It's been pretty difficult to get myself motivated to 'blog for a long time and even harder since I got serious about using Twitter. That last part alone makes me want to punch myself in the face. Anyway, I may not 'blog that much, but when I get a chance I will post something written by Carville, because that weird-looking motherfucker cracks me up.

So the SpHerminator's sexual harassment issues just won't go down quietly.

"I want you, Mr. Cain, to come clean."

Yeah that's really the only reason I posted this. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. Reading the article though I couldn't help but wonder if those who put it together were having some fun or if it's just my fucked up mind:

"... get it out in total"

"Until something comes out that's concrete..."

"...it, is really hard"

"I think what you're seeing is a huge assault..."

It's nice to see that the Republicans have their limits. After years of calling Obama a nazi, a socialist, questioning his religion and where he was born, saying he's destroying America... And of course those are just the things they will say in public. But a depiction of Obama as a zombie with a bullet hole in his head, that's too far. Good to know.

Yeah, so at this juncture it looks like I was wrong about Perry being a force in the Republican presidential field. That man is an idiot. Out of the past two governors of Texas he appears to be the dumbest.

Yeah, I was off the mark about Perry. Just like I was wrong about Newt being a potential cure for what ails the Republican party. In case it wasn't obvious I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when it comes to politics. Well, politics and pretty much anything else come to think of it. That's one of the great things about being a blogger with a blog that no one reads, though: you don't have to know shit about shit and you can just run your mouth and never back anything up. Which, actually still sounds like a recipe to be a political pundit on TV. Where the fuck's my money and airtime?

Anyway, I think basically if we want a candidate to go in the shitter, all we need is for me to say that they are a solid candidate. So Herman Cain? Well I'm still convinced that there's no way he will keep any real momentum going. As I've mentioned before Republicans of all people are not going to vote in the second black president in history (this one being fully black AFAIK). Does that make me racist? Don't care. No way I'm not right on this one.

So as we await Herman Cain's inevitable nomination, and also speaking of punditry, some that is at least funny, Carville.

So here's this pic of Romney attached to an article on his jobs creation plan:


Two things:

1. That face he's making makes it look like he's auditioning to be the guy who plays him on SNL.
2. The slogan "Believe in America" makes me think he is trying to convince us to believe in something imaginary, like elves or god.

So Michele Bachmann won the Iowa corn hole, ERRRR, the Iowa straw poll. Irrelevant political theater won by irritating political actor. Even more irrelevant as all the Republican candidates are in trouble now with Rick Perry in the race. There's a "real" Christian running (sorry Mitt) who so far doesn't have that crazy vibe (sorry Michele) who is governor of a state people have heard of (sorry Minnesota).

I think Perry is a very interesting candidate in the sense that he is quite possibly exactly what the Republicans have been in need of. I used to think that Newt was what the Republicans needed but that dude's campaign is in such disarray and thinking back he is probably too cerebral for the Republican electorate. OK, that's partly unfair; he's probably too much of a thinker for the voting population at large. Keep in mind this is a country that wants a president that they could theoretically sit down and have a beer with. Fuck that; I want a president who is too busy studying to be doing fucking keg stands and shit.

Again Perry is like Newt -- not someone I would back in reality but if I put myself in Republican shoes I think I would. Along those lines I can't say Perry won brownie points with me after the recent prayer rally controversy; as I said in my long religion rant it's not that I automatically discount someone because they like Jesus, but when you're a sitting governor and you're a really really big fan of Jesus and you're blurring the line of separation between church and state, well, that's not helping.

Here are some interesting perspectives on the debate over that event. Some of this I can get on board with, such as the fact that we can't just bar politicians from exercising their faith or expect it to become totally private for them. But I don't see how "use of official resources, including a gubernatorial proclamation, to promote the prayer service" is not a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment.

It's a pipe dream, but I really just wish people didn't need for the president -- you know, the most powerful person in the world -- to believe in not just an invisible man in the sky, but a very particular invisible man in the sky. It's required for a person to believe in ghosts and fairy tales to hold the highest office in the land. That just bothers me, but I'm getting off on a tangent.

