It just doesn't work without Eddie Murphy's voice

After like, I dunno, about a billion years, I've finally made a couple of updates to the Sailor Schoolgirl site. I'd apologize or something, but it's not like I really need to. I don't see a ring on my finger... What have you done for me lately?

This sucks.

So the 9/11 Commission released its report today. Nothing horribly earth-shattering, but lots and lots of recommendations. We'll see if anything gets done, and if it does, it probably won't be anything effective.

The Commission put blame on pretty much everyone, which is many ways is good. The thing is, they not only spread the blame around but wholly diluted it in many ways. Some Lots of people need to have their asses kicked around if we're ever going to have any hopes of doing a decent job of combating terrorism (both in terms of reaction as well as prevention), but we're probably never going to have any of those hopes.

I did find it kind of interesting that so much emphasis was put on actions that congress needs to take. Not like it should come as a huge shock, but most of the talk up to this point has been about the Bush and Clinton administrations as well as intelligence agencies. I'm all for everyone getting a piece of the action, even though, again, I doubt much will actually get done.

Speaking of the Clinton administration, many on the right are hailing this report as a victory in Clinton-bashing. Claiming that there were eight years of Clinton but only eight months of Bush prior to 9/11. This is true. With as much of a Clinton fan as I am, I have always been on the forefront of placing plenty of blame on Clinton - as well as all prior administrations - for fostering the environment that led us to 9/11. Clinton and his people fucked up, Bush and his people fucked up, everyone fucked up.

But you know what? I seem to remember a Republican congress for many of those Clinton years. Yes, Clinton was at the top, but congress during most of Clinton's days was by no means the President's puppet (unlike some other congresses we can talk about). So yes, Clinton still shares a lot of the blame, but where was the Republican congress all those years to make things right, eh?

Speaking of the right, I was watching O'Reilly tonight. Now, the 9/11 Commission's report was, ostensibly, about September 11th. As yet, ol' Bill somehow made the report into being all about Iraq. More specifically, how the report completely validates our going in there in the first place. Yeah, of course, there was a lot of Iraq-related stuff in the report, but O'Reilly really did his best to make that the focus of the discussion. That's okay, though - he's fair & balanced. He still hasn't decided who he's voting for this year since, in his own words, he's open to being persuaded by both sides. Right. I just can't wait to see what Hannity and Colmes has to say about the report.

"President Bush said he welcomed the report..."

I like how Bush "welcomes" everything. He welcomed the addition of John Edwards to the Democratic ticket. He welcomes the 9/11 report. You know, the report that comes from the commission he tried to keep from happening in the first place.

Hey George: fuck you.

Regardless of what happens, I would imagine that Dennis Hastert will continue his ridiculous calls to keep the report from being turned into a "political football" this year. If anyone can explain to me what exactly in the fuck that means, I'd appreciate it. Listen, Dennis, just leave the football metaphors to Jack Kemp, okay? Other than the bullshit snowball con job that is supply-side economics, those metaphors are all that Kemp seems to be good for.

In the end, it's impressive that the Commission not only got together, but that they were able to get a report put together despite all the delays and stonewalling. As to whether or not we'll do anything with the report remains to be seen. We all know just how much I'm expecting to see get done.

I think this is at least the second time Maureen Dowd has mentioned Da Ali G Show, and my love for this woman just grows and grows.

Meanwhile, yeah, Iran may have played some kind of role in assisting the 9/11 highjackers. But going into Iraq was a critical step in the war against terror (TWAT). We should be really pissed about this, just like we should be really pissed about a lot of things, but we aren't.

The war in Iraq somehow never ceases to become a bigger fuck-up. Sometimes I wonder if they're fucking it up on purpose, just so that things will eventually go totally awry and we'll finally have one coherent bad guy (who we can defeat if we really want to) to go up against now that the Cold War is well behind us. Probably not, but still an amusing bullshit conspiracy theory to throw around.

We'll buy him one of those stickers people are always coming here looking for

Just noticed the following in the Fe guestbook:

Fuck terrorism.
Fuck Osama.
Fuck Saddam.
Fuck arab world.
Fuck muslims.
Fuck Germany.
Fuck France.
Fuck Schröder.
Fuck Chirac.
God bless america.

