Saturday, March 27, 2004
Not quite an adult link... But you're going to get strange looks at work should you click if there.
Hey ladies, your days of envy are over!
Their contact page says the company is in Canada, but considering the A) Engrish and B) product, I would not be surprised of the people running it are Japanese.
Link mined from A Metrosexuals Bathroom Wall.
Their contact page says the company is in Canada, but considering the A) Engrish and B) product, I would not be surprised of the people running it are Japanese.
Link mined from A Metrosexuals Bathroom Wall.
Yahoo search:
sasha cohen naked
I still don't understand why people expect to find anything with some searches. I get this one a lot, which is just sad. She's a fucking well-known figure skater, and she's not Katarina Witt, so there are no naked pictures of her out there. I suppose there's the off chance that maybe someone snuck some kind of photo of her, but c'mon. You need to find better things to do with your time, this coming from me (TCFM).
As a bonus, this hit came from Colorado.edu. Nice to see the level of intelligence at my alma mater is... Right about where I'd expect it to be. Probably an out-of-stater, too. Well, as long as they're not fucking raping anyone, I'll leave 'em alone. For now.
sasha cohen naked
I still don't understand why people expect to find anything with some searches. I get this one a lot, which is just sad. She's a fucking well-known figure skater, and she's not Katarina Witt, so there are no naked pictures of her out there. I suppose there's the off chance that maybe someone snuck some kind of photo of her, but c'mon. You need to find better things to do with your time, this coming from me (TCFM).
As a bonus, this hit came from Colorado.edu. Nice to see the level of intelligence at my alma mater is... Right about where I'd expect it to be. Probably an out-of-stater, too. Well, as long as they're not fucking raping anyone, I'll leave 'em alone. For now.
Yahoo search:
chicks that will fuck everything free
Sorry, pal. I'm pretty sure that no matter how open-minded a woman is, they all have a point where they're like "Nuh-uh; I'm going to need some cash up front."
chicks that will fuck everything free
Sorry, pal. I'm pretty sure that no matter how open-minded a woman is, they all have a point where they're like "Nuh-uh; I'm going to need some cash up front."
Ever since I first placed an order with Income Rapers, I've been getting their newsletter. I remember before actually reading one of these newsletters, Wynette described them to me, but you just can't know the full effect until you read one for yourself. The newsletter has the typical format of the first part being some random tidbit about Japan or life in Japan, with the second part being an update on products in stock at J-List. It's wholly bizarre as sometimes the guy who heads up J-List will talk about something like his young daughter in Japanese Girl Scouts in the first half, then going off about bukkake and all sorts of wonderful hardcore pornography in the second half. It's just fucked up. But whaddya want from Japan, even if it's coming from a gai-jin living there.
Here's one of those random tidbits that I thought was kind of interesting and for some reason was compelled to share, and sorry but it has nothing to do with porn (for a change around here):
Studying the names of Japanese companies can be interesting. For example, I'll bet you never knew that Kyocera is short for "Kyoto Ceramics." The number one car company in Japan is Toyota, which is located in Toyota City, Aichi Prefecture (near Nagoya) -- but the company came first, and the city changed its name to Toyota City in 1959 "to reflect its bright prospects to develop and prosper as an automobile city." The number two Japanese car company is Honda, founded by Soichiro Honda to make motorcycles after the end of World War II. Mazda, which is more than half owned by Ford now, is really called Matsuda in Japan, but they came up with the name Mazda so they could sound less Japanese in foreign markets. Datsun's name has an interesting story -- DAT were the first letters of the names of three founders, and they considered the company they were founding to be their son, thus DATSON. However, "son" (with a long vowel, so that it rhymes with bone), means "loss" or "disadvantage" in Japanese, so they changed it to "sun," a much more cheerful word. Datsun was later bought out by one of its distributors, Nissan (which means "Made in Japan" -- if you said "America-san" it would be "made in America"). Subaru, based near J-List, is the Japanese name for the star cluster we called the Pleiades. Some popular beer companies are Asahi ("morning sun"), Kirin (named after a magical Chinese dragon), and Suntory (the president's name as Tori-san, so he reversed it to come up with the name of his company). Other interesting names are Daihatsu ("Osaka Engineering Tools"), Pocky manufacturer Glico (which gets its name from the word "glycogen"), and Bridgestone (named after its founder, Mr. Ishibashi, which means "stone bridge").
Here's one of those random tidbits that I thought was kind of interesting and for some reason was compelled to share, and sorry but it has nothing to do with porn (for a change around here):
Studying the names of Japanese companies can be interesting. For example, I'll bet you never knew that Kyocera is short for "Kyoto Ceramics." The number one car company in Japan is Toyota, which is located in Toyota City, Aichi Prefecture (near Nagoya) -- but the company came first, and the city changed its name to Toyota City in 1959 "to reflect its bright prospects to develop and prosper as an automobile city." The number two Japanese car company is Honda, founded by Soichiro Honda to make motorcycles after the end of World War II. Mazda, which is more than half owned by Ford now, is really called Matsuda in Japan, but they came up with the name Mazda so they could sound less Japanese in foreign markets. Datsun's name has an interesting story -- DAT were the first letters of the names of three founders, and they considered the company they were founding to be their son, thus DATSON. However, "son" (with a long vowel, so that it rhymes with bone), means "loss" or "disadvantage" in Japanese, so they changed it to "sun," a much more cheerful word. Datsun was later bought out by one of its distributors, Nissan (which means "Made in Japan" -- if you said "America-san" it would be "made in America"). Subaru, based near J-List, is the Japanese name for the star cluster we called the Pleiades. Some popular beer companies are Asahi ("morning sun"), Kirin (named after a magical Chinese dragon), and Suntory (the president's name as Tori-san, so he reversed it to come up with the name of his company). Other interesting names are Daihatsu ("Osaka Engineering Tools"), Pocky manufacturer Glico (which gets its name from the word "glycogen"), and Bridgestone (named after its founder, Mr. Ishibashi, which means "stone bridge").