This does allow me to come back to what I was originally talking about, and that's Rick Perry. I think religious conservatives really will breathe a sigh of relief with Perry in the race. They don't have to bullshit themselves anymore that they can accept Romney's Mormonism, which, let's face it, is weird to "mainstream" Christians even though they all believe in god and Jesus. OK sure, there's Bachmann, who has staunch religious street cred. But let's face it, conservatives will be way happier with a male Christian candidate than a female one.

So, he's got the religious and social conservative check boxes checked. As mentioned before he's not a nutcase like Bachmann, although of course that craziness she exudes really does resonate with a lot of stupid people who are yearning for a true moron to get behind.

Okay sorry but that brings me to a quick aside on Bachmann:


There was much ado about nothing with regards to this Newsweek cover this past week. It was slammed as sexist, liberal media bias, blah blah false indignation blah blah blah. I agree that the pic chosen was not exactly the most flattering. But people don't want to admit one thing: that's pretty much what she looks like. Michele Bachmann is a weird looking woman and I wish people would quit fucking pandering to the notion that she's some kinda MILF.

What the fuck was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Perry. Republicans have fucked themselves in the ass by focusing so much on national debt, in particular with the recent debt ceiling crisis. On the surface, tackling the debt/deficit looks like a win-win for republicans: it allows them to look like serious fiscal conservatives while at the same time cutting funding for stuff they don't like. Like programs that help the poor and the middle class.

Meanwhile, the biggest problem in this country isn't the deficit, it's jobs. Particularly for the poor and middle class. Yes, government spending is absolutely something that needs to be addressed. This includes things that are near and dear to the left, such as Social Security and Medicare. But right now, jobs and the economy are the most important things that need to be taken care of. Deficit reduction is not going to create jobs, and cutting government spending during a time of recovery is a dubious measure at best if you want to keep the recovery going.

Rick Perry can claim that he is a fiscal hawk as he has done things in office such as balance the state budget (as always, there is more context). Even more one thing he can and will push hard is how he's a job creator (I don't just mean in the sense that he's rich, as all rich people are job creators now). Again, there is some context here too. High numbers of low-paying jobs, a good deal of the jobs not necessarily due to his actions, etc.

Still, Rick Perry appears to be a formidable candidate although not an unbeatable one. I know Republicans would be more than willing to fight dirty and go after him, but in the end I don't know if any of them have anything substantive to counter with. And should he get the nomination, I don't know that the Democrats have the balls to really go after him in ways that are completely legit.

In other words, will anyone really add the necessary context to Perry's rhetoric? They need to do Perry up Karl Rove style and tear him down on his strengths. In fact, if Perry becomes the Republican candidate for the general election, the Democrats need to just go balls out and just hire Karl Rove. Seriously. He'd do it, too; give the man enough money and he would suck off James Carville.

I have no ending for this other than leaving you with that image. You're welcome.

Run, Rick, run!

She turned me into a newt

So Republicans hate Obama so much and are so scared of how he's ruining America that precisely no one will man up and say "Yeah, I'm gonna take down that commie-Nazi-Muslim-not-born-in-America-motherfucker." Yeah, OK, Palin is pretty much a lock, but she hasn't said anything other than her usual gibberish yet. And there's D-Trump who is so full of his own bullshit that he thinks we're laughing with him and he will probably give it a go since he can't see past his own terrible combover. But again, he hasn't said anything definitive either (unless I missed it because I wanted to).

And then there's Newt, who's said he's kinda-sorta thinking about maybe running. For awhile there, I was really on board with the idea of Newt running for a handful of completely pragmatic reasons. One reason was me thinking, god, just not Palin, alright? Yes, it would be a major embarrassment to the Republicans, and funny in that right, but I think right, left, or center, Palin shames us all by her very celebrity, to say nothing of a legit presidential run.

Newt, on the other hand, is someone I thought I could respect intellectually. Look, I'm not saying I like the dude, OK? I fucking hate Dick Cheney -- I frequently refer to him as one of the biggest pieces of shit alive -- but I do have a begrudging respect for him on an intellectual level. I don't think Newt is as big of a shitclown as Cheney (although still a pretty damn big one), but it's the same kind of deal. And at least I could say, "Hey, at least dude's smart, unlike many others."

And to further clarify, should he run, no, I'm not gonna vote for him. Or anyone else for that matter. If you're not part of the problem, well, you're not part of the problem. Voters on the other hand are part of the problem. I'm not saying we abandon the illusion of representative democracy, but I am saying that the electorate is fucking retarded.

