Saturday, April 17, 2004

Altavista search:

free pics monkeys fucking monkeys

Yeah, I hate it when I get charged for my monkey porn.
Google search:

'bionicle porn'

You've got to be kidding me.
Here's some cutie I came across online: Mizuhara Arisa. There are a ton of cosplay pictures on that page, including - that's right - some Battle Royale cosplay, which there's just not enough of. Just click on that gibberish they call "Japanese" on the left to find all the shit I'm talking about.

Friday, April 16, 2004

The joys of international exchange.

War titles making a comeback whenever I goddamn feel like it.

What is with all the fucking titles all of a sudden?

Beats the hell out of me. I just work here.

Unless of course if by "bang" you mean...

I can't believe that "University of Colorado for out-of-staters" didn't make this list. Also, BYU... Utah... Mormons... Who knew?

Chicago Cubs Mathematically Eliminated from Playoff Contention

That title was one of my favorite Onion front-page one-liners from a couple of years back. They did it at the very beginning of the '98 season when, ironically, the Cubs actually made the playoffs. After last year's predictably shitty end this past offseason gave us some hope with the signing of players like Greg Maddux (nice to see us getting him back after he's made it through his days of being God) and Derrek Lee. With the starting rotation anchored by Prior, Wood, and the aging but still good Maddux, some people had the Cubs pegged to take the central.

Well, here we are, a couple weeks in to the season. The Cubs are off to a not stellar but not horrible start. Prior is out with an Achilles problem, although rumors have been going around that that's a coverup for the fact that Prior needs Tommy John surgery. Just like last season, I so desperately don't want to get invested in this season. The offseason made it difficult, the beginning of the season is making it a bit easier. Of course, it's not like it matters, because we know how last season ended up and how this season will end up. At least I can count on my number two team, the Rockies, to suck ass. Yes, "number two team" is intentional there so that it sounds like a bathroom code. Still, we need to hit a game or two at Coors Canaveral this year because even if the game sucks, that's always a good time.

Maybe I should just start following Japanese baseball. Since I have a tendency to gravitate towards loser teams, maybe I could root for the Hanshin Tigers, the Cubs/BoSox of the Japanese league who won their first division championship in like 17 years last season only to end up losing the Japan Series. Also, where the fuck else are you going to find team names like the Carp or the Swallows outside AA ball?

By no means take the last line in context with the previous rant

As we all know, the messageboard was a resounding failure. Probably due in part (that is, entirely) to my wonderful ability to motivate people. The messageboard sucks so hard that I don't even pay attention to it, and I didn't even realize that there was a several week old response to my poll until a couple of days ago.

Just as a note to Frilly, it absolutely counts if you don't have a wanker. In fact, it's highly encouraged for the wankerless - both participation in the poll as well as participation in the poll's subject. As the old maxim goes, you just can't beat a woman playing with herself.

Anyone who doesn't see the humor or at least the sarcasm in this post needs a beating

I find this campaign sadly amusing. The fact that we're so fucked up as a society that we feel the need to tell young boys that you're not supposed to beat women. I never had to be taught any of this shit, I just kinda knew it was something I shouldn't do. Okay, okay, that didn't stop me from hitting my little stepsister when we were younger, but trust me - she was asking for it. Childhood bullshit aside, I know better, and I suspect most guys do as well. The sad fact of the matter is that all too many guys don't get it and they end up on the domestic violence route.

Seriously though, how hard is it to figure out that you shouldn't be some psycho DV perp? No, if you're going to beat your women, you need to learn to do it in moderation. If you get lucky, maybe you'll get some of that Stockholm Syndrome thing going on.

And now, for your amusement, some domestic violence jokes:

"Everyone'll give you a reason to fuck them up. Shit, there's a good reason to push an old man down the stairs. Just don't do it"
- Chris Rock

"So I'm sittin' in a bar, and I see this woman. And I say to myself, 'Why not go bug the shit out of her.' So I'm walkin' over there - I'm wearing clogs - and I notice she's got a black eye, a shiner. And I'm thinking, 'Great, she doesn't listen.'"
- Dave Attel

"So we go back to her place, and we end up having sex doggy style. Hey, I didn't plan it that way, that's just how she ended up passing out."
- Dave's corollary to the above joke

"Just wait until you come down tomorrow morning and see all of our abused plants."
- ETP to BOETP after a little spat
No shit, John. Okay, okay, I can cut him a little slack. These notions that Bush is playing up terrorism for political gain and had a pre-determined agenda is pretty obvious to many people, but they do sadly bear repeating for all the stupid fucks who don't get it. Then again, if they have to ask, they'll probably never know.

