Hey, what's wrong with a guy who really gets off on his job? This sounds kinda odd - just how do you get away with working a penis pump or shaving your pubes on the bench more than once?

I can't remember if ETP already told me about this Ben Folds tidbit, but he probably has. Either way, always nice when I have an excuse to bring up William Fucking Shatner, mainly just so that I can call him William Fucking Shatner. I still need to get one of those t-shirts from WWDN.

I hate reality TV - as we all know - but the British incarnation of Big Brother almost sounds fun. But yeah, if I really wanted to see shit like that on a regular basis I'd just watch Cops, which I don't. The best episode of Cops being, of course, the episode of The X Files where they did Cops. I'm bringing that up just because thinking about it always puts a smile on my face.

Another well-balanced individual. I'm not sure who wins the prize for Biggest M Winner of the Week - this guy, or the guy I heard about on the local news who was stealing puppies from animal shelters and setting them on fire. I have my own issues with dogs, but even I like puppies and most certainly wouldn't set them on fire. Not even if they were really, really asking for it.

"Mussolini was a winner."
- This one kid I knew in high school during a discussion of Italian fascism, and the origin of the sarcastic phrase "M Winner." Unlike some people I normally don't like explaining the joke, but I'm feeling magnanimous today. You're welcome.

More of the same.

I'm required to link any serious news story that uses the phrase "street cred."

And just for good measure, some more bullshit on Iraq. Yeah, Dubya isn't going to be going door-to-door to collect everyone's $3,415 check, but the money is coming from somewhere. The war isn't paying for itself, in stark contrast to what we were told before it started.

"There's another $8bn that's projected, if the killers don't destroy the pipelines, by the end of this year."

Oh, okay, that makes me feel better. We haven't seen any pipelines getting blown up recently, so we're good. And $8 billion is so totally not peanuts compared to figures like $87 billion.

But... But Bill Clinton wouldn't lie. Especially not after all this time that he's been so honest about the whole affair.

Today's Penny Arcade is yet another example as to why I just can't get on board with on-line gaming. I mean, how fucking stupid is that? Paying real money to get some fake money. Good thing the world of real-life finances is nothing like that.

Despite my objections to online gaming, I will still get sucked in once Dead or Alive Online shows up later this year (early September, I think). That way I can get in some DOA 2: Prettier action with ETP and BOETP without any of us having to leave the comfort of our own homes. You know, I like those kids and all, but it'll be nice when I don't have to deal with them in person anymore. That is, after all, the current trend.

Resistance is futile

Let's be honest: if Jeri Ryan were your wife, wouldn't you take her to "avant-garde" nightclubs in Paris and try to get her to do all kinds of kinky shit? I submit that you would be a fool not to try.

This is probably the only time you're ever going to hear me say this, but get off Dick Cheney's ass. For using the word fuck, that is (of course). Saying "fuck" on the Senate floor is pretty impressive, and most likely one of the only actions Cheney will ever take that I fully approve of.

This is an interesting search engine idea, coupled with quite possibly the worst name ever. I mean, when you think of a dog and some kind of pile, what kind of imagery results? Considering that there's nothing but shit out there, though, the name ends up being appropriate.

And we all know how they feel about cocksuckers!

Then there was this from yesterday. Saudi Arabia is doing a lot to fight terrorism - by offering up a bullshit compromise that no self-respecting terrorist will accept.

Saudi Arabia: Cocksucker of the Week.

Any questions? Any questions? Let's get it on.

Go ahead and take a look at this. Could there be any less appropriate use of a public building than that? It's real comforting to know that whack-jobs like Moon can do whatever the fuck they want because they have money. Money that gives them access to government buildings and politicians and pretty much anything else they want. Our "leaders" are all too happy to FedEx this country to hell to get a piece of the action, and we're all too ignorant and lazy to ever do anything to put a stop to it.

I hate this country.

Some more perspective on the run-up to Magical Pixie Dust Sovereignty Day from the Beeb.

