So mentioning my all-time dreamwoman list got me thinking. The top two, Sasha and Danica, are always pretty quick to come to mind. But I always have to think, who is on the list after that? And then I'm like, oh yeah, I'd have to say Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens. After that I don't really know.
You'll notice a theme there -- petite, dark haired girls. They really are the best, celebs or otherwise. Give them light-colored eyes and freckles and glasses and that may be impossible to beat.
Considering I'm 5'3" in decent shoes my predilection for short women is not really a mystery. Really though it's partly a practical matter, and partly a matter that, at least in this case, smaller is just plain better. Why can't more of them be on board with that too?
Moving on, I never really cared all that much about hair color, well at least insofar as stupid notions like "gentlemen prefer blondes." As far as I've always been concerned, if the hair color looks good, then it really does not matter to me. But still, there's something about dark hair -- particularly straight-up black -- that really is just +1.
OK, so the whole purpose of this post, well initially anyway, was something I came across while thinking about the dreamwoman list. I did not remember exactly how tall Selena is (turns out 5'4" or 5'5"). Enter celebheights.com, a site which once again shows that no matter how trivial of info you seek, you can find it on the internet.
This got me going along another line of thought that is of immense gravity. In my mind, what was the best thing to come out of 1984: Sasha Cohen... Or the first Ghostbusters movie?
That really is a tough call. Sasha has been my #1 celebrity crush since the Salt Lake games. For those of you keeping score at home, yes, she was only 17 at the time, and no, I don't care what you think of that. Anyone who has been here from "back in the day" (sad that there was one of those with regards to this 'blog) knows my fascination with the younger set anyway. I'm not some fucking ChiMo; I'm not gonna be doing anything but looking, OK? And any straight guy who says he doesn't like to at least check out younger girls, even (especially?) of the underage variety, is a fucking liar. Again, most will be look but don't touch, and I really don't see a problem with that as long as dudes aren't total creepers about it.
What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, 1984. Anyway, yeah, Sasha has been my fantasy for a long time, but man, Ghostbusters. That movie was a revelation for me. Easily my favorite movie of the 80s and one of the best of all time IMO. I was so enthralled by that movie that in 3rd grade I wrote a Ghostbusters story. Not some run-of-the-mill eight-year-old drivel, either. This story was a fucking magnum opus. It was thirteen pages. Handwritten. That's fucking War and Peace to a kid. In the story I was the fifth ghostbuster. I spent so much time crafting the story, honing it, that one quarter my teacher actually added comments on my report card that she was concerned that I was taking so much time on the story and not moving on to others. Well fuck her; good literature cannot be rushed.
I don't really have a resolution to this. Really I'm just glad that the world has both of them. I would almost say that the existence of things so sublime would almost make me believe that there is a benevolent god out there. But then I realize: I am not the fifth ghostbuster, and I am not having sex with Sasha Cohen. So fuck you, God who probably doesn't even exist.
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girls. Show all posts
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Monday, July 05, 2010
OK if I'm not gonna be useful in any way then I guess I should post some links to some hot chicks or something. Which then makes me sorta useful. One thing I am a huge fan of is girls with freckles. Take a cute girl and add freckles and it's almost unbearably awesome. Oh so anyway, this.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thanks to the A.V. Club's Tolerability Index I've discovered yet another affront to all mankind: Miss Bimbo, virtual fashion game! The game is apparently targeted at girls ages 9-16.
Yes, I will be doing my best not to make the usual jokes I tend to make, and I'd appreciate it if you'd pretend I'm someone else for the remainder of this post.
So anyway, here's Wikipedia's rundown of the game:
The aim of the Miss Bimbo beauty contest game, which was launched in the United Kingdom in February 2008, is to make your virtual "bimbo" attractive and famous. Players create a virtual person and compete against other players to earn "bimbo" dollars. These dollars are used to take one's character partying or to purchase new clothes. The players are given assignments, such as gaining plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their character bigger breasts. They used to have to keep their character at its target weight using diet pills, however, due to the massive negative media attention it has received, that option has been eliminated.
