Wednesday, December 19, 2007

LOL like OMFG u guys Jamie Lynn Spears is preganant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I absolutely abhor celebrity gossip but for about a million reasons I've gotta talk about this one. Seriously this is like the most fucking hilarious thing to happen in awhile. I mean, who would have thought that by year's end that Britney would be the kid in that family who isn't the biggest fuck-up?

Well OK maybe she still is. Tough call really. She's still a shitty mom and had to shave her head to beat drug tests and lost custody of her kids to fucking K-Dirt. All that on top of the fact that she had kids with that guy to begin with. That plus she's like soooo incredibly fat now that like no guy would bang her, except for pretty much any straight guy with a pulse. But at least she didn't get knocked up at 16! Or at least that's what she'll be telling herself.

If nothing else the heat is off of her for awhile until she screws up again and gets back into the spotlight.

Spears, who turned 16 on April 4 and says she is 12 weeks into her pregnancy, told the magazine she plans to raise her child in Louisiana, "so it can have a normal family life."

Best of luck with that one!

Then of course there's the "what about the children" angle (I got through two of those before I just couldn't take it anymore; if there are any gems in there please let me know via comments). This is funny to me because a bunch of candy-ass parents probably are freaking out about what to tell their kids. If I've learned one thing about parents it's that a lot of them really hate having to do the fucking job they signed up for.

So while this is freaking awesome for most of the rest of us, that kid who got her pregnant probably isn't finding it too funny. Not only is he gonna be a daddy before he can even legally buy the alcohol to drown those sorrows, but people are already talking statch charges for him. Hopefully it doesn't go beyond talk though.

I'm sure the kid's a real winner and all but I most kids don't deserve what Genarlow Wilson had to go through. Getting thrown in the slam for 10 and having to register as a sex offender for "aggravated child molestation" for getting blown by a girl two years younger than you when you're 17? Now granted they finally got the guy released but they certainly took their sweet time about it.

Now, this is the last country on earth I expect to get our sex laws right. And no, I'm not gonna make any kinda case for guys my age to be knocking up 16-year-olds, but calling someone a child molester when, at least from a legal standpoint, they're still a child is pretty fucking dumb. Just to throw more anecdotal evidence out there I seem to recall a case where an underage girl took nude photos of herself for her boyfriend and she got hit with child porn charges. That seems pretty reasonable.

Kids are gonna be kids and unfortunately are gonna do stupid shit. We'd rather they not, but in cases like these, they don't deserve jail and the sex offender tag for it.

Just to keep my street cred up here, what the hell happened to Jamie Lynn Spears anyway? I mean besides the pregnancy thing. Didn't she used to be cute? Maybe it's just all the makeup in that picture. If it is then that's just one more reason why I'm banning most, if not all, of that shit once I'm in charge.

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