Saturday, February 21, 2004

Hey, at least I'm not as big a loser as Barry. Seriously. That might make me feel better about myself if not for the fact that it doesn't.
Okay, so the past week here was pretty weak. Sad for a site that's already scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of quality. Perhaps I can make up for it with some new sailor schoolgirl pics? For those of you who could give less than a shit about such things, I've got nothing. Sorry.
Just so long as Georgie still has other things to keep him busy while his people are busy anally raping this country.
Troubles for the ridiculous Do Everything we can to Fuck Public Education No Child Left Behind Act.
Here's a link Matt sent me a few days ago that I've been meaning to get to. Look, people, if you're so desperate to get drunk that you're willing to do this... We can just kill you and get it over with.
More fun stuff in Iraq.
It's okay, at least we found all those weapons of mass destruction to justify the war. Yeah, the war. Remember that thing? Seems like it's kinda going by the wayside in terms of coverage, what with the primaries and all that bullshit. Oh, and the goddamn string of rape charges coming out of CU.

I've been fed up with all this "al Qaeda-like" labeling nonsense for quite sometime now. I just love how there's this implication nowadays that all terrorists must be al Qaeda. Of course, when it's realized that that is an out-and-out lie, they add the "like" suffix to try and weakly tie other terrorists in with bin Laden's group. Of course, since the American populace is so dumb, "like" is good enough for them.

Look, it's not like I'm not saying these aren't a group of guys to worry about, but State put it best by saying that bad guys aren't homogeneous. The "like" bullshit was yet another attempt to link who we're going after, namely Iraq, with the guys we were be going after, namely al Qaeda. You know, the ones who actually attacked us.
C'mon, Ralph - cut us a break here.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Wah wah wah, I can't get my way, wah wah wah. Fuck you, I'm getting my way anyway.


Google search:

"god" AND "talk to google"

I think Google has officially gotten out of hand.
Yahoo search:

borders fucking latinas

First my alma mater, now Borders bookstores? Is there nowhere I can go anymore that isn't hostile to women?

Thursday, February 19, 2004

I avioded playing the earlier Bond games for myriad reasons, chief among them being that I did not want to be one of those stupid asshole frat guys in the dorms. Of course, that was also why I avoided playing Grand Theft Auto, and here we are. Oh, then there's the fact that Bond was a first-person shooter, and I hate those with a passion. No, not because the frat fucks were playing them, but because I find FPSs so utterly boring that I'd rather just pound nails through my dick. The original Wolfenstein was fun for about six seconds, and that's pretty much it. One time, a friend of mine gave me Star Trek: Voyager - Elite Force. I was playing it, having a decent yet unremarkable time, and then after about 20 minutes the game crashed. I never fired it up again.

Where the hell was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Maybe this Bond game will be better.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Bush isn't a statistician? Seriously? Actually, seeing as how statistics is a total bullshit "field" and is completely made up (much like the French language), I wouldn't be surprised if Bush had his PhD in it.

I was a big fan of that 2.6 million jobs number. It shows just how stupid the administration thinks we are and how little respect they have for us (both of which we pretty much deserve). I think the "number crunching" went something like this:

Number cruncher #1: "Hey, how many jobs have been lost since Bush took office?"
Number cruncher #2: "2.2 million."
Number cruncher #1: "Okay, so let's just tell people we're going to get all those back... And another 400 thousand just for good measure. They'll buy that, won't they?"
Number cruncher #2: "Yup."

So much for "Secretary of State Conan O'Brien"

And you wonder why people don't take Canda seriously: they can't take a joke. Seriously, Quebec, I can smell your crotch from where I'm at. Now wash up and quit your crying.


Oh, and I forgot to mention that The Washington Post has made some changes to their registration policy when posting the Bush article a couple of posts back. Sorry. I don't know why they had to go and fuck things up; it's not like they need to know what my company size is. As such, they still don't know. In fact, all they really know about me is "Other" and "Not applicable." Plus, I live next door to Brenda.
The phrase 'fuck everything' has been irrevocably changed for me for obvious reasons. The Onion managed to bust it out in a highly amusing article this week.