Boob jobs and diet pills in a game for kids. That's pretty solid. Here is an article that sheds some more light on the game:
Level 7
After you broke up with your boyfriend you went on an eating binge! Now it’s time to diet . . . Your target weight is less than 132lbs
Level 9
Have a nip and tuck operation for a brand new face. You’ve found work as a plus-size model. To gain those vivacious curves, you need to weigh more than 154lbs
Level 10
Summertime is coming up and bikini weather is upon us. You want to turn heads on the beach don’t you?
Level 11
Bigger is better! Have a breast operation
Level 17
There is a billionaire on vacation . . . You must catch his eye and his love! Good luck
I guess the fact that one of the goals is to become a plus-sized model adds some balance. Maybe? I don't fucking know.
Look, I try to take a middle ground when it comes to stuff like this. I'm obviously not one of those people who does things like always yell "think of the children" and feel that an exposed breast will scar kids for life. On the other hand, I'm not like all those Slasholes who sarcastically tag every article about online child safety with "thinkofthechildren" and who don't realize there are real dangers out there.
With rubbish like this, of course, many of us are like "Hey, where are the parents?" Fair enough; parents need to have their shit together and try to instill healthy attitudes in their kids. But of course even some of the ones who really do put forth serious effort are going to have difficulties with all of the crap that's out there. I'm not saying that things like this are solely responsible for problems like eating disorders, but they sure as hell don't help.
With all of the garbage that girls and women are bombarded with every day I am continually amazed that any of them turn out to be functional at all. Us guys complain about how women are fucking nuts but sometimes can you really blame them? Not to give all you ladies carte blanche here but honestly us guys really just can't understand because we aren't faced with shit like this from the age of nine (if not earlier).
More from that article linked above:
Its introduction came as research showed that children as young as 6 were developing acute eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Yesterday it emerged that increasing numbers of teenagers were undergoing breast enlargement surgery.
Is this shit actually happening? Of course I'm speaking rhetorically. I mean the notion of girls getting implants isn't news, although it is fucking appalling. Granted, my views on this subject are apparently not in line with Miss Bimbo. Or a lot of others for that matter. And the notion of six-year-olds with eating disorders is not exactly surprising but just sad and depressing. Exactly how fucked up are we that this is where we're at?
Leveraging a line from Chris Rock, in conclusion to the girls and women out there: I'm not saying you should be as crazy as you are, but I understand.
Yes, I will be doing my best not to make the usual jokes I tend to make, and I'd appreciate it if you'd pretend I'm someone else for the remainder of this post.
So anyway, here's Wikipedia's rundown of the game:
The aim of the Miss Bimbo beauty contest game, which was launched in the United Kingdom in February 2008, is to make your virtual "bimbo" attractive and famous. Players create a virtual person and compete against other players to earn "bimbo" dollars. These dollars are used to take one's character partying or to purchase new clothes. The players are given assignments, such as gaining plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their character bigger breasts. They used to have to keep their character at its target weight using diet pills, however, due to the massive negative media attention it has received, that option has been eliminated.
Boob jobs and diet pills in a game for kids. That's pretty solid. Here is an article that sheds some more light on the game:
Level 7
After you broke up with your boyfriend you went on an eating binge! Now it’s time to diet . . . Your target weight is less than 132lbs
Level 9
Have a nip and tuck operation for a brand new face. You’ve found work as a plus-size model. To gain those vivacious curves, you need to weigh more than 154lbs
Level 10
Summertime is coming up and bikini weather is upon us. You want to turn heads on the beach don’t you?
Level 11
Bigger is better! Have a breast operation
Level 17
There is a billionaire on vacation . . . You must catch his eye and his love! Good luck
I guess the fact that one of the goals is to become a plus-sized model adds some balance. Maybe? I don't fucking know.
