This shit fucking pisses me off. Is childhood obesity a problem? Yes. Is it the fault of McDonald's? No. It's the fault of shitty parents and a lazy fucking society. Ronald has never shown up at anyone's house with a sack of greasy burgers and a gun and a mission to make you or your kids fat.

We need to start sterilizing more people (and if that means everyone so be it) because there are way too many people having kids who just don't want to do their fucking job as a parent. Enough is enough. And yeah I know parents can get a toy for a measly ten cents extra but it's the principle goddammit.

This just in: Oprah fans are fat, stupid losers. Oprah Winfrey enthusiasts are advised to keep their poor germs away from the rest of society.

So I was in the grocery store the other day picking up some random shit and on my way out a stack of soda caught my eye. I saw 12-packs that said "Mountain Dew throwback" and "Pepsi-Cola throwback." At first it just looked like cans with old-school logos but then I took a second look: "made with natural sugar."

Epic win.

Gotta stock up, though, 'cause there's less than two months before it goes bye-bye. Hopefully it will catch on and Pepsi will realize people want this stuff and they'll either keep it around or at least bring it back periodically. Furthermore, maybe it will help bring down the evil corn lobby. Man, fuck corn -- fuck it right in the ear.