Still, I can't help but kinda wish there was a way for Kerry to lose without Bush winning.
Another load of total horseshit from Bush's press conference this week: "I look forward to seeing what the 9/11 commission comes up with." Yeah, that's right. You mean the commission whose creation you opposed, and the commission you and your R cronies have done everything to thwart, only caving in when the pressure is on from EVERYONE even though you don't pay attention to polls?

For example, commission Chairman Thomas Kean said he is concerned that U.S. intelligence, as structured, isn't providing the president with the kind of information he needs.

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that, considering the Iraq deal, U.S. intelligence is giving him the information he wants.
I'm looking at my calendar, and next Wednesday is labeled as "Administrative Professionals Day." You mean Secretary's Day? Do we need to re-label everything in this country? And for what reason? Where exactly was the shame in using the word "secretary"? How does the shame, if it ever existed, go away by re-naming it? We do this with everything. And yeah, I know, this is not an original thought pretty much like the rest of this goddamn website. We do it with job functions. We do it with physical ailments. We're so fucking stupid in this country that we can actually convince ourselves that simple re-labeling somehow causes a re-birth. The thing is, we STILL don't believe that, but we somehow live with the disconnect. Oh, wait, I know how we deal with it. The way we deal with everything else in this country - denial. Jesus Christ, grow up.
Krugman points out that while Iraq isn't Vietnam, there are some definite similarities. Like I've said before, I'm no Vietnam expert (just like with everything else other than maybe porn downloading). Still, I do know enough about Vietnam to know that it's scary shit if people are able to find legitimate points of comparison.
I was just looking through my list of drafts, and realized there are a couple I should just clear out of there. There really isn't much in the "drafts" folder, seeing as how I rarely use it because I pretty much post everything I think about posting nearly right away. Which explains nearly 2,000 posts and the total lack of quality here. Still, let's try and get those few down to even fewer.

First up is this story from, oh, three-and-a-half months ago. I think that's a pretty fucked up scam right there; proposing to someone as you're (potentially) dying. I mean, what the hell is this woman going to do? Say no? It's evil, but it's pretty brilliant. As we all know, I respect evil genius even if I don't agree with it (see: TB). Assuming you survive, of course.

Another random thing fits in with the McDonald's rant, because it's another ad campaign that pissed me off. I don't know if they're still doing it, but at least a couple of months back Ford was running ads for the new F-150. The thing that pissed me off about those ads was that they said "Only this truck earned the right to be the next F-150." Oh yeah? Well no fucking shit, assholes. Of course it got to be the next F-150. It was DESIGNED to be the next F-150. I don't know what automotive R&D is like, but I doubt they had several teams working on different designs and then at the end they had a multi-way cage match to determine the next White Trashmobile. Furthermore, it's not like the Silverado or the Ram were in competition to be the next F-150. Fuck you, Ford, and while we're at it, fuck Toby Keith.

Okay, nice to get that out of the way on what's shaping up to be another Random Bullshit Friday. Only distinguishable from every other day since it's, well, Friday.
Okay, I have fucking HAD IT with the latest McDonald's ad campaign. This stupid bullshit "I'm lovin' it" fucking nonsense, this awful fucking idea of trying to take a bloody DOW component and couple it with a shitty attempt at even shittier hip-hop-ish/urban/not white music is just infuriatingly annoying. I can't believe I'm longing for the days of the lamest fucking slogan ever, "We love to see you smile." Can you fat fucks stop suing McDonald's because you made your own fat fucking asses fat and instead sue them for putting out this obnoxious bullshit? Fuck you, fatties, and fuck you, McDonald's. Just like everything else in this world, when it comes to your latest campaign, I'm hating it.
Bad times.
Some commentary on the U.S. once again rolling over for whatever Israel says. Once the Middle East completely goes up in flames (because, yup, it can still get way, way worse than it already is), at least we can say that we were "just following orders."
Something to look forward to in August. Not sure what that something is, but it's something, alright.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Currently on MSN's front page:

Signs your romance is on the rocks

Ummmm.... You're looking to MSN for relationship advice?
Ahh, the wonderful worlds of nationalism and indoctrination.
There were many points of specific bullshit in Bush's press conference earlier this week that I didn't get to, and this is one of them. This notion that we never, ever could have imagined that terrorists would use hijacked airliners as weapons. That's utter horseshit considering that we've heard plenty of examples over the past couple of years where people raised the notion pre-9/11. Sure, there might not have been any specific threats, but at least the idea was on the table.

The government needs to hire me to just sit around all day thinking up evil shit that the terrorists could pull off, because I am all about worst-case scenario planning. I may not be able to get us prepared for the Second Coming, but I'll at least have us thinking about it.
Headline of the day, even if it's not real. Much like the Holy Trinity itself.
Code for: the Saudi government isn't working hard because they don't like us, although they do love our money. They also have us by the balls and, as such, can get away with whatever they feel like.
Another 'blog that's getting some run just because I like the title.

I feel bad about making this joke, but not bad enough to refrain from posting it

Investigators were looking into what caused the crash. I dunno, maybe the fact that this guy realized that his upholstery was ruined?

Worst human being ever.
This could be cool. One of my favorite lines from Vol. 1 came out of the animated sequence. Something along the lines of "Lucky for O-ren, Boss Matsumoto was a pedophile." How often is it that it's someone's lucky day when someone else turns out to be a pedophile? Great stuff.

I am fucking stoked for Vol. 2 this weekend. After two days in release, I have been bad and failed to pick up Vol. 1 on DVD, but that probably has to do with the staying up 'til four, going to work around or after noon, working until late in the evening schedule/non-schedule I've got going this week. I'll get there.
Not surprisingly, Onegai Twins has been licensed. I just love this line:

When two gorgeous women show up claiming to be his sister, our hero has to determine who is the sibling and who is the love of his life.

Women? You mean the 12-year-old "high school" students? Would you call Maiku a "reluctant hero"? Also glossed over is the pseudo maybe/maybe not incest thing going on, and not covered is all the other fucked up and creepy shit that goes down in Twins. All of which are not insults from me - we all know my sick mind is on board with all that stuff (easy to do 'cause it's a fucking cartoon). So on board that I'm probably making it out to be dirtier than it really is. Or maybe not, because I know a couple of people agree with me. Sick people as well, but that's partly why they're my friends.
Al Gore won a million dollars?

Okay, okay, cheap joke. Beacause that's a new feature here. It's extra cheap because I never seriously give Gore shit for this "invented the Internet" bullshit. I don't know what the original context was, but some descriptions of it suggest what I've always figured: Al Gore doesn't think he invented the Internet. I never thought or actually claimed that; something he said had to have been taken out of context. I just couldn't see Al Gore ever saying something like that. I mean, the guy's stupid (cough*distancinghimselffromClinton*cough), but he's not fucking stupid.

If nothing else, I have to give him credit for a joke he once made on the whole affair: "Everyone gives me flak for saying I invented the Internet, but you never hear anyone giving Strom Thurmond a hard time when he says he invented the wheel." If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Al Gore is fucking funny. People just don't get him. He needs to forget about politics (a comedy show in and of itself) and start up his own stand-up tour. In fact, he could open for Bill Clinton, who will also be on tour after he cuts his album, Slick WIllie Style.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Thank Christ for porn-fetching Perl scripts

Here's a good site for you sailor schoolgirl fans: Seifukuheaven. The sailor girl section is just a collection of pictures, sorted by uniform type as opposed to by model. Makes sense for the collection this site has, but it's always nice when you can get each model's name so you can go find more pics on your own (which you can in some cases on this site, at least). There are also picture galleries for swimsuits, yukata, and other stuff. Even gothic lolita, which despite the lolita, I am still not on board with.

Not to be missed is the photobook section, which as you might imagine, has scans from photobooks. A bunch of photobooks.