Quite possibly some of the saddest people out there are those who obsessively track statistics. Stats and trends that are completely useless and meaningless. Shit like this. And yes, consolation sad-sack points to those who report on this shit - especially when it's nothing but bullshit anti-Bush filler when there's plenty of non-bullshit anti-Bush stuff that we could be hearing - as well as those who link to said reports.

Oh, hey, we're only a week away from the magical day when we sprinkle fairy dust over Iraq and give them "sovereignty." Hey, nothing against them and the fact that some progress is (hopefully) being made, but let's knock off the bullshit notion that everything is going to be totally different come June 30th. On a related note, here is a story on our plans for the US Embassy in Iraq.

Earlier this week, The Guardian put out an interview with Clinton. More Clinton-related stuff from them here.

I am just so sick and tired of all this. Yay conservative, uptight mindset. Fuck families.

The Guardian has a special report on prisoner abuse in Afghanistan. More can be found on their US special reports page.

Ted Rall's latest column.

Now these people are Clinton worshippers. Let the Summer of Clinton begin.

Google search:

how to perform an autopsy pics

This... Is really disturbing. I don't think anyone should be taking a DIY approach to autopsies. And I had better not be seeing Autopsies for Dummies on the book shelves anytime soon.

"Autopsy? Autopsy?! I can't WHACK off to Autopsy! Orrrr can I?!?"
- David Spade on HBO drifting away from it's porn roots

I still remain convinced that Dubya does virtually nothing as president - it's all the other members of Team Bush who are running the show. One area, though, where I think Bush actually takes some initiative is anything that's based in religion. Abortion, abstinence, marriage, what have you. Religion, by its very nature, is rather simple - just do and believe what someone else tells you. There's no actual thought or critical analysis when it really comes down to it, even if they try and dress it up as such. Knowing what a stupid dumbfuck Bush is, letting him get involved with the religious side of things is perfect for him.

Krugman rants some more about Asscroft.

Peter...

Here's a site that can kill a good ten minutes or so, giving you satellite views down to the house level. Odds are you'll do what I just did and check out past residences. Or take a sad trip down memory lane by following the path I used to take from our old apartment to the Engineering Center. All in all, a look at places that, theoretically, we should already know what they goddamn look like. But hey, I never get to see my roof!

Clittin'

I watched Clinton's big 60 Minutes interview last night. It was pretty much what you'd expect - a "who's who" of Clinton's lies and him talking about it. Yeah, I know, that was a new fact that came out in the piece - Clinton was a liar. Rumor has it that all politicians are liars. So many of Clinton's lies still don't bother me, at least not on the order of lies like, say, Iraq poses an immediate threat to the United States.

Conservatives are already bemoaning the beginning of the "Summer of Clinton." Naturally, this makes me smile because I know how much it makes them burn anytime Clinton gets the slightest bit of attention. Rush should be back to popping pills any day now if he hasn't started already.

One right-wing theory that has been posited is that Clinton is timing his book tour in order to overshadow this year's election and actually hurt Kerry. The ultimate goal being, supposedly, to keep Kerry from winning so that Hillary can run in 2008 for balls-out President (and I do mean balls in every sense of the word) and help put to rest all of this VP talk nonsense.

I'd say the theory has some weight. It's at least not out of the realm of possibility. If Kerry wins this year, it wouldn't be until 2012 before Hillary could run as the head of a Democratic ticket (assuming, of course, that Kerry gets through his term and runs for re-election). And you know Bill is up for helping her out. "Yeah, Bill, the Monica thing did help me in the long run, but you still fucking OWE me." Besides, it gets Clinton the attention he so desires, along with, of course, the money.

Despite being a non-Clinton worshipping Clinton fan, this would piss me off if it were true. Part of my love for Bill and Hillary stems from the core belief that they do everything they can to get what they want, but they don't do it in a manner that fucks the entire country. Okay, some people would definitely argue that point, but I don't see them getting us involved in any fucking wars just to get paid. Sure, they might kill a person or two, but hey - that's politics. Costing Kerry the election would, for me at least, fall under the umbrella of "fucking the country."