I realized the razor industry was getting out of hand way back when the Mach3 originally came out. I just knew it wouldn't be long before they got fucking ridiculous. "Introducing the Gillette Mach21 - you take one stroke, it takes 21! *Swipe* Done!" We're well on our way with the new four blade rig being hawked by that one ass master in those commercials. As soon as we get the Mach21 and people finally just start piercing their brains, we can pretty much just shut the world down.
Well, Bush, I'm troubled by what an ignorant piece of shit you are. 'Cause we didn't already know my opinion. Also, George, we know you're real proud of yourself for learning a new phrase in the past year - 'activist judges' - but it's time to move on.

Good for San Fran. People are coming from Europe? What are the laws with regards to this over there?
I've had a good past couple of weeks. It's been busy, and this week is kinda fucked up, but good times. The same can't be said for Howard Dean. Even though Dean is gone and Kerry is coming on strong, at least Edwards is still keeping things interesting.

Why the fuck is Kucinich still in the race? I mean, seriously. Someone asked a pertinent question recently: where the fuck is he getting his money from? Even with minimal campaigning, he's still gotta pay staffers and shit like that. Nice to see someone pissing away money on a lost cause. This coming from me.
In other news, Kobe Bryant has decided to go back to college and will be playing for CU. Allegedly.

Christ I hate my fucking alma mater. I've already complained about college athletes before. At least now I have a legitimate reason to hate these stupid fuckers; they're stupid fuckers who are also rapist assholes. Allegedly.

If this is true, this just goes to show you how god damn fucking stupid football players are. I mean, these guys spend a good deal of their time around nothing but other guys. Playing (allegedly), showering, raping. So what do they do when a woman shows up and breaks up the sausage fest? They treat her like shit, and one of them rapes her. Allegedly.

You would never see this shit in engineering. Shit, a woman actually shows up in the wasteland that is the EE wing, we do not treat her poorly, and we most certainly do not allegedly rape her. Sure, to allegedly rape a woman you'd need to understand some of the mechanics of sex, and you'd also have to interact with another person, but those aren't the only reasons we wouldn't do that. We're just not alleged rapist assholes. And we'd treat her right: by leering at her, never talking to her except maybe once a semester while looking at the ground, and scurrying away in shame when we do.

I know, I know. This isn't a fair comparison, seeing as how football players can get women elsewhere. At recruiting parties, for instance, where they also allegedly rape women. What the fuck is that? It just goes to show you that we should once again just kill sex criminals, because there's clearly something fucked up with them. Here we have all these horny, pent up, lonely engineers, who aren't going to hurt anyone. Meanwhile, you have guys who could get pussy without allegedly raping women to get it, yet they still end up doing this shit. There's something fucked up with them, and we should just get rid of them.
God effing damn it. Just what I need, some sort of reason to get excited about baseball again. Because we know where that's going to lead.

Be all that you can be? Yeah, I'm on it.

So I'm on an extended lunch break yesterday, trolling the mall to find someone a birthday present. As I'm on my way to one store, this guy starts talking to me. I fucking hate when this shit happens, especially when it's some transient in the mall when I have a fucking agenda.

As it turns out, this guy is an Army recruiter, out looking for fresh meat. He thought I might still be in school, seeing as how I look like I'm 12, so it was fun to see his surprise when I told him I'd graduated already, and furthermore didn't need the Army to help me pay for school loans. At one point he asked if I knew what the Army was about, and if I'd considered it before. I said I had (which wasn't a total lie; I'd thought about it for maybe 0.68 seconds before dismissing it) but decided against it. Of course, he asks why. "Well, some things are for some people, and some things are not."

That's pretty much the bottom line as to why I won't ever join the military in any capacity. I understand that it's not all about huntin' and killin', and there are lots of other jobs besides being out there in combat. Besides, I'd pretty much get fired if they managed to come across Fe.

I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't rip this guy a new one or something, especially since I hate the troops. Well, like I said a couple of days ago, I'm not mean just for the sake of being mean. Also, we all know what a huge pussy I am when it comes to being around others. I talk a huge game when I'm safe behind my keyboard, but am the limpest dick whenever actual reality shows up. Furthermore, pretty much whenever someone starts talking to me, especially complete strangers, I go into full-on panic mode. I don't care what's going on, I just want them the hell away from me as soon as possible. My "fight or flight" response mechanism is pretty one-sided.

