Okay, Blogging tools are pissing me off. First, there's Technorati, which as we all know, has become a total piece of shit since their last redesign and update. They want to be this big search engine for blogs and shit (but I repeat myself), and they're doing all that nonsense at the expense of things that I care about, namely being able to see who links my piece of crap. For the past several weeks, every time I went to go do check links to my site, after a long wait I got an error that they were experiencing too many search requests and to try again later. FUCK YOU. Put requests into a bloody queue or something, dipshits. Don't give me this garbage that you can't perform the one function you're designed for, namely searching. I haven't been getting these errors for the past couple of days, but now it's just slow as shit. I guess I'll take what I can get, but I still kinda hope Google Blog search really takes off and buries Technorati. I'm sick of Google and all, but if they can help me in my need for revenge, so be it.

Then there's Haloscan. I just noticed that I had comments from four days ago, ones which I missed because I did not get an e-mail notification. This is not a new phenomenon; it's been going on for weeks if not months. I don't know if there's just something fucked up with my e-mail, but I wouldn't be surprised if they just want another ten bucks out of me to start getting all of my notification mails again.

God damn it I want to fucking kill people

People like this shouldn't be celebrated, they should be shot. I don't know what the bigger crime is -- watching TV for nearly 70 hours straight, getting rewarded for it, or network programming -- but this kind of thing should not be allowed to happen, yet this is the current foundation of our society.

He does it, he says, to raise awareness of suffering children.

WHAT?! The only children suffering are ME for having to put up with this kind of stupid bullshit.

Yahoo search:

where can i fuck many people in west virginia

Well, if you live in West Virginia, as I suspect that you do, just look to where most other people from West Virginia look to for many people to fuck -- your family.

Nutscrape search:

does identical twin pussies look alike

Once again, I hate guys. Only a guy would not only spend time pondering such asinine questions, but only a guy would take the time to ask a search engine, and do it with poor grammar nonetheless.

There was an article posted on Slashdot recently about trying to create an embryo with genetic material from two mothers. Now, sperm was still needed to fertilize one egg initially, so it wasn't as if a guy's involvement was totally eliminated. But maybe someday they can figure out how to form viable embryos without sperm, thus negating the need for men, and I think that's the direction we should be heading in.

Sure, I pointed out several days ago that all women hate eachother, so it's not like this alone solves all of the world's problems. Men fight and start wars with eachother over dick size, so I'm sure women would find something to do battle over. I think with men out of the equation, though, that would reduce a lot of the potential for wars right there. As long as there are enough shopping malls that should help matters greatly. And that's not a crack on women; a day and age when we're focused on building malls instead of nuclear weapons sounds great to me. From a personal standpoint it's unfortunate that even feminized guys like me would be eliminated and unable to enjoy this, but hey. That's the price we pay for progress.

I don't know how The Onion keeps raising the bar like they do, but they do.

For the uninitiated, that period is not misplaced

Sun Microsystems recently came out with a "provocative" ad campaign aimed primarily at competitor Dell. "Provocative" is a word that's virtually meaningless in a country that nearly falls apart at one exposed breast, but the ads are actually pretty ballsy for a big company like Sun. A bit childish, but they still get points from me (and that's what every big company really wants; points from some random dipshit). Some of the ads didn't get approval in major publications which, again, exposed breast. But anyway, here are some of the proposed ones, and here are the ones that ended up getting run. I would consider getting some Sun hardware or using Solaris if it wasn't for the fact that Sun and their OS also suck. Oh, and let's not forget that Java.sucks.

Okay, I've complained about soulless cocksuckers on eBay before, but this takes the cake (where?). Your life sucks, you're an idiot, your family is an idiot, the home inspectors you hire are idiots, and it's the doll's fault? I honestly couldn't even read all of the stuff in that eBay listing because it's just too much (literally and figuratively), but it has to be the biggest sob story of all time to try and hawk some piece of shit item. This is worse than the guy selling his naked anime statues because his girlfriend told him to, the guy who was selling his toys because he was getting a Bimmer, and every other eBay fucker ever. You can read the executive summary here, where I originally heard about the auction.

Milkman Dan: biggest bastard ever.

I'll see you next time, eatin' the pudding.

AOL search:

adele arakawa loves piss drinking

I was not aware of this fact about our local news anchor. Or was someone just hoping that if they made a search about it, that it'd make it come true?

I haven't had much to say about the hurricane, partly because I've been in a shitstorm of my own at work recently (which I'm sure you'll hear about soon), but mainly because even I have a hard time being funny about something like that. I don't possess the comic genius that the people who write for The Onion have. I found their commentary on the whole racism finding/looting issue to be particularly amusing, although it was all good stuff.

Speaking of the racism in the media thing, I found the response to that kind of irritating. Not that there isn't validity in what was being said, because there certainly was. That's just a microcosm of a bigger picture, though, the bigger picture being that this is a county with a lot of racism in its veins. I mean, shit, it took nearly 200 years for the "land of the free" to get to the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s, and it was only 40 or so years ago that this took place. Furthermore, once we went through that, a lot of people just declared "we're good" and now we refuse to really deal with it. So, the microcosms are a problem, and need to be handled. But reacting in a typical liberal manner by getting all hot under the collar over the smaller points but not the bigger picture isn't too helpful. Actually, what's not helpful is sitting around and blogging about it, instead of doing something. Sitting around and bitching never got anything done. Sure, it's fun and makes you feel all smart and shit, but it's useless. Deeds not words. And yes, before you start in, my entire life is about sitting around and bitching. But if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: I am not an example for anyone to be following. I'm putting you on notice, world: STOP BEING LIKE ME. Do as I say, not as I do.

