Wow, so many things to say about this fucked up Penn State thing, but as always, The Onion says all that needs to be said.

OK, well I can probably find a couple more things to say. I feel like I should say something upfront here, as I know it's awkward at best for me of all people to be commenting considering my typical laissez faire attitude towards jokes about this kind of thing. The difference there is that even if you find such posts tasteless or offensive in the end they are all just bullshit -- but multiply that stuff by the complex conjugate and shit just got real.

Anyway, yeah, the whole focus on football and how every single article about the scandal comes back to that really is pretty fucked up. I know that realistically you can't expect different from the media but still.

I find myself doing it too. Like I start to think, well, part of you wants to give someone like Paterno the benefit of the doubt even though this looks horrible, and wait, what? Man, fuck Joe Paterno. Dude lost his job and his reputation is forever tarnished. Big fucking deal. Doubtful he's gonna have any real legal woes and the worst he will have to deal with is some inconvenience. And he's gonna be dead after not too long anyway. All of which is preferable to some of the alternatives in this case.

Oh, and for all you Penn Staters who are all worried about your school's reputation and whatnot, or are for some reason overly concerned about who coaches your team of future burger flippers: fuck you. Fuck you kids who are simply mad that Paterno got canned while not knowing shit about shit. At most some of you are paying token lip service to how we should be focusing on the victims and their messed up lives but really all you give a shit about is yourselves. The worst you'll have to deal with is maybe the football team won't be quite as good anymore (trust me you can learn to live with that) and in the future when you tell people you went to Penn they'll be like, "Oh yeah? Huh." That's all. Did I mention, fuck you.

Hey asshole: your article starts out great by pointing out the power of perception but you clearly don't grasp how your plan will actually be perceived. To non-believers in Jesus encouraging them to learn about him and follow his teachings is going to come across as the exact same thing as trying to evangelize and convert. Especially because, in the end, that is exactly what you are trying to do. You don't understand that people don't want to listen to your stupid crap, because, hey, they already have a bunch of stupid crap that they already believe in.

Funny thing is, Jesus never said, “Go into the world and convert people to Christianity.”

Funny thing is, that's because Jesus wasn't a Christian, idiot. A simple fact lost on a lot of people is that Christianity is the religion about Jesus, not the religion of Jesus.

Dude, you really are everything that is wrong with the world. Well, you and everyone else.

"If Jesus were alive today, the last thing he'd be is a Christian."
- Twain

I know I'm just preaching to the choir, but it needs to be said: Pat Robertson, professional douchebag.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Well, at least Blagojevich's pick to replace Obama is modest. I don't understand this shit at all. Two things:

1. Blagojevich has to be either the most arrogant motherfucker ever, or the most ignorant. Or both. I mean, to be as blatant as he was about the shit he was up to, in Illinois of all places, and even after getting caught continually acting like nothing is going on? And then there's the fact that pretty much everyone who has a say in it is swearing up and down to do what they can to shoot this nomination down? WTF?
2. Why would anyone accept this nomination? You'd hafta be as willfully ignorant as Blagojevich to not realize that people are forever gonna question your integrity after being his pick. This nomination has more taint than the space between my nutsack and asshole.

Some people just need to die. Seriously, anyone who does something like that is just gonna grow up to be a serial killer anyway, so let's kill this kid now and thus save some people and more importantly some small animals some grief.

Anyone expecting some other kind of punchline clearly has not been here before and is therefore unaware that I just completely lose my shit over cute things like kittens and as such get very unhappy when I see things like this.

Only the cutest little girls allowed in the public eye; that's how the Politburo rolls.

Seriously, even with their track record, this could be the one of the more assholish things that China has done. What's sad is the real singer is cute too. Sure, not as cute as the other one, but c'mon, have a heart you red bastards.

There are a whole lot of d-bags on eBay. The worst of them I simply refer to as "soulless cocksuckers on eBay." Take this item, for instance. For anyone like me who played with real Transformers in the 80s, it is plain as day that the toy shown there is far from a "re-issue". Upon inspecting the packaging though, I am almost tempted to buy it:


Why am I tempted to pick up that gem? Isn't it obvious? It's because he is HUGE EXTREMELY. In fact he is so HUGE EXTREMELY that it says so on the package twice. You don't fuck with that.

Not that we didn't already know this, but Saudia Arabia is pretty awesome. Even Jack McCoy thinks that's fucked up.