Then again, Kerry does suck, and he's most likely going to lose this election all on his own. And of course, the notion that Bill and Hillary could "cost" Kerry the election is an exaggeration - they alone couldn't bring him down even if they wanted to, and they would know this. But still, Kerry needs all the help and as little of the detraction as he can get.

This, as always, brings me back to the unhappiness over feeling compelled to support John Kerry. I have way more confidence in Hillary as president than Kerry as president, but I still have a lot more confidence in Kerry than Bush. I'm just not in the mood to take the gamble of Kerry losing so Hillary can get in four years sooner, which of course leaves us with four more years of Bush. And, hey, the way I look at it, all politicians are corrupt assholes, but at least Kerry doesn't come packaged with Paul Wolfowitz. Hopefully.

In the end, though, I'm not too hot and bothered over this little theory. You never know just what the Clintons are up to.

Don't get too excited - even if this were to begin to go anywhere, Scalia would step in and save the day. Or we'd hear some bullshit about "executive privilege," even though this was before Dick's time as VP. Or Cheney will just say "I'm innocent" and people will fucking buy it.

For all the jokes I make about being a bad person - and I am a bad person - I can still sleep at night because I know I'll never be this bad. I mean, seriously. I'd never do that to a child, not even if the child was really, really asking for it. Like Chris Rock says, just don't do it.

The National Center for Health Statistics says healthy 10-year-old girls should weigh from 53 to 106 pounds.

As I pointed out earlier, I'm an expert on child development. Um, considering many of the jokes around here, that's kind of inappropriate now that I think about it, but fuck it - we roll with it anyway. That just doesn't seem right. A healthy weight for someone is between X and 2X?

"I'm absolutely livid," Lori Allain said in a telephone interview Saturday. "I really feel it's retaliatory from the Hernando County Sheriff's department."

Yeah, it's retaliatory. Retaliatory for starving a 10-year-old child you were "caring" for. The law has a tendency to do that every now and then. God damn it, sometimes I just don't understand why some people even bother opening their mouths to make statements like this.

Okay, true, innocent until proven guilty, this is one story from the liberal media, blah blah blah. Still, if you have a 10-year-old girl somewhere at home who weighs 29 pounds, something is clearly fucked up.

Finally, I will avoid any jokes about a certain someone I know who's rather wee. I wouldn't want things to get redundant around here.

The end of the line

Yup, the end of the line for Chicago posts. Unfortunately, not the end of the line for this 'blog in general. Sure, we've got dwindling traffic, dwindling comments, and dwindling interest all around, but hell if I'm smart enough to see that as a collective sign to call it quits. And, okay, it's the official end of the line for posts on my trip that no one cares about. We all know that any kind of declaration around here is pretty much meaningless, but this post finally finishes covering everything I really wanted to cover.

Once again, good trip. The mini-vacation that was predicated on ACen ended up involving just about as little ACen time as possible. Partly out of necessity, and partly due to the fact that, well, con people are losers. Staying downtown was fucking money. The Hyatt on Printer's Row is pretty fucking nice - especially for sixty bucks a night. Shopping and eating were fucking fun. BOETP's family was fucking interesting.

Things weren't perfect, and of course, mistakes (cough*munchkin insurance*cough) were made. But at least we didn't ignore any attempts to wipe out an entire group of people. We don't ignore shit like that - we passively plan it.

Like I said way back when I started this, I haven't done a lot of traveling in my days. Regardless, I just don't see how you couldn't enjoy Chicago, unless of course if you don't like to have fun. There's only one person like that out there, and it's not me. Remember, I like having fun and bitching about said fun, even though it was fun. Whatever; I'll stop that now.

Getting home from a vacation is always kind of a mixed bag. On one hand, it sucks that you're back in your normal shitty life. On the other, at least you can have some fun with any loot you brought home. And of course, it is nice to be out of the car after all that time. Even though, as I said, the ride home was pretty fucking amusing thanks to Phylicia Rashad. Yeah, I know, I'm stretching it, but that's not going to stop.

Okay, well, the trip home was fun, at least what I was conscious for. I feel kinda bad that I slept a good deal of the way and stuck ETP and BOETP with most of the driving, but they're still talking to me (for some reason) so all's good.

