Saturday, March 06, 2004

Unlike some live-action anime projects I could mention, this doesn't seem like such a horrid idea if executed properly. Then again, I was never a huge Aeon Flux fan, so I don't know how good or bad an idea this really is.

While we have Charlize Theron on the table (I doubt that turn of phrase will give anyone ideas), I have a question. Why the fuck did she almost always insist on going with the blonde locks? I mean, she looked hot (at least at one point) as a blonde, but she looked fucking AMAZING with darker hair. She so infrequently went with the brunette look that I can't even fucking find decent pictures of her like that. It is a stunning indictment if I am having trouble finding stroke pictures on the Internet.

It doesn't really matter anymore, since her attractiveness has definitely waned. I'm thinking she may have contracted Sharon Stone's Disease. Remember how Sharon Stone used to be really hot, and then seemingly overnight, she got really, really old? I think the same thing might be happening to Charlize.
It's going to be so neat one day when our kids ask us "What was free (as in beer) speech like?"

And yes, they will have the parenthetical "as in beer" in there.
Hey, so anybody remember this token effort?

One question that I often ask is "What would happen if it were Clinton in this situation and not Bush?" The answer, of course, is pretty obvious: people would be on Clinton like shit on a wool sweater. Imagine if there was an Enron, or a Halliburton, or an Iraq war, or a 9/11, or a Valerie Plame during Clinton's days. Special prosecutors would be assigned, committees would be convened, subpoenas would be flying - IMMEDIATELY.

Look, this isn't to say that Clinton wasn't up to some ill shit. It's just that a lot of the ill shit - like getting his dick sucked - I really don't give a flying fuck about. But potentially doing things like starting an unnecessary war or exposing an undercover operative? That... That stuff kinda bothers me. I tend to feel that way when it comes to threats to national security which, incidentally, the Bush Administration claims to be working so hard to maintain.

Someone is writing down your mistakes... Someone is documenting your downfall.

Yet another Blogmaster unhappy with Dubya.

People are pissed, and unlike me, some people are actually doing something about it. A cursory glance at this site looks interesting.

Somebody get Air Force One; I wanna blow some shit up

Okay, so I don't know why I decided to bust out two mostly incoherent audio posts in one night. No, I haven't been drinking. And yeah, I've calmed down after kicking it Howard Dean school and venting a bit. I nearly busted out yet another audio post, but decided I had better not blow my entire Audblog load in one evening. We'll save all that premature stuff for the next time I'm not having sex.

Anyway, if there was any mystery as to why I have few friends, why I am constantly losing those friends, and why I will never, ever find myself a girlfriend, now that mystery is resolved. I'm pretty sure there wasn't much resolving that needed to take place to begin with. Scaring people off is pretty much the only thing I'm good at. Well, that and being an asshole, but they kind of go hand in hand. It's like I've taken that one Demotivator way too seriously: If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

In the end, I think I've found a purpose for the audio posts: to finally scare off the few people who are good enough to read my garbage here at Fe. And I'll try and get back to something people might give a shit about... A little later. Or not; you know how I like to bullshit.
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Friday, March 05, 2004

A linker I negelcted to add:

I am little church, No great Cathedral
Yeah, pretty much. In the end, Tony Blair will kiss whoever's ass it is he thinks he needs to kiss.
Why are news organizations wasting time with stuff like this? I wanna hear more about Martha Stewart. CNN was apparently so wrapped up in Ms. Bitch that they didn't even bother to proofread that article. "Sex formally dressed classical musicians," indeed.
When I first saw this headline, I got a little flutter of hope. I know better; fuck hope.
You've gotta kinda laugh about this, but can we please get back to not going after the really serious corporate criminals now?
A big question on many peoples' minds: where are the jobs? Clearly, they're not there. Remember when we were told lied to about how the tax cuts would be creating 300,000 jobs a month? Man, did that ever sound neat.

They sure love that 300,000 number, too. It doesn't mean anything, but it sounds good. And when extrapolated, it magically brings back all the jobs lost in the past couple of years, with a handful extra thrown in for good measure. It's all such bullshit for them. Such bullshit that you can't even call it voodoo economics, as George Bush Sr. described Reaganomics when he was running against Ron for the R nomination. Like remember when Bush wanted fast food work re-classified as a manufacturing job? Gee, that wasn't a ploy to boost manufacturing job numbers, was it?