Anyway, back to Newt. I also first thought that he is what the Republican party really needs -- a smart dude with some street cred. But then there's stuff like this.

"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists..."

What? Secular atheist radical Islamists? Is that like Jews for Jesus (which I thought were called Christians but no they're a separate group)? Newt is not going to get better. And neither are the rest of us.

I don't understand the whole notion of Islamists becoming a dominant force in this country, anyway. This is not the first time some scaremonger has ejaculated this on a group of sheep. Islamists. Really. A group with no current political power? A group of people who can't get on an airplane without making white people tremble? A group of people that many dumbfucks refer to as sand niggers? They're seriously going to be in charge in a handful of decades?

Sure, the scaremongers might not really believe that, and they're just doing what they can to rile up people who are dumb enough to believe anything. But shit, maybe they do believe their own nonsensical rhetoric. And besides, everyone knows that it's really the hispanics who are going to be in charge in the medium-term future. And, holy fuck, I just figured it out! That's what all this radical Islam shit is about -- it's just one big feint operation by all those illegals and other Mexicans to distract us from the fact that they're taking over!

Ya see how stupid shit like that sounds, Newt? Hey, not any dumber than acid wash, right? I close with this:

Bitch.

Yes. Yes exactly.

Fucking weak. I know we have made a bit of progress on this front but I still really hate where we are at as a country on a lot of things. As far as I know there were no real issues with running the Focus on the Family ads, so there's a nice little double standard to add to the pile of crap.

Wait... Cindy McCain is cool? OK I really don't know much else about her other than she's loaded and looks really creepy but this is a big point in her favor.

So the Democrats are going to lose Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. That is hilarious. Hope you enjoyed that supermajority while it lasted, dumbasses. You guys could not be more limp-dicked of an organization.

Another thing I am getting fucking sick and tired of is people who have NO sense of history, or, more generally speaking, no sense of anything at all. OK of course I'm not just now getting sick of this crap I was born sick of it. Take this for instance:


Two huge things pissing me off here. First of all, most everyone crying about "socialism" doesn't even know what the fuck socialism is. They just think it's a bad word and it's where we're headed 'cause some ignorant politician or mouthpiece said so. On top of that many of them take it to extremes, thinking we're on the path to becoming something like China. Red China? Really?

Then there's that quote about guns. I cannot say this any more clearly, fucktards: THE SECOND AMENDMENT ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. Now shut the FUCK UP and stop panicking so that I can both FIND and AFFORD bloody 9mm ammo, you child-minded pricks.

Huh; must be getting angry now.

Never mind trying to get people to understand shit that went down decades ago, they don't even understand recent history. Exhibit B, dumb shit like this:


Again, putting it simply: NO HE DIDN'T. Where the fuck were you idiots in September/October of 2008? You know, when shit REALLY hit the fan and we were talking about another great depression? You know, before Obama was even elected? Look, like I've said before I am honestly not all that turned on by Obama these days, but get your shit straight, please.

Yes, I realize these are two random images I found online that were made by some random retard. But just go listen to talk radio for about five minutes and you will see that opinions such as these are being vomited all over the place, and it is infuriating that these people do not simply die.

Amongst my myriad problems I have a really, really hard time accepting things that displease me but just aren't gonna change no matter what. I realize I am not alone in possessing this flaw but I think I'm a little worse than the average person when it comes to just sucking it up and moving on.

One thing I am slowly coming to grips with is the fact that Sarah Palin just isn't going to go away. I kept hoping that she was just so stone cold fucking stupid that there was no way she could keep it up, but then at one point ETP pointed out how Bush had managed to become president (please save me the "but he stole the 2000 election!" shit; that is so said and done with) and I was like, "Yeah, fuck." It's been awhile since that point, however, but I am making progress.

I also grew very tired of posting one leftist "news" piece after another here on this 'blog because, well, it just got old. But this needs to go up because it's pretty damn funny.

The most disappointing thing about Palin, aside from her mind-numbing stupidity and peoples' ability to surpass her stupidity by listening to her in the first place? The more I see of her, the less physically attractive she is. It's not just because she's a retard and that's bringing it all down; men can separate out physical attractiveness from everything else and evaluate it independently. I swear she was actually hot at one point. She was always a dumbfuck but at least there was some kind of consolation, but now I'm like, damn, I think the only reason to want to fuck her is out of spite.