Season 2 of Star Trek Voyager dismissed with wanking motion

Yup, that's it. Just saw an ad for season two on DVD. Fuck Voyager.
Apparently, Amazon is starting up their own search engine. I'm at work right now, so I can't yet stress test it to see how good it is at tracking down pr0n.
Courageous actions? Shouldn't you have to take action before said actions can be called courageous? Plus, considering the history of Sharon and his "actions," coupled with our

You know what? Fuck it. It's just not worth getting into this right now, so let's be flip instead. Have you ever noticed what a fat fuck Ariel Sharon is? Jesus Christ, that guy's a tub. You know, there was one day that they were showing video footage of him getting off an airplane, and I couldn't tell the two apart.
I don't know why I post links like this. Oh, other than the fact that I'm A) an asshole and on a related note B) bringing everyone down with me if that's where I'm headed. But it's positive that the little girl survived, right? I suppose. Yeah, I know, I'm no good at positivity, and that's why I usually don't try.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Gee Dubya Dumbass held a press conference tonight. Bush has held very few press conferences and given few televised speeches in his term, so you know shit must be up if his handlers are willing to let him loose in front of reporters. My guess is that they don't allow events like tonight's unless they feel they absolutely have to.

Christ is watching Bush painful. First off, I just can't stand watching him and that fucking smirk. Then there's the fact that Bush is so awful at public speaking. This is a double-edged sword; on one hand, it's neat to see someone I hate embarrassing himself, but on the other, I almost feel bad for him because he comes across so poorly. In the end, I'm just glad it's over for the time being.

There were many interesting facts presented in the speech and the Q&A. For example, did you know that the United States wasn't on a war footing before 9/11, but we have been since then? It's true. Most of what Bush had to say was just a re-hashing of shit we've been over before with him. Saddam was bad, no there weren't weapons, but he was bad, and he was a threat because we were told he was, and terrorism is bad, and they're doing stuff to fight terrorism, and the PATRIOT Act is good, and blah blah blah. Nothing we haven't heard a billion times before.

One of the biggest blunders was when Bush started talking about freedom, and how it's a gift from the almighty. I don't remember his exact words, but he then went on to say that it was incumbent upon us to spread freedom to others. Good job, fuckwad: turn this into a mission from god. That's a real good play when we're trying to convince people that this isn't a clash of civilizations. Why don't you just go back to calling it a "crusade," shithead?

I'd classify the questions as falling in to one of two categories: questions Bush evaded or ignored, and questions Bush used to blame the FBI for everything. Like all politicians, Bush pretty much answered every question with a response that allowed him to get across whatever it is he wanted to say while completely disregarding the original question. The tried and true method of "answering the question you wish you were asked." Bush did all this in his own particular style, with lots of stumbling around before staggering his way through a response.

I also like how every question Bush was asked was initially met with a "Yeah" or "Mmm hmm." Makes me wonder if it was just some sort of cro-magnon initial response, or if he had some kind of earpiece where someone was translating the question into Dumbass for him.

One thing that was surprising was that the reporters did actually ask some tough questions. Questions which, of course, were avoided. One of the best moments, though, was when a reporter asked him something along the lines of what, if any, specific mistakes Bush could point out that he had made. That really fucking nailed Bush. He even admitted he wish that he had been given the question in advance so that he could have prepared an answer. Seeing him even more flustered than usual all while admitting that he didn't know what the fuck to say was priceless.

In the end, though, it was all same shit, different day.

At least give me some credit for not making a joke about 13-year-old brides

Just imagine what he would have done if she had insulted his cooking.
Today's "Annoying personal ad polluting one of my favorite web pages":

Why you should get to know me: "I have pretty feet and an undeniable affinity with musicians. I am an amazing vegan chef."

You had me at "pretty feet" and lost me at "stupid pretentious bullshit."
Man, it's been awhile since I've gotten off a long rant. This place has mostly degenerated into nothing but 'blogging Mad Libs. Part of the reason I haven't busted out anything big is just because I've seemingly hit everything. Lots of it multiple times. Obviously not everything everything, but we're getting close.