I like this bullshit excuse about the bad weather. How exactly is that going to help skew numbers? Businesses do a shittier job of reporting numbers in acclimate weather? "You know, we really need to get these numbers sorted out for the survey, but it's just too damn cold." Sounds like those are some people who should be out of a job.

Like usual, though, the 21,000 figure is meaningless until they inevitably revise it.
Yahoo search:

100 ways to tell your man you want to fuck

You pretty much only need one.

You: "I want to fu-"
Your man: "Okay!!!"
Great, just what the world needs, another "nice guy." And to think, I thought we had run out of these self-important twits who are so in love with their self-proclaimed sensitivity that they just can't get over themselves. Man, between Angela (I don't think he wants to fuck her at all), Laura, Colleen, and who the fuck knows else, sounds like ol' Dave here has a mad case 'a' the bitches.

I know, I know - lay off the kid. At least he's going to movies with chicks. Hey, I'm going to movies with chicks... In them.
Googe search:

paying mothers to fuck

Dude, you should already know that if you're going to get the mother of your children to have sex with you ever again, it's going to take a some more diamonds, new cars, and expensive vacations. And yes, this is clearly a married man, since he said "mother," and as we all know, marriage is all about children.

Seriously, whoever was searching for this was really hard up (that can be a pun if you want it to be), because they found me way back on page fucking 11 of the search results.
Spam of the minute:

Could it hurt to ENLARGE?

Actually... I would imagine that it possibly could.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

A couple more Blogmasters to thank for the new links:

Mocha & Beans
The Monster ate the Blog
Anybody else smell a set-up?

They went off way too much with the "Ace in the hole" jokes when they captured Saddam, but Osama will be their ace in the hole to ensure re-election. He'll magically turn up at just the right time.
So, I just discovered something bad. I mean, dangerously bad. This could potentially be problematic for others, too, unless they already know about this. Either way, I'm spreadin' the joy.

Tonight, I was up to the usual - looking for porn. I was trying to find pictures of Mizutani Sakura. As often happens when I'm making such searches, I came across a photobook of her on amazon.co.jp. Of course, Amazon Japan is almost entirely in Japanese, and the handful of chicken scratch that I can comprehend is not helpful.

There's a button you can click on a product's page which turns on about five words worth of English. Well, I don't know if it's because I was trying something different when I did this in the past or if they just got their shit together, but it's now pretty easy to order stuff in English. Fuck.

There are, of course, still issues. First, you've gotta be able to find things. This isn't too terribly difficult if you can somehow find the Japanese somewhere online and then bust out copy and paste. Unless of course if there's already some English in whatever the hell you're looking for. Then, there's shipping. Expensive Method of Shipping (EMS) is available, which means you can potentially order one thing and pay more to have the item shipped than you're paying for the item itself. Of course, you can run with a cheaper shipping option, but I have neither the patience nor the stomach for that. In the end, these are not not huge show-stopper issues.

I haven't bought anything yet, but this is not good.
C'mon Maureen. Dick Cheney's not such a bad guy.

Oh, wait a minute, yes he is. I just wondered what it would feel like to say that, if only once.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Numismatists rejoice, because this is about as exciting as your sad lives get.

Which reminds me, I actually do want to get back into coin collecting. And I use "get back into" loosely, considering all I have is a pathetic collection from when I was younger and didn't have much money to buy... Other money. Just what I need, more costly habits. Now I'm going to go search for a fucking 1909-S VDB Lincoln cent. Fuck.
I like the gull-wing doors and the focus on storage, but I don't know if not having a hood is such a great idea. I mean, we all know what terrible drivers women are. Without a hood to pop up, how are they going to signal to other motorists that they need help when they inevitably break down ?
If the increased acceptance of gay marriage is a wildfire, then I say we burn this fucker down.

Some quotes to pick at:

"Same sex marriage is likely to spread through all 50 states in the coming years."