I have no idea what their music is like, but this is by far the fucking coolest band name ever: British Sea Power. Things get even better with the title of their debut album: The Decline of British Sea Power. Bonus points for being on the Rough Trade record label.
Yeah, and if this is what the people we're "liberating" are saying...
On Thursday, the United States vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution that would have condemned the assassination.
Once again, big shock. Like I said, Israel, ally, blah blah blah. I get that. What I don't get is why we're so fucking steadfast. I mean, look at the history (and that list only goes up through 2001) of the U.S. being the lone naysayer when it comes to resolutions unfavorable to Israel. Christ, supporting Israel is like a religion for us - it's absolute, and you can't question it.
Since it's on the table, a big fuck you goes out to the danger that is organized religion. Christianity, Islam, all of them. Fuck you, douchebags.
On Thursday, the United States vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution that would have condemned the assassination.
Once again, big shock. Like I said, Israel, ally, blah blah blah. I get that. What I don't get is why we're so fucking steadfast. I mean, look at the history (and that list only goes up through 2001) of the U.S. being the lone naysayer when it comes to resolutions unfavorable to Israel. Christ, supporting Israel is like a religion for us - it's absolute, and you can't question it.
Since it's on the table, a big fuck you goes out to the danger that is organized religion. Christianity, Islam, all of them. Fuck you, douchebags.
Yes, I'm still getting these people
Yahoo search:
cartoon inspector gadget fucking penny pictures
As opposed to that live action flick of Gadget fucking.... Uh, you know what? I can't even say it. It's just fucking wrong.
cartoon inspector gadget fucking penny pictures
As opposed to that live action flick of Gadget fucking.... Uh, you know what? I can't even say it. It's just fucking wrong.
Friday, March 26, 2004
Of course he did. Of course. It's always nauseating to see the R smear machine go into overload. I wouldn't be surprised if he did praise the administration at one point; it's called sucking up to the boss. Also, I just love how the Rs kick and scream any time someone wants something that may be damaging to them declassified (Cheney's energy task force, 9/11 commission, just to name a couple), but they are ALL OVER THAT SHIT when they want something else declassified that they can use to their advantage.
I love Bill Frist, only I don't. He says that Clarke is "the only common denominator" in terrorism over the past ten years. Sorry, Richard, it looks like they found your al Qaeda membership card. It's pretty obscene to try and imply that one man is somehow responsible for all this shit. Even more absurd considering that Clarke has already taken some blame upon himself. As a side note, don't get too misty eyed over that admission and apology, everyone. Yeah, he is the first to take some blame and responsibility for 9/11, and that's certainly commendable. But don't think that it wasn't also a calculated maneuver. However, when Frist says that "his right, his privilege or his responsibility" were all null and void in the mea culpa, that's fucking bullshit. Thus far, we still have the rights and privileges of free (as in speech) speech. I know you fucking assholes would love to change that when it suits you, though (this goes for everyone, by the way, and not just Rs... pretty much any asshole who has said something like "well, you have a right to your opinion" or "I defend to my death your right to express yourself" when they really know that they'd love to be able to shut the other person up).
Speaking of things calculated, Frist also accuses Clarke of profiteering. I can't say I entirely argue with this. Yes, Clarke may be doing a lot of this for the right reasons, and regardless, I'm glad he's doing it. But again, don't think that he's being completely selfless and isn't looking to make some money off of this. However, considering that the Rs supported the Iraq war, which has turned into nothing but profiteering for R donors, Frist looks pretty fucking stupid lobbing that criticism. It's like, fittingly enough, the Clinton administration criticizing TB pre-9/11 on terrorism. Yes, their criticism is certainly valid, but you Clinton cocksuckers were just as lax. Clarke is looking to make a buck, but so is Halliburton. You people all fuck ass.
Finally, Scott McClellan, you probably should avoid using terms like "credibility" and "revisionist history." Just a tip from your pal here.
I love Bill Frist, only I don't. He says that Clarke is "the only common denominator" in terrorism over the past ten years. Sorry, Richard, it looks like they found your al Qaeda membership card. It's pretty obscene to try and imply that one man is somehow responsible for all this shit. Even more absurd considering that Clarke has already taken some blame upon himself. As a side note, don't get too misty eyed over that admission and apology, everyone. Yeah, he is the first to take some blame and responsibility for 9/11, and that's certainly commendable. But don't think that it wasn't also a calculated maneuver. However, when Frist says that "his right, his privilege or his responsibility" were all null and void in the mea culpa, that's fucking bullshit. Thus far, we still have the rights and privileges of free (as in speech) speech. I know you fucking assholes would love to change that when it suits you, though (this goes for everyone, by the way, and not just Rs... pretty much any asshole who has said something like "well, you have a right to your opinion" or "I defend to my death your right to express yourself" when they really know that they'd love to be able to shut the other person up).
Speaking of things calculated, Frist also accuses Clarke of profiteering. I can't say I entirely argue with this. Yes, Clarke may be doing a lot of this for the right reasons, and regardless, I'm glad he's doing it. But again, don't think that he's being completely selfless and isn't looking to make some money off of this. However, considering that the Rs supported the Iraq war, which has turned into nothing but profiteering for R donors, Frist looks pretty fucking stupid lobbing that criticism. It's like, fittingly enough, the Clinton administration criticizing TB pre-9/11 on terrorism. Yes, their criticism is certainly valid, but you Clinton cocksuckers were just as lax. Clarke is looking to make a buck, but so is Halliburton. You people all fuck ass.
