Originality -- we've heard of it.

Okay everyone, this is it: I have finally arrived. Some shithead out there has taken the liberty of ripping something off from me without giving due credit. The nerve of some people, ripping off things from a 'blog that liberally rips off multiple stand-up comics! Nah, fuck that -- as ETP pointed out once, I warn you up front about the Carlin references. I can't help it if not everyone is as well-schooled as me or him to catch everything.

Seriously, though, go give this kid Keith some shit. I realize there are about two people out there who care enough to do this, and I'm including myself, but what the fuck. I have no idea if there's some kind of joke or deeper meaning in there, and I don't really care. I've been violated. And the only person who should be violating me is me, and that's most likely what I'm going to do after finishing this post.

Big ups to new linker devx-sama for pointing out this transgression. He also links me as a "genius," and whether that's out of some kind of irony or sarcasm is irrelevant to this discussion.

Let's see if I can get some death threats out of this one

Everyone knows I hate organized religion, particularly the Western varieties. My distaste for Christianity is pretty well known. I could stand to give the Jews more shit than I do, although Jews I can almost get on board with because they have produced some great comedians. And I'm talking comedians who are actually funny to a general audience, not just people who are funny to others of the same faith. Have you ever suffered through a Christian comic's routine? Jesus, those people make Jim Breuer look like a comic genius. About the only Christians who make good comedians are the ones who are angry because of their religious upbringing. There are plenty of bitter Catholics who turned out funny, but they're laughing at their religion, not with it. The Jews can at least poke some fun at their religion and themselves without being totally fucking lame, and Judaism was worth it for Sarah Silverman alone.

Now, the Jews are stupid, like anyone else of faith. Nevermind the silly man in the sky bullshit. That whole "no pork" thing is pretty ridiculous all on its own. Just the notion of a bunch of stuff you can't eat for no good reason is moronic. I mean, come on: kosher hot dogs? I don't even know if having some kind of blessing can make hooves and assholes any more or less edible. Or is there actually a difference in the quality of the "meat"? Regardless, one thing I want to get ahold of, though, is some kosher Coke, because high-fructose corn syrup is apparently not kosher, and as such, Jew Coke has real sugar.

When it comes to being petty, however, no one can ever top the Muslims. You have to face a certain direction when you pray? Are you fucking kidding me? Why the fuck would Allah care what direction you're facing? That's retarded. And don't tell me that the treatment of women in Muslim societies is some kind of accident. No more than the treatment that comes from the notion that womankind was created from a man's rib.

But anyway, a great example of how uptight and inflexible Islam is has been in the news this week.

Islamic tradition bans depictions of the Prophet.

Why? Was Muhammad always having a bad hair day or something so he was too afraid to show up in pictures? What a sissy.

In Berlin, Die Welt argued there was a right to blaspheme in the West, and asked whether Islam was capable of coping with satire.

Well, I think it's pretty clear that Islam isn't capable. And the Christians aren't too far behind them. Many Jews, of course, get a pass on this one.

In Germany, the vice-chairman of the central council of Muslims said Muslims would be deeply offended.

A bunch of pansies, just like your prophet. Sorry, but if you are getting all bent out of shape over a bloody cartoon, then you have problems.

If you need something to drive it home, there was this today. That's not exactly helping your cause, guys. Look, I know that not every Muslim is a gun-toting fundamentalist, but still. You don't typically see extremist Christians responding like this. No, they just use their money and influence to control the FCC, Congress, and the White House. Come to think of it, maybe I prefer the whole "armed conflict" thing better. It's uncivilized, but it's more direct.

Of course, it's not just the crazies who are all pissed off, it's a bunch of people. I mean, people getting shitcanned from their jobs? Demanding the severance of diplomatic relations? Give me a break.

I know, I know, it's all about respecting other peoples' religions. But I say "fuck that." I don't respect anyone else's religion (clearly). And you know what? Many of them don't truly respect mine, or my lack thereof. I do, however, respect their right to whatever beliefs they want to have. You're allowed to have your ignorant views, I'm allowed to have mine. Just don't infringe upon anyone else's ability to believe what they want and we're cool.

Organized religion is dangerous, period. I'm just picking on Islam today because I haven't done enough of it in the past, and this story gave me an opportunity to try and balance things out here. Religion wouldn't be so dangerous if humanity wasn't such a fucking group of children, but they are so it is.

Google search:

Because the Lord is My Shephard I have Everything that I need

I come up on page one for this search, and that is pretty fucking hilarious.

Maybe this will help Kevin Nealon with his problem.