Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Heat Is On

Lately I've been repeatedly listening to songs that I'm pretty sure cause permanent brain damage. You know, songs that you don't want to want to listen to, but you have to because they're oh-so-catchy. You feel nothing but shame every time you listen to and enjoy them, but that doesn't deter you. And I don't mean stuff that's older and even has a kitsch factor going for it (like, say, something by Boston or "Kung Fu Fighting"); no, I mean shit that's just plain fucking bad. A sampling:
  • Frankie Goes to Hollywood - "Relax": Abstinence! The song! Frankie Goes to Hollywood might be the worst band ever.
  • Eddie Grant - "Electric Avenue": Good god! What the fuck is this song even about?
  • Anything by 2Unlimited: I burned a copy of a 2Unlimited CD off a friend, and after labeling it I crossed out "2Unlimited" and then wrote under it "Jock Jams."
  • Right Said Fred - "I'm too sexy": Yeah, What other fucking Right Said Fred song would I mention? Admit it, you like it, right along with...
  • Vanilla Ice - Yeah, okay, this one is also obvious.
  • Kid Rock - "Bawitdaba": I can get on board with Kid Rock a little bit easier since he's not popular anymore.
  • Loverboy - "Everybody's Working for the Weekend": Because those are Loverboy songs, Err... And Loverboy has always sucked.
  • Winger - "Seventeen": No one should ever admit to getting into a song by Winger, but we do when it comes to this crap masterpiece. No, I don't like it because of that. Okay, yes I do.
  • Anything by Kenny Loggins: Yes, this includes "Danger Zone." Shit, especially "Danger Zone."
What would you add to the list that gets you going but you're embarrassed by? Don't get all clever and mention shit that most of us have never heard of (It was this requirement that prevented me from putting stuff by Vengaboys on this list... But if they're well-known enough they'll be retroactively added). Any mention of Huey Lewis and the News is not allowed, because we know how strongly I feel about the best band of the 80s. The same goes for Steve Winwood, who must be referred to as Steve Fucking Winwood from here on out.

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