Finally, Scott McClellan, you probably should avoid using terms like "credibility" and "revisionist history." Just a tip from your pal here.
I know exactly where this cat went to - and I can promise you it's not a normal family. This cat went to the ownership of my high school biology teacher, who was nuts. There was one day that she was talking about a genetic mutation in some cats that was causing them to have these short, stubby legs. Naturally, she wanted one, and asked the class to get ahold of one for her if they ever came across one.
We were fully convinced that she made clones of some of the more troublesome students in the class - namely, ETP, myself, and two other guys who sat in the back corner - just so she could execute those clones in the privacy of her own home whenever one of us non-clones was pissing her off. One day, ETP apparently got under her skin, so she made him wash dishes.
Then there was this one kid in our class whose last name was Seman. And yes, it's pronounced that way. At one point, she actually asked the kid "What's the PH of semen, Mr. Seman?"
Oh, and her son would sometimes come in during class so that he could brush his teeth.
I'm not making any of this up. Not even the part about the clones - trust me, if you'd sat through a year of her class, you'd totally agree with me.
We were fully convinced that she made clones of some of the more troublesome students in the class - namely, ETP, myself, and two other guys who sat in the back corner - just so she could execute those clones in the privacy of her own home whenever one of us non-clones was pissing her off. One day, ETP apparently got under her skin, so she made him wash dishes.
Then there was this one kid in our class whose last name was Seman. And yes, it's pronounced that way. At one point, she actually asked the kid "What's the PH of semen, Mr. Seman?"
Oh, and her son would sometimes come in during class so that he could brush his teeth.
I'm not making any of this up. Not even the part about the clones - trust me, if you'd sat through a year of her class, you'd totally agree with me.
I don't have time to read through this 'blog at the moment, but it's getting mentioned just because it has a fucking cool name.
I really like Law & Order. The original is great, and Sport Utility Vehicle is a pretty good show. All the stories that are too fucked up for regular L&O. Or at least it was a good show; I hardly ever watch it. But that's not on me. I was actually watching it consistently when it first came on. Monday night - perfect. If I fuck up, USA Network will re-play it in a couple of weeks. Then what do those NBC fuckheads do? They move it to Friday. To add insult to injury, they put the truly awful Third Watch on Monday nights to replace SUV Sex Crimes Unit. No wonder you assholes lost football. Criminal Intent, on the other hand, really isn't that good. Here's how every preview for that show could read: "Watch as Vincent D'Onofrio yells at a perp in the interrogation room on the next episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent!"
I rarely remember to watch the original, unfortunately, even though I love Jerry Orbach and Sam Waterston. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that Jack always has a hot assistant. But if this ends up being the case, my forgetfulness will only get worse.
I rarely remember to watch the original, unfortunately, even though I love Jerry Orbach and Sam Waterston. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that Jack always has a hot assistant. But if this ends up being the case, my forgetfulness will only get worse.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Yeah, it's one of those days where I don't have time to post anything but random searches.
Yahoo search:
fuck in context
Yeah, totally - I hate it when people take fucking out of context. Maybe they meant contest, but if not, I have no clue as to what the fuck this means.
Yahoo search:
fuck in context
Yeah, totally - I hate it when people take fucking out of context. Maybe they meant contest, but if not, I have no clue as to what the fuck this means.
Yet another Google search looking for relationship advice in the wrong bloody place:
how to love a man who is stuck in pornography
All I have to say is, how exactly do you get stuck in pornography? Because believe me, I've tried.
how to love a man who is stuck in pornography
All I have to say is, how exactly do you get stuck in pornography? Because believe me, I've tried.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
No sense fucking around.
"Marriage between a man and a woman is the ideal. And the job of the president is to drive policy toward the ideal."
It's just really disturbing to hear shit like that. Not surprising, but disturbing.
"Marriage between a man and a woman is the ideal. And the job of the president is to drive policy toward the ideal."
It's just really disturbing to hear shit like that. Not surprising, but disturbing.
To be honest, I'm not a huge fan of God showing up in the Pledge of Allegiance. Now that I think of it, I'm not a huge fan of anything with the word "allegiance" in there; sounds a little Nazi-esque. Still, I don't get all that bent out of shape over the Pledge, just because there are so many other areas where the government promotes religion in a more blatant manner. It's like Marth Stewart; sure, she's a crook (not to mention a bitch), but there are bigger fish we should be frying (to use language Martha would appreciate).
Things like "under god" and "in god we trust" are all indicative of just how we view religion in this country. Church and state are separate, wink, wink. It's pretty clear that this is a Christian nation and a Christian government, and our leaders are never really ashamed to show that fact off. It'd be nice to clean all of that shit out, from "under god" to tax exemption for the church to the head of our government saying that god chose him to be president. None of that's going to happen so long as religion continues to A) have power over the weak-minded and B) lots of fucking money.
As a side note, I'd love to hear Scalia's excuse for recusing himself from this case while he still continues to refuse to do the same in the Cheney case.
Things like "under god" and "in god we trust" are all indicative of just how we view religion in this country. Church and state are separate, wink, wink. It's pretty clear that this is a Christian nation and a Christian government, and our leaders are never really ashamed to show that fact off. It'd be nice to clean all of that shit out, from "under god" to tax exemption for the church to the head of our government saying that god chose him to be president. None of that's going to happen so long as religion continues to A) have power over the weak-minded and B) lots of fucking money.
As a side note, I'd love to hear Scalia's excuse for recusing himself from this case while he still continues to refuse to do the same in the Cheney case.