I love that - especially the "Fuck terrorism" line. That's such a strong statement.

Pent up

Yeah, you're goddamn right I'm pissed. This is what I get for getting busy, not blogging much as of late, going without broadband for four whole days until it gets hooked up in the new place, and having a beer. New rule: no more doing the above.

Spam:

flattest CAFETERIA Nadine PrimaryChain CHICANERY

What the FUCK?!?! God, the only thing more infuriating than getting gibberish like this is knowing that they're going to make some money off whatever the hell it is they're peddling.

Hey, so you know what else fucks ass? Blogger. NOT A GOD DAMN THING WORKS ANYMORE. It was bad enough when they ditched the effective and useful split-screen a couple of years months (it feels like years, god damn it) ago for the new piece of crap setup (with pretty graphics! fuck pretty graphics that aren't even pretty), but now they're integrating all this worthless WYSIWYG bullshit and it's screwing up posting like mad under Mozilla.

Yes, I know, that's part of the problem - I'm using a browser no one gives a shit about (i.e., not IE). But fuck Blogger all the same - it was just fine before they started with this worthless shitty toolbar that is breaking EVERYTHING. Yeah, Blogger will probably fix all of it, but it's broken NOW and that makes me mad. Plus, the status page says they've fixed some of it, and they HAVEN'T.

Note to everyone: quit being so fucking lazy and learn a couple of bloody HTML tags. Besides, your 'blog is still going to be a piece of shit whether you have different fonts or not. Just like mine and everyone else's.

Yahoo search:

www.phonix smokers .com

I get lots of search hits that follow this basic pattern - someone searching for "www.INSERTSOMESTUPIDBULLSHIT.com." And all I have to say is, if you're going to go search for a URL, JUST GO TO THE FUCKING WEBSITE ITSELF, YOU STUPID FUCK. If you're trying to find a URL for some company or organization, just do a goddamn search but drop the "www" and ".com."

I'm especially sick of this "phonix smokers" bullshit - I've gotten a bunch of those lately. You dipshits are now right up there with the kiddie porn freaks in terms of irritation.

I was out to lunch today, and passed by a Schlotzsky's Deli. I got to thinking, you know what? I need to open a Schottky's Deli. Free sandwich to anyone who gets the joke. We just need a restaurant where all the menu item names follow a dork theme - I so totally want people to be able to order a sandwich called "the NPN."

Dissonance

I got a magazine insert advertising the Danbury Mint's World Trade Center commemorative. My immediate response was "Fuck this bullshit" followed quickly by "Well, that's cool if it's decent quality... And as long as I can tear off the Bush quote plaque." My hatred of pandering to 9/11 emotions is matched only by my love for miniatures and replicas.

Too bad their Supreme Court building replica doesn't come with a little figure of Scalia on the front steps. Then again, I'd hate to have to take a dump on anything that cost me sixty bucks.

Yahoo search:

yum yum I could fuck that quite easily

I found the phrasing of this particular search to be rather amusing.

Gotta respect guys with priorities. "Freedom? I'll get to it. Beer? Gotta have it now." And maybe it's just me, but I take great amusement in how the Bible played a pivotal role in the whole affair.

I've been reading a bunch of articles on BMWs since my current bullshit pipedream is to get myself a 3-series. Something that's not going to happen for quite some time, what with the previously alluded to mortgage and all. Well, maybe I could pull it off if I manage to start living by the mantra of "You can have more toys and photobooks, or you can have the Ultimate Driving Machine." That, or, I get myself a girlfriend and put her to work like some people (good move, doode!).

I used to hate the 3-series, especially the hatchback. First off, I was like, fuck you, dooshe. You're just buying that car -- the-entry-level model -- because you can. If you really had the money you'd like everyone to think you have, you'd bust out at least a 5-series.

Secondly, I fucking hate BMW drivers because they all act like they own the road. Driving as aggressively as they want, never signalling, etc. "Oh, look at me, I'm all special. I have a BMW and I'm better than you are." This put them in a class similar to Acura Integra (coupe version and pre-RSX models) drivers, who are all assholes. I've been over that before.