There you have it; the military is really hurting in terms of enlistment. They're so desperate that they're now aimlessly wandering the mall to find people to join. Their desperation is made all the worse by the fact that they're talking to me.

Monday, February 16, 2004

I've complained about soulless cocksuckers on eBay who say stupid shit in their auction descriptions before. Today, I'd like to add the fact that somehow, people never WANT to sell item X, they HAVE to sell it. I'd like to, just once, see an honest eBayer: this is a piece of crap, and I don't want it anymore.

Also, am I the only one who searches for shit on eBay, and immediately after getting search results clicks on "sort by highest price"? I know how it works; what I want is going to be expensive, period. That's just how it is.

There's an auction up on eBay entitled "Large lot of Evangelion Hentai resin figures." The auction description starts out with the guy saying "My girlfriend wants 'em gone, so..."

First off, you are the saddest sack I've found so far today. It's only 2:30 AM, but there's a good chance you'll take the title for Monday. Your silly little girlfriend is insecure about the fact that you look at your naked Asuka and medical fetish Rei "that way," and so she brings down the hammer. Being the biggest pussy you can be, they're on their way out.

Second of all, you need to do something really horrible to your girlfriend. Notice I merely said something horrible, but I never specified what form that the response should take. I'll leave you some creative freedom, even though you'll just fuck it up. I'm sorry, but anyone who so much as suggests that you get rid of your Eva figures is a fucking bitch. She's not just a bitch, she's a bad person. Do you know how pissed I'd be if someone told me I need to get rid of the Girls? See 'ya, whore.

Your girlfriend should be happy you've got your creepy little habit of collecting naked cartoon characters as opposed to collecting other girlfriends. Of course, you wouldn't do that because you're such a fucking loser. Have fun being walked all over for the rest of your life. That's what'd happen to me if I let a woman besides my mom or grandmother take control of me, but that's not fucking happening, douchebag, for myriad reasons. Plus, even I would only take shit up to a point, and I think we now know where that point is. We're both empty husks of what could have been manhood, but at least I have my Girls, and you have nothing.

Wow, I honestly didn't plan on going off like that. Hmph... Must be getting angry now.

You know those scientists were just dying to make that Robert Palmer joke

If you can't find it... Cheapen it.

Random thoughts:

"Defects." OCD. Yup, pretty much.

Can they create a more sociable human? A more loving one? Here's test case zero, motherfuckers. Lotsa luck.

It's bad enough that women are using Google to try and dig up dirt on a mate or potential mate. I really don't think we need them busting out the brain scanner, too.

Does your partner really love you? No. Is your husband lusting after the au pair? Yes.

The family that shoots up together...

In a related story, the religious right recently named the prairie vole as their new mascot.
God damn it, do you Christfuckers have to try and ruin everything?

Sunday, February 15, 2004

They caught George Bush Sr.?
Here's a great 'blog: Hi. I'm Black!. Yet another guy who just has a way with words. Came across this at Insinuendo.

Found at HIB was this. After clicking that link, you're no longer the same person. You're changed. I've trolled rathergood before, and they've got some other fucked up shit for your amusment.
You kids aren't pure, you're just ugly. Oh, and/or ignorant. I almost forgot ignorant.

"A lot of girls feel that in order to keep their relationship, they have to have sex."

Kelly, sweetie, you don't have to have sex in order to keep a relationship. You have to have sex because you're a woman, and that's all you're good for.

I'm going to go ultra-lazy and not come up with a fresh rant on abstinence. Okay, it's actually not because I'm lazy, but because I've ranted about it before. Namely here, with a quick follow-up here. I think the rant is worth a read, but then again, I'm kinda biased. Plus I'm currently in this really obnoxious "patting myself on the back" mode. Don't worry, I'll go back to hating myself real soon now (RSN).

Thanks, Tom

Anyway, back in the actual fucking racists department...

Three types of lies

Like hell you are.

Just wait until they start calling you a rapist, or a child molester, or soft on breast cancer (they actually did this to McCain). I'm not taking seriously any polls these days. The beliefs that Kerry can beat Bush in November, the numbers showing Bush and Kerry neck-and-neck... They're all meaningless. Even more meaningless than the numbers putting Dean and Gephardt out in front in Iowa before their little pow-wow.

