Saturday, August 13, 2005

Another thing that needs to be stopped? Crocs and any "shoes" in that style. I don't care how bloody comfortable they might be, it is time you allow yourself a little bit of discomfort so that I have something nice to look at. It being summertime, there are plenty of girls running around in shorts and skirts and whatnot. Once I see this, the leg man in me is already happy (well, assuming what's being supported by said legs is nice). And then the foot fetishist in me gets very excited knowing that there might be some kind of open-toed footwear action going on further down below. But far too many times have I thought this might be the case, only to look down and find a pair of those awul, awful things on her feet. It's really frustrating. Girls: shoes are supposed to be your thing. How can you allow this to happen? If you can't put on something nice, just go barefoot. It's uncivilized, but hey... I won't complain.

Well, unless if you're in the car. For some reason, I hate anyone having bare feet up on the dash or hanging out the window, even if it's a girl with nice feet. Show some fucking respect, put your goddamn shoes on, and keep them on the floor where they belong. Just one of those weird things about me.

Oh, and for men who wear these stupid fucking things, well, they just look fucking dumb. My sense of style is offended, but my sense of humor is not. So I could go either way on that front. Plus, a lot of guys out there are lucky to be able to get dressed as it is, and I don't have any emotional investment in male footwear besides my own. But you ladies need to knock it the fuck off with those rubber shitshoes.
I was taking a piss the other day and I was thinking to myself, with the wars aside, are we back to where we were before September 11th? We're not worried about terrorist strikes here at home (but we're guarding those UK-related sites, just in case!) and we're so wrapped up in stupid crap (you'll notice that shark attacks are big once again, just like pre-9/11) that Osama could be ready to put his cock in any one of our asses and we wouldn't know until it was too late, or a commercial. I'm not sure why this came to mind at that particular time, but it does seem appropriate. Anyway, with things like this, we're that much closer. On one hand it's like, yup, we're complacent again. On the other hand it's like, good, that shit is a waste of time. You can make people take their shoes off until you're blue in the balls, but when the terrorists decide to strike again they'll find ways around whatever ineffective measures you have in place.

... only passengers who set off metal detectors, are flagged by a computer screening system or look "reasonably suspicious" would be asked to do so...

Well, I know that things like "look reasonably suspicious" won't lead to any problems. I like Bill Maher's idea, in that we need a Secret Service for the airports. A group of highly trained professionals who are good at watching people and being able to pick the one or two out of the crowd and say "that fucker's trouble." Of course, that's gonna cost money, and considering the quality of people that they're willing to pay for, we know the chances of anyone fronting the jack for that kind security are nil.

"The process is designed to stimulate creative thinking and challenge conventional beliefs."

No, it's about cutting back the number of complaints that you people have to deal with, so just cop to it and let's all move on. It would be nice if we really did get some creative thinking, though, but again, that'll cost 'ya. Some common sense would be nice, and theoretically not that costly. I mean, really, there are tons and tons of people who you just know won't do anything. Like me, for instance. Being the brick shithouse that I am, they should just know that I'm not going to hurt anyone. I know, I know... "Not if they saw your 'blog, BLM." Look, I may be angry (and believe me, I have so much to be angry about, being able to fly around town in that car of mine and whatnot), but crashing a plane into a building or just plain blowing it up doesn't accomplish any goals of mine. Especially not with ME ON IT.

With all due respect to many of the Jap "shitboxes" out there... And that entire group of people I just slandered (twice).

this is an audio post - click to play

That 330i is so agile that it's not even funny. Like I said, I still suck at launches from a dead-stop, and even with that higher weight the 7er can fucking move. This is coupled with the fact that the way the 3 Series is set up, it's not good for drag racing -- and this is an opinion coming from people who know shit about shit, not just me making excuses. But once I get into traffic and have to start maneuvering, I am king. Apparently. Man, that was fucking fun. I really, really shouldn't be doing that. And it's not like I'm going to make a habit of it -- but the 7er wanted some, so like the smart kid that I am I took the bait. Assholes represent. And my girl more than held her own against a $70,000 machine. No no no, let me specify -- a $70,000 BMW. She didn't fall back until I decided, okay, time to go back to being a pussy since we're a little too close to downtown and potential speed traps, which at 100 even my radar detector might not be too much of a help with. But still -- that was fucking great. Hey, no tickets, no one died, no accidents, and some guy in a Lancer got to pretend he was someone.

I am so hard on that poor car, but I just can't help it. I guess I'm one of those guys who shows his love through abuse. Hey, if she didn't like it rough, she wouldn't have that sexy six-speed. She wouldn't have that delightfully tight suspension if she didn't want a little. Or a lot. She wouldn't have tires that can grip like no other and a nor a top speed of 155 MPH if she wasn't a naughty girl. Hey, even if I drive her hard, I take good care of her, thank you very much. She's washed regularly, gets good gas, early oil changes, and stays garaged every chance I get (just ask ETP whenever he drives us somewhere). Really, though, I've gotta continue to get better with that car, because she does deserve better. Regardless of how I show my affection, I've realized that I may have nicer cars in the future and I may have faster cars in the future, but I will never love any of them like this one.
Best quiz I've seen in awhile.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Google search:

meet a girl to fuck in colorado springs

Well, I'm sure you can find one to spout off a bunch of stupid shit about Jesus, but that isn't exactly conducive to getting your freak on.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Unlike that woman from a few days ago, the woman in this week's useless big story probably won't be showing up on page 39 anytime soon. I'm gonna bust you out of prison and kill a corrections officer for you -- that's true love right there. And true love, as it often is, is fucking stupid. Before, you were just a freaky looking woman with a convict husband who got shitcanned from a job because of said husband, and now you're a freaky looking woman with a convict husband who got shitcanned from a job because of said husband who is also going to jail for jailbreak and murder. Hope that was worth it.

