While I'm probably getting myself accused of being racist, I was never quite sure where to come out on the whole "Barack the Magic Negro" thing. On one hand, it was like, dude. You're a white guy passing out a CD to other white people with this song on it 'cause you think it's funny and you think they'll think it's funny. You're also a Republican, which puts you in with a group that -- fairly or unfairly -- is not exactly associated with racial tolerance and inclusiveness. Are you kidding me. How do you not expect that to go over poorly?

And while of course there was all the false indignation from white people, well some of them anyway, there were also a lot of black people who were like "whatever." So in the end, stupid white dude, no one cares. Let's move on.

I did find this to be an interesting take on the situation. Haha, fuck you liberals. Also, could there be a better name for an internet column? Robert Brockway: Word Puncher.

Solid.

This is several days old, but it nicely sums up why I have a difficult time getting behind John McCain. The guy obviously wants us to think he's all hardcore and shit like the McLean Deluxe, but he just pusses out way too much. Just imagine what a bad-ass he'd look like if he had really been a rebel all these years and gone against Bush more. If anyone has had a right to hate Bush and tell him to go fuck himself it's McCain, and he should have rolled with that since the 2000 campaign.

On the D side, hey guys and gals, you go ahead and put up Hillary or Obama or both (my favorite idea so far) and see where that gets you. Hillary is, well, Hillary, someone even a lot of Democrats have trouble getting on board with. I just can't stand her transparent attempts to cast off her liberal reputation. It'd be great to have a female president, but Hillary might not be the best choice when it comes to breaking through that particular barrier.

And Obama? Look, I'd also love to see a black president, but at this point I just don't think it's gonna happen. A black guy up for president would bring every fuckin' racist out of the woodwork to vote against him. The whole goddamn south is guaranteed to be solid bloody red. I hope maybe I'm just being too cynical, and the guy does have some skills after all. But with as racist as this country still is, I'd say it's a pretty big gamble right now.

Another strike against Obama: Hustler questioned his liberal street cred in their "Asshole of the Month" column recently, and we all know that Larry Flynt is where to turn when you want to know what's up (or if you want a bunch of skanks with gigantic fake tits and neverending left-wing blabber... yes, my opinion of Larry has shifted in recent times).

If nothing else, can people stop referring to Obama as a "rising star" already? That shit is fucking played out.

Right now I like the idea of Rudy Giuliani, or at least someone Giuliani-esque, becoming president. You know, a guy who's Republican, but not fucking psycho like these neocon bastards. Someone socially liberal but fiscally conservative (dunno if that really means anything, but we all love to throw around that phrase because it sounds cool).

I say this assuming congress stays Democrat, because I'm liking the whole divided government thing. So a flop with an R congress and D president could achieve that as well. It doesn't really make things spectacular or anything, but it beats that whole imbalance nonsense we'd seen for the past six years. And even if part or all of congress went back the R way, a Republican who might actually argue with congress would be a step up from Bush. Of course, many of us think that just about anything would be a step up from Bush, and it's that kind of desperate mentality that gave us a douchebag like John Kerry last time. Thank Christ that cocksucker isn't trying again, eh?

I keep hearing about this, and I'm sick and tired of it. Who cares what apocryphal tome a guy uses when he's entering a hallowed hall of lies, money, and bullshit? The only way you would care is if you're -- that's right -- a total fucking dumbass. And besides, wouldn't it be more dishonest and weird for him to be sworn in with a book he doesn't even believe in? And how exactly does putting your hand on a book do anything anyway? Can't we all just pray or something and move on?

Last month, Virginia Republican Rep. Virgil Goode warned that unless immigration is tightened, "many more Muslims" will be elected and follow Ellison's lead.

Nice. You said it so hard, Virge.

Finally, a little note to Western media outlets: please pick a fucking spelling for the Koran/Quran and stick with it, would 'ya please? The same goes for Osama/Usama, al-Qaeda/al-Qaida, and whatever else. I don't care what romanization you go with, just stop switching things up because it's annoying. And figure out how to pronounce "Qatar" while you're at it.