This is the first post of the rest of this 'blog
Okay, so we all know those annoying fucking personal ads that show up on our favorite websites. They almost always have a picture and some stupid little quote from the questionnaire. Right now, the following is up on The Onion's front page:
If I could be anywhere at the moment: "Sharing a good beer with someone sickeningly intelligent and attractive."
Isn't that pretty much where we'd all like to be right about now, cunt?
If I could be anywhere at the moment: "Sharing a good beer with someone sickeningly intelligent and attractive."
Isn't that pretty much where we'd all like to be right about now, cunt?
Self-congratulatory bullshit
So what's this blog about? Bitching is pretty much the focus here. Oh, and if you're not a big fan of sarcasm, this place probably isn't for you. Not like any of this matters... I'm sure no one is going to read this crap, anyway.
Those were the all-too-mortal words written by me one year ago today. Yup, that's right, I've been shitting out this site for a whole year now. At current count, we're at 1046 comments and 22,167+ visits since late August (mostly from pedophiles who don't go by the acronym "BLM"), all on the strength of 1,769 posts. 1,769. Wow, I am just fucking wasting my life here, aren't I?
It's no surprise that this was my first actual post and my first posted link. Yup, we got started off by talking about underage poon, and then shortly thereafter moved on to bitching about the war, which (obviously) became a major theme around here.
The 'blog, from what I recall, was pretty much focused on politics, particularly goings on with the war and vitriol aimed at Team Bush. Things seemed to take a bit of a turn after this horrible feeling sorry for myself post. That kinda broke the ice on bullshitting about my stupid personal life (or at least, moreso than before), which made a nice addition to all the stupid bullshit ramblings about my personal opinions.
That didn't seem too bad or self-indulgent, because I was pretty sure that only ETP was ever going to read this regularly, mainly because I write this 'blog almost as if I were talking to him, with many a post and many a joke written solely for his (and of course my) amusement. ETP got John into reading, as well as BOETP. But I figured that was pretty much it, and that no one else was ever going to bother with this nonsense.
Things started to change back in August when I received a couple of e-mails, most notably from Jay, 'blogmaster of the now sadly defunct Marcellus Wallace's Bloody Gitch. It was then that I realized that people actually were coming here, and not just because they knew me personally. It all just kind of snowballed from there (and not the cum spit back into your mouth after a blowjob kind of snowball, either), and that's pretty much how we ended up where we are today.
It's been a good ride thus far. Things have changed in so many ways in the past year, and in so many ways they've stayed the same. And if you'll permit me one of my occasional sappy moments, thanks for reading. Fuck everything has always been amusing for me to write, but actually having some kind of readership has made it all the more interesting and fun. I would imagine that my readership will now drop to zero, either for disappointing everyone by being nice, or just out of spite because life fucking hates me.
Here's to year two!
Oh, and in commemoration of Fe's first anniversary, we're holding a press conference. Let's listen in, shall we?
...
Do you really think that starting this 'blog was such a great idea?
Starting this 'blog was motivated by several things. For one, total abject boredom at my internship. I didn't know it, but I was pretty much in the last month and a half in that job at the time I started, and I pretty much had nothing to do at work. So, this became a means for me to keep my worthless little self occupied in my cubicle. Also, the war had just broken out, and I was pretty pissed about that. What I'm trying to say is, basically, this whole 'blog is Bush's fault.
Who gave you the idea to do this bullshit, anyway?
Well, I had a couple of influences. I had been an avid reader of Wil Wheaton dot Net for quite some time, and I thought that was pretty neat. Then as the war broke out, the 'blog Where is Raed? started showing up in the news. I saw that and I was like, "Damn, I need to do something like that, only nowhere near as original, irreverent, or interesting."
Do you need to use so much foul language.
Shit yeah, ladies. Next fucking question.
Other than your need to be a potty mouth, why call the site Fuck everything?
I wanted the name to be all encompassing yet brief and still able to get across my world view. After a minute or so of thought, that's what came to mind, and there was no turning back.
Why "Bitter Little Man"?
Back in high school I had a bit of a reputation. Strange, I know. Even though I wasn't very social, everyone pretty much knew what a cranky little douche I am. There was one girl - who, oddly enough, I rarely ever hung out with - whose mother - who I'd never met - pinned the name "bitter little man" on me. That's how far my influence had spread: to people who didn't even fucking know me. Actually, this mother may have called me "little bitter man," but I think my way flows better. Besides, what the hell did she know? Not me, obviously.
You continually claim that "no one reads this piece of shit," but comments and your traffic log seem to imply otherwise.
We've been suffering from a string of bad intelligence.
You still realize that, as yet, no one cares, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty secure in that fact.
You talk a lot about things like underage girls, drinking habits, how small your penis is, and filthy, filthy sex. Do you think that maybe you should be keeping some of those things to yourself?
I think that we all face tough issues every day. The sooner we face them, the sooner we can conquer those issues and better ourselves as people.
No, seriously, people frown on Lolita complexes and incest jokes. You really oughta keep that on the down low, don't you think?
I think that we all face tough issues every day. The sooner we face them, the sooner we can conquer those issues and better ourselves as people.
Why are you so pissed off?
Many years ago, about the hottest girl who's ever actually talked to me in real life told me that I'm cute when I get mad. I think it's all been downhill since then. Okay, that's not really why. Yeah, that did happen, but as it turns out, I'm just an asshole.
So, where exactly are those weapons of mass destruction?
They're in my pants.
Wait a minute... I thought you've said before that you have a small penis. Your response here seems to imply otherwise.
I never specified the destruction my weapons are capable of, whether it's civilization as we know it or just the hopes of rich, satisfying sex for a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
Surely there are plenty of people who have visited Fuck Everything and hated it. How do you respond to your critics?