You know, there was this writing project I had before the 'blog, which I simply referred to as "the Manifesto." Eventually, I gave it the title of Minority Opinion. I started it after 9/11, and like I said, it was a precursor to this 'blog. It kinda went by the wayside, but there are a couple of rants in there on subjects that that I'm always meaning to get to at Fe but just haven't done yet. Well, recent events have inspired me to get it on with regards to one of those rants. The subject? Women.

Now, this isn't some nonsense about all the stuff I've figured out about women over the years. That's a moot issue; even if I were some huge ladies man I still wouldn't know shit about women. Some men like to think they understand women, but they don't. We're fucking clueless; always have been, always will be. And you know what? That's part of what makes it fun. Ninja Gaiden wouldn't be worthwhile if it didn't have me pissed and frustrated. I can't believe life actually has me believing crap like that.

This, for the most part, won't be some kind of rant on relationships. Usually, I fucking hate talking about relationships. Why? Because it's all nothing but a bunch of stupid crap. Stupid crap and pointless pontification on something that can only end in A) breaking up or B) marriage (in some form). To me, it's all even more stupid and pointless than the other shit I usually talk about here. It's nothing but self-serving running in circles, so I just stay out of it. Also, I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, and essentially consider myself to have never been in a "real" one at all, so it's not like I have anything meaningful to add. Of course, being self-serving and not having anything useful to contribute never stops me from putting my two cents in on everything else, but what the hell.

No, more specifically, I'm here to complain about all the shit women do with their bodies. Unfortunatlely, not the good kind of stuff that involves touching and inserting buzzing (or, hell, non-buzzing) objects. I was perusing this month's Playboy this past weekend. I'm not sure why issues are still coming to me since it seems like my subscription should have expired about three years ago, but what the fuck. I'm checking out the table of contents, and see that this month's Playmate is Nicole Whitehead. She was a model in Newsstand Specials/Special Editions a couple of years back, and holy hell was I in love with her. So when I first see that she's this month's centerfold, I got a twinge of excitement. A twinge, right before this thought was jammed into my head: "They fucked her up, didn't they?"

Sure enough, I turn to her pictorial, and... She's sporting a platinum blonde dye job. I fucking HATE platinum blonde dyed hair. I will never, ever understand the fixation with this particular hair color. Is it even possible to be naturally platinum blonde? I wouldn't fucking know, because I see so many shitty dye jobs that it has me thinking that busting out the peroxide is the only way to get there.

It's not just platinum blonde, but bad dye jobs in general. Your hair color tends to match your natural skin tone, and dying your hair oftentimes fucks this balance up. Not always, of course; there are many women who roll with dyed hair who look good that way. If it looks good, okay, we can cut you some slack. It's not a huge deal to throw some more chemicals on your hair. Just don't stray too far from something like looks like you could have possibly been born with it. For those who don't look good, if you want to look bad, that's fine too. It's your choice. The thing that pisses me off is that it's all so fucking unnecessary. It's just another facet of our stupid, shallow society. It's ironic, too, because it stems from wanting to look attractive, but many a time actually makes you look unattractive in the end. Well, to me at least; we all know I have a different and more screwed up set of standards from everyone else.

Along similar lines, and also appropriate when Playboy is on the table, is the topic of breast implants. I used to think that women who felt they needed breast implants were just fucking idiots with no self-esteem. And yeah, if they think they need them, they're still idiots. As yet, upon reflection (yes, actual reflection, and not just stroking it to titty mags), I was able to kind of understand the mentality. Shit, if there was a way to make myself several inches taller with reasonably low risk, I would be goddamn fucking tempted. Finally, a way to shake this stupid fucking monkey - not of some deficiency I think I have, but some deficiency society tells me that I have.

So yeah, I can at least begin to understand the kinds of things that motivate women to get boob jobs. That doesn't make it any less of an unnecessary thing, though, just like with dye jobs. The irony is also not lost, as breast augmentation is something that starts off with a desire to be more attractive, and can turn horribly, horribly ugly. Ugly because oh-so-many women can't just get a nice, manageable size, they have to go with the quadruple-Ds that have you waiting for their skin to split open from the pressure exerted from within. We just don't need women running around that are more plastic then a Saturn automobile.