Finally, I just never cared all that much for the look of BMWs. Yeah, they're undoubtedly fun to drive and well built, but they just don't look all that great.

The 3-series has grown on me over the years, though. A few years ago they came out with the current incarnation, which looks quite a bit like the prior model but has changed enough that I think it looks fucking good. Of course, I so totally WANT to be one of those pretentious assholes that think they own the road, seeing as how I'm already pushing that idea in my trusty Civic. Plus, me and my 3-series would make nice companions to ETP and his Flaming Asshole Red RSX Type-S. Like I said, the RSX driver doesn't have the asshole street cred that the Integra driver has, but I know ETP will be doing his best to bring back the pride. And hey, seeing as how they're coming out with the 1-series and 2-series, it's no longer "entry-level."

So where the hell was I going with this? Oh yeah. A bunch of the articles I read kept referring to BMWs as "bimmers." And I was like, what the fuck? Why are they spelling it like that? Why not "beamer" or "beemer"? Oh, that's why. Apparently, we can't get anything right in this country.

It's been kind of a strange few weeks. Not long ago, I was forced to come out in support of Dick Cheney for telling someone to go fuck themselves on the floor of the Senate. Of course, it wasn't long before I was back to being pissed off at Cheney, because he wouldn't just own up to it. Now, I feel compelled to back Governor Arnold for his choice in words. Sorta.

This, to me, is not offensive because it's homophobic or sexist. It's offensive to me in that the governor of one of our biggest states is FUCKING QUOTING SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE in taking a gubernatorial stance on an issue. This is just beyond embarassing. As if the "governator" and "collectinator" and all the other bullshit wasn't bad enough. But, hey, it's not like there was any reasonable expectation that it would stop once he got into office.

Considering the context, this was just a harmless joke being made. I can kind of see the sexism complaints. Implying that guys who don't do X, Y, or Z are effeminate and weak just like women blah blah blah. This is not that big of a deal. Hey, I'm a girly man myself in many regards, and I don't find these kinds of comments offensive.

As far as homophobic goes, that's a bit of a stretch. Yeah, there is an unfortunate association often made in our society between "girly men" and homosexuals, but I just do not think that this is where Arnold was going. Now had he called the Democrats in the California legislature a bunch of "fucking ball licking faggats and cunt munching whores" (sic) like our friend Jeremy might if he were in that position, now THAT would be fucking homophobic.

Yes, there is way too much sexism and homophobia in our society, but random offhand comments and jokes are not the crux of the matter. Yeah, they don't exactly help, and I know I'm guilty of doing shit like that all the time, but lighten the fuck up.

"If they complain too much about this, I guess they're making the governor's point."

I've gotta say that that response is pretty funny. Don't back off (even though they did with v 2.0 of the speech), and don't puss out when it comes to free shit to drink.

"She's a young girl who knows the governor and really likes him a lot and didn't find the term to be a positive term, and finds it to be derogatory."

She finds it to be derogatory? Sounds like someone is doing a little projecting here. Maybe I'm wrong, but I just don't see that many 13-year-olds giving that much of a shit about what the governor has to say.

"... but I think it really is beneath Gov. Schwarzenegger."

Considering that Arnold has posed for pictures with his body oiled up, I don't think much of anything is beneath him. Hey, if you've wanna get oiled up that's your business, but quite frankly, the whole exercise strikes me as kind of gay.

Alright, so I've been kind of out of the loop for the past several days since I've been moving and all. As has been noted, yeah, it hasn't been that long since my last move, but this was all part of my evil plan. Hopefully this will be the last move I have to make for quite awhile.

Having been so occupied, I completely missed this gem of a comment that floated to the surface in response to my latest gay marriage rant. That's the kind of comment that it seems as if I should respond to it, but in the end, there's really no point. Anyone who comes to the table with that kind of seething ignorance pretty much writes the response for me, as well as for anyone who's not a complete fucking retard.

But yeah, this is the kind of moronic bullshit that's out there. The really fucked up thing is that there are countless people out there who think this exact same way. This Jeremy dooshebag isn't just some kind of special-case extremist nut, he's an extremist nut who has a lot of company in this society.

Maybe, just maybe, if we get really lucky, someday we'll realize what a piece of shit our society is.