I don't listen to people who don't like me.
Okay, some of this stuff has to be made up, right? I mean, it's just not possible for someone to suck this badly.
Nope, it's all true. I'm doing my damndest to bring up the rear of civilization. The sad thing is, there are still people trailing behind even me.
Any advice for aspiring or future 'bloggers?
If you're A) looking for advice on how to 'blog and furthermore B) looking for said advice from me, you've got bigger problems. You'd do good to just stick with concentrating on how not far you're going to go in life.
What do you hope to accomplish with this 'blog?
I appreciate your question. I certainly have no grand designs for this blog, as it is primarily a vehicle to keep myself entertained. It has been doing so for a year now, and there's no end in sight for that. As a secondary goal, I keep this going to amuse the handful of people who manage to put up with me in actual reality. The fact that people come here and find amusement for some reason or other (whether they're laughing at me or with me) is pretty neat, and here's to hoping that we can keep that going as well.
What has this 'blog taught you?
That people are fucked up. Not the everyday kind of fucked up that you see on the news, but the kind of fucked up that finds amusement in a bunch of foul language and statutory rape jokes. That, by the way, is not a bad thing in my book. That's the kind of "fucked up" I can really appreciate. Obviously.
What would you say is the essence of this 'blog?
Some people say that 'blogs are like a predator that stalks us all our lives. No, wait a minute... That was Captain Picard talking about Malcolm McDowell in Generations, and they were talking about time.
What can we expect from year two of Fuck everything?
Just read below to find the answer to your query.
Those were the all-too-mortal words written by me one year ago today. Yup, that's right, I've been shitting out this site for a whole year now. At current count, we're at 1046 comments and 22,167+ visits since late August (mostly from pedophiles who don't go by the acronym "BLM"), all on the strength of 1,769 posts. 1,769. Wow, I am just fucking wasting my life here, aren't I?
It's no surprise that this was my first actual post and my first posted link. Yup, we got started off by talking about underage poon, and then shortly thereafter moved on to bitching about the war, which (obviously) became a major theme around here.
The 'blog, from what I recall, was pretty much focused on politics, particularly goings on with the war and vitriol aimed at Team Bush. Things seemed to take a bit of a turn after this horrible feeling sorry for myself post. That kinda broke the ice on bullshitting about my stupid personal life (or at least, moreso than before), which made a nice addition to all the stupid bullshit ramblings about my personal opinions.
That didn't seem too bad or self-indulgent, because I was pretty sure that only ETP was ever going to read this regularly, mainly because I write this 'blog almost as if I were talking to him, with many a post and many a joke written solely for his (and of course my) amusement. ETP got John into reading, as well as BOETP. But I figured that was pretty much it, and that no one else was ever going to bother with this nonsense.
Things started to change back in August when I received a couple of e-mails, most notably from Jay, 'blogmaster of the now sadly defunct Marcellus Wallace's Bloody Gitch. It was then that I realized that people actually were coming here, and not just because they knew me personally. It all just kind of snowballed from there (and not the cum spit back into your mouth after a blowjob kind of snowball, either), and that's pretty much how we ended up where we are today.
It's been a good ride thus far. Things have changed in so many ways in the past year, and in so many ways they've stayed the same. And if you'll permit me one of my occasional sappy moments, thanks for reading. Fuck everything has always been amusing for me to write, but actually having some kind of readership has made it all the more interesting and fun. I would imagine that my readership will now drop to zero, either for disappointing everyone by being nice, or just out of spite because life fucking hates me.
Here's to year two!
Oh, and in commemoration of Fe's first anniversary, we're holding a press conference. Let's listen in, shall we?
...
Do you really think that starting this 'blog was such a great idea?
Starting this 'blog was motivated by several things. For one, total abject boredom at my internship. I didn't know it, but I was pretty much in the last month and a half in that job at the time I started, and I pretty much had nothing to do at work. So, this became a means for me to keep my worthless little self occupied in my cubicle. Also, the war had just broken out, and I was pretty pissed about that. What I'm trying to say is, basically, this whole 'blog is Bush's fault.
Who gave you the idea to do this bullshit, anyway?
Well, I had a couple of influences. I had been an avid reader of Wil Wheaton dot Net for quite some time, and I thought that was pretty neat. Then as the war broke out, the 'blog Where is Raed? started showing up in the news. I saw that and I was like, "Damn, I need to do something like that, only nowhere near as original, irreverent, or interesting."
Do you need to use so much foul language.
Shit yeah, ladies. Next fucking question.
Other than your need to be a potty mouth, why call the site Fuck everything?
I wanted the name to be all encompassing yet brief and still able to get across my world view. After a minute or so of thought, that's what came to mind, and there was no turning back.
Why "Bitter Little Man"?
Back in high school I had a bit of a reputation. Strange, I know. Even though I wasn't very social, everyone pretty much knew what a cranky little douche I am. There was one girl - who, oddly enough, I rarely ever hung out with - whose mother - who I'd never met - pinned the name "bitter little man" on me. That's how far my influence had spread: to people who didn't even fucking know me. Actually, this mother may have called me "little bitter man," but I think my way flows better. Besides, what the hell did she know? Not me, obviously.
You continually claim that "no one reads this piece of shit," but comments and your traffic log seem to imply otherwise.
We've been suffering from a string of bad intelligence.
You still realize that, as yet, no one cares, right?
Yeah, I'm pretty secure in that fact.
You talk a lot about things like underage girls, drinking habits, how small your penis is, and filthy, filthy sex. Do you think that maybe you should be keeping some of those things to yourself?
I think that we all face tough issues every day. The sooner we face them, the sooner we can conquer those issues and better ourselves as people.
