Saturday, April 23, 2005

The endless stream of bullshit that will come from all the ninnies will of course be annoying, but I don't care. This is a pretty clever idea. No escaping that the stems out there are going to start spouting their "What about the children!" nonsense, of course (as they already have). I'm hoping Midway made this game with the specific intent of pissing all those fuckers off.

That's the dangerous message: Drugs are OK, just don't overdo it.

Uhhh, isn't that true? Okay, I'll admit that I'm not really up to speed (no pun intended) when it comes to illegal drugs, but I know there's plenty of stuff out there that's just fine in moderation. Sure, some stuff you probably don't want in any amount, but the same can be said about legal shit, too. It's all nonsense anyway, and it's not like I'm breaking new ground with this. Liquor, cigarettes, and prescription drugs are okay, but that other stuff isn't. Alright.

As a quick aside, I really want to develop a prescription drug habit someday, because that strikes me as being the real high-class drug addition, and as we all know I'm down with yuppie crap.

"Prozac doesn't want to go up against marijuana it will lose."
- Bill Maher

"You get high?"
"I should start."
- Jay and Dante, Clerks

And this isn't really a quote, but Carlin's album Toledo Window Box.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Time to party like it's 1399

Okay, so I suppose we should get this over with. You know what I'm talking about. It's been over a day since those 115 senile motherfuckers failed to elect me Pope. Yuk it up, assholes; Pope Queer will have his day.

The Church is now under the control of an old, ignorant white man. Wow, these past few weeks were really worth it. I'm glad we put up with all that bullshit for the heaping mountain of change that we got dumped upon us yesterday. Actually, I should keep my mouth shut, since the new Pope could be a big change -- for the worse. Not sure how much worse we can get than a culture of rampant, unchecked pedophilia, women being below men, pushing the notion that condoms help spread AIDS, and oh-so-much more, but I have faith that the Catholic Church can pull it off.

I at least have no immediate qualms with him choosing the name Benedict. I hope that the next pope -- assuming it's not me -- takes the name "Arnold." But maybe that's just me.

If you want to hear a bunch of blithering idiots talking about this with a couple of unhappy worshippers mixed in, check out this shit. Also: Ratzinger looks stupid in his Pope hat.
People like this need to be shot. Seriously, if you're that fucking stupid, we don't need you.
Okay, you need to go check this out. Don't let the URL you're seeing as your mouse hovers over it scare you -- just trust me. Had this site e-mailed to me by (apparently) the runner of this site.

Monday, April 18, 2005

As we all know, about the only music I buy nowadays is either techno or game/anime soundtracks. I think I've ourgrown the need for the vast majority of lyrics, along with dumbass instruments that you can play. I wanna hear the result of someone punching fuckin' buttons, goddammit. Anyway, someone pointed me in the direction of Digitally Imported. I've been listening to the stream of the trance channel, and it's pretty neat. I'm always happy to find a new source for the electronic noise I crave.

"You know what else I'm sick of? Songs. There's too many of 'em"
- Carlin
Favorite phrase of the moment: cockblocking. The whole "wingman" thing has gotten old, however, mostly thanks to one fucking beer commercial.
Google search:

hot chick with rsx

I can promise you it won't be the Type-S.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Google search:

Gearshift Fuck

I don't think there's a (straight) guy alive who hasn't thought about and been intrigued by the idea of chicks fucking the gearshift lever in a car. Pragmatic and ergonimic issues aside, you just can't help but think to yourself oneday "Hmmm..." Now that I've revisited this, though, I'm thinking that it's not so hot. I mean, I really don't want to have my shifter getting all messy like that. I'm not sure if this is indicative of an improvement or a degredation in my thought processes.

