Saturday, November 27, 2004

It's always weird seeing stuff like this. I mean, it just doesn't make sense for religious people to be holding hundreds-of-years-old grudges over a bunch of stupid bones. They're usually more rational than that.

John Paul has also apologized for sins committed by Catholics against other Christians.

Why has he had to do this? Didn't Jesus already die to absolve all of those people of their sins? It's all very confusing to me. Also, has the Pope ever apologized for sins committed by Catholics against non-Christians? Look, you guys have played a big part in making this whole world a shithole, but you did give us those neat Catholic school uniforms. Let's just call the whole thing a wash if in addition you'll agree to just leave everyone else the hell alone. Whaddya say?

Friday, November 26, 2004

In an "announcement" sure to disappoint all five of you, the level of posts will probably slow to a trickle if not drop off entirely over the past few days. Not like anyone will notice, since both the number and quality of posts have really declined in the past few weeks. On the quality front, that's pretty fucking sad for a site that started at a very low level of what would hardly be called quality.

Anyway, for all two of you who are curious, I'll be at home for the entire Thanksgiving holiday, so I will have no excuse (other than apathy and the aforementioned chronic masturbation) if I didn't update this 'blog. While I'm in town I'll have continual 'net access so that I can still read the dearth of comments, but I probably won't even post a nugget or two. But please, try not to kill yourself if I didn't post anything at all.
While we're working on a loose theme, I need to talk about the great Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads disaster of 1997. That was the year that ETP and I turned 18. We had one friend, though, who turned 18 several months ahead of us. His birthday was in February, while ETP doesn't turn older until May and I don't get mine until June. So this was like a big deal, right? We finally have a friend who can go and just walk into a store and buy porn. Sure, we had the Internet, but that was still the days of slow-ass dialup. So yeah, big deal.

In the Denver area, we have a chain of stores called Newsland. I don't know if their empire expands beyond Denver, but whatever. Anyway, they have a fairly sizable section of skin rags (or at least, they used to). Once this friend of ours turned 18, we were immediately like "Dude, can you go buy us some porn?" Of course, back in that day, "porn" to us was still issues of Playboy and shit, as opposed to things involving a man, another man, a midget and a woman doing things to a donkey or a monkey fucking a coconut. But I'm getting away from our story.

So we go to Newsland, and I specifically ask this kid to check out Playboy's Newsstand Special (now known as Special Editions; you know, the ones chock-full of ultra-softcore pictures but mercifully few words) entitled, yup, you guessed it, Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads. I even gave the kid CASH to take with him into Newsland.

Now, if you were anyone else, what would you think? That maybe I wanted you to buy this particular issue? No, of course you wouldn't. You'd go inside, check out the issue, then come back emptyhanded so that I have nothing to look at when I'm full-handed later on that evening. You know, looking back, I'll bet that pussy didn't even go into the porn section to look at things, because he was a dipshit about that kind of stuff.

I never forgave him for that, but that was the least of our issues as things really went downhill in terms of our relationship with him several years later on. One of these days I'll get to the story of how we ruined that kid's wedding.
Yahoo search:

blacks made me watch as they fuck my wife

Dude, blacks didn't make you watch as they fucked your wife. It was the media who made you watch as they fucked your wife.
I'm gonna have to side with the neighbors on this one. There's nothing worse than having to put up with unnecessary shit because of selfish fucking neighbors who don't bother to think about the impact of what they're doing on anyone else. Yeah, we all love those big, bright Xmas displays, but most of us look at them recreationally, not because it's practically on our own lawn.

"If you can't even put up a display these days, what kind of people have we become?"

Okay, dude, there's only one way I can say this: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You spent one-hundred and fifty thousand dollars on it. That's not a "display," that's a spectacle or an extravaganza at least. As far as what kind of people we've become, what the fuck? Piss off, you yuppie fuck with way too much money to burn. The kind of people we've become, apparently, are narcissitic, selfish, pieces of shit.

To top it off, the cocksucker erected a big talking statue of the Grinch. Yeah, that's the adult way to handle it, chief. To continue on theme with the last post, that guy looks like a redhead, too. Redheads are nothing but a bunch of fucking tools.
If you're near Princeton and you have a thing for redheads, you can find what you need in one convenient location. Hey, CNN: if you're going to run stories like this, include better pictures.

"... the group meets in a red-painted room munching on red snacks such as Twizzlers and sipping cranberry juice."

Alright kids, settle down. It's nice that you have your little club and all, but we wouldn't want it to get goofy or anything.

ETP has always had a big thing for redheads, and while I don't have any particular fetish for it, I can definitely go for a hot redhead. But then again, I like a hot brunette or a hot blonde, too. I don't discriminate. No fat chicks.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Even if I didn't agree with the cheerleading, there needs to be more than just one new GYWO strip soon.

Lime on lime crime

Hey, so you know what'd probably go pretty good with key lime pie? Limeade. Or, beer.
I like Bill Maher's take on this issue. If the Republicans want Article II repealed, fine. Then Democrats get the 22nd Amendment on presidential term limits repealed. The penalties offset, allowing Republicans to run Schwarzenegger and Democrats to run Clinton. Both sides get to run who they really want to run, and the country is fucking entertained.

"... this has caused pregnant women to race back to our shores to make certain their children's political potential is not somehow beclouded."

Bill, slow down. Considering the very narrow likelihood of a child growing up to be president, I don't think this will be a primary concern on the mind of someone who's about to push a relatively large object out of a small bodily opening. The only woman overly concerned with getting back stateside over this issue is a retarded one.

Considering the current administration, Schwarzenegger as president doesn't sound too horrid. That's pretty bad when a concept that's ridiculous on its face is preferable to what we've got. And at least Arnold is in favor of some of the things that I'm down with, like abortion and gays. And after seeing him at the RNC, you know the guy has some skills, which gives him another leg up on Bush. I don't know how well things are going in California at this point, and I guess we really won't know the results of their little experiment until we see some long-term results, but at least he hasn't run the state into the ground yet.

Then again, I really don't want to put up with four (if not more) years of shitty action movie references and every other word ending in "-inator." Are you ready for the Presidentinator? I'm not.
... Because guns don't kill people, stupid people with guns kill people.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Okay, so I'm a pretty big Linux fan. Well, maybe not today, since I spent a bunch of fucking time installing shit so that Mozilla could play streaming Windows Media (via mplayer-plugin), but at least the fucking thing works. Still, in addition to getting fed up with my OS of choice from time to time, I also get pretty goddamn sick of the Linux and Open Source communities in general. "Oh, look at me, I'm so much cooler and smarter than everyone else because I use Linux!" "Open Source is better just because I think it is!" "Microsoft sucks!" You know, stupid mindless shit like that coming from 15-year-old boys who spend all their time locked in the computer lab. Not that there's, you know, anything wrong with that. Hey, screw that, yes there is -- when I was 15, I spent a decent amount of time playing with computers, but I was also out stalking girls who'd never want to have anything to do with me. I was a nerd, but I was cool. Well, no I wasn't.

Anyway, what the fuck was I going to talk about before yet another unnecessary flashback? Oh yeah, the mindless love of Linux can turn out decently amusing sometimes, like with this product. I need to check out that site some more, but so far I've also found this, which is pretty funny.
Hey, all you would-be assasins and patsies: now's your chance to kill a president without getting in trouble for it!