Then... Doesn't that indicate that the states want it? Or at least certain portions of those states? What happened to the "will of the people"? Wasn't that one of your justifications for going on this crusade? I love it when lying cocksuckers try to have it both ways. "We want to enforce the will of the people by thwarting the will of the people." I still don't see it as being the general will of people in this country, but it seems as if some places are indeed clued in.

""Millions of Americans who support the traditional institution of marriage should not be slandered as intolerant."

Yes they should.

"The institution of marriage was not created to discriminate or oppress, it was established to protect and nurture children."

Was it? So then why do so many married couples not have children with no intention of ever having the little fuckers? I'm sick of this excuse.

"Laws forbidding interracial marriage are about racism," he said. "Laws protecting traditional marriage are about children."

No, laws protecting "traditional marriage" are about homophobia, which is discrimination, which is what racism comes down to. Also, what is this fucking continual shit about "tradition"? Anybody remember when it was "tradition" to marry off 12-year-old girls? You don't hear a lot of talk about upholding that tradition; not even from me. It's because it's not about tradition, it's about stupid ignorant religious and/or homophobic fucks who all want to be part of the special marriage club, and they don't want to admit new members.

"It's a shame that the White House is orchestrating hearings to discuss whether gay families should have basic human rights protections."

Well, that's because the current White House itself is a bloody fucking shame.
This is a new one, but I don't see why it's "outlandish, silly or unbelievable." Oh yeah, because no one has ever gotten a blowjob while driving. Furthermore, the male mind is always working properly when in the middle of some kind of sex act, so he couldn't have been driving since he wouldn't have crashed while getting head.

I'd love to see this trial play out. Imagine all the relevant questions. Bench seat or bucket seats? Manual or automatic? Did she keep the cum stained dress?

"Donovan had argued that women would be biased and more likely to convict."

I have always found it amusing how all women hate each other.
One view on what our interest in Haiti is.
Arnold is settling into political life quite nicely.
It's a shame to see Edwards go, because he was keeping it interesting. But now that Super Tuesday has passed, it is on.

And yeah, I knew there was somewhere that Mr. Original John Kerry uttered the phrase "bring it on."

Questions, questions. What will a second Bush cabinet look like? Will Rummy be out? Even though Bush has already said Cheney is a lock, could Dick be replaced as VP? Will Colin Powell once again bend to the will of his wife and bow out at State? Will the Democrats be 100% fucked if Osama is found this year, as I and many others are expecting to conveniently happen? Are Howard Dean and John Edwards going to go away? And what Democratic ticket is going to give them the best chance of winning? If you've got any thoughts, throw some shit down at the messageboard.
I always like pointing out losers with too much time on their hands, because it makes me feel better about being a loser with too much time on his hands. Here's this week's installment.
Also, this blog did not link me, however, its title warranted that I at least check it out. As a warning, it's an adult 'blog, apparently run by a working girl: Shag Me Retarded. Taking a look at the non-blog part of her site, you come across her rates, which really make me wish that I could sell my body.
Yet another new linker to thank, with yet another cool 'blog name: clever minx.

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Trapper Keeper

Okay, I've heard a couple of OnStar commercials where they're boasting that they can contact emergency services for you. Apparently, no one could dial 911 before OnStar showed up.

Okay, I can imagine some situations where OnStar would be useful - like, say, if you don't know where the fuck you are. Of course, OnStar always knows where you are, and as such they can tell emergency people where to find your ass. But there was one commercial - and maybe I just didn't hear all of it - where I could swear it was a woman calling OnStar because her house was on fire. Why the fuck don't you just call 911? Whose first instinct is to call OnStar when their family is threatened and their life is going up in flames? Seriously, if you're that fucking stupid, or you're that worried about your car, I hope you die in a house fire, and I want you to die in a house fire.
The other day, ETP and I couldn't remember what Dr. Seuss's real name was. At least, I'm pretty sure it was Dr. Seuss we were talking about. Regardless, here is the answer to that question, as well as others about Dr. Seuss.
Galvin's latest post has a line so offensive and a line so brilliant that I had to just sit back at my desk for a minute and let it soak in. Oh, and by offensive, I of course mean offensive to many, but fucking hilarious to me. The post also leaves me torn between hitting Red Lobster for lunch and just lurking around a local middle school. They're about equidistant from where I work.
I've mentioned before how I'm always getting Google hits for naughty things. A popular hit is for a product known as the Fleshlight. People looking to buy, people looking for reviews. This here, however, is a new one:

asshole spreader for sale

For fuck's sake, just don't buy a used one.
Spam of the minute:

I am no longer impotent in bed

Well, if you were only impotent in bed, why the fuck didn't you try having sex somewhere else? Seriously, was the "in bed" qualifier absolutely necessary? Yeah, 'cause with all the cock spam I get, I was going to think maybe it was a complaint about being impotent in some metaphorical sense.
One more fucked up story to close out the night.
And yet one more link... Surgical Strikes. That's a great 'blog name - and definitely the antithesis of what goes on here.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Looks like a new linker is lurking out there. IvY's site is definitely for the visually-impaired. If you weren't visually impaired before reading it, you will be after. Man, that text just jumps out at 'ya.

Yeah, 'cause that's how you want to treat people who are nice enough to link to you, asshole. I can't imagine why I can't find myself a girlfriend. I can't help it; everyone gets a little around here. Even the fat kid in the Babylon 5 t-shirt.

All teasing aside, thanks for the link. It's much appreciated. Seriously.
Money to burn... Literally.

Goin' Haibane

And when stuff like this happens, I get MY wings. You cocksuckers can't pick and choose how you apply your beliefs, even though so many followers of Catholicism do in their daily lives.

Big site announcement... And only two months late.

Hot on the heels of this new audblog bullshit, I have yet another thing to add to the site. I'm proud to announce the opening of the Fuck everything Store.

Yes, now you too can take a little piece of the site with you wherever you go. Just in case you start feeling good about something, this will give you a little reminder as to how hopeless things are.

A huge fucking thanks to Wynette, who set the store up for me. Yes, that's how sad and pathetic I am; I can't even set up my own store. Thanks are in order to John, who also played a crucial role in getting this store up and running. He no doubt is glowing with pride.

So yes, this is the "big site announcement" that I mentioned probably more than two months ago that never came to fruition. I honestly wanted to get it going, but wanted to tweak the images and whatnot. Well, I haven't gotten there yet, but I got tired of the guilt of having this thing set up, which was kindly done for me without even asking. I still plan on doing some tweaking, so if there's any product that doesn't quite look right (because of how the image appears), I'll be fixing that. Just give me a few months.

Until then, please go spend some money and help support my habits. Or don't.

Fuck everything, we're going to five blades the next level

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Let it never be said again that those of faith, especially those in Georgia, are stupid.

A couple of quick points:
  • Why is it Passion of THE Christ, as opposed to just Passion of Christ?
  • Why is 666 the number of the beast, anyway?
  • This reminds me that I need to start making my bumpersticker: 665: 99.8% God Free, .2% Godfat
Fortune cookie bullshit of the day:

You will be attracted to an older, more experienced person!

Sooo... Am I to understand that the lolicon fantasyland is coming to an end?
Shitty.

If this is what it looks like, it's pretty sad. Whereas ETP and I bullshit about communicating with eachother solely in 'blog and comment form, we're not actually doing it.

Ooh, that reminds me of a couple of things I need to tell ETP before I forget:
  • Carlin is at 9:45
  • I think the company that makes those Afterburner kits has stopped making them, so I'll probably need a reminder sometime this weekend to fucking pick those up before they disappear for good
Another satisfied customer.

This is great, because we get to play one of my favorite games: Which Lying Cocksucker do You Believe? On one hand, we have Aristide. He says he was kidnapped as part of a U.S. driven coup. Regardless of how, the guy was just removed from power. He's bound to be pissed and looking to lash out against someone because of it. On the other hand, you have the U.S. government. Their reputation speaks for itself.