Look, I try to take a middle ground when it comes to stuff like this. I'm obviously not one of those people who does things like always yell "think of the children" and feel that an exposed breast will scar kids for life. On the other hand, I'm not like all those Slasholes who sarcastically tag every article about online child safety with "thinkofthechildren" and who don't realize there are real dangers out there.
With rubbish like this, of course, many of us are like "Hey, where are the parents?" Fair enough; parents need to have their shit together and try to instill healthy attitudes in their kids. But of course even some of the ones who really do put forth serious effort are going to have difficulties with all of the crap that's out there. I'm not saying that things like this are solely responsible for problems like eating disorders, but they sure as hell don't help.
With all of the garbage that girls and women are bombarded with every day I am continually amazed that any of them turn out to be functional at all. Us guys complain about how women are fucking nuts but sometimes can you really blame them? Not to give all you ladies carte blanche here but honestly us guys really just can't understand because we aren't faced with shit like this from the age of nine (if not earlier).
More from that article linked above:
Its introduction came as research showed that children as young as 6 were developing acute eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. Yesterday it emerged that increasing numbers of teenagers were undergoing breast enlargement surgery.
Is this shit actually happening? Of course I'm speaking rhetorically. I mean the notion of girls getting implants isn't news, although it is fucking appalling. Granted, my views on this subject are apparently not in line with Miss Bimbo. Or a lot of others for that matter. And the notion of six-year-olds with eating disorders is not exactly surprising but just sad and depressing. Exactly how fucked up are we that this is where we're at?
Leveraging a line from Chris Rock, in conclusion to the girls and women out there: I'm not saying you should be as crazy as you are, but I understand.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
So, is this gonna become a new trend (if it isn't already; I live under a rock)? I hope not. Us guys all love to see girls fighting but that's not what we're talking about.
I guess it shouldn't really be a surprise to see this kind of stuff, though. While we expect this kind of cretinism out of guys we all know that girls are the truly vicious ones. Combine the internet plus the stupidity of youth plus the fact that all girls and women hate each other and here's the end result.
Never fully understood why all women hate one other, I just know it's true. At some point or other if you know a girl she will inevitably say this: "I have more guy friends than girl friends." Now of course that isn't necessarily indicative of hatred but I think it's a clue. Is it some sort of competition thing? Really though in the end what is there to compete for? Guys? I suppose that makes some evolutionary sense but trust me ladies we're not worth it. And don't worry I'm not forgetting lesbians; they're obviously a different case since they are wired differently, ERRR, have made alternative lifestyle choices (speaking of cretinism...).
Hey, you know, that actually brings me to a decent conclusion to this post. For myriad reasons I am probably of zero credibility to be giving this advice but I'm going for it anyway. Note to young girls: please stop beating the hell out of schoolmates just to be bitches and post it on the internet. If you want to do something interesting and post it on the 'net to get a bunch of attention, might I suggest lesbianism instead?
I guess it shouldn't really be a surprise to see this kind of stuff, though. While we expect this kind of cretinism out of guys we all know that girls are the truly vicious ones. Combine the internet plus the stupidity of youth plus the fact that all girls and women hate each other and here's the end result.
Never fully understood why all women hate one other, I just know it's true. At some point or other if you know a girl she will inevitably say this: "I have more guy friends than girl friends." Now of course that isn't necessarily indicative of hatred but I think it's a clue. Is it some sort of competition thing? Really though in the end what is there to compete for? Guys? I suppose that makes some evolutionary sense but trust me ladies we're not worth it. And don't worry I'm not forgetting lesbians; they're obviously a different case since they are wired differently, ERRR, have made alternative lifestyle choices (speaking of cretinism...).
Hey, you know, that actually brings me to a decent conclusion to this post. For myriad reasons I am probably of zero credibility to be giving this advice but I'm going for it anyway. Note to young girls: please stop beating the hell out of schoolmates just to be bitches and post it on the internet. If you want to do something interesting and post it on the 'net to get a bunch of attention, might I suggest lesbianism instead?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