We haven't seen Bush really start putting his re-election millions to use. We haven't seen the true debut of the 30-second attack ad. We haven't seen the ignorant American voter roll over for catchy slogans and quick sound bites.

The Bush war machine has not yet begun to fight. Ed Gillespie, RNC chairman and former lobbyist extraordinaire recently said that the Democrats were engaging in ugly politics with regards to the whole Bush/Vietnam service issue. Which is funny, because that side of the aisle seems to know a thing or two about dirty politics. Valerie Plame, anyone? Just for starters?

If you think you're ready, Kerry, you are not ready.

Wow, I didn't know that "wop" is an acronym

Speaking of being denigrating towards your fellow man, I found the following linked over at Naked Furniture: The Racial Slur Database.

Some people seriously have way too much time on their hands. This coming from me. You've gotta give credit to anyone who's a big enough asshole to put together something like that and then make their tagline "Helping make the world a better place."

I'm not proud to say it, but if you can somehow decouple the hatred and ignorance from a lot of those slurs, they do sound funny. I know, I know, it's not cool to use any of them, and even though I've done a poor job of showing it, I'm not a big fan of racism. What they mean and represent most definitely isn't funny, but we all know that the line between "funny" and "inappropriate" has pretty much been erased here at Fe.

I think what's more amusing in a really sick way is how we spend all this time coming up with ways to make fun of one another and treat each other like shit. Man, is humanity great or what? Seriously, things would probably be better without us.

Since I've fully established myself as a racist asshole, let's pick on Italians some more:

"Yeah, and what do I get if I give you your balls back, you WOP cocksucker?"
- Bud White, LA Confidential

"I'm looking for a nigger named John Shaft."
"Yeah, well you've found him... WOP."
- Dialogue from Shaft
Wh... What?
While I'm in the middle of continuing this 'blog's downfall, I realized I really need to help bring about the downfall of others by updating the das 'blogs section and inexorably linking them with this horrid wasteland. Here are some recent (and not so recent) linkers:

American Samizdat
The Flingus Blog
Armchair Angst
Sinister Calcitrant

As always, there may be more links out there that either aren't getting picked up by Link Cosmos or that I've forgotten to mention. Furthermore, like always, thanks to all the Fe linkers, both new and old. You're doing your fellow man a great disservice by linking to this awful site, and since we know how I feel about our "fellow man," I commend you for that.

With a heavy dose of fear and violence, maybe we can get some people to use the god damn message board

Okay, so the Fe messageboard is a dismal failure. This doesn't come as a huge surprise, seeing as how I'm in charge of it and have put little to no effort into it.

The problem is, I do put a decent amount of effort into this goddamn fucking piece of shit 'blog. What the hell else do I have to do for you people? After setting up the board, Sarah immediately pointed out that no one would do shit until I started posting some stuff. She was right (and, as she pointed out, is always right), of course, but what the fuck is that? I mean, look at this 'blog. It looks like a bunch of fucking posts to me! I'm supposed to shit out 15 posts in one day and then try and fire up discussion elsewhere? Even I don't have that kind of stamina in the bullshit department.

My hopes were that posts would be the starting point, bleed over into comments, and then maybe migrate to the board. Just like everything else in Frank's life, this did not pan out.

So, I have a question: why is the messageboard being neglected like the unwanted child of Fe? Do people just not give a shit? If that's the case, I can totally understand - we all know just how much of a shit I give about... everything. I know there are some people out there who like to shoot their mouths off just like I do, though. The thing is, I want more people shooting their mouths off here. We have some intelligent, humorous commenters who I'd like to hear more from. I'd like to hear more commentary and opinion besides my own. No, really.

I suspect that some people may be afraid to say anything on the messageboard. There's a real common misconception about me that I automatically treat everyone like shit upon coming in contact with them. I remember when I got my first job working at a retail store, someone asked "So, does he just say 'fuck you' to all the customers who come in?" I am obviously not very skilled socially, but I do have a grasp of the basics. My usual policy is not to treat anyone poorly until I think they've done something to warrant poor treatment. I'm not perfect at this, but better than one might think. And no, simply being there is not typically a reason I use for being an asshole to someone. I can totally understand where this misconception comes from, but just trust me when I say that it's not right.