It does what NintenDon't

Another game we busted out last night was Sonic The Hedgehog 2, part of the Sonic clusterfuck that you can buy nowadays for various systems. I haven't touched that game in years so I was sucking it up and couldn't get past the Metropolis Zone, thanks to those goddamn praying mantises and fucking Lobstra. Still, that level has quite possibly the coolest background music ever. It's right up there with the music for the first stage of Blaster Master. The Chemical Plant Zone's music is fucking harsh, too, but I'm not linking it because I've done enough for you as it is.

Just to pass on a link, this page has a bunch of MP3s from a handful of games. You have to go into their forums to get a username/password, but it's pretty painless (just click the post with the most recent date).

Also, does it fuck with anyone else that Sega now makes games that you can play on Nintendo?
Speaking of Google searches...

zebra cum comedy

Okay, maybe they were looking for something related to the Lewis Black line that I was referencing, but you really never know with people out there.
Longtime readers with a decent memory will recall the search engine hits I've gotten for "Thundercats porn." I got one of those hits today, and I found this as a result. It's completely fucking ridiculous, and I just had to laugh. My favorite line:

Next there is the fact that the main character spent most of his time with a ripped black guy who always wore tights and drove a convertible, the archetype bull queer.

Such a stupid statement that it's funny. I don't see how fitting that profile makes you any kind of gay archetype. Sure, a guy wearing tights can be pretty gay, but being a ripped black guy who drives a convertible? Huh? Nevermind the fact that Panthro wasn't a "black guy" but a talking bipedal cat who was voiced by someone that everyone just assumes was black. Also, what the hell is a "bull queer"? I've heard the phrase "bull dyke," but I didn't know there was a general category for "bull queers." I really can't keep up with the homophobic lexicon, 'ya know?

Then there was this:

First off we must consider the fact that there was a planet inhabitated by a maximum of two women and one of them was probably twelve

Okay, only a moron who doesn't know 80s cartoons made for boys would say something like this. Any of the good shows back then had one or two token female characters, and that's it. Now, I'm not saying that the lack of female characters was a big contributor to the quality of said shows, but if you want to read something sexist into my statement, you go right ahead since everyone knows I hate women anyway. Seriously, though, those shows never had a strong female presence since young boys really don't give a crap about girls at that stage in life.

I'm reminded of that fact more and more, like last night when ETP and I were playing Total Carnage, part of Midway Arcade Treasures 2. Carnage is the sequel to Smash TV, an experience that can only be described as "low-impact gaming," especially with unlimited continues. Anyway, as I was playing Carnage, I realized that the game was nothing but a 12-year-old boy's wet dream. With all the cheering and hollering as you run around in a war zone shooting your guns off, coupled with some weak-ass plotline involving aliens and a script drenched in juvenile humor, I was like, yeah, young boys masturbate to this shit. I furthermore noted that the game could have been much more interesting if 12-year-old boys had more of an interest in 12-year-old girls, but you apparently don't learn to appreciate them until it's illegal.

Okay, as always, I got way off track, but someone brought up 12-year-old girls, and I'm expected (and conditioned) to respond to that. Anyway, part of me is thinking that whoever originally posted the "Thundercats are gay" thing did so as a joke. But the rest of me knows that people are stupid, so it could go either way. It wouldn't be the first time that someone has actually had retarded thoughts like this about cartoon characters or puppets. I could see if these fuckers were attacking something like yaoi, because, yeah, that's gay (even though it's targeted at and consumed primarily by female audiences). But no, they're getting off over Teletubbies or Bert and Ernie since homophobes are nothing but a bunch of brain stems.

I'm kinda hoping that Thundercats was gay, though, because then it totally flies in the face of mainstream conservative thought (kind of an oxymoron, really). I was a huge Thundercats fan when I was little, and I only turned out a little gay. I love shopping and decorating and such, but personally never got into the whole "sex with other men" thing. Well, there was that buttfucking incident between ETP and I in the park. Plus there's all that, uh, fuck it. Thundercats made me gay.
A mountain of cocaine. The article I really don't care about, but just needed to post it so I could make a joke that virtually no one will get.