Yes, I know breast implants aren't made of plastic, but I think it's pretty fucking clever that I can take a discussion of boobs and turn it into an excuse to rip on Saturn shitboxes. Yes, being clever is working out for me, only it isn't.

Even when women do the implant thing in moderation, I still think it's unnecessary. Of course, this is just me, but things just always seem to look better when they're natural. I'm also biased seeing as how I have a fondness for smaller breasts. That's not to say that I don't appreciate larger breasts as well, but they can get to the point where they're too big, natural or fake. I could be wrong, but I may be the first guy ever to say that breasts can be too big.

Who's to blame for all this? Everyone. Stupid fucking guys who actually prefer blondes or like big tits, and stupid fucking women who buy into that bullshit.

In the end, it's just frustrating to see women putting all this stupid pressure on themselves and going through all this wasted effort just for shallow fucking assholes. And I know that there's more to blame than just individual stupidity, because it's systematic in our society. I know the continual barrage of fashion magazines and supermodels and anorexic movie stars that women have to put up with from the time they're old enough to understand anything. Which, I believe, occurs around age 43. Seriously, though, I can see where it would lead to this platinum blond/big tits fixation. I can't necessarily empathize since I'm not there, but I can definitely understand and sympathize. I at least know enough to know that it's waaay different from what men go through. After all, I don't get all bent out of shape when I see athletes or underwear models. Well, I do, but it's not because of physical attractiveness, it's because I get pissed at everything. No, when it comes to being ugly, you know what I do? I deal with it. I know things aren't always that easy, though, as evidenced by my lingering issues, but still. Can't we do a better job as a society and not put people through this kind of shit?

Ladies, listen. For all the stupid fucking guys out there who say they prefers blondes, there's at least a couple who don't give a fuck or maybe even prefer something else. For all the guys who say they like big tits, there are at least a couple of guys who don't give a shit or are maybe freaks like me and have a thing for smaller breasts. The same goes for all other physical traits. Like I said, I can understand the desire to look your best, to be as attractive as possible, but honestly. Do you really want to be attracting shallow fucking guys who care that much about hair color or breast size or whatever?

Also, if you women absolutely must go through with any of this, at least do it right, will 'ya? I need all the masturbatory material I can get my hands on seeing as how that's the face of the next 80 years or so, and it would be nice if I didn't have to keep looking at the same crap.

Of course, this is skirting all the issues like physical attractiveness isn't everything, you've gotta look at the total person, blah blah blah. We all know that stuff, and some of us eventually get there, so why can't we just get our shit together and get past some of the shallow nonsense? Sure, there's almost always going to be superficialities - which is okay, by the way - but holy Christ do we waste too much fucking time on them. Let's tone down worrying about hair and boobs so we can get down to what we're all after: the hard-core fucking.
I, like many others, am sick and tired of the neverending train of excuses coming from everyone with regards to 9/11. From Bush saying he didn't see anything "actionable" to Asscroft saying he was focused on terrorism while cutting back Justice's focus on terrorism to Louis Freeh saying they did a good job to the Clinton administration saying they were all over this terrorism shit to all the other bullshit, I've fucking had it. Man, I wish one of the 9/11 commissioners would just look all these people right in the eye and tell them "You fucked up."

Here's where I also insert the usual bullshit fantasy camp wish that these cocksuckers would just own up to their mistakes so that we can get on with doing an ineffectual job of fixing the problems. That, of course, isn't going to happen. Sure, you'll bring up Richard Clarke and his admission and apology. Hey, he did it, why not others? Well, I'm still not feeling all super good about that one because he had nothing to lose and everything to gain from what he did. A lot of these other guys have everything to lose - starting with, say, their jobs - by actually saying "Yeah, you know what, we did fuck up."

Could 9/11 have been prevented? Who knows. I think it's pretty clear that a lot more could have been done to at least try and make that a reality. If you listen to, well, everyone, however, apparently there's nothing that could have been done because every single person and every single agency was working at peak efficiency and effectiveness. Bullshit. Fuck all of you assholes. And you know what? Fuck us, the American people, while we're at it. We're the fucking idiots who allow this fucking crap to continue going on.

