Friday, April 25, 2008

Thanks to the A.V. Club's Tolerability Index I've discovered yet another affront to all mankind: Miss Bimbo, virtual fashion game! The game is apparently targeted at girls ages 9-16.

Yes, I will be doing my best not to make the usual jokes I tend to make, and I'd appreciate it if you'd pretend I'm someone else for the remainder of this post.

So anyway, here's Wikipedia's rundown of the game:

The aim of the Miss Bimbo beauty contest game, which was launched in the United Kingdom in February 2008, is to make your virtual "bimbo" attractive and famous. Players create a virtual person and compete against other players to earn "bimbo" dollars. These dollars are used to take one's character partying or to purchase new clothes. The players are given assignments, such as gaining plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their character bigger breasts. They used to have to keep their character at its target weight using diet pills, however, due to the massive negative media attention it has received, that option has been eliminated.

Boob jobs and diet pills in a game for kids. That's pretty solid. Here is an article that sheds some more light on the game:

Level 7
After you broke up with your boyfriend you went on an eating binge! Now it’s time to diet . . . Your target weight is less than 132lbs

Level 9
Have a nip and tuck operation for a brand new face. You’ve found work as a plus-size model. To gain those vivacious curves, you need to weigh more than 154lbs

Level 10
Summertime is coming up and bikini weather is upon us. You want to turn heads on the beach don’t you?

Level 11
Bigger is better! Have a breast operation

Level 17
There is a billionaire on vacation . . . You must catch his eye and his love! Good luck

I guess the fact that one of the goals is to become a plus-sized model adds some balance. Maybe? I don't fucking know.

Look, I try to take a middle ground when it comes to stuff like this. I'm obviously not one of those people who does things like always yell "think of the children" and feel that an exposed breast will scar kids for life. On the other hand, I'm not like all those Slasholes who sarcastically tag every article about online child safety with "thinkofthechildren" and who don't realize there are real dangers out there.

With rubbish like this, of course, many of us are like "Hey, where are the parents?" Fair enough; parents need to have their shit together and try to instill healthy attitudes in their kids. But of course even some of the ones who really do put forth serious effort are going to have difficulties with all of the crap that's out there. I'm not saying that things like this are solely responsible for problems like eating disorders, but they sure as hell don't help.

With all of the garbage that girls and women are bombarded with every day I am continually amazed that any of them turn out to be functional at all. Us guys complain about how women are fucking nuts but sometimes can you really blame them? Not to give all you ladies carte blanche here but honestly us guys really just can't understand because we aren't faced with shit like this from the age of nine (if not earlier).

More from that article linked above:

Its introduction came as research showed that children as young as 6 were developing acute eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Yesterday it emerged that increasing numbers of teenagers were undergoing breast enlargement surgery.

Is this shit actually happening? Of course I'm speaking rhetorically. I mean the notion of girls getting implants isn't news, although it is fucking appalling. Granted, my views on this subject are apparently not in line with Miss Bimbo. Or a lot of others for that matter. And the notion of six-year-olds with eating disorders is not exactly surprising but just sad and depressing. Exactly how fucked up are we that this is where we're at?

Leveraging a line from Chris Rock, in conclusion to the girls and women out there: I'm not saying you should be as crazy as you are, but I understand.