No, seriously, people frown on Lolita complexes and incest jokes. You really oughta keep that on the down low, don't you think?
I think that we all face tough issues every day. The sooner we face them, the sooner we can conquer those issues and better ourselves as people.
Why are you so pissed off?
Many years ago, about the hottest girl who's ever actually talked to me in real life told me that I'm cute when I get mad. I think it's all been downhill since then. Okay, that's not really why. Yeah, that did happen, but as it turns out, I'm just an asshole.
So, where exactly are those weapons of mass destruction?
They're in my pants.
Wait a minute... I thought you've said before that you have a small penis. Your response here seems to imply otherwise.
I never specified the destruction my weapons are capable of, whether it's civilization as we know it or just the hopes of rich, satisfying sex for a beautiful woman or a confused young man.
Surely there are plenty of people who have visited Fuck Everything and hated it. How do you respond to your critics?
I don't listen to people who don't like me.
Okay, some of this stuff has to be made up, right? I mean, it's just not possible for someone to suck this badly.
Nope, it's all true. I'm doing my damndest to bring up the rear of civilization. The sad thing is, there are still people trailing behind even me.
Any advice for aspiring or future 'bloggers?
If you're A) looking for advice on how to 'blog and furthermore B) looking for said advice from me, you've got bigger problems. You'd do good to just stick with concentrating on how not far you're going to go in life.
What do you hope to accomplish with this 'blog?
I appreciate your question. I certainly have no grand designs for this blog, as it is primarily a vehicle to keep myself entertained. It has been doing so for a year now, and there's no end in sight for that. As a secondary goal, I keep this going to amuse the handful of people who manage to put up with me in actual reality. The fact that people come here and find amusement for some reason or other (whether they're laughing at me or with me) is pretty neat, and here's to hoping that we can keep that going as well.
What has this 'blog taught you?
That people are fucked up. Not the everyday kind of fucked up that you see on the news, but the kind of fucked up that finds amusement in a bunch of foul language and statutory rape jokes. That, by the way, is not a bad thing in my book. That's the kind of "fucked up" I can really appreciate. Obviously.
What would you say is the essence of this 'blog?
Some people say that 'blogs are like a predator that stalks us all our lives. No, wait a minute... That was Captain Picard talking about Malcolm McDowell in Generations, and they were talking about time.
What can we expect from year two of Fuck everything?
Just read below to find the answer to your query.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Google search:
125lbs. girl nude
As we all know, I've gotten tons of hits for people looking for some kind of pornography or other. I've had people specify ages (kiddy porn freaks), specific couplings (incest freaks, bestiality freaks, and, of course, kiddy porn freaks), and all sorts of sex acts. This, however, is the first time someone has specified the exact weight of the girl they want to see naked. That's all that matters to them, apparently; a perfect 125 pounds. I've gotta hand it to you if I find myself calling you out for being picky.
125lbs. girl nude
As we all know, I've gotten tons of hits for people looking for some kind of pornography or other. I've had people specify ages (kiddy porn freaks), specific couplings (incest freaks, bestiality freaks, and, of course, kiddy porn freaks), and all sorts of sex acts. This, however, is the first time someone has specified the exact weight of the girl they want to see naked. That's all that matters to them, apparently; a perfect 125 pounds. I've gotta hand it to you if I find myself calling you out for being picky.
Monday, March 22, 2004
Alright, losers. You need to listen up. And you need to pay attention to the source here: a huge Star Trek dork. Captain Kirk is dead. Has been for awhile. He's not coming back. Trek, in general, is dead, and it's not going to change. It's time to get over it. You need to move on.
I went and watched their trailer, and I've gotta say that it's pretty impressive. Both in terms of technical achievement (although the mixing of stock footage with CG did come across kind of goofy) and just how fucking sad it is that all that time was wasted. Seriously, these people should knock it off with this stupid "bring back Kirk" bullshit and just concentrate on making more of those CG battle sequences - that was pretty fucking cool. Either way, the virginities of the people who are doing this will remain fully in tact.
Could something like this be a very cool and interesting project if Paramount took it on? Sure. But it's not going to happen. Nobody cares. You people need to face facts. It's time to go home. Home to your parents' basement.
Oh, and just to make sure that my nerd credentials stay fully in order: I'm real sure they're going to truck out a Constitution class starship to fight in a 24th century battle.
I went and watched their trailer, and I've gotta say that it's pretty impressive. Both in terms of technical achievement (although the mixing of stock footage with CG did come across kind of goofy) and just how fucking sad it is that all that time was wasted. Seriously, these people should knock it off with this stupid "bring back Kirk" bullshit and just concentrate on making more of those CG battle sequences - that was pretty fucking cool. Either way, the virginities of the people who are doing this will remain fully in tact.
Could something like this be a very cool and interesting project if Paramount took it on? Sure. But it's not going to happen. Nobody cares. You people need to face facts. It's time to go home. Home to your parents' basement.
Oh, and just to make sure that my nerd credentials stay fully in order: I'm real sure they're going to truck out a Constitution class starship to fight in a 24th century battle.
So, you may or may not have heard the story about a girl in the UK who was auctioning off her virginity to help pay for school. It's now come to light that it may have been an engineer who ended up winning the auction. That figures.
Here's an older article that has a picture of the goods, if you want to call her that. I'm sorry, but I'm not paying £8,400 for sex with that girl. I'm actually not paying money for sex with anyone, oddly enough. I'm pretty sure that if it hasn't happened by now, it never will. The cards are stacked against me being a male engineer, and, furthermore, being me, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not lowering my standards like oh-so many of my kind end up doing. I'll either prove that beggars can be choosers, or I'll die alone. I would imagine we all know where to be placing our bets on that one.
