Who wants to pool their money with me so we can amass $185K and register www.clownpenis.fart?

(Of course this was discussed in an article I linked three years ago and was supposed to start in '09 but a man can dream... And yeah, that's the best I got after disappearing for several weeks again.)

Dammit, I just had to go edit two back-to-back posts because I started them both out with the word "So." That's just poor fucking form right there. Maybe random shit like this I should be tweeting but I'm sober right now, and you know the rules.

Recently I was looking through my traffic log and saw an entry from army.mil. I'm always interested in when the government shows up here; it's just one step away from Chris Hansen showing up and telling me to take an e-seat right over there.

Anyway, upon probing I saw a couple of things. The visitor was from Ft. Meade, which among other things, is home to NSA HQ. Furthermore, the last thing they clicked on was the 'dreamgirl' tag. I don't know if NSA would show up as army.mil. But I like to think so, because it is hilarious to me that some G-man came here and ended up reading a handful of vague posts on my non-adventures with some dumbass girl. Maybe the NSA can help me crack the code there, if you know what I mean.

I'll be more than happy to take care of your daughter, especially if she continues to wear those short shorts.

JB FTMFW!

Looking at some stats on traffic to this 'blog revealed this hilarity:


Actually, fuck