Okay, here is someone who it will be a bit more healthy for me to lust after. She's hot, she's 5'2", and she can drive. And 'ya know, while she's not underage, she is still younger, so I'll definitely take that action. That's neat, and there's really not much more that I could ask for. I mean, other than the universe turning inside-out so that nonsense fantasy becomes reality. And hey, while looking for pics, I saw that she's engaged. While that's not quite what we're looking for, unless the wedding has already gone down, there's still time. Yeah, it'll work.

Anyway, that site that the article mentioned is still down, and I haven't come across any other decent sites yet (the only one with a couple of good shots is here), so if anyone out there knows of a source for some good pictures of Danica Patrick please be so kind as to let me know.

Can anyone confirm or deny if we get to see Katie Holmes's tits in the new Batman? Because if so, that's a pretty evil fucking trick to get $8.50 out of people.

Criminal Intent sucks, but...

Fuck you, Tom.

That's as political as I'm getting for the time being.

Okay, so believe it or not, I have no desire to meet up with underage girls I find online. This has nothing to do with the fact that the "girls" I find in chatrooms are either guys and/or the Federales. Now I have even less incentive to become a true predator, because if I do, I'll be up against Shaq Attack.

And just because it's got a line in the same vein as this subject, this. The last one is quite good as well.

Google search:

star wars lolicon

Am I going to have to take another look at that franchise? The dirtiest thing I can think of off the top of my head is that whole, you know, incest thing going on between Luke and Leia. You totally know those characters got it on off camera.

Yahoo search:

Who invented Cobb Salad

I'm #2 on Google and Yahoo for that one, and that is just fucking sweet.

Since the threat from Rhythm Nation has been ameliorated, we should shift our efforts in the area of round-the-clock, border-to-border saturation bombing towards people like the Parents Television Council. Look, I don't really care to see Paris Hilton (I'll get back to you when she's as hot as everyone apparently thinks she is, as opposed to just some skank), and seeing her doesn't really make me want to have a burger. Well, that is unless if it's made out of her stupid dog.

Seriously, you go girl:

Carl's Jr.'s message to the PTC: "Get a life."

And of course, the usual litany of shit:

The PTC's main objection is that unlike a television program, parents have no way of knowing when the Paris Hilton Spicy Burger ad is going to appear on TV, and cannot steer their children away from it.

Shut up...

Caldwell says that because the ad is airing during sports programs, and FOX's "OC", which are heavily watched by teens, it promotes sexuality to an audience that might not be ready for it.

Shut up...

"It's difficult to gauge how children are going to react to this."

Shut up.

Okay, lightning round: teens are going to have sex no matter what you do, this cannot harm kids in any substantial way unless if they're retarded, fuck you and do some goddamn parenting every once in awhile.

First we had dancing for God, and now we apparently have gaming for God. Fantastic. Oh, and if you don't get the whole "dancing for God" thing, hey, I fucked fruit.

"We also pray for God's unyielding protection for our company..."

Fuck you. If God exists, which He probably doesn't, He isn't going give a flying fuck about your shitty company. Your God, who is supposedly so special, doesn't even give a shit about eight-year-old little girls. No, the typical jokes aren't coming. I don't understand how people can believe in a just and caring god when truly awful shit like that is allowed to happen. "God works in mysterious ways!" Fuck God and his shitty ways. What kind of a fucking evil piece of shit asshole do you have to be to allow that kind of stuff to happen? Like I said, I'm not convinced that there is any kind of supreme being, but plenty of people are. How can you actually take your shit seriously?

As always I've covered this before, but there are really only three possibilities that I can see when it comes to this whole God bullshit: there is no god, there is a god and god doesn't care, or there is a god and god is an asshole. There is just no goddamn way that there is a god who both loves us and has some kind of active hand in our lives, otherwise we wouldn't see shit like a little girl getting abducted and then sexually assaulted and buried alive within sight of her own home.

This also made me sick from the second article:

"She's 8 years old. Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever heard?"

Ummm, no, you stupid bitch. Yeah, that's so beautiful that she had to be raped and left for dead just to have a Jesus moment. Okay, okay, I'm sure this is partly because woman is just trying to cope, but still. I had to say something. I also find it sad that the poor girl has been bullshitted into believing that nonsense, but you know, if it helps her cope in some way, I guess for once I'll look on the bright side. But only this once.

Hopefully they'll just kill that kid who did that to her. Or maybe not; life in prison for a child sex offender is in just about every way better. But there's a part of me that says just kill him and get it over with. I'm torn on this one, really.

Okay, back to some less serious nonsense with the first article:

"No blood, no guts, no gore."

Well, if you're worried about kids being exposed to blood and gore and other atrocities, better keep them away from the Bible.

This is just funny.