' names engraved on stone walls surrounding the pools in a random manner to convey the 'haphazard brutality of the deaths.'" Does anyone else get the sense that maybe this guy thought a little too much about the monument's design?

And hey, how about that "Garden of Light" idea? Open for less than two hours a day. Nice thought, but that wouldn't have been a huge pain in the ass or anything.
While we're on the subject of Japanese cars, here's a little anecdote from the "(Near) Adventures in Racism" File.

I was perusing some of those fucking online personals one day, and came across one that fucking pissed me off. This stupid bitch said something along the lines of the following in the likes/dislikes section of her profile:

"I don't like Jap cars, and you boys shouldn't either."

I was so infuriated by this that I was tempted to sign up for the stupid service just so I could e-mail her and say "You do realize that using the racial slur "Jap" hasn't been acceptable in this country for, oh, 40 or 50-some odd years, don't you?"

Of course, this would have cost me like $25, and just wasn't worth it. I'm pretty sure she was from Texas, and the picture in her profile had her wearing cowboy boots and possibly a hat, so I'm sorry, but her little "slip" really came as no surprise. No, not everyone from the South is a racist, and racism isn't unique to the South, but let's face it - there's kind of a history there. That, and, well, incest. Oh, relax. I kid the South.

Either way, just more of that "rah rah, America's better just because I live here" bullshit we see so much of.
Gee, I can't imagine why that would be.

"Frankly, it's time (for Japan) to get off the 'We're going to export everything we make to somebody else'." Lotsa luck on that, Rick. Yes, Japan has historically done lots of things to give themselves what many claim is an unfair advantage. But you know what? There are other reasons why a lot of Japanese as well as other foreign cars sell so well - they're not pieces of shit. I'd have a lot more sympathy for American manufacturers when they cry foul if they could actually put out decent products.
That was fast.
Meanwhile, I was alone in my apartment, listening to the British House of Commons debate on the upcoming Iraq war. And probably masturbating. But not during the debate. Well, maybe a little.
It looks like the Consumer Electronics Show is next week. We really need to go to this sometime, since, as we all know, there are two floors. One floor is electronics, games, stuff like that. That first floor - not so many people. The second floor - all porn. And it is PACKED.

I totally need some glossy 8x10 close ups of a porn star's asshole. 'Cause I know her; she's a perfectionist.
Some things to keep in mind the next time you hear Bush kissing Egypt's ass or implying that democracy in the Middle East will be easy. Also, a reminder that regardless of what our intentions and motives may be, how others around the world perceive those intentions and motives are equally if not more important.
Well, so much for that.
Google search:

Battle Royale Schoolgirl Pics

... And will those schoolgirl outfits be with or without blood stains?
Since the color-coded alert-level system is no longer doing anything to scare the shit out of people, fighter escorts are now en vogue to keep us nervous and to remind us that big, bad Tom Ridge is doing a really good job of protecting us. Bonus points that the "trouble" once again emanated from France. Conveniently.
You're "surprised that no California brewer thought of it first"? Well, maybe no one else came up with this because it's not that good or funny of an idea.
Yet again we see the fallacy that it will be easy to just stop people from accessing child pornography. I'm not saying we should ignore child porn - far from it. I'm just saying that we are not doing the right things to fight this war effectively and constitutionally.

This is not the first time we've seen sweeping efforts to stop child pornography and "protect" children online, and it won't be the last. The efforts are always too restrictive (to the point where they are unconstitutional) and ineffective. I think this speaks to two things (amongst others).

First, there is this country's continual, irritating habit of fighting the wrong fight. I think it was put best in that article that maybe a better idea is to go after the child pornographers themselves. You know, get to the real root of the problem. But you see, we're lazy, and simpleminded, and we think that doing something like just imposing a blanket restriction on web sites is going to make it all go away. Nuh-uh. It's just like with video games: we don't look at what is fucked up mentally with kids that turn violent or question what the fuck is up with their parents. Instead, we sue the makers of Grand Theft Auto and boycott Brian (Marilyn Manson).

The other thing that this speaks to is a disgusting exploitation of a real issue for political means. I don't think that these laws are motivated only by a desire to protect children. The broad nature of these laws shows that they are trying to not just hit child porn, but lots of other things that they find offensive but couldn't limit access to any other way. Another example of this was when the RIAA came out and said that peer-to-peer networks were being used to distribute kiddie porn. What they were saying wasn't a lie, but their motivations were completely disingenuous. If P2P networks weren't being heavily used for swapping music, they wouldn't give a shit how much child porn was on there.

