Thursday, June 30, 2005


I've been waiting a long time to say this, but it's official: The U.S. Military can go fuck itself. Why? Because as of about an hour ago, I am no longer eligible for the draft should they ever get one going. ETP and I can now go around to recruiting offices yelling "We're untouchable, baby!" right before giving them the finger and then leaving. Hey George Bush, go ahead and start whatever fuckin' wars you want, because I won't be fighting in them. Well, unless if I enlist, which I'll do because I love my country.

Oh, I know what you're saying. "Dude, don't make jokes about Bush starting wars. He's gonna do it now that you said that." Well, that's stupid, because it's not like President Dumbfuck wouldn't do that on his own anyway. I mean, of course he wouldn't do it on his own -- the man probably can't take a piss without Cheney holding his dick for him -- but you know what I'm talking about.

Another thing you might be saying: "You know that they're just gonna change the rules or something now, don't 'ya?" I figure that the chances of them firing up the draft are remote as it is; the chances of them extending the age range beyond 18-25 is probably even less likely. But if they did some stupid crap like that, I guess I actually wouldn't be surprised.

"You know what, you arrogant little shit? Maybe you can't get drafted, but someone you care about will be." I sat there thinking about this earlier. Who else do I know that I'm close enough to be bothered by this over? As far as my immediate and near-immediate family goes, there are my cousins, but they're all girls. I don't see them drafting any women even if they do start that nonsense up. For that reason, BOETP and ETP's sister are probably safe as well. ETP turned 26 last month. And he knows that he had a birthday, too, thanks to the heaping mound of presents I gave him. And that's about it. So yeah, what it boils down to is that I don't care. If someone wants to start some shit and a bunch of stupid kids get sent off to get killed, I don't give a fuck. Better them than me. They'll probably find some other way to get me killed (because it's them... they're the ones who are doing it), but it won't be on the front lines in a goddamn war zone.

So, how am I celebrating my newfound freedom from something that never even imprisoned me? Uh, by doing nothing, really. Maybe I'll mix in some masturbating or something, but that's really about it. Well, that won't be happening right now, because I need to go to bed since I need to get up in the morning and go to the bloody DMV, or as Dane Cook aptly refers to it, Satan's Asshole. I need to get my license renewed, and for absolutely no reason I was denied doing renewal by mail. Yes, I'm planning on getting up early, but I know it's futile. Maybe there will at least be a guy there to punch me in the face when I first walk in.

The only thing I can hope for is that there will be some hot girl there getting her license like there was the last time I was at the DMV. That was kinda nice even though it does nothing from a practical sense, but after years in engineering and generally being me, I'm all about just improving the view. And yes, I know I'm trying to knock it off with the underage girl thing, but c'mon. It's gonna take some time, and you know, 16 isn't that bad anyway. So 16 is still on the table (yeah, don't I fucking wish).

- If you haven't heard Dane Cook's whole spiel on the DMV, you really oughta

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