Here's an older article that has a picture of the goods, if you want to call her that. I'm sorry, but I'm not paying £8,400 for sex with that girl. I'm actually not paying money for sex with anyone, oddly enough. I'm pretty sure that if it hasn't happened by now, it never will. The cards are stacked against me being a male engineer, and, furthermore, being me, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not lowering my standards like oh-so many of my kind end up doing. I'll either prove that beggars can be choosers, or I'll die alone. I would imagine we all know where to be placing our bets on that one.
Can liberals beat Rush at his own game? Probably not. Things are not helped by the fact that, as we have pointed out many a time, liberals are pussies.
Thanks, Joe; no one cares about you. Still. But how about the idea of McCain as Democratic VP? I know it wouldn't happen, but it's still an interesting idea.
Joe says that the terrorists "hate us all equally." No, I'm pretty sure that a lot of them hate Americans more than everyone else.
Joe says that the terrorists "hate us all equally." No, I'm pretty sure that a lot of them hate Americans more than everyone else.
As I was saying...
"The US, which said it had no prior knowledge of the attack, refused to condemn the killing..."
There's a shocker.
"... but last night moved to reassure the Arab world and Europe that it had limits to its tolerance for Israel..."
No, I'm pretty sure that we have no limits to our tolerance for Israel. Look, I understand that Israel is our ally and all, but we make no attempts to even begin to be impartial. Everyone knows full well whose side we're on, and as such, have no business trying to be mediators. Which, of course, we really aren't, but we should just fucking be up front about it and get that nonsense over with.
One question I have not yet found a satisfactory answer to: why exactly do we have no limits to our support of Israel? Some people say it's some sort of guilt complex from the Holocaust, but I just don't see us being that magnanimous. In the end, I assume it comes down to what it always does - money. They are, after all, in the Middle East, a place where we like having a foothold and influence thanks to all the oil. But there are plenty of places in the world where we have significant financial interests and we aren't this unflagging in our support. Anyone have any thoughts? If so, bust that shit out in comments or on the useless messageboard.
Just like pretty much everyone else involved in this fucking Israeli-Palestinian mess, Sheikh Yassin wasn't a good guy. But fucking killing him? That can only end badly. Any fucking moron can see that. And this, of course, is what Sharon wants. He doesn't want peace, he just wants to see dead Palestinians. There's plenty of that sentiment on both sides.
"The US, which said it had no prior knowledge of the attack, refused to condemn the killing..."
There's a shocker.
"... but last night moved to reassure the Arab world and Europe that it had limits to its tolerance for Israel..."
No, I'm pretty sure that we have no limits to our tolerance for Israel. Look, I understand that Israel is our ally and all, but we make no attempts to even begin to be impartial. Everyone knows full well whose side we're on, and as such, have no business trying to be mediators. Which, of course, we really aren't, but we should just fucking be up front about it and get that nonsense over with.
One question I have not yet found a satisfactory answer to: why exactly do we have no limits to our support of Israel? Some people say it's some sort of guilt complex from the Holocaust, but I just don't see us being that magnanimous. In the end, I assume it comes down to what it always does - money. They are, after all, in the Middle East, a place where we like having a foothold and influence thanks to all the oil. But there are plenty of places in the world where we have significant financial interests and we aren't this unflagging in our support. Anyone have any thoughts? If so, bust that shit out in comments or on the useless messageboard.
Just like pretty much everyone else involved in this fucking Israeli-Palestinian mess, Sheikh Yassin wasn't a good guy. But fucking killing him? That can only end badly. Any fucking moron can see that. And this, of course, is what Sharon wants. He doesn't want peace, he just wants to see dead Palestinians. There's plenty of that sentiment on both sides.
Regardless of motivation, this is probably too little, too late. Mainly because the notion that "[s]uch accusations, unless successfully rebutted by the administration, could be politically troublesome" doesn't really fly with me. They're rebutting just like they usually do: "Nope, we're good. You media people really shouldn't be questioning us on this." And that usually seems to be end of story. Obviously, I'm exaggerating, but it never seems to take much for them to convince people that issues are non-issues. Maybe some day something will stick, but I'm not counting on it.
Also, and again, the Bush administration certainly didn't take the al Qaeda threat seriously. Maybe Clinton's administration at least considered them a threat, but they clearly didn't do much, either. There is, of course, the Iraq issue, and I think there's a case there. While previous administrations weren't doing shit about terrorism, at least they weren't doing extra useless and potentially dangerous shit like planning a war for revenge/oil/empire/whatever. Sure, we've gotten involved in military action and other shenanigans, but nothing quite like the load of total horseshit that is the Iraq war.
"His critics have said it is disingenuous and cynical to make that association."
Yeah, no fucking shit it's disingenuous and cynical, and this is coming from the king of both. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. The Iraqi invasion was decided on a long time ago by people like PNAC, and all they needed was some excuse - any excuse that the stupid American public would buy - to follow through with it.
Also, and again, the Bush administration certainly didn't take the al Qaeda threat seriously. Maybe Clinton's administration at least considered them a threat, but they clearly didn't do much, either. There is, of course, the Iraq issue, and I think there's a case there. While previous administrations weren't doing shit about terrorism, at least they weren't doing extra useless and potentially dangerous shit like planning a war for revenge/oil/empire/whatever. Sure, we've gotten involved in military action and other shenanigans, but nothing quite like the load of total horseshit that is the Iraq war.
"His critics have said it is disingenuous and cynical to make that association."
Yeah, no fucking shit it's disingenuous and cynical, and this is coming from the king of both. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. The Iraqi invasion was decided on a long time ago by people like PNAC, and all they needed was some excuse - any excuse that the stupid American public would buy - to follow through with it.