In the end, Bill Maher puts it best. "I think it's sad when the only person who has lost their job over terrorism is ME!"
I just hope we don't end up killing this guy and creating a martyr.
Yahoo search:

I'm looking for a girls age 14 to fuck

Yeah, aren't we all. Get to the back of the line, douche.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I've commented on a similar search before. Oh well. Afterhourszone search:

Things to watch while i fuck myself

How about a video of your family being brutally murdered, you lazy fuck?

Mainly, because it dont have to be said

Let it never be said that sorority girls aren't smart.
I know that the Ds have to call Gee Dubya on shit like this, but it's pretty fuckin' pointless. Would you rather Bush actually spent time in the Oval Office doing work? Shit, with him actually running the show, you may as well just give Osama a plane, free reign in our airspace, and an unlimited supply of gasoline so he can fly all over the country dousing it with fuel before lighting the match.

Why does George Bush spend all his time at that fucking ranch? Because he can. Why isn't George Bush taking his job seriously? Because he dosn't have to.

Yes, yes, we've been over this before, but it's both amusing and infuriating to talk about, so we do it anyway. We all know that Bush is the ultimate figurehead. He's too fucking stupid to actually run things, and as such, that's left to Cheney, Wolfie, Rummy, Condi, Rove, and whoever the fuck else. Meanwhile, George can go play cowboy or whatever the hell he needs to do. Joe Pesci help us if Bush got fed up with being a child and decided to be leader of our country. It would be this crazy sitcom, only it would be real life and not that funny. Kinda like regular sitcoms, only people don't typically die for real in them. Man, we would be completely fucked, which is saying quite a bit considering where we are now.

Monday, April 12, 2004

This might be an interesting book. Also, this.
You'd still be crying too, even after 2000 years if you'd been fucked by God. If God's as great and powerful as we're told he is, then he's gotta have a big ol' dick that would split in half even the loosest whore out there.

Don't give me any shit about virgin birth, and fuck people who go to see and believe in crying statues and Jesus on a tortilla and all that other stupid bullshit.

And then the Amazing Rando kicked his ass off the Dow

East Man... He came from the East to do battle with THE AMAZING RANDOOOO!!!!!!!

Yes, I dug up that article just for the sake of an MST3K reference.
In other news, Conan O'Brien was seen kicking himself in the ass and yelling at his wedding band.
Hey, maybe Scalia's not such a bad guy after all. Or maybe he still is. Yeah, that's right, he is.
Oh look, more shit in Iraq.
Google search:

does jesus approve file sharing

I sincerely hope there's a satirical article or something out there that this person was searching for and that this was not a serious question.
So yeah, the August 6 memo was released this weekend. Of course, it was done on Saturday, right before Easter, when no one cared or was paying attention. It's not like it matters, though; there was nothing earth-shattering in there. Naturally there was nothing earth-shattering in the memo, otherwise they would have never allowed it to be released.
MSN search:

woman playing recorder with her pussy

What's this bullshit I keep hearing that music education is in decline?

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Despite all the fucked up searches I get hits from, I don't think I'll ever be able to top John's "clip art of frogs in prison outfits." This, however, is probably as close as I'll get:

man fuck girl like frog

I don't even want to know.
Jesus fucking CHRIST is Ninja Gaiden hard. The Penny Arcade guys weren't fucking kidding or even exaggerating. I mean, Jesus. Shit. Fuck!

I've been complaining for a long times that games have turned to total shit. I'm no hardcore gamer, but I've put in my hours. It seems that virtually nothing has that intangible "it" that older games had. You know, the "it" that has us playing a fifteen-year-old 8-bit game that we've played a hundred times all over again because it's still fun. I partly blamed the advent of shit like 3D. The focus seemed to be on the look of a game, and not the enjoyment of the game. Things weren't getting better, they were just getting better looking.

Ninja Gaiden has me swearing, yelling, and punching furniture. Worse than normal. It's got me so fuckin' pissed after only two levels that I'm ready to find a sword and start running my own ninja missions just to avenge what this game is putting me through. It doesn't help that I just naturally kind of suck at games, but for once I know it's not just me. Fuck you, Team Ninja, for producing yet another great game. That's right; don't mistake the anger for disapproval. I'm - dare I say it - having fun. This is a solid fucking game.

It is also very pretty.