Speaking of "big stories," the stupid shuttle is back. Personally, I hope we never launch another shuttle again. I'm not against science and all that nerdy shit (obviously), but I can't take another go-round of this stupid crap. I know that it won't be like this unless if something else blows up, but still, I don't want to risk anymore fake drama. There's already enough of that in the media as it is. If nothing else, we had better go back to thinking that the space shuttle is boring with nobody giving a fuck about its comings and goings.
What kind of a fucking idiot puts a Mini on the same list as a Gullwing? Fuck the Mini -- I don't care how cute it supposedly is. And if you're one of those people who has a Mini and thinks you have a BMW just because BMW owns Mini, you don't.


Google search:

sonic lolicon

Whoa, this is like, the best idea ever. Going to Sonic to feed both the need for tasty burgers and my Lolita complex? What's not to like about that? Yeah, yeah, the drive to cut back on these types of jokes is still going poorly, but this time it's the fault of some Google fuck, not me.

I of course say this assuming that there are any decent Sonic burger joints left out there, because I think it's been almost two years since I've been to one. Back in the day, Sonic was the fucking best. I wouldn't get to go as often as some of the other fast food places because they weren't as wide-spread. Typically, Sonic would only show up in some total shit town, like Rocky Ford or Pueblo. Okay, Pueblo isn't that bad -- I should know since that's where I'm originally from -- it's just not that great. And while Rocky Ford has its cantaloupes, it's out in the middle of nowhere. But I digress, so back to Sonic.

Yeah, Sonics were few and far between when I was growing up, and they were never in the major cities. There was one in Pueblo, but it was closer to downtown (or what passes for our downtown)and I was a south-side kid. When ETP and I were at CU, we'd hit the one in Lafayette from time to time. That was when Sonic was starting to show up all over the place, though, and the quality of the food was in decline. At that point, it seemed as if the shit towns would have the good Sonics, and the bigger towns would have the lousy ones. I don't know what the situation is like today.

I knew it was pretty much all over (or at least that it would be sometime soon) when I first saw a Sonic with a drive-thru. Up until a few years ago, they were strictly car-hop, with the exception of a couple of tables if you wanted to sit outside. Shit, even A&W abandoned car hops way back in the 80s (or at least the ones I knew of), but Sonic was hard core... For awhile longer. Those drive-thrus are pure blasphemy. That doesn't mean I haven't used them, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy with myself, either. It's like beating off thinking about your sister. It's not really hurting anyone, right? And no one has to know about it, at least not until you blabber it to the world on your 'blog. Actually, I don't even have a sister, so I'm good to go on that front. I do have a stepsister, though, who is incredibly hot, or at least she was until she came out of the closet and started making herself look like a boy. For those of you with a real, blood related sister, however: you're welcome.

Alright, so when I started this post, I knew it wasn't going to be good because of the lolicon thing, but I didn't know it would get into reminiscing and that. So we'll get back to something a bit more normal. Another thing that used to be great about Sonic? Other than your horrible, horrible shame, of course, which I find hilarious. They hired, hands down, some of the hottest girls to work as car hops. Now, they weren't all attractive, but when they found a hottie they found a motherfuc goddamn hottie. The same goes for Outback Steakhouse -- I have seen some bloody cute hostesses working at a couple of their restaurants. Again, they're not all hot, but when they do it they do it right. No rules, in fact. Just right.

There's a hot one working at the Outback near me, in fact, but there's no way in hell I'm hitting on her. Let's just say that my track record with trying to pick up the hostess at Outback is not stellar. Part of me really wants to want to, though. I mean, think about that: a hot girlfriend, and being able to get cut a deal on good steak? It doesn't get much better than that, my friends (aside from bugers and lolis, of course). But I have no skills, so that too will remain a fantasy.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm expecting to see this woman on page 39 sometime in the near future. My first reaction is, how do you fuck that up? Assuming it wasn't on purpose, of course -- that's always a possibility. But really, once I think about how guys are, I'm like, that's about right. You know who I really blame for that situation? The daughter. Unless if she was asleep, why wasn't there a "Where's mommy?" from her? Man, that woman's family hates her.

One of those posts

Look, it's not my fault, it's fucking Google people who do this. It's not like I could refrain from posting it, nor would I ever just search for excuses to bring up fucked up shit even without search engines. Google search:

appliances "getting fucked by" -animals, -dogs, -horses

This one speaks for itself, only it doesn't. Getting fucked by appliances? Or someone or something fucking appliances? What is this, the video for Sexx Laws? Unless if they're small -- i.e. handheld -- appliances, I'm not sure how appliance fucking would really be accomplished anyway. And why did they feel the need to exclude results involving animals? Is there some big crossover between appliance fucking and bestiality that makes it necessary? I know you're looking at me as if I should know the answer, but I don't. I haven't even heard people talk about that in chatrooms, so it's gotta be way out there. As opposed to, you know, animal or appliance fucking on their own, which are both totally mainstream. Well, like I said, you can make a case for appliances, but a vibrator discussion is left as an exercise to the reader.