Saturday, March 25, 2006

Okay, so on suggestion, I'm compiling some of the more recent search engine hits into one big post. The flow feels a little odd since I'm not used to building posts over a week's time like this, but it does have kind of a nice lightning-round style to it. I'll give this a shot for awhile and see how it works. I'll also await feedback from Natalia since she A) made the initial suggestion and B) is about the only one who comments consistently as of late. All that aside, though, this truly is another sampling that shows what a wasteland the internet, and by extension humanity, has become.

worn panties for mom

What, is this what you're planning to get her for next Xmas or something? You are a bad son or daughter. Or your mom is weird.

when a man don't love you anymore

You're assuming he loved you to begin with. And, considering your poor grammar, I can't blame him in either case.


Apparently, the new-and-improved MSN search really is new-and-improved.

is imitation crab and pregnancy

Is imitation crab and pregnancy... Is it what?! God fucking damn it, I am tired of this one. Long-timers can think back and remember me getting hits along these lines. Well, lately they're stepping it up, and I still don't know what the bloody connection is they're looking for.

"Rob Testes"

The sheer fact that someone went searching for this is fucking awesome.

fuck me necessary

Fucked into relevance -- nice.

should i leave my man ?

Considering that you're asking MSN this question, I hope your man is the one who leaves you. What is with all these sad sacks asking search engines for relationship advice?

girl fucks a swiffer

Swiffer Wet or Swiffer Dry? I mean beforehand, not after the fact.

do geniuses already know everything

How appropriate that this search was made by someone who, quite clearly, epitomizes the exact opposite of genius.

10 ways to get a girl to suck your dick

Not only does the search being made piss me off, but this is another one of those where the pickiness of their query makes me want to punch them in the face. Why does it have to be ten, you greedy fuck? Shouldn't a few of them be good enough for most situations? This is assuming, of course, that there were some kind of textbook ways to get head to begin with. This is the kind of guy shit I'm sick of, the kind of nonsense that gave rise to and has been reinforced by rubbish like Maxim. By the quality of your search, I can tell that there are only a couple of ways you might be able to get a girl to blow you:
  1. Get rich (probably not likely in your case)
  2. Save your allowance for a hooker
And just to mix things up, some spam:

Mum teaches her son proper sex

Because nothing says "proper" like incest between parent and child. I could really deal without my spam folder being an episode of Law and Order: Sport Utility Vehicle, thanks. I get enough of that in the chatrooms.

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