Also mentioned before was the torrential rains we hit for a good deal of the way home. Yeah, I like rain and all, and no surprise that I see the hardest rain I've seen in awhile when I'm trying to not kill two of the few people I actually care about in this life. All was well in that regard, and I decided to save the car accident for when I was back home on a simple trip. Those stupid tales about how most accidents happen on short trips are true, apparently.

The worst part about getting home was empty apartment. Okay, yeah, it was nice to be back home with the Girls, but they are, in the end, inanimate. They don't talk back when I talk to them. Which, of course, is actually good in many cases, but I digress. Not that I, um, talk to my toys or anything. It was just odd and even more empty than usual since I'd just spent the last several days around ETP and BOETP. Kind of this odd reverse-culture shock, even though no culture is involved - I'm used to being on my own, then constantly around people for several days straight, then back to being on my own. Okay, whiny boo-hoo woe-is-me moment off.

It was a good span of time though. You know, you're bound to get sick of people if you spend too much time with them no matter who they are. The last road trip I went on was to Vegas a couple of years back with another friend of mine. I spent pretty much every waking minute with this kid for about a week straight. We got along fine and all, but I just couldn't handle that constant exposure. And no, not that kind of exposure. This dumbass was way too homophobic to get down with some hot hard-core gay fucking. Yes, dumbass, and yes, we got along. We're not friends anymore because he died.

Anyway, despite us being on good terms at the time, I was so sick of him at one point that after going downstairs on my own from the hotel room to get money from the ATM, I spent about five minutes wandering Paris just so I could get some fucking time to myself.

With Chicago, though, I didn't end up with this quandary and it was kinda sad to part ways. Especially since we were never going to see each other again... Until that following weekend.

To paraphrase the immortal words of ETP at White Castle: Okay, I'm done with the Chicago posts.

Probably.

Cast of characters

Okay, this post I kept putting off for semi-legitimate reasons. One of the more interesting, ah, features of the Chicago trip was meeting BOETP's family. Now, I spend lots of time bullshitting about my personal life here, which kinda gets into the personal lives of others, but it's not quite like this. I just didn't feel quite right talking about someone else's family. Believe it or not, I at least consider having boundaries. BOETP said she didn't give a shit and gave me the green light, but still. I'm goofy like that. I'll see what I can do.

BOETP's family is like any other family. You know, screwed up. Sure, more screwed up in some regards, probably less in others.

BOETP's parents had been sold to me for the past couple of years as, basically, Hellspawn. Going in, I'm like, they can't be that bad. After all, at least one of their daughters turned out pretty well. Sure, she has questionable taste in the company she keeps, but that ended up working out pretty well for my best friend, so we'll let it slide. After meeting her parents, though, I was able to get a better idea as to what she'd been talking about. No, they weren't sent from Hell, but there were some things that were definitely shitty about them. But her dad at least went out for pizza and sushi with us, and her mom... Her mom was at least at home when they fed me ice cream. So I don't have any personal grudges against these people (for once) as they haven't fucked with me directly, and I should probably leave it at that. More or less.

BOETP has two younger sisters. The youngest, if you just heard some of the stories about not doing well in school and some bullshit about ADHD, you might think is some kind of problem child. But no, she's just a regular ol' pain in the ass eleven-year-old. You know, exactly what you're supposed to be at that age. There's definitely plenty of hope for her, I'd say (since I'm such a fucking expert), as, for example, the school "troubles" looked to just be her having learned many of the fine arts necessary for avoiding unnecessary work that even we didn't hone until high school. I did feel pretty bad for her since I could tell she really wanted to spend more time with her sister and ETP, but hopefully she'll get to come out to Shitland Colorado sometime soon for a more sane, or at least different, environment.