And so it goes.

OK so I was totally thinking about commenting on the whole Harry Reid thing a couple days back when it was quasi-relevant but like usual I was lazy. Fortunately, the second quote of this Onion bit pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say about it anyway.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

So people like it when you're topical. How about Obama? Nobel Laureate. When I first heard that I was like, what? At least the committee that hands out the prize was upfront that he won based on having done pretty much nothing aside from the vague notion of inspiring hope or whatever. So, pretty much, it was all just a marketing decision.

As a recent SNL sketch pointed out, yeah, B really hasn't done anything. And you know, I'm not totally slamming the guy here. He was basically tasked with fixing the world and as such has a ton of shit on his plate so I'm willing to give him some time to work on it. But you know, it would be nice to see some kind of progress.

Take gay issues for instance. There were lots of promises and really not much action. Hot, gay action. Sorry. Anyway, I wish Obama was cool enough to support gay marriage, but yes, I do realize this country is retarded and as such he never woulda gotten elected if he came out in support of it.

With regards to the whole "don't ask, don't tell" issue, I'm kinda torn. Please spare me your buttsex jokes because, well, I just handled it. Anyway, I understand the notion that gays and lesbians don't wanna hafta hide who they are in order to serve in the military. They should not have to hide who they are. But on the other hand, we are again, a retarded nation. And the US military? Yeah it's kind of a bastion of homophobia, I'm guessing. It's also a bastion of buttfucking, sure. But I dunno, I just wonder if there isn't a pragmatic reason that makes it good to have "don't ask, don't tell" in place even if what's driving it is fundamentally wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that someone serving openly is probably going to be subject to a lot of harassment and maybe even worse that could drive them out of the service, thus defeating the whole purpose. Yes, I know. Should Jackie Robinson have just stayed in the Negro Leagues cause he was gonna catch hell for breaking the color barrier? I understand that it has to happen so that we can finally make real progress even if getting there is difficult. Furthermore I guess after working it through I understand the motivation for wanting to repeal the policy but I'm just trying to vent 'cause it all just sucks and this is why I'm torn on the issue. I wish we weren't a bunch of fucking morons and none of this were an issue in the first place.

My personal politics are fun. In general, I lean left. I am hard-core pro-queer, pro-baby killing, anti-Jesus, etc. I've had some right-wing views though, such as being pro-death penalty, although in the past couple years I've even reversed on that. As I grow older, I do see myself becoming more conservative in some ways, though. I totally could have voted for McCain or Giuliani had I voted and they weren't total fucking bullshitters (Rudy insisted on straying from his more moderate views and McCain is no fucking maverick; effing screw that shit). Plus of course I drive a BMW, and that's not very liberal.

Seriously though, there are a lot of core issues that I'm just always gonna be left-wing on. As such, I was highly amused a couple weeks back when I was talking to a co-worker, and he said that after talking with another co-worker he was surprised to hear that I was left-leaning and not conservative. A good part of the reason was because we were on our way to the shooting range so that I could try out my new toy.

Settle down, everyone, I'm not planning on going on any rampages. If I haven't already it's just never gonna happen.

Anyway, I'd been toying with the idea of getting a handgun for quite awhile. I'd been out shooting with friends a couple times, and I was like, yeah, this is fun. Plus, I was like, well, I think being able to handle a gun properly would be a good skill to have, just in case. It's like knowing how to drive a manual transmission. Do I need to know how to drive stick? Well, yeah, but anyway, I'm not gonna be one of those morons who thinks that guns solve everything. But hey, you never know, right? After all I do live in like a super dangerous town (only not at all), so I gotta be prepared.

Originally, I had my heart set on a Walther P99. A few reasons. First, it was designed with military and law enforcement personnel in mind. Second, I've of course got the whole German stuff fetish going thanks to the car. And finally, I figured if anyone could make a quality product designed for killing people, it was the Germans.

I never got a chance to try out a P99 but I did get to play around with the aforementioned Sig P229 and a handful of other guns. Obviously I ended up going for the Sig since I was a decent shot with it but also due to Sig Sauer's reputation for quality and reliability. I damn near got a Springfield XD(M), as I was just ridiculously accurate with an older XD model that I tried out. Overall the Springfields are a bit easier to handle than the Sig, and the ones I've shot fit my useless-ass little hands better. Some more practice with the Sig and maybe a different trigger though and I'll be as awesome as I was with the Springfields.