So, yeah. We're simple, we're stupid, and we're greedy. What else is new?
More money news.

I have never fully understood money, exchange rates, and all that shit. You know, I'm stupid, but I'm not fucking stupid. As yet, the whole subject area has never been more than muddily clear. My personal theory has always been that business and econ people got tired of watching the "smart" people, like doctors and engineers, so they came up with a system that was so fucking inane, complex, and illogical that the "smart" people couldn't figure it out, thus making themselves look smarter than they really are.
More positivity with regards to the economic revival.
So I'm listening to an ad for this morning. They're talking about their bullshit system where they have a list of 29 compatibility points or some such bullshit that they use for pairing people off. Which means you answer some questions, they put it through a computer, and it finds you a match. I'm thinking to myself, I don't want the fucking BCS finding me a girlfriend.

The again I'm like, wait a minute, maybe I do want the BCS finding me a girlfriend, because it would probably find me two.

Who am I kidding. You could either give my info to a fucking Beowulf cluster, and after a few years of chugging away it'll just tell you "I've got nothing." Either that, or hand it to a 25 MHz shitbox and it will instantly tell you "What the fuck are you thinking?"
I'm going to renew my claim that there is something seriously fucked up with the Catholic Church. Not only are they being forced to take an ACTIVE role in "protecting" children, but there are signs that not much effort has been made in this regard.

Why should we expect anything to change, anyway? These are SEX OFFENDERS. Sex criminals have an astoundingly high recidivism rate, and as such, there's no way things are going to seriously change unless if we just get those fucking criminals out of there. The fact that there are known abusive priests still running around shows how not serious they are about this issue.

People think that the Church should be "doing a better job of contacting and meeting with victims"? Considering how things have gone, I would recommend against that.

I'm also going to renew my claim that we should just execute sex criminals. Like I said, there's no way you're going to cure them. I mean, think about some of your sexual kinks. Ever tried to shake one off? It's damn near, if not completely, impossible. I don't know why, but once some sort of sexual proclivity is with you, it's just with you.

Of course, I'm not lumping us regular perverts in with the pedophiles. Pedos and other sex criminals take their proclivities to a whole new level where they harm others. And if they do it once, they're going to do it again unless if we step in and do something. And do something serious. Yeah, we're not going to give them the chair like I'm calling for, but we need to lock them up for life. One strike and you're OUT.

I normally run from celebrity stories like I run from, well, regular people, but this one is a special case. Comedians almost don't have to write any jokes - they're just writing themselves.

Oddly enough, the biggest joke in this whole debacle just became CNN. "The Most Trusted Name in News" is using AOL chat boards as a source of opinion and commentary? Yeah, this whole story doesn't even reach the bar of "low-class," and as such this is about the only place where AOL board dorks have any room to be talking. But still.

Monday, January 05, 2004

The latest dose of Krugman positivity.
C'mon teens, get with it. I need stuff to jack to, so maybe it's time to head to Lithuania.

Here's the deal. If we're really worried about overweight teens, or just overweight people in general, there's a simple solution: harpoons.
Here's another phrase I'm fucking sick of seeing used: "price point." Unless if you work in the retail industry, JUST FUCKING SAY "PRICE."

Not surprisingly, I see this all the fucking time on Slashdot, the bastion of people trying to look smart and cool when they're in fact stupid losers.
Raise your hand if you're surprised by this.

I see no hands.
I'm still holding out judgement on the Kill Bill action figures. The pictures in Previews looked shitty, but those were basically prototypes. Prototypes NEVER look like the finished product. The problem is, prototypes usually look better, but we'll just have to see.
And now it is finally over. This is basically the same article as earlier, but this is just too funny to leave alone. Britney "didn't fully understand what she was doing"? I find that hard to believe.

I love all the bullshit about not knowing eachother's preferences and whatnot. Why is all that necessary? Why can't they just say "Um, your honor, we were fucking drunk" and be done with it?

Actually, I think if you're this fucking stupid, you should be forced to STAY married, at least for awhile. Just to teach them a goddamn lesson. Not like the lesson would set in, but it's worth a shot.
Man, this guy must have been fucking RICH.
Had I been there, I would have been able to immediately tell these people that it was most certainly not fire and brimstone raining down from the sky, and hence, not the end of the world. That will only take place when I find myself a girlfriend.
Here is a marvelous fucking 'blog, written by Allah himself.