Then there's BOETP's oldest younger sister. She's married and has a kid of her own. A kid whose birth literally almost killed her. Her husband is a dipshit. She lives in a crackerbox house that is just overrun with crap. She has a dog that doesn't jump on people, except for me, apparently. In the dog's defense, I was wearing whitish pants, or whatever. Somehow, she's really, really happy with her crappy robot life. I'm not really convinced that it's any kind of denial, either - Bill Cosby might just be having a good time. Or it's some kind of Stockholm Syndrome. Or maybe, just maybe, I'm the most judgemental asshole ever. Oh, wait, I haven't even gotten to talking more about her kids. Yeah, kids. I know I just mentioned one before; I'll explain in a sec. Oh, and she's horribly, morbidly obese. Okay, not really - anyone looks like a huge fatass next to Miss Size -4. I do have it on authority, however, that BOETP's sister has gone "downhill."

The first kid is the newborn baby son. He was a cute kid, but not cute in the way you'd want your kids to be cute. He was cute ha-ha. Cute in a funny looking sort of way. But at least cute. I guess. He had this permanent look of surprise on his face. He'd go through this continual cycle. Some phases of the cycle happy and surprised, some phases crying and surprised. And my favorite phase, the one where he'd start flailing his arms and legs around for no apparent reason. While, of course, looking surprised. Now, I know that babies can make funny movements and all that, but we all agreed that there was something, I dunno, just off about it. The best way I could describe it was that he'd be sitting there doing normal baby things, and then all of a sudden he'd realize "Oh no! The car payment is late!" and he'd go off into spasms.

Quite possibly the best moment of the trip was also one that cemented my position as the biggest asshole ever. This was first ballot Asshole Hall of Fame type shit. I'm sure it will come as no surprise that we amused ourselves greatly talking about the car payment and everything else behind the kid's back. Further unsurprising is that I developed what I'm told is a good imitation of this kid and his odd movements. One time, however, I decided to bust out my imitation of the kid... Right in front of him. With proud Mom and Grandma right there. And he loved it! I don't know if I saw him smile or laugh that much the whole time we were around him. Look, just trust me - this kid needs to get used to having people rip on him as soon as possible. And yeah, bad person.

Then... Then there's the other "kid," Bill Cosby's (BOETP's sister for the South Park reference impaired) husband. The Dipshit. Capital D. No, man, you don't even understand. This kid is about my age, but he's still stuck in high school. The same mental capacity, or lack thereof. The same mindset and goals (or, again, lack thereof), even though he's a fucking homeowner and husband and father. I know this is not a unique situation when it comes to the male condition, but it still sucks to see it. He has their frontroom full of bullshit videogame paraphernalia. Look, I'm all for videogames and their related merchandise, but it has no place being the central decorating theme of any home. And ladies, if you have any sense, just keep most men out of the decorating regime altogether, unless he's me and he isn't. Back to dipshit, though. He has bootleg Final Fantasy soundtracks. Shit, a central focus of his "decorating" is Final Fantasy X which, let's face it, is pretty fucking weak. Finally, he just looks stupid without having to say a single word that removes all doubt.

Like with so many others, I was predisposed to hating this kid before I even met him. He was way too vilified by BOETP and ETP beforehand to give him any kind of chance. Even still, I would have hated him ahead of our meeting after seeing the videotape where he's filming his wife in the hospital just after the aforementioned birth fiasco. You know, the one where she almost died. That's pretty fucked up when I can call you out for being the most insensitive asshole ever and I'm standing on firm ground.

His own wife didn't help his case, either. Dipshit was out of town on a supposed fishing trip for most of the weekend that we were in Chicago. On his way home, on his way to our fateful meeting, he got a speeding ticket. Upon hearing this over the phone, Bill Cosby was livid. All sorts of talk about how she was going to tear him a new one once he got home and then send him on his way to the doghouse. We knew she was serious, too, because she told us she's not going to be a "pushover mom." She was so pissed, in fact, that in reference to her husband she even uttered the phrase - and I quote - "stupid Polack."

So several years and a weekend worth of stories had me looking forward to meeting this kid. In the end, my actual face-to-face contact with him lasted for only about ten minutes. But holy fucking Christ did we get a lot into those ten minutes. So much stupid bullshit that I can't keep it straight. Saying that he "missed that little guy" (his son) who was "K.O.'ed" and hoping that he (again, the son) didn't forget him on his brief fishing voyage. The bounty from his fishing trip which was supposedly huge but apparently encompassed only two sandwich bags that were dripping with water and actually appeared to contain chicken. "Fish" which we're not even sure was kept in a cooler as opposed to a plastic grocery store bag. His offers for ETP and BOETP to drop by the next day to see the Tourette's Baby since it was his "day off."