Just like Fermat's Last Theorem, nobody really understands me. I suppose it's possible that this has cropped up here at Fe as well as at the messageboard. Some people may be afraid I'm going to jump all over their ass for saying anything, especially if it's dissent. Of course, I can understand this if that's the case. We all remember And Prowse, who came here spewing homophobic garbage which I just ended up ridiculing. As long as you can do better than 1950s studies to back up what you're saying, I'm not going to be a total bastard to you for whatever you say, even if it's disagreement. Really.

I almost feel arrogant thinking this may be an issue, but since I have been called intimidating in the real world at least once, I can't ignore the possibility. I promise you, if anything ever got really bad, each and every one of you could kick my ass. Old people, retards, everyone. Furthermore, I do a great job of talking and bullshitting when I'm in my own personal sphere, but (as may have been noticed on occasion), I'm pretty weak when it comes to actually arguing and interacting with others. I need a some challenge, even if that challenge leaves me running away crying.

And what's the worst-case scenario? You say something I disagree with, and I rip you a new one. Oh effing well. It's not like I murdered your firstborn or something. Stop being such a god damn pussy.

Looking back, the hostile nature of this plea was probably not the way to go. But honestly, would anyone have bought some sort of flowery "pretty please" post? That would have come across as totally fake and disingenuous, and I respect you all more than that.

Seriously, I do want to hear what others have to say. Whether it's agreement or disagreement with something I've said, or something completely different from what I've been saying, let's hear it. I know people have interesting stuff on their minds. Okay, so yeah, lots of them have 'blogs of their own when it comes to the "completely different" department, but I know people have opinions and stuff to add when it comes to my topics.

What would really be nice is if the messageboard could take on a life of its own, driven more by others as opposed to me. Not to say that I'll keep my mouth shut entirely, since that is clearly not one of my strong suits, at least not here.

So, unless if you're just apathetic towards the idea, hit the messageboard. I'll try and think of something to create more of a spark. In the end, I really wanna get some varied opinion and further discussion going on out there. Help me out. Please?

See? I told you no one was going to buy that.
For anyone who's dealt with engineers, you know that we like to speak using as many acronyms as possible. We are all about the TLA (three-letter acronym) and the occasional ETLA (extended three-letter acronym). The problem is, I oftentimes tend to override my inherent tendency to use acronyms 'cause I think to myself "Are people gonna know what the fuck I'm talking about? Even regulars might not remember what the hell this is." As such, I have to go through the arduous task of writing out the whole fucking thing.

Since verbosity is not something we've come to know here at Fe, we simply cannot go on like this. As such, I've created a new guide to the acronyms I use. I'll try and go with a policy of expanding an acronym the first time I use it, then add it to the list, which is now in the links off to the side. After that initial explanation, you're on your own.

I know what you're thinking this is: more work. Look, this is as much for me as it is for... me. Still, just deal with it. If you'd just learn to memorize my acronyms, then you can almost think of it as being in on some private joke if that makes you feel special.
More TB positivity from Maureen Dowd.

Are you my caucasian?

Just when I think Sunday is the worst day ever (which it still is), I wake up to this little treat.

Fuck you, Orson

I was feeling pretty good about my Saturday. Granted, it wasn't what one would consider classically productive. However, I was pretty pleased that I not only downloaded a decent amount of pr0n, but I also snared about 40 episodes of Beavis and Butthead. That to me is a decent afternoon. Then, as ETP, BOETP, and I are wondering when exactly Orson Welles died, we take a look at this.

Holy Christ, is there anything that guy didn't do? You'd think that Citizen Kane and Unicron would be enough to make anyone's life complete, but holy hell. I clearly am not doing enough with my time. I mean, costume design? You bust that shit out because you're either A) a costume designer, B) someone who has already done everything else, or C) someone who has decided they are most definitely going to do everything else.

As for why I'm killing time downloading B&B episodes when many are available on DVD, there's a simple reason: videos. No matter what compilations they come out with, they're never gonna have the music videos in addition to the episodes. In so many ways, I want the music videos more. There is just some legendary shit in there. Who (besides ETP, of course), remembers when they watched MC 900 Ft. Jesus's "If I only had a Brain"? That was pretty much the funniest thing, ever.