Came across this at tales of ordinary madness, and was originally alerted to it by ETP.
Wes Clark is staying on the offensive, unveiling a new tax plan.

Speaking of Democrats, the only hopes I have right now for everyone besides Dean is that they're all laying low on purpose. They're letting Dean take all the heat, and when Dean reaches a certain point of weakness, they're going to bust out and take charge. Yeah, it would still show that they're more interested in being president than helping this country, but at least it would give me some kind of indicator that someone is motivated and cunning enough to actually defeat Bush.

I don't see this happening, either, and I continue to lay low in terms of hope. But you know what?

"The public sucks. Fuck hope."
- George Carlin
Some more commentary on the upcoming elections.
If the administration really is softening up on some of these issues, it's only because they feel they have to in order to get voter support. Still, the pragmatist in me will take it, if indeed that's what's happening.

The question is whether or not this will be maintained once Bush wins this year's election. After all, he and his team can do whatever the fuck they want once they don't have to give a shit about what voters think, and by then it will be too late for us to do anything about it. Not like we would if we could, though, seeing as how we'll have already fucked up the election at that point.
I heard ads today for Keith Olberman's new show on MSNBC. He's not doing a sports show, though, he's doing a regular news program. Remember how he used to be on ESPN, then he did a regular news program, and ended up doing sports again on Fox because he sucked at regular news? And now they're doing the news thing again? He's already done his time at the two major sports networks, so maybe once this latest venture tanks he'll finally just go away.
And he sounds real sorry for what he did, too. Let's just fucking kill Pete Rose and get it over with.
Seeing as how the courts oftentimes seem to be the only ones getting shit done, it may be an interesting year.
Looks like we're moving beyond racial profiling and a step closer to just fucking everyone.
Here's a Safire column that has inspired me to talk about a non-political issue that he raises.

There's all this talk about the ending to the story of Job. If nothing else, the debate shows how mutable the Bible is, and how it has changed over time as a result of human intervention. So it's not really the word of god, now is it? Take it for what you want (a bunch of goofy animal and ghost stories), but quit taking it so seriously, will 'ya?

"People, please, stop with the Bible. I mean, people talk about it like it's a... bible."
- Bill Maher
A joke that went too far, huh? Yeah, I think it's pretty fucking funny. JFR put it best, though:

"That doesn't sound like a joke that went too far, that sounds like alcoholism."
You'll get used to it. Either that, or you'll have a psychotic episode.

Another shitty year in the books

So everyone (everyone who is a hack, that is, which is precisely what I am) likes to put together a year-in-review. Typically, they do it right at the end of the year or the very beginning. In typical Fe fashion, we do it when we feel like it since A) I didn't think to do this until New Year's Eve and B) this is the first decent chance I've gotten to sit down and do it.

A lot of the "best of" stuff on this list didn't even come out in 2003, but I don't care. I'm going based on when I was exposed to it, and since I'm the center of the universe, my exposure is technically when something "came out."

This will be a hodge-podge list of random shit, most of which was not premeditated and just made up as I went along, which is pretty much how this entire fucking site is written.

Story of the Year
The Iraq war

This one's pretty much a given, and no explanation is needed as to why it was "big." On a more personal note, this war had a pretty big impact on my views of the current administration, politics in general, as well as America in general. This makes a nice pair with the first Gulf War, which also had a huge impact on how I view this country. So it's pretty much 41 and 43's own fault that I have such a negative view of things, and that might be significant if I ever got motivated to actually do anything about it.

Also, the War was one of my motivators for starting this 'blog. If that doesn't make you anti-war, I don't know what will.

Best fighting robot anime that's as much "fighting robot show" as old-school Star Trek is "science fiction"

Like I said, even though this show is now eight years old, and was released here several years back, I didn't see it until last January. I always want to run away from the things that are "popular," but this show's notoriety is well deserved. A show more about story, characters, and their interactions than robots, it just fucking kicks ass.

If you don't like Eva, you're wrong. And Asuka? She's better than your favorite anime character.

Best fighting robot anime that cares way more about the high school romance comedy than robots
Full Metal Panic

Why can't my life be fun, interesting, and humorous like this? Oh, because my life sucks.

Best pure fighting robot show

Who cares? Fighting robot shows are stupid.

Best anime not yet released in gaijin markets
Onegai Twins

Why watch Twins? Because it's fucking dirty.