Oh, and the pièce de résistance: his seemingly ending every sentence with "dooode!" So there you go, now you finally know what that stupid bullshit was about, since I know you were just waiting on the edge of your seats. If you even remember it, which you don't.

Apparently, the whole time we were being introduced and then during his subsequent bullshitting, I was just like dead fucking serious, trying not to kill him or something. According to ETP, at least. I don't fully know what I was thinking or feeling, I was just doing my best to deal with the biggest fucking load of horseshit of a human I'd ever been faced with.

In the end, was it worth being around this kid? Hell yes. That brief interlude kept us entertained the entire car trip home. In fact, that helped make the ride home one of the most memorable and enjoyable parts of the trip (save some of that brutal rain we hit). It fueled jokes continuously for weeks, and although in much lower concentrations, I think it's safe to say for years to come. This kid was just that fucking stupid. I said few words to him, but the gift he gave us all was boundless and priceless. I should actually be thanking him in a way, something I would do right before putting a bullet in his brain head if it were my place to do so.

So, to sum up:

• BOETP's parents: Nice to me, not so nice to their kids, could be worse.
• Youngest sister: Smart and mostly normal kid, has good hopes for a decent future.
• Other sister, AKA Bill Cosby, AKA "The Fat One": Could be really cute and fun to hang out with if only she wasn't so goddamn brain damaged.
• BOETP's newborn nephew: The car payment! No hopes whatsoever for a decent future. Not with those genes.
• BOETP's Brother-in-law: No summary is really necessary. Would it kill you to pay attention to just one fucking thing I write?

Overall, was the whole family experience worth it? Again, hell yes. BOETP actually apologized for me having to go through it, but that wasn't necessary. Once more, I was somewhat thankful. Even though it was awkward being in the midst of someone else's civil war, I knew I'd at least get a solid post out of it. Or at least, I hoped it would be solid - I've only been planning this one for five weeks.

Well, so much for trying to be tactful and not delve too deep into someone else's family life. This pretty much certifies that BOETP's family can never find out about our weblogs, because I would hate to see the shitstorm that would ensue after reading this. Then it would be hello, Page 24. Nah, who am I kidding. Anyone would be flattered to read this about themselves and their offspring.

Hey, BOETP, comment on something. If you don't, I know where you live.

And you know what? Fuck the homeless.

We pretty much couldn't go anywhere in downtown Chicago without getting hit up for change by a beggar. Now, I typically don't give out money to beggars, and not just because I'm an asshole. I usually just don't have any cash on me, and it's not like I'm going to cut him a fucking check. My guess is that most homeless don't have a merchant account, either. There were a couple of times I was going to bust out some change for the guy, but I just didn't have any on me.

One day we were arriving back at the hotel. We were unloading the car from our latest shopping attack run, and ETP gets hit up. He turns the guy away saying he doesn't have any money on him, with his hands full of a bunch of shit that we had just bought. That's... Pretty crass. More importantly, it was pretty funny.

Okay, look. We're lucky to have always had a roof over our heads and to now have decent jobs that give us the freedom to buy piles and piles of plastic crap. We know this. But I'm still at odds over that whole "with great power comes great responsibility" (two things we clearly don't have, but you catch my meaning) thing. I honestly can't say that giving handouts to the homeless is really the most noble thing to do. It does encourage laziness, and yeah, there's a decent chance they will just spend it on booze (something many of us can understand, no doubt). I also get pissed whenever I see someone looking for handouts since I'm pretty sure McDonald's is always fucking hiring. No, not the best job, but it's a job.

I also get pissed off when someone asking for spare change is really insistent of even militant. Look, I am just not yet convinced that I have some sort of obligation to give out. Yes, I am lucky in many regards, but what I have didn't just materialize out of nowhere. I actually did do something or it. And yes, it would most certainly be nice if I were more giving, it's just that I don't see that I have to. If that makes me an asshole, so be it. I'm quite clearly pretty comfortable with that. Besides, I'm still just some fucking know-it-all twenty-something who doesn't know shit about shit. Maybe that'll improve with age, maybe not.