As far as caliber goes, I went for a 9. I thought about a .22, since those are fun to shoot, plus ammo is relatively cheap and plentiful. I'll get one eventually. For now I figured I should go for a gun that will both be good for recreational shooting as well as an appropriate caliber for self-defense if the need ever arose (which it probably never will since I'm a shut-in, and again, not exactly in a "bad neighborhood," unless you count a lots of old people).

The thing that sucks about having a 9mm at this juncture, though, is trying to find ammo. As many of you already know, all the dumbass gun nuts have been going absolutely berserk for the past several months. Well, of course they were already nuts, but the shitty economy and the election and inauguration of Obama has made it even worse. So, not only have gun sales spiked, but the demand for ammo is just out of control. Of course, with all the crazies hoarding ammo, it then drives otherwise reasonable people to do the same. It's maybe calming down now, but it still sucks. I don't need to be as well stocked as the characters on LOST, but if I wanna go out to the range and practice, I A) want ammo and B) don't wanna pay through the fucking ass for it.

The application process is kinda funny. So like, you always hear about this waiting period shit, right? Not sure how it is state-to-state, but here in Colorado there is really no waiting period. Took me ten minutes to get approved; it really just depends on when it is you're buying the gun and how many people are out there working the background check system. In most cases I doubt it's more than a day max. On the application, of course, are a buncha questions about your history and stuff. My favorite: "Are you a fugitive from justice?" Who fucks that up? Probably someone who shouldn't have a gun, or be breathing air for that matter.

The next step for me is to take an appropriate class so I can get my concealed carry permit. Again, I figure I've got the hardware, I may as well get the skills and the certification just so I've got the option. Not planning to have a piece on me all the time, mind you. Of course, my Sig 9 may be a bit big as a carry gun for a small guy like me, but hey, not like I really needed an excuse to buy more guns anyway.

So, where does this leave me, with my ever-crumbling liberal street cred? Well, for starters, I really don't care, since I hate the left, the right, and the middle anyway. Even though statistically speaking I agree with the left more, I've always been pretty ambivalent about gun control. I was like, well, if gun laws help keep guns out of the hands of a few crazies, that's good. Then I was like, on the other hand, if someone is willing to do something illegal with a gun, they're proably willing to go the full nine and obtain it illegally, and the gun laws don't do shit. Do people really need assault weapons though? I dunno; I'll tell you if I ever end up wanting one.

In a final act of hilarity, I am also now a card-carrying member of the NRA. I haven't gone lifetime member yet, but eventually I think I will. May as well, right? Man though, you should see the rhetoric that comes from these people. After signing up, in my membership welcome letter, they "thanked me for my leadership" and all kinds of other nonsense. I love listening to gun people and all their reasons for supporting the Second Amendment. A lot of them really do think that they think that if the government ever goes tyrranical on our asses, that they're gonna fend them off with their guns. At a couple gun shows recently I saw some lardasses wearing t-shirts that said "Tyranny Response Team," and I just had to laugh. I mean, dudes. C'mon.

Clearly, gun nuts are not our finest legal minds and political philosophers. What they really think is nothing more than "I support the Second Amendment because I like guns." That's pretty much my reason at this point, as alluded to above. Sure, I do think that people have the right to defend themselves, and that they should have options, but in the end guns are just cool and you know it.

So yeah, there you have it. Super-lib BLM is now a gun owner. Welcome to guns.

"What kind of name for a gun nut... Is Wayne LaPierre?"
- Carlin

"Fuck that, I like guns. Cause when you have a gun, you don't have to work out. You got pecs? I got Tecs, motherfucker."
- Rock

This shit is fucking gay. But not really unexpected. I mean, c'mon.

... Obama -- who frequently spoke in favor of gay and lesbian rights during the campaign but has said he opposes same-sex marriage -- declared himself "a fierce advocate for gay and lesbian Americans."

You can't be a "fierce advocate" if you are opposed to something so basic that everyone should be allowed to do.

Along the lines of FactCheck, another site that does a decenter job of cutting through the bullshit than a lot of other sites that claim t cut through the bullshit: PolitiFact.