One of the only things I had to say was about Michael Moore's useless "open letter" to Bush, in which he stretched things to try and blame Bush for the hurricane itself. Although, yes, you can definitely blame Bush for a good deal of the aftermath, Bush doesn't control the weather and we had big hurricanes before Bush and his "environmental policy" as I pointed out in the guestbook (speaking of which, a big thanks to Nikki for being the first person in nearly a month to make a comment there that wasn't a complete fucking retard, i.e. Markus or KoldKadavr). Moore has come out with more commentary, and this is much, much better. George W. Bush is such a shitty fucking president that you don't need to stretch things to find fault in him and his actions. All you need to do is just lay shit out, calmly and rationally, and maybe it might have some kind of useful impact. Moore is in a position where he's well-known and well-connected enough that he could get some real shit done instead of just ranting and raving. Granted, he's got a reputation to overcome, but he's in about as good a position as anyone on the left.

Speaking of Bush, I like what Kanye West had to say about Bush on an NBC telethon for Katrina relief: "George Bush doesn't care about black people." That's simple, succinct, and true. George Bush doesn't care about black people and a lot of other people, unless of course if they're campaign donors or a photo op (and even then, of course, he just cares about their money or how they can help him look better). It sucks to have to go to the race card, but if that was a bunch of white people down there, you can bet things would be a bit different.

Speaking of the people down there, what the fuck is wrong with a lot of the people who stuck around, other than they're idiots? Look, I know that there were probably a lot of people who genuinely didn't have the means to get out of there, and I'm not coming down on them. But I've been reading about the people who they are still working to convince to get out of New Orleans. Incompetent FEMA director Michael Brown commented that the people down there are partially responsible for their fate, and when it comes to the stubborn fuckers who just plain wouldn't leave, he's right (but that's about where it ends for getting behind Brown unless if you're going to sodomize him). The people who refused to leave, and who continue to refuse, are making a difficult situation even worse for everyone else involved.

Dennis Hastert made some comments on rebuilding New Orleans, and although who knows what that cocksucker was really getting at, he's on the right track. Whose goddamn idea was it to build a major city below sea level? I know hindsight is 20/20, but man, was that ever a dumb goddamn idea. Okay, sure, had the levees been kept up and furthermore upgraded to handle category 4 and 5 storms, maybe that would have prevented this. Maybe; there's no real way of knowing. But yeah, the levee system combined with geography was just a disaster waiting to happen.

Speaking of disasters, this country is the most unfuckingprepared place on earth to handle shit that comes our way. 9/11, this... Jesus. And again, you can put a lot of the blame on Bush. But there's plenty of blame to go around over many years as well. And 'ya know, a lot of the rest of the world, Osama or otherwise, has gotta be laughing and salivating over this. The self-anointed greatest country on earth, and we are in a constant state of reacting as opposed to acting and preventing.

Michael Chertoff, head of Homeland Security, has been in the news quite a but since he's ostensibly in charge of things in, I dunno, some way or other. Seeing that guy has always kinda bothered me. Something just looks.... wrong with him. I couldn't pin my finger on it, though, until just the other day: he looks like a man dying of AIDS. Sorry to have to go there, but that's what I thought, and I felt the need to share it with you. Besides, it's been over the requisite 22.3 years or whatever, so we can make jokes about AIDS.

Note to CNN: if you're going to post a story involving naked teenage girls that in the end is very, very depressing, for god's sake, make sure those girls are hot. Take a picture of someone else's kids if you have to. But give me something when I'm reading an article that depressing. There's no journalistic integrity anywhere these days, so fucking get on it.

I have to hand it to Shaq Attack. We already know that he's hard-core, joining forces with the police to hunt pedophiles, but now he's working, actually working, to help Katrina victims. No jokes here, that's just impressive.

Okay, that's about it for now. I could go on and on about what a disgrace the initial response was, and how badly we fucked up both before, during, and after the hurricane, but it's all been said a million times everywhere else, and furthermore it's all pretty obvious. I know that hasn't stopped me before, but I'm just not in the mood. And in the end, it's just not funny. Again, unless, of course, if you're The Onion.

Speaking of Demotivators, I just saw that they've released four designs from the upcoming '06 collection. They're pretty funny. I, of course, have to get behind Inspiration because, yeah. The best thing, though was the "Perfect for" section on Beauty.

Google search:

illegal underage passwords

The internet has officially passed me by. I didn't even know that passwords were considered to have an "age," nonetheless that they could be underage. "We're gonna give you this password, but you'll get arrested if you use it before it's 18."

Okay, look, I know what the Googler was after, but I just found the poor choice of search phrase to be amusing. But here's what really pisses me off about this search, though: I got it twice from the SAME FUCKING GUY. Once at about 9 PM last night, and again at 1 AM. There's a chance that this asshole was searching for access to kiddie porn sites for FOUR FUCKING HOURS on ONE fucking search phrase. Man, now that's dedication to a cause. A bad cause, of course, but still dedication. Either that, or, stupidity. Taking the sickness, which is obvious even to me, out of the equation, you're a fucking retard if you spend four hours doing the same search without getting some kind of clue that it's not working.

I guess I can take something positive out of this. Sure, looking for what he was looking for is not good, but at least he wasn't out molesting any children. Well, at least for those four hours. And also, he apparently wasn't having any luck finding anything, which is good. It's also kinda funny to me that he ended up here twice. If you end up at my site twice in four hours, for whatever reason, you're a failure in life.

"Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots."
-Demotivators