Here's the Republicans' impersonation of Obama:

"Hi, I've done nothing."

I really wish I could argue with them, but when even a former mayor of a town no one's ever heard of and Governor of a state no one cares about is on pretty solid ground to shit all over Obama's resume, that's not good. I know, I know; I said recently that I don't know if all this "experience" FUD (fear, uncertainty, doubt) is the end-all, be-all in this election, but after having it laid out like that... Damn.

I'd say Palin gave a good effort; a solid stand-up double. Way too much "getting to know you" info before she got into the meat of her speech, though. Well, we did get a better view of her daughters, so that was a plus. The little one -- cute. The knocked up one -- meh. And the other one? Yeah, I'd hit that. She's no Jenna Bush, but I certainly wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers under the covers (but I would make her clean the sheets the next day).

If you'll permit me a quick aside on this whole pregnancy ordeal... How about that boyfriend of hers? Imagine what it must be like to be a young kid and get your girlfriend pregnant, and then have to go through it on that stage. Best of luck, chief.

Nothing has been more hilarious -- and by hilarious I mean fucking irritating as all hell -- than all of the Republicans and other McCain backers who are expressing their support for the young, unwed mother. Can you imagine what a field day they'd be having if Obama or Biden had a teenage daughter who got pregnant? They'd have a fucking "save it for marriage" and "family values" bukkake!

Personally, I could give a shit. But even that would be too much. Her being pregnant has no bearing on anything that matters to the rest of us; this kinda stuff happens all the fucking time. While I don't think it necessarily reflects on her parenting skills, I do have to wonder if Palin was preaching abstinence-only at home since she supports that when it comes to sex ed for everyone else's kids. Wait, I think I just questioned her parenting skills. Anyway, if she has been abstinence-only at home, well, we know how that shit turned out. Maybe if Bristol and the boyfriend had had notions like profos and other contraceptives drilled into their heads (drilled? Hey-YOOOO!) things would have turned out differently. Or maybe not, 'cause kids are gonna be kids, kids are gonna fuck, and sometimes they end up having more miserable kids for the rest of us to deal with.

Speaking of drilling, here's a little flashback from when Jenna became legal.

Anyway, back to the circlejerk recap. Palin's playing the attack-dog and cheerleader role very well (I probably shouldn't have said "cheerleader", but if you prefer...). She certainly doesn't seem like a deer caught in the headlights, and she's at least as qualified as Obama to be in charge of anything.

Rudy's speech tonight, though -- I thought he knocked it out of the park. Yeah, a lot of his speech was obnoxious rah-rah bullshit and mindless pandering (par for the course for anyone, at either circlejerk), and he mostly resonated with people who already agree with him (of course, I used to really like Rudy, or at least I really wanted to). Even if a lot of his speech was pure bollocks there were some lines that I thought were pretty good, like the one about how the Presidency isn't for "on-the-job training." My favorite line, though:

"Change is not a destination, and hope is not a strategy."

That was par for the course for the two speeches; the Republicans pretty much just blew the Democrats up tonight. Once again, we saw the difference between how the Democrats go about their business and the Republicans theirs:

The Democrats: "John McCain is a true American Hero."
The Republicans: "Fuck you, you're losers."

This doesn't mean that they're right about everything, but Jesus, at least they stand up for themselves and aren't ever afraid to go after their opponent. Sure, it does help that the Democrats went first and now the Republicans get a four-day rebuttal, but tell me the Republicans wouldn't have pretty much the same posture even if the timing was reversed. Still, I can't get on board with these d-bags, even if they picked a VP nominee who's easy on the eyes (but hard on the brain). So where does that leave me? Supporting the people who are going to vote for one guy just because he's not the other guy? That's not change -- that's more of the same!

So I just watched Hillary's speech at the Democratic National Circlejerk tonight. Unfortunately for Hillary, throughout the course of her speech she made it quite clear as to why she lost the nomination -- she's a fucking robot. You know, we've come a long way in this country. We've come to the point where we'll talk about electing a black man president. Half black. Anyway, we've come a long way, but we just haven't come far enough to elect a robot president. Sorry, HRC-9000.

The most important part of her speech, well, maybe the only important part of her speech (from a D standpoint, at least) was when she asked "Were you in this for me, or were you in this for blah blah blah" (insert stories of people she probably made up). That should have been her whole speech: "I lost. Get over it, fuckers. Support this guy or you're dumb." Can you believe all these d-bags who won't let it go? 'Course you can. But really, that's just sad. Either you can't deal with the fact that your chosen one lost, and/or you're a racist.

Another thing I'm already tired of: people getting weepy or even just misty-eyed while someone is speaking. If this is the kind of shit that touches you, if this is the kind of shit that stirs emotion in you, you're a loser.

Then there was the religious pandering... Jesus. And what was with those Asians giving the closing benediction? Supposedly they were from Aurora. There are no Asians in A-Town, you retards! What the fuck is with a closing benediction, anyway? Lame.

I will give Hillary credit for one thing, though, and that's the fact that she was able to keep her shit together and not like start breathing fire and eating people alive. How pissed do you think she must be? Looking forward eight months ago this week in Denver was supposed to be her coronation, and here she's stuck playing third fiddle, since aside from Obama you know Bill will steal the entire show when he speaks tomorrow. I guess it could be worse; if she had gotten the nomination then she'd be stuck getting upstaged by Bill at her own convention.

Speaking of Bubba, I'm not really planning to tune into much more of the Democratic strokefest, but I would like to see his speech just because it will be pretty hilarious to see people going nuts over him. And while Clinton's lost a few steps these past few years I'm guessing he still knows how to please. Speaking of which, I'll bet he's trolling the streets of Denver right now picking up tail.

I'm also hoping to catch Biden's speech as well. Personally I thought Bill Richardson was the most solid guy for Obama to pick, but Biden's a pretty good choice too. I could swear there was some kind of deal-breaker that soured me on Biden at one point but hell if I can remember what it was, and anytime I listen to the guy I'm pretty much on board with him. Finally, anyone who will call "bullshit" by actually using the word "bullshit" without apology is definitely garnering some points in my book.