Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I feel nothing but sheer rage whenever David Blaine comes up. If you've been around long enough or dig through my archives you know this. As far as my rage goes, I don't start screaming or punching things, although I really want to. No, I just sit here, keeping myself under control, because I know that if I don't, I'm going to end up hurting myself.

Stunt artist David Blaine was pulled from an aquarium by divers Monday nearly two minutes short of his goal of setting a world record for holding his breath underwater.

WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE, FUCKING STUPID?! Let the retard have his fucking record! Shit, if he dies underwater, then technically he'll be holding his breath for the rest of eternity. Sounds like a solid record to me. Yes, that happens to plenty of other people, but they aren't trying.

"I am humbled so much by the support of everyone from New York City and from all over the world," Blaine said.

This is yet another indication that New Yorkers are fucking losers. If the "real" New Yorkers we've heard so much about in myth and legend really existed, a mob of them would have stormed his stupid bubble, busted the shit out of it, and then eaten him alive. People all over the world also suck, but we don't get anywhere near as much posturing from them as the NYC crowd.

Okay, okay, there are some New Yorkers who are hard-core, like Carlin and Giuliani (except when Giuliani was sucking up to Team Bush at the RNC... yeah, I know why he's doing it, but that is so beneath him). In NY, there are a couple of people that can float, but for the most part the genre sucks.

"This was a very difficult week."

Yeah, tell that to all the people suffering around the world, you shitfucked prick. God, I'm so angry that I'm just making up new words and phrases here. You had a choice in the matter, Dave, and you chose to do something only a total brain stem would do.

After a 100-minute television preamble that showed his training techniques -- including holding his breath in a tank of sharks...

Sharks, like New Yorkers, are also pussies.

Dr. Murat Gunel, who heads Blaine's medical team and is an associate professor of neurosurgery at Yale University School of Medicine, said before the attempt: "He is pushing his body insanely to the limits."

An entire medical team is wasting their efforts on this piece of garbage. Fantastic. And if he's pushing his body to the limits, then just encourage him to push a little further, will ya?

Gunel said the challenge had taken a toll on the magician's body, including liver damage, the sensation of pins and needles in his feet and hands, some loss of sensation elsewhere, and rashes all over his body, which glistened pale white in the tank.

That's a good start, but nowhere near enough suffering to make up for what a cocksucker this dipshit is. I won't be happy until all his limbs rot off painfully and he gets both cancer and full-blown AIDS.

Blaine started training in December, with some help from Navy SEALS.

Real Navy SEALS also would have killed this guy.

The doctor said Blaine had agreed to allow researchers at Yale to examine him after the stunt to see what they can learn about how the body responds to an underwater environment.

Fine. One useful thing that can come of this bullshit.

Linda Brady, of New York City, brought along a boom box and loudly played Jennifer Lopez's "My Love is All I Have." Blaine appeared to respond by bopping to the beat.

"I just love him," Brady said. "He has a creative mind just like me, and he's crazy just like me."


First off, you're a dumb fucking cunt, Linda. You can get in line behind Ann Coulter for a raping. Second, if you listen to Jennifer Lopez, you are automatically not creative. Third, how the fuck is holding your breath for as long as you can "creative"? Who didn't try this in the bathtub or swimming pool as a kid? And finally, crazy? You mean stone cold fucking stupid, lady. Not crazy, just stupid.

Another spectator, David Linker, said Blaine symbolized "man's strength to go beyond what normal people can do."

Fuck that. He's going beyond what normal people have any fucking need to do. I hate stupid pointless shit like this, things where people nearly kill themselves for no bloody reason other than personal glory or "the rush." Sure, we all do stupid, risky things, myself included, but (hopefully) none of us do this for a living, nor do we waste the time and effort of so many others in pursuit of our dumb shit.

All those stunts were performed in New York.

Again, New Yorkers are not as hard-core as they want us to believe, else they wouldn't put up with this fuck-off. By virtue of the fact that New York keeps letting him do this crap in their city, it makes it official: New York deserved 9/11.

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