I have a question: What's in it for us? Why are we getting so involved in Haiti? Just as a fair warning, I'm going to be skeptical of any answer involving phrases like "humanitarian reasons" or "for the Haitian people."
Apparently, there was a mini shitstorm over the American release of Negima, a manga from the creator of Love Hina. We'll see if this one manages to completely suck me in and ruin my life like LH did.
Get stoked. I wonder what ethnicities we'll get to wipe out this time?

Experiment in progress

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Sunday, February 29, 2004

While we're on the subject of fucking things, for the millionth year in a row, fuck the Academy Awards. Sorry, LOTR dork, but the trilogy in general, and RoTK in specific, was adequate. RoTK was not best picture. Considering how much they fucking spent on those goddamn movies, for their sake, they had better have won. So yeah, they bought their Oscar. Oh, and I am so totally surprised that Bill Murray didn't win. Look, I didn't see any of the other actors in any of those movies, so maybe Sean Penn deserved to win. But fuck that. Murray should have won not just on the strength of Lost in Translation, but on the strength of his entire fucking career. I know, it doesn't work that way, blah blah blah. The Oscars are such bullshit that it's not like it matters, anyway, so they should have just gone with my plan.

Eff them.
Google search:

fuck meatwad

You know what? I don't even want to know.
Ah, Maureen...
eBay sob story of the week:

For Scholarship , my family business's failure and former girlfriend's fraud I had to pay $ 370000 . I paid the 25 % of the debt by Auction . Soon I can pay back all of the money . Thank you very much , My customers.

Bonus points for the Engrish.
You know, I'm still getting hits for Inspector Gadget porn. KNOCK IT OFF.

Another thing I could deal without is all the fucking annoying penis spam. Shit along the lines of "unhappy with the size of your love muscle?" First of all, dickhead, it's not a fucking muscle. Second off, you know what? I am satisfied with the size of my penis. I know you may find that hard to believe, but I am. Its size pretty much has no impact on whether or not I can spank it, which is pretty much all it will ever be used for sex-wise.
I'm obviously not Japanese, and as such can't really say if it's racist or not, but this really does seem like overreacting to me. Yes, the movie does poke fun at the Japanese, but it's done in a very lighthearted manner. These people should be glad that the film didn't highlight things like the fact that Japan is the #1 producer of child porn, nor did it showcase things like photobooks of 9-year-old "idols" that you can even find on eBay.

And no, I am not looking for 9-year-olds. You do a search for "japanese idol" and these fucking things pop up along with the less creepy shit. Yes, I like to ogle teenagers just like every other dirty old man between the ages of 13 and 130, but 9 is waaaaaay too fucking young for me. I'm sure that will come as a HUGE comfort to everyone. Because we all know what a major threat I am to women of all ages, what with my crippling fear of interacting with other people and all.

Getting back to the article, though. "The film has no meaningful Japanese roles, nor is there any significant dialogue between the main characters and the Japanese." Well, I'm sorry, but there are no meaningful Japanese roles because the film isn't about the Japanese. Or anyone else besides the main characters, for that matter. And there's no significant dialogue because a good part of the characters' situation revolves around the fact that they're fucking incapable of having significant dialogue with their Japanese hosts!

I swear, some people are never satisfied with anything.
I'm sure all four of my regular readers have noticed the marked decrease in posts over the past couple of weeks. Whereas I've been known to bang out 15 posts in a day sometimes, last week saw like 15 posts total. I'd apologize, but you know, I've gotta fucking work and stuff. I said for awhile that I was actually going to have to do work and stuff, and it finally came through. I'm sure no one believed me when I said that, which I find puzzling because it's not like I ever bullshit around here.

Okay, I know I somehow actually have more than four regulars here. Sitll, we're well on our way to being around that four mark with the recent dropoff in site traffic, which is undoubtedly partly due to the lack of posts. I'm sure that the occasional racial blast have nothing to do with this, nor is it related to the fact that this site just plain sucks.

So, how am I going to make up for this continued transgression? As is becoming customary, by diverting blood from the brain that criticizes to the brain that thanks with some fresh sailor schoolgirl pics. For some of you, at least. For everyone else, a treat is in order as well, and it's just what you wanted to hear: boring shit about my personal life.

