It's nice to see that the Republicans have their limits. After years of calling Obama a nazi, a socialist, questioning his religion and where he was born, saying he's destroying America... And of course those are just the things they will say in public. But a depiction of Obama as a zombie with a bullet hole in his head, that's too far. Good to know.

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So people like it when you're topical. How about Obama? Nobel Laureate. When I first heard that I was like, what? At least the committee that hands out the prize was upfront that he won based on having done pretty much nothing aside from the vague notion of inspiring hope or whatever. So, pretty much, it was all just a marketing decision.

As a recent SNL sketch pointed out, yeah, B really hasn't done anything. And you know, I'm not totally slamming the guy here. He was basically tasked with fixing the world and as such has a ton of shit on his plate so I'm willing to give him some time to work on it. But you know, it would be nice to see some kind of progress.

Take gay issues for instance. There were lots of promises and really not much action. Hot, gay action. Sorry. Anyway, I wish Obama was cool enough to support gay marriage, but yes, I do realize this country is retarded and as such he never woulda gotten elected if he came out in support of it.

With regards to the whole "don't ask, don't tell" issue, I'm kinda torn. Please spare me your buttsex jokes because, well, I just handled it. Anyway, I understand the notion that gays and lesbians don't wanna hafta hide who they are in order to serve in the military. They should not have to hide who they are. But on the other hand, we are again, a retarded nation. And the US military? Yeah it's kind of a bastion of homophobia, I'm guessing. It's also a bastion of buttfucking, sure. But I dunno, I just wonder if there isn't a pragmatic reason that makes it good to have "don't ask, don't tell" in place even if what's driving it is fundamentally wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone serving openly is probably going to be subject to a lot of harassment and maybe even worse that could drive them out of the service, thus defeating the whole purpose. Yes, I know. Should Jackie Robinson have just stayed in the Negro Leagues cause he was gonna catch hell for breaking the color barrier? I understand that it has to happen so that we can finally make real progress even if getting there is difficult. Furthermore I guess after working it through I understand the motivation for wanting to repeal the policy but I'm just trying to vent 'cause it all just sucks and this is why I'm torn on the issue. I wish we weren't a bunch of fucking morons and none of this were an issue in the first place.

This shit is fucking gay. But not really unexpected. I mean, c'mon.

... Obama -- who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage -- declared himself "a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans."

You can't be a "fierce advocate" if you are opposed to something so basic that everyone should be allowed to do.

At last our long national nightmare is finally over

I wonder which left-wing publication will be the first to use that after Tuesday. Or maybe it's better to ask which ones will be able to refrain. Either way, of course, The Onion was way out ahead when it came to milking that shit. Pretty fucked up just how accurate that headline was back in January of '01. Le sigh.

Anyway, in a few hours we'll be past all that shit and everything will immediately be kittens and roses. In honor of today's historic event, I offer this which I found online:

So I am definitely cautiously optimistic about this whole Obama thing. There's a shitload of promise here -- but also a shitload of work to be done for us to cash in on that promise. This simple phrase -- "Welcome Back" -- is huge. Although, again, there's a lot to be done to solidify that sentiment, I gotta believe we instantly re-gained some cred with the rest of the world this past Tuesday. Of course, how could we not?

You definitely do gotta like that the guy is negative seventy-some days on the job and he already sounds more presidential than the guy who has ostensibly been doing this for eight years. Granted, that's not saying much, but a marked improvement is still a major accomplishment. The guy won't be in office for over two months and he's already held a presser. That puts him, what, two or three press conferences away from tying Bush's number?

Oh, and you know what my favorite phrase is right now? Transition team.

As much as I respect Obama for not being John McCain, he is gonna be our president and as such it's time to start ripping on him. Bill Maher says that Obama has not given comedians anything to make fun of, and that comedians just need to get used to making fun of a black guy. Well, half black. Anyway, how about this to get us started?

I mean, seriously. Dude, c'mon. Why are you backing down from that shit? Seances? Seances. How the fuck are you supposed to take seriously the "don't do drugs" message from someone participating in gorram seances?

So I just watched Hillary's speech at the Democratic National Circlejerk tonight. Unfortunately for Hillary, throughout the course of her speech she made it quite clear as to why she lost the nomination -- she's a fucking robot. You know, we've come a long way in this country. We've come to the point where we'll talk about electing a black man president. Half black. Anyway, we've come a long way, but we just haven't come far enough to elect a robot president. Sorry, HRC-9000.

The most important part of her speech, well, maybe the only important part of her speech (from a D standpoint, at least) was when she asked "Were you in this for me, or were you in this for blah blah blah" (insert stories of people she probably made up). That should have been her whole speech: "I lost. Get over it, fuckers. Support this guy or you're dumb." Can you believe all these d-bags who won't let it go? 'Course you can. But really, that's just sad. Either you can't deal with the fact that your chosen one lost, and/or you're a racist.

Another thing I'm already tired of: people getting weepy or even just misty-eyed while someone is speaking. If this is the kind of shit that touches you, if this is the kind of shit that stirs emotion in you, you're a loser.

Then there was the religious pandering... Jesus. And what was with those Asians giving the closing benediction? Supposedly they were from Aurora. There are no Asians in A-Town, you retards! What the fuck is with a closing benediction, anyway? Lame.

I will give Hillary credit for one thing, though, and that's the fact that she was able to keep her shit together and not like start breathing fire and eating people alive. How pissed do you think she must be? Looking forward eight months ago this week in Denver was supposed to be her coronation, and here she's stuck playing third fiddle, since aside from Obama you know Bill will steal the entire show when he speaks tomorrow. I guess it could be worse; if she had gotten the nomination then she'd be stuck getting upstaged by Bill at her own convention.

Speaking of Bubba, I'm not really planning to tune into much more of the Democratic strokefest, but I would like to see his speech just because it will be pretty hilarious to see people going nuts over him. And while Clinton's lost a few steps these past few years I'm guessing he still knows how to please. Speaking of which, I'll bet he's trolling the streets of Denver right now picking up tail.

I'm also hoping to catch Biden's speech as well. Personally I thought Bill Richardson was the most solid guy for Obama to pick, but Biden's a pretty good choice too. I could swear there was some kind of deal-breaker that soured me on Biden at one point but hell if I can remember what it was, and anytime I listen to the guy I'm pretty much on board with him. Finally, anyone who will call "bullshit" by actually using the word "bullshit" without apology is definitely garnering some points in my book.