There was one guy this one time in Vegas who I was all for ETP giving some change to, which he did. This guy simply had a sign up that said "Why lie? Need a beer." I always appreciate honesty. One thing I don't appreciate is some bullshit sign that ends with "God bless" or has some other Christian nonsense in there. We all know I'm not a huge fan of that, and that is certainly no way to get money from me.

Just to show that we're not entirely bad people, or at least that ETP isn't bad people, we were magnanimous on one occasion in Chicago. Yeah, one. After we finished up at Gino's East, we found ourselves with an extra slice of pizza. There was just nowhere to put this last slice. I was stuffed and ETP was stuffed, and that's saying a lot for the two of us, who are pretty much bottomless pits. The Bird, of course, can't help us in these situations, seeing as how a slice of pizza will LITERALLY double her weight. Don't take that as a criticism, though; I think a size negative four is pretty neat.

Anyway, it really wasn't feasible to go all the way back to the hotel just to drop off the single slice seeing as how the hotel was in the south Loop area and we were more northwards near our next destination, The 'Cock. We resigned ourselves to the fact that we were probably just going to have to dump the last slice, no matter how much it pained us to waste not only food, but truly marvelous food at that. Our hopes were that we could actually find a homeless guy when we wanted to and give it to him. Once we got to Hancock we sent ETP out on a mission, and after about five minutes he found someone who wanted it. So yeah, ETP is a good guy in the end. And me? I was there.

The Titanic just came in... Better late than never.

Alright, it's been over a month since I got back from Chi-town, so I should probably get the last few posts I had in mind out of the way. Not like anyone out there gives a damn. Honestly, I don't know why I even bother doing this for you people. Oh wait, I don't.

You know, it would seem as if I've already done enough berating of what little (and dwindling) readership I have, but I just haven't. You people are fucked up. I mean, seriously. You should look into getting help someday. Yes, ETP, I'll get that list together sometime.

Okay, sad as it is, this isn't really even a Chicago post. Just a precursor which I'm shoving in here because I got a mad hankerin' to bust out a Ghostbusters II reference. Real post to follow, unless of course if my manager picks now to walk in and give me something to do, thus preserving my status as an asshole who never does what he says he's going to.

... But at least we're still wasting time with stupid shit like this. Fuck Astroboy and fuck C3P0. Fuck them in the ass with a big metal dick. You know what you can do once you break it off.

God damn it, now Bahrain is working to be more petty than we are? Jesus Christ we suck.

Today is a sad day for America, I think. With the gluttons we are, I think that we should be on the forefront of things like this. Nice to see that I have a new nickname for goaltender Tommy Salo, though. Also, just for the record, I am going to throw out there that East Eurpean women have some of the sexiest names anywhere.

Penny Arcade also gets some bonus points today for mixing in references to both Optimus Prime and oral sex.

Another one of those "could be cool" type things, even though I still think that they should just leave it alone for awhile. I never got into B5, partly because I admittedly just didn't give it much of a chance, but that stems from the fact that I (you may think somewhat oddly) don't really care for sci-fi as a genre. Still, I know that B5 had a definite following, and some new blood with new ideas might help the damn near 40-year-old franchise. Or not.

I just hope that Enterprise finally tanks this coming season, with all due apologies to Scott Bakula and Tripp. The new Friday night time slot might help that along. But then again, Enterprise's core audience is probably at home and alone on Friday nights or with other dorks anyways (just like Wednesdays), so maybe it won't have a huge impact. Another thing that will be interesting is that the show's budget was slashed to $800K per episode, well under the original (I think) $1.7 million budget or even Next Gen's $1 million per episode price tag (which is in late 80s dollars, so it's even worse when you take into account inflation). I guess we'll see.

Megatokyo is one of the webcomics I keep up with, and I found today's strip pretty amusing for... Probably pretty obvious reasons.