Get Your Enr On

Yes, that title was blatantly ripped from GYWO, but it's really the best title for this post.

I know now why the Enron guys, and all those others who were accused of doing ill shit and destroying records of it, did what they did. No, it wasn't for the money, stupid. You think you understand these guys, but you don't. I do.

What happened was someone in the office got a paper shredder. Prior to this acquisition, they were living in the stone age of hand-shredding or burning shit that needed to be discarded. But no more, because now they had technology. Once they got their hands on it and tried it out, they were like "Holy shit! That's bad ass!" Then they showed a co-worker, and they had much the same response. Things escalated until everyone in the office was trying it out, totally in awe of this wondrous machine. In the beginning, they were just shredding random shit that wasn't important. But like anything, that shit can get out of hand. And it did, because before they knew it, they had shredded important company documents.

What were they to do? It wasn't done on purpose. I mean, why would they do that on purpose? Every big company, and lo, many little companies, are constantly doing illegal, unethical shit. Everyone knows this, so it's not like there's any reason to cover it up. And what are they gonna do? Admit that they accidentally destroyed important documents? Their other big company friends would be laughing at them!

I've been meaning to get myself a shredder for the longest time. No, I don't have a bunch of nefarious shit that I need to cover up. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm paranoid, so paranoid that I don't even like throwing out shit like junk mail because it has my name or some other info that They are after. So I've got always got piles of this shit just laying around, and I'm too lazy to destroy it by hand.

Of course, I still haven't gotten myself a shredder, but thank Christ for Plan B: let someone else do it. When all else fails, pass the buck. I got one as an XMas gift, and damn if it isn't the coolest thing ever. It's a decently nice one that shreds confetti-style, and has all sorts of hardcore gangsta features. It can shred credit cards with ease. If you left staples or paperclips in what you're shredding, no problem. It'll handle it and amuse you greatly at the same time, because you are a simpleton.

Within about a half an hour of breaking this bad boy out of it's box, I had the bin full. It's a pretty big bin, and I was opening it from time to time and packing the shreddings down. If you're going balls out with your shredding, as I was, the thing starts to get kinda warm. When that happens a little light comes on to tell you so, and it won't let you shred any more until it cools down. That's pretty much the only reason I'm posting right now instead of shredding. In fact, I'm gonna go see if it's cooled off so that I can shred some more shit.