Last week had a couple of standouts. First, there was probably the best call ever on JFR's show. Okay, best call I've heard so far. There's this guy, Jeff in Richmond, who's apparently a regular caller. I've only been listening consistently for a couple of months, and as such had not yet heard one of Jeff in Richmond's calls. This guy calls in, and spends four minutes bragging about how loaded he is, how much he loves his kids, how good looking he is, and how much he likes Dubya. Keep in mind that this is a show primarily about sports. At first, I was like, what the fuck is this asshole's problem? Other Rome show listeners were pissed, too. One guy, also a noob, e-mails: "I'm new to the show, and I've got to ask: what the hell was that." Jeff in Richmond's call got the "huge call" of the day. Then, since JFR's show plays twice on the station I listen to the show on, I heard the call yet again. It was about halfway through hearing the call the third time that I realized just how fucking brilliant Jeff in Richmond really is. The guy is so over the top, and so totally full of it that it's fucking hilarious. He just can't be taking himself seriously. Even still, he gets people flaming pissed. This guy knows how to push buttons, with highly amusing results. I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff in Richmond doesn't even like Dubya.

The other highlight, which is more significant than a phone call that I didn't even receive personally, was the fact that Chris Rock was in town doing standup. That was a fucking quality show. There was a little too much pandering in there, but don't let that fuck 'ya up. I was dying during some parts. It's great that we got to see him, too, since he hasn't toured in five years, so who knows when he'll do it again. Keep an eye out for his upcoming H2O HBO special.

Saturday was shopping day. One place I hit was K.B. Toys. That's K.B.; B as in bankrupt. The K.B. is strapped for cash, and they're shutting down tons of stores, including several local ones. And I say good, fuck 'em. It's also extra amusing because one of the stores close to me is closing for the second fucking time. You see, this store opened up in the mall at one point, and after seemingly no time, it closed down. I mean completely shut down. The whole store was completely empty for quite some time. Then, for some odd reason, they reopened the store in the exact same spot in the mall. Now, it's closing yet again. It's almost like the JAG of toy stores.

I realized that this was the first major closing of a toy store in my area since Toys 'R' Sucks put the venerated Lionel Playworld and Children's Palace out of business many years ago. I sat there in K.B. today, amidst the piles of nothing but crap, realizing that I was not mourning the loss of K.B. Furthermore, I never really mourned the passing of LP and CP when they were closing down since I was too young to really mourn anything, but have been doing it ever since. Not only were those great toy stores, but they were always packed with great toys. We don't have either of those things anymore. This makes me sad. You never really realize how good you've got it until it's far, far behind you. It's also a sad referendum on my life that probably my biggest fantasy - besides finding a girlfriend who will occasionally dress up in a sailor uniform for me - is to build a time machine and go back to the 1980s with about a million in cash printed in the 80s and clean those fucking stores out.

In addition to the aforementioned pickup of Lost in Translation, there were a handful of other things acquired. Hands down the best pickup was a veritable boatload of Megami backissues. A few of you may remember my struggle to collect issues of this magazine; even fewer of you care. Still, this was a fucking coup, and I don't care if that's inappropriate in light of the shit going down in Haiti. I've realized that Megami is not the sole reason we invented print media as I once did, but it's still like one of the top three. Any day where I can pick up eight issues that I didn't already have is like fucking Christmas... In, er, February.

Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled little shit.

Roger Ebert should lay off the fatty foods

I just got done watching Lost in Translation. I'd been wanting to see this movie for awhile, and was pretty sure that I was going to like it. As such, I pulled a Suicide Kings and just bought the fucking thing without having seen it. That turned out to be the right call. Which is more than I can say for the decision to blow that guy in the Best Buy parking lot to avoid paying for said DVD.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to spoil anything in the movie. I can't say for sure, since I haven't written the review yet. Look, if you're all that worried, just see the fucking film already. How long ago was it in theaters? Why haven't you seen it already? Sheesh. Hey, I would have seen it myself, but you know what a burgeoning social schedule I have. Shit, I can't get these bitches up off me for three seconds, so never mind getting away long enough to watch a whole fucking movie. I tell 'ya.

