It's been awhile, so here's a new batch of the shit I have to put up with online. Since the quality of Google pedos is declining (or rising, depending on how you want to look at it), I had to mix in a few more spams to get a decent list going. "Decent," of course, also being up for debate.

Your wife will be happier, if you use Viagra Pro.

Dick pill pro. Yeah, your dick's so broken you need professional grade dick meds to get it goin'. That should make the wife pretty happy.

how to pronounce jim rome

Could there be a simpler name to pronounce than Jim Rome? God damn it, no wonder people complain about the quality of education in this country. And yes, this searcher was from this country. Utah, in fact, which pretty much explains everything. Any group of people that will be floored by such "advanced" English phrases as "repressed sexual tendencies" and "Nazi-esque" is really in need of a shitload better book learnin'.

Speaking of education, here's a an ad that showed up at the top of my GMail inbox:

Online College Serach - quiz.learningandlife.com - An easy 10 Question Quiz to see if College Online is right for you.

Hey, why not? Looks like your serach for a quality education is over. Sure worked out well for those people.

Spam:

Lose weight while having sex

Yay, just what fatties need: The Catch-22 Diet.

how to suck your own cock if you are not flexible

Unless if it's fucking huge and you can get it to bend properly, the only other option is to cut it off and then you can suck it. Seriously, being flexible is, like, the pre-req for being able to do that. If you're too stupid to realize this, then just work on trying to be more flexible so you will hopefully snap your spine so we can be rid of you.

woman fucking appliances

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this one was a woman trying to get it on with her refrigerator, and that's just funny.

what is the biggest shit ever

Man, I've had a couple recently that might qualify, but I'll spare you the details. Like one yesterday, which I could best describe as "two for the price of one." Okay, seriously, I'll stop. You know how sometimes you'll drop one off that just amazes you, though? Like, so big you're almost proud of it and thinking, holy crap, that was in me? Or how about ones that come out in interesting shapes, like one with a perfect 90 degree angle? How does that happen? Okay, really, I'll stop now. Anyway, maybe this one was more for the guys out there. And coprophiliacs. You know you're gonna think about this sometime in the near future when you're on the shitter, though. But before we get off of that subject...

i shit at everything

I feel pretty safe in saying this individual is less popular than I am.

little fucking man

Yup, that pretty much describes me. Except for the fucking. And the man.

why does a man argue with you for just about everything

I dunno, why are you such a bitch for just about everything?

why god am I such a pathetic loser that I scare off every woman I speak to

Look dude, I feel your pain, but maybe the fact that you are asking Google these all-important questions could be a good place to start looking for the answer. Also, why are you asking this to Google? Are they god now? Jesus, that company needs to be stopped. Also, for those keeping score at home, I'm #7 on that search, so that's pretty solid.

A few more spams:

Tight slits crammed full of cock

They're crammed full -- you got that? Nothing particularly funny about this one, I just liked the simple, straightforward language.

Parents seducing their young daughter LOL

Yeah, if anything deserves an LOL'ing, it's that. Good job spam people.

We found hot slut for you Biitterlittleman!

Finally, the personal service I deserve. Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? My own friends can't even help out in finding girls to introduce me to, but yeah, some spam fucker is gonna get the job done.

Girls in your area who like money for sex Bitterlittleman

Yeah, I'd imagine there are quite a few girls like that in my area, but they're missing the boat and not taking any of my money.

jerking off my sister

Alright, I'll just let that one speak for itself, and it also gives me an opening to reference this Bash quote. Apparently one guy finally got sick of other guys lying about the size of their cocks.

Take it all

I'm pretty sure that every time I release a set of searches into the wild I have to qualify it with some sort of complaint about how the searches just aren't good anymore. But I have seriously been checking my logs for the past couple months and there has been all but jack shit in there that amused me. I have tried to set the bar at a minimum of ten new items from searches and spam before I post these but it's just not happening so I'm gonna let this one blow prematurely.

Spam:

Your sexual life will be an example for others.

It already is, asshole.

naked pics of jake plummer

Dude, if he's got the hobo beard going, it's gonna be like one of those fuckin' "evolution of man" posters.

as a muslim is it wrong to mastubate

Not if you do it facing Mecca. Nah, not true. I think it's wrong to do anything fun if you're Muslim. The same goes if you're sufficiently devout in any other of those ridiculous religions.

how to stay in love with a man with pointy balls

I don't know what's weirder about this one -- the thought of balls being pointy or the notion of said balls being a reason to not stay in love with someone.

prayer for teenage girls dealing with hormones

I just... I just dunno what to say about this one. I mean, it's teenage girls, and hormones, and I wanna make like a million jokes and inappropriate comments, but this is so fucking stupid that it just has to be left alone.

Nancy Pelosi tits boobs

I know, you didn't need that image, but I've been getting a ton of hits like this so now you get to suffer too. Why are so many of you fuckers searching for this? Isn't she like 66 years old? STOP THAT. Yeah, I know, I'm just gonna get like a billion more hits on this now, but I am fed up and needed to vent.

does killing someone for coveting my wife send me to hell

That is a very good question. I'd have to say that the penalties offset -- you just replay the down.

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