Friday, November 03, 2006

Alright, so it doesn't take a genius to see that the whole cosmetic surgery thing is out of control. You only need to know some of the basics of Botox to realize that this society has lost it's fucking mind. And while the following doesn't surprise me in the end, I was momentarily taken aback by it at first:

Women have toes shortened to fit into stilettoes.

This is a bad idea in so many ways. I mean, aside from the obvious. The foot fetishist in me is definitely appalled by this. You could very well be ruining a very nice set of toes for this nonsense. Then there's the fact that I don't particularly care for the look of those really pointy shoes anyway. In the words of Oak Express, that's not natural. Shoes with a more rounded toe are much cuter in my opinion.

I guess the operation would be pretty efficient, though. I can see this getting done in a few seconds with one good swipe of a meat cleaver.

But yeah, all this artificial beauty nonsense has got to stop. And when I'm in charge, it will. Of course, what ensues in this post will help ensure that I'm never in charge, because it's going to piss off pretty much everyone on both sides. And it, again, helps point out that I am really messed up in the head.

When I'm in charge, the first thing I'm banning is eye makeup. I've been over this before -- I simply cannot stand all that eyeshadow and eyeliner nonsense. Eyeshadow is just goofy. And eyeliner? Yeah, let's take a potentially nice feature and draw a bunch of dark fucking circles around them. Great idea. Just to show I'm a compromiser, though, I'll allow mascara to stay, so long as you learn to apply it properly.

Makeup in general just pisses me off. What are you, a person, or a fucking clown? I realize some people need makeup to look decent, but in the end, c'mon, who are you fooling? It's all about steady state -- you start the day ugly, you end the day ugly. Why not be consistent and look ugly in between. Many of us live just fine like that.

It also doesn't take a genius to see that I would ban breast implants pretty fuckin' quick. There is no goddamn need for that shit, I don't care how "small" your tits are. Of course, I'm biased towards smaller, but if you think I'm stopping with banning breast implants, hold on. I think I'm also going to make it so that we start genetically engineering all girls so that their breasts can never grow beyond a certain size, I'm thinking, hmmmmm, maybe a B-cup limit. That'd be just fine by me. And maybe with everyone being relatively "small," all this need for implants and shit would just go away within a few generations anyway. Nah, that's being too optimistic. Better to just cover all the bases up front.

While we're on the subject of genetic engineering, I've got a couple more good ideas. I think I'll put those scientists to work so that all girls end up with bad enough eyesight that it requires corrective lenses. No, not so they have trouble seeing what I look like. We all know how much I love girls in glasses. And before you think you're clever, contacts will also be right out.

Girls will also be genetically engineered so that they can't grow to be more than, I dunno, let's say 4'8" tall. Had this restriction been in place many moons ago, I'd have, at minimum, about a six-inch advantage when it comes to this stupid height bullshit, and then maybe I wouldn't have the degree of problems that I have today, and things like this post would have never seen the light of day.