Yahoo search:
care bears fucking
Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people. The only good thing about shit like this is that it actually makes me feel better about myself, because despite how screwed up I am, at least I'm not looking for CB porn. The only ones getting fucked when it comes to Care Bears are kids who want the bears and their parents who have to pay for them. Even 20 goddamn years later, I might add. Where the fuck is my Grumpy Bear?!?!
care bears fucking
Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with people. The only good thing about shit like this is that it actually makes me feel better about myself, because despite how screwed up I am, at least I'm not looking for CB porn. The only ones getting fucked when it comes to Care Bears are kids who want the bears and their parents who have to pay for them. Even 20 goddamn years later, I might add. Where the fuck is my Grumpy Bear?!?!
Sunday, March 21, 2004
So yeah, I'm really trying to switch gears from all this personal, self-serving, and ultimately uninteresting shit we've had going on, especially today. In continuing that effort, I offer up Maureen Dowd's latest column. As if it needs to be said: fuck Scalia.
Ah, the joys of capitalism.
Anyone else reminded of dissecting fetal pigs back in middle school (at least for us)?
Anyone else reminded of dissecting fetal pigs back in middle school (at least for us)?
While we're in the middle of unnecessarily discussing my personal demons, why not talk about someone else's problems? Namely, those of Japan.
Nutscrape search:
republicans fuck their mothers
I'm especially proud to be the number one search result.
republicans fuck their mothers
I'm especially proud to be the number one search result.
Okay, so I ended up with a bit of a 'blogging hangover today. I don't know what it is; I'm terrified of embarrassment, yet I'm leaving up those audblog posts despite the fact that they're fucking embarrassing. Just a policy I've developed here; once I get a post out in the wild, that's it. No turning back. Even ones that are shitty. Which, of course, partially explains the shittiness of this site.
I've come to realize that I have a bit of a drinking problem. I know you're thinking to yourself "No shit..." For once, I'm not trying to be flip about it, though. Now, I'm not trying to be a huge drama queen or anything, especially since I know that there are some people with real drinking problems. The serious chemical dependency kind that needs AA and other counseling. For once, I'm honestly not trying to make a bigger deal out of something than it really is. I'm definitely not somewhere horribly bad, but I'd kinda like to clean things up a bit. For one, I do drink alone quite a bit. That's never good, and I'm certainly not proud of that. Then, of course, the fact that I get the need to share things that I should probably not be sharing (the sharing could be worse, though... believe me).
That's the main thing; the drinking alone. It's pretty much always on the weekends, and it's not every single weekend. In fact, I rarely ever drink during the week. It's not like I'm addicted and have a craving for liquor all the time. I don't miss work or social obligations (what few I have) thanks to booze. And there are few things where I have to drink to have a good time. I've found some things - like bars and clubs - where I can't enjoy myself unless I'm fucking hammered. As such, I just don't go to those places. Still, even if it's not a huge problem, it's still a problem. A small turd floating in the punch bowl is still a turd floating in the punch bowl.
All I need to do is make sure that I don't have hard alcohol in the house, and I'm pretty much okay. Just like with strip joints, as long as I don't put myself in the position to be tempted, I'm good. I pretty much never go out and buy liquor on my own, since my desire to avoid people trumps any desire to drink in many circumstances. As such, I'll be calling on ETP and BOETP to help keep me honest, which shouldn't be too bad.
Cutting back or just giving up booze would be nice for other reasons. It fits in nicely with this latest attempt to eat better and start exercising. I know, I know, I always bullshit about this kind of stuff, and then end up fucking it up at some point, but I'm giving it a shot nonetheless. We'll see where it goes.
I've come to realize that I have a bit of a drinking problem. I know you're thinking to yourself "No shit..." For once, I'm not trying to be flip about it, though. Now, I'm not trying to be a huge drama queen or anything, especially since I know that there are some people with real drinking problems. The serious chemical dependency kind that needs AA and other counseling. For once, I'm honestly not trying to make a bigger deal out of something than it really is. I'm definitely not somewhere horribly bad, but I'd kinda like to clean things up a bit. For one, I do drink alone quite a bit. That's never good, and I'm certainly not proud of that. Then, of course, the fact that I get the need to share things that I should probably not be sharing (the sharing could be worse, though... believe me).
That's the main thing; the drinking alone. It's pretty much always on the weekends, and it's not every single weekend. In fact, I rarely ever drink during the week. It's not like I'm addicted and have a craving for liquor all the time. I don't miss work or social obligations (what few I have) thanks to booze. And there are few things where I have to drink to have a good time. I've found some things - like bars and clubs - where I can't enjoy myself unless I'm fucking hammered. As such, I just don't go to those places. Still, even if it's not a huge problem, it's still a problem. A small turd floating in the punch bowl is still a turd floating in the punch bowl.
All I need to do is make sure that I don't have hard alcohol in the house, and I'm pretty much okay. Just like with strip joints, as long as I don't put myself in the position to be tempted, I'm good. I pretty much never go out and buy liquor on my own, since my desire to avoid people trumps any desire to drink in many circumstances. As such, I'll be calling on ETP and BOETP to help keep me honest, which shouldn't be too bad.
Cutting back or just giving up booze would be nice for other reasons. It fits in nicely with this latest attempt to eat better and start exercising. I know, I know, I always bullshit about this kind of stuff, and then end up fucking it up at some point, but I'm giving it a shot nonetheless. We'll see where it goes.
Okay, so we have a new linker tonight. I don't know if it's just the fragmented state I'm in, but there's something highly amusing about this 'blog:
A Metrosexuals Bathroom Wall
A Metrosexuals Bathroom Wall
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