In case if you're more socially isolated than me and don't know what the fuck the movie is about, here's a quick rundown. Lost in Translation stars Bill Murray as Bob Harris, an actor who finds himself in Tokyo doing whiskey commercials, and Scarlett Johansson as Charlotte, also in Tokyo along with her husband who's doing some photography work. Bob and Charlotte are both markedly unimpressed to be in Tokyo until they meet and have madcap adventures searching for treasure. Okay, not really. Well, yeah, they meet of course, and stuff happens. Hey, I'm at least trying to not ruin anything.

I'm not really sure how the movie has been promoted, but there's a quote from some critic on the DVD cover who proclaims that the movie is "Flat out hilarious!" I don't know if this is the best quote to be using on the DVD cover, because it just doesn't quite put you in the right frame of mind. There is some great comedy in this movie for sure, but it also has a definite serious side to it, which led to a nice mix.

Shot entirely on location in Japan, it was fun (for me at least) to actually be able to catch all sorts of little elements of Japanese pop culture. Naturally, I'm not all expert and shit, but it was fun to see some things I recognize, in addition to plenty that I didn't. And yes, I was of course on schoolgirl watch. While it wasn't an out-and-out schoolgirl fest, there were definitely some uniforms seen in the movie, and even some loose socks action.

The use of language in the movie was interesting. There's a decent amount of Japanese spoken, and it's not subtitled in English at all. My presumption is that this was done on purpose so that the audience would be as lost and confused as the characters in the film. Look, I know that's probably a pretty obvious thing, but I fucking suck ass at literary and film analysis, and as such am proud of myself when I can actually figure something out. I'm sure Galvin sometimes sees this kind of pride when one of his retarded kids writes their name correctly or fails to drool on themselves for something.

Also, it was very amusing to hear the stupid gai-jin horribly mispronouncing words in Japanese. I know very little of the language, save for a few words here and there and that as a whole it's completely fucked up, but I do know enough to recognize when someone's pronunciation is totally off. Which happens any time a white person tries to speak Japanese.

The opening shot of this movie was fucking brilliant. I won't describe the opening to you, but just let me tell you that that is how you start a goddamn movie.

I also loved a lot of the music choices that were made, especially in the opening and closing scenes. Er, I guess not the very opening scene vaguely described above, but the sequence just after it.

The there's the actors themselves. Bill Murray. What do I really need to say? This guy is so fucking good that it's not even funny. Scarlett Johansson is a little stiff at times, but puts in a good performance. And man oh man is she hot. She doesn't quite have a freshly scrubbed prettiness, but she does start off "pretty hot" and become even hotter as time passes. Oh, and to whoever's idea it was to show numerous shots of those nice legs and feet of hers: great idea.

The whole movie was pretty good, but it didn't really make its full impact until the very last scene. The last scene gives you a sense of closure and satisfaction, while at the same time leaving you with feelings of loss and frustration. Okay, I guess I shouldn't be saying "gives you" as opposed to "gave me." I'm the last person who should be telling anyone how they feel, but you know, some people need that kind of thing.

Anyway, it's because of this closing scene that I'm going to have a tough time watching this movie again. That's not to the detriment of this film; it's the last scene that kicked the movie up a notch from "good" to "yeah, pretty fucking good." Again, for me at least.

Okay, so let's do the list:

Saving the best/worst for last: +1
Schoolgirls: +1, +1 modifier for loose socks
Music: +1
Letting this pretentious fuck feel special for picking up pop-culture references: +1
Some gorgeous scenery shots: +1
A couple of awkward moments: -1
Bill Murray: +1
Legs and feet that were actually nice to look at (take note, Quentin): +1
Going somewhat Empire and "keeping it real": +1

So, how do does LIT stack up against Kill Bill? Well, shit, looks like we got a tally of eight there, too. Fuck it, they were both good enough for me to give them a balls-out review like this, which I rarely ever do, so we can just stop fretting now. If you need to have some kind of winner, just pick for yourself. I'm tired of doing all the goddamn work around here. This was a good movie, and since I've seen it, it gets my Oscar vote. It probably has no chance of winning, though, since as I said, it's a good film. Oh, and Bill Murray had better fucking win for best actor. I mean it, you Oscar fucks.