Friday, December 02, 2005

Mountain Don't

This is pretty typical of this country. We have a bunch of fat-ass fucking kids in this country, so the big problem must be soda pop. It can't be the foods we eat or the over-indulgent lifestyles that we have. Or how about the fact that a lot of fat kids have something in common: fat parents. Nah, it's gotta be pop. Now, I'm not saying that maybe pop isn't part of the larger problem, but that's just it -- there's a larger problem. But to think that pop alone is a huge issue, I've gotta call bullshit.

I've been drinking that stuff since I was pretty young, and except for a few isolated times where I tried to cut back, I usually have at least a can a day. I won't drink diet, because that stuff is swill that belongs under the same column as Budweiser. And somehow, I'm not a huge tub of shit. You can make the argument that I'm a tub of shit, for sure, but not a huge one. Look, if I didn't put on weight in the past month or so from drinking pop, then it can't be that big of a deal. With as hard as I was hitting it at work for awhile, and with how little sleep I allow myself, I was chugging a lot of pop. I have this box in my office for empty cans that I emptied out today, and it was almost nothing but Mountain Dew and Mountain Dew Code Red. I remember that there was one point where I was even double-fisting it (sounds hot, I know) with a Dr. Pepper in one hand and a Mountain Dew in the other. I was just weighed this past week, and I'm at 120, which is just fine for my small stature.

As per usual, I'm generalizing for comedic effect (as if you hadn't been warned), and I know it's more complicated. But once I found a way to work "double fisting" into a post, I had to do it. Bring on those Google hits.

But anyway, back to the real issue. As always, we take a big problem, find one small part of it, and blame that for everything. Kids shooting up the schools? Must be video games. The economy is shit? Must be China's monetary policy. Of course, the reason these issues are focused on is because there is some group that has an agenda against item X, so they'll find an excuse to push that agenda. And, as such, we never get anything real accomplished in this country.

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