Wow, I dunno if I've ever gone this long without making a post. And if I have, it's been awhile. Sorry, world, I'm not dead yet. I do realize that I'm going to die someday, but I am still my fucking khakis.

So let's get things rolling by talking about someone else who we'd all forgotten about, Michael Richards. First off, when his name first showed up in the headlines, I was like many people -- "Who?" Sad that his name was meaningless at the outset considering that he played one of the most iconic characters in TV history.

You know what, though? I think it's fantastic when racist assholes spew their garbage. The more they do it, the better, I say. Well, within limits of course -- as long as it's not inciting killings or riots and shit. But within those limits I'm down because then we know exactly who the racist dipshits are. It's just much more honest. We know who they are and we know where they're at.

Like with anything there's a flipside, and I of course end up annoyed when someone does this because we know that we're now on the express train to Insincerity Junction. Whenever someone gets off a blast like this, there is the inevitable stream of bullshit apologies that follows. Apologies that they don't mean and are only saying as part of the normal damage control routine. Obnoxiously, it always has to go beyond the perpetrator:

"This is one thing we don't tolerate. ... I personally apologize. I apologize from my heart," Masada said Monday.

Why are you apologizing, lady? You didn't do anything. Well, other than let him back on stage after saying you don't tolerate that. But with regards to apologizing for the words of someone else, which they controlled and you didn't -- insincere, ineffective nonsense.

"Freedom of speech has its limitations and I think Michael Richards found those limitations."

Clear and present danger just called, and it's telling you you're an idiot. Michael Richards isn't going to jail over this. He was still well within First Amendment bounds, you stem.

Another thing I found offensive:

Richards retorts: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass."

Okay, two things, the first being the fact that I have to de-censor CNN. Second, if you can step aside from the racism for a minute, that joke isn't even funny. Shit, it really doesn't even make sense. If you are going to make racist jokes at least make sure they're funny. And yes, you know that racist jokes can be funny, you fucking Chuwero. Every last one of us has made and laughed at racist jokes. No, we're not cool for it, but it happens.

"I think it's a career ruiner for him. ... It's going to be a long road back for him, if at all."

I really don't know why people even bother saying shit like this.

Then, there is the other side, which manages to piss me off too:

The protesters also demanded an apology from the Laugh Factory.

What a bunch of whiny crybabies. You have nothing better to do than protest against this nonsense? And what is an apology from the comedy club going to do? It does about as much as praying.

Look, I'm not trying to trivialize this. But there's always a loss of perspective on the bigger picture when it comes to these things. Although he's certainly guilty of overreaction at times as well, Al Sharpton put it well:

"Last Monday I was on the stage in Washington where they broke the ground for the Martin Luther King monument. It showed us how far we have come. Then by the end of the week, his tirade shows us how far we still have to go."

Yes, exactly. Although we are a long ways away from minorities being upside down with forks in their asses, things are still not exactly great. There's still plenty of racism, sexism, homophobia, what have you, floating around out there to show that we're not as enlightened as we'd like to be.

What I really wish people would do when someone goes Michael Richards or Mel Gibson is just ignore them. Okay, maybe give them a punch in the nuts (or somewhere else if nuts are not available on the asshole in question), call them a fuck-off, and then just ignore them. All the protesting and bickering and apologizing doesn't do anything at all to change the situation. The racist asshole will still be a racist asshole, but at least they're up front about it, so we can just stay away if we so desire.

In closing, a quote from Carlin on racist speech and the use of the word "nigger":

"We don't mind when Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy uses it. Why? Because we know they're not racists. They're Niggers!"

That whole bit of Carlin's is pretty solid because it points out how the words -- just the words themselves -- are pretty benign, because words don't do actually do anything. No, it's the actions (yes Meatwad, with actions!) of racist assholes that really matter. If they just wanna talk, though, let them talk. We don't have to listen.