Best anime that isn't Evangelion
Love Hina

As if you didn't see this one coming. I'm obviously a big fan of the genre I call TBMF (total bullshit male fantasy), but that doesn't quite explain my unnatural and unnecessary attachment to this show. The fact that it's basically a soap opera is probably involved, and I'm for some reason a sucker for these goddamn romantic comedy animes.

Oh, and Shinobu? She's a better person than you are. In fact, she's a better person than anyone, ever. Which is why it's sad that she's just a cartoon character.

Best live comedic act
Robert Schimmel

This was a tough call. This past year, I saw Schimmel twice, Bill Maher, David Cross, Lewis Black, Dave Attell, and Nick Swardson. Schimmel wins since seeing him twice should count for something, plus he always makes it a point to have at least one joke about sex with animals.

Webcomic of the year
Penny Arcade

I'm not a huge gamer, but these guys are a fucking riot. Get Your War On would have won this award had it started this year.

Dogfucker of the year
Rick Santorum


Most dangerous new fetish
Sailor schoolgirls

This one is pretty much ruining my life.

Best 'blog
Fuck Everything

Yeah, this site sucks ass, and there are way better 'blogs out there. But it did keep me more entertained than just about anything this year, and it gave me something to do when bored. So it wins.

Fuck everything post of the year
this one

Amongst other things, I've talked about bestiality, pedophilia, and statutory rape. I've been blatantly insulting and used lots and lots of foul language. I've been "unpatriotic." As yet, I think this post pissed people off more than anything I've ever written.

Fe's biggest dumbass commenter
And Prowse

This stupid fucker wanted me to have a rational argument with him/her (I don't know if "And" is short for something or a full name, either; over here it's just a conjunction). First off, I'm not good at that. Second, if you're bringing to the table studies from the 50s and 60s and trying to pass them off as "empirical" data, I'm just going to make fun of you.

Fe commenters of the year
Matt and Jared

We've had some great comments from people these past several months, but these guys deserve special mention. I couldn't make up my mind as to who to give the crown to, so in typical BLM fashion, I just punted on trying.

Matt deserves mention, if for no other reason, because he has nearly turned commenting into a full-time job. We disagree a decent amount, but the guy comes strong with some intelligent reasoning to back up his otherwise ignorant opinions (just kidding on the ignorant part, Matt). Oh, and he sends me pictures of schoolgirls.

Jared can pick up Orgazmo references while busting out his own Excel Saga references. That garners mad points in my book. Granted, my book sucks, but that's all I've got to offer.

Best site

My infatuation with Galvin is already well documented, so there's no real surprise here. We still don't know if his site won any of those awards, but either way, he will always be number one in my heart.

Best movie
Kill Bill Vol. 1

This was one of the only movies that I felt was worth seeing this year, so I saw it twice. I'm wetting myself with anticipation over Vol. 2.

Worst movie

I don't watch movies.

Best "get your fucking compulsive shopping under control" decision
Not buying Cowboy Bebop

I have this bad habit of buying DVDs of shit I've never seen before. This habit started with Suicide Kings, which paid off big time. I started doing this with anime as well. It worked out when I bought the entire Eva box set not having seen an episode, and of course, there were times when it didn't work out so well. I was thinking "I'm gonna like Bebop, right?" Nearly bought the whole set. Then ETP got the set, I watched some, and I was like "This isn't very good." It's not horrid, but the best way I can describe the show is "a bunch of shit going on with nothing happening." There's action, adventure, humor, and I still come away from every episode feeling empty. Even emptier than any human relationship has ever left me.

Toy of the year

Considering how much my vintage Jetfire set me back, most people would classify this as "worst spending decision of the year," but fuck that.

Best media personality I used to hate but now find highly amusing
Jim Fucking Rome

I used to think that JFR is a smug, arrogant, smart-ass prick. Then I remembered that I like people like that.

Biggest backfire in litigation
Fox sues Al Franken

Fox not only loses the lawsuit, but they help get the word out about Franken's new book. Thanks Fox!

Op-ed Columnist of the year
Do I even need to tell you? Yes, it's Maureen Dowd

Yeah, another given, but Krugman does come in a decently close second, for whatever that's worth. I'm sure both columnists are fucking thrilled.

Worst idea
Logrolling good versus evil

Now everything is going to be exactly like the cover of that Boston album.

Actual worst idea

This is another hard one to nail down. So much stupid shit was passed around this year, like poorly justified pre-emptive war. Fuck it, pre-emptive war wins, because I don't feel like thinking of anything else in this category right now.

Wait! I just remembered freedom fries. That wins HANDS DOWN. If there was ever an indicator as to how much trouble we're in, this is it. Few things sum up my hatred for us as well as this debacle. Let's make it official, shall we?

Worst idea
Freedom fries

Why are you looking for an explanation? I just talked about this right above.

Cunt of the year
Laura Bush

I made this one up just so I could mention Laura Bush, who I do not like.

Live sporting event of the year
John Hancock's Champions on Ice

Why do I go to these things? Well, because I actually do enjoy watching figure skating. Oh, and because Sasha was there.

Album of the year
Fluke Progressive History XXX

Three discs of Flukeitty goodness. I don't know how it is that I haven't burned a hole in disc one yet.

Game of the year
Dead or Alive: Xtreme Barbie Doll Dressup

This game is just too damn amusing.

Most fucked up thing I'm now jaded about
Schoolgirl prostitutes

I read about this all the time in those Japanese tabloid articles. I used to read those articles and say, "damn, that's fucked up." Now I'm like "damn, that's fucked up, but it's nothing new."

Best weekend
NDK 2003

Since you didn't care the first time around, here is a reminder as to what the hell this was about. Too much money was spent, not enough hot women were found, and an unhealthy amount of Pocky was consumed.

Biggest pain in the ass language

One of these days I'll get back into learning this bloody language. Until then, I think Wynette put it best: their syntax isn't different, it's just wrong.

Whiny pussy of the year
White people

This year saw affirmative action brought to the forefront with a couple of big Supreme Court cases. Yet again, we heard the cries from lame white motherfuckers that "we're losing everything!" What the fuck are you losing? You haven't lost shit, so shut the fuck up already. "But I didn't get into my first choice!" Lots of kids don't get into their first choice. "But I was better qualified! It's unfair!" Where the the fuck is it written that life is supposed to be fair? Why don't you go pick cotton or something? Oh, because you don't have to.

Least favorite group

There are lots of Xtians out there who have never done anything to piss me off. Even though I don't buy into your superstitions, my apologies to those who don't piss me off. Unfortunately, there's a huge group of misfits who are bringing your whole religion down, and as such warrant special mention.

Biggest mistake

Americans like to think that just because we're the most powerful nation on earth, we can do whatever the hell we want because no one else matters. That probably won't come back to bite us in the ass.

Most satisfying moment
Roy Moore loses his job

I know that the joy of seeing this assface lose his job over the Ten Commandments monument will become short-lived as soon as I find out how much money he's making off of speaking tours and shit. Until then, I'm gonna enjoy it.

Imaginary character of the year

I was tempted to name God or Jesus for this one, but those fabled and as-yet unfound WMD get the award this year.

Biggest sign yet that the USA-PATRIOT Act is evil
Asscroft goes on tour

You know things are bad when Asscroft has to run around the country trying to indoctrinate the German people.

Most sickeningly overused piece of symbolism
Saddam statue being pulled down

I get it, okay?

Most welcome exit
Ari Fleischer quits as press secretary

I once said that I wished I could turn myself inside out just so I could bleed on Ari Fleischer. I don't like that guy.

Most welcome permanent exit
Strom Thurmond

I think the world might be a slightly better place now that this cocksucker is dead.

Most insidious political maneuver
Sneaking elements of the failed PATRIOT-II into an intelligence spending bill

There's been lots of fucked up shit going on, but this one is the worst I can think of at the moment. I have a feeling lots of people don't even know about this, and it's not like our wonderful media gave it a lot of coverage to try and get the word out.

Best judicial trend
Signing on to the so-called "gay agenda"

First we had the U.S. Supreme Court tell us that sodomy is OK. Then we had the Massachusetts Supreme Court give the thumbs up to gay marriage. Sad that we need these old fuckers to tell us this, but it's about bloody time that someone did.

Best moment in the judiciary
Antonin Scalia has a huge metal pole shoved up his ass

This didn't really happen, but it would have definitely made this list had it taken place.

Asshole lifetime achievement award
The Catholic Church

As if these people hadn't done enough ignorant shit for, I dunno, hundreds and hundreds of years, there was last year's "don't use condoms because they actually HELP spread AIDS" bullshit. Pure evil, plain and simple. Oh, and there's that whole child molestation thing, which, apparently, can and SHOULD be swept under the rug.

Biggest asshole
The Bush administration

Like you couldn't see this one coming. If you want my justification for this, go into the archives and read just about any post found within.

Close runner up for biggest asshole
The Democratic party

Thanks for continuing to lay down and let the big R run all over your asses. How are you guys feeling about next year's election prospects? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Democrat of the year
Position still open

No one has done anything to give me any hope that the little d will get shit done, either legislatively or electorally.

Biggest dumbass
The American people

Regardless of what I think of our "leaders," we're still the ones stupid enough to put up with this shit.

Biggest dumbass, special mention

They fall under the umbrella of "American people," but need to be called out on their own for falling prey to a bullshit power grab and for electing Schwarzenegger.

Person I'd most like to see go away

There's no way I can narrow this down to just one person.

Dumbest trend that I hope has gone away
Flash mobs

I don't know if this nonsense is still going on, but regardless, the fact that they ever happened just goes to show how fucking stupid we are.

Biggest pussy
Tony Blair

Such a smart guy, and he's backing down to George W. Bush?

Biggest letdown

Once again, we have left me with the impression that there is no hope, and that we're completely fucked.
This here exemplifies one serious problem for the Democrats. I'm not just picking on Clark; this goes for all the D candidates. Every single one of them is more interested in being president than doing what's right for America. Considering the big game they all talk about fixing things in this country, this shows that their actions aren't lining up with their rhetoric. Which isn't surprising, of course, since they are politicians.

Look, I understand how lofty of a goal it is to be running for most powerful man in the world. I can understand how pride and ego would come into play. I get that. I'd just like to see someone have the balls to stand up and say "You know, I'd be willing to do the VP thing if we could put together a winning ticket by doing so." If someone had a set like that, that man would be my fucking hero.

Once someone emerges as a sure-win front-runner for the D nomination, then I'm sure a few of these guys would be happy to accept a VP position. That's not what I'm talking about.

Right now, all of the candidates are campaigning against Howard Dean. They're already losing sight of the real enemy, G Dubya. That, of course, is what Team Bush wants. The more the D candidates fight amongst eachother, the more disunified not only they look, but the more disunified the party looks as a whole. This is not good considering how piss poor the D side looks as it is.

Better yet, I think it'd be even more ballsy for the candidates to get together, decide who has the best shot of winning, put together a ticket, and then ALL stand behind that ticket. Show America that you realize there's more at stake than your own self-aggrandizement. Maybe I'm wrong about this being a good idea, but I think something drastic needs to be done. Yeah, I know - it's not gonna happen either way.

None of these D candidates particularly excite me. I like them better than Bush, but no one has done much to really get me fired up. I was pretty stoked when Clark came on the scene, and I thought finally we had someone to shake things up and maybe move us forward. I'm not feeling so good about any of the candidates right now, though.

As it stands, I don't think that the Ds deserve to win next year's election. The fact that I still want them to, just because of how much Bush scares me, further scares the shit out of me.

God damn it, this is a sorry state of affairs. We have two choices. On one side, we have Drinkey McDumbass and his neocon cabal, hell bent on pre-emptive wars to get more money for Halliburton while doing other shit like running up huge deficits, blurring the lines between church and state, trampling civil liberties, and destroying a woman's right to choose. On the other hand, we have a group of fuck-ups who can't get their shit together enough to really focus on the task at hand: defeating Bush.

I fucking hate us.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Some progress is made in Afghanistan.
Okay, so I'm still a dirty pervert and all, but at least I'm not completely full of shit when I say that statutory rape is sometimes bullshit.

The direct link doesn't seem to be working for me, so if you have the same issue just find the last post on January 3rd. Or, better yet, just read through Wynette's stuff until you find it, because that's a worthwhile adventure.
Tony, it's been done before. As if you need to give your critics any more reason to give you shit for riding American coattails. Sure, Tony actually spent more time there than was necessary to snap a couple of pictures for campaign season, but it still looks weak.
Ahh, the relentless march of classiness that is the life of that little whore Britney rolls on.
Is this what fiscal responsibility looks like?

Even IF the proposal is capable of cutting the deficit in half, my guess is that claim is being made under the assumption that we don't have another September 11th and that we don't get involved in any more ridiculous, unnecessary wars (to say nothing of potential necessary wars).

I don't know the details of the plan to increase co-pays for veterans, but it doesn't sound too awful if it really is targeted at veterans with higher incomes (i.e. people who can afford it). Still, I find it interesting that the administration is always so quick to praise the military, and equally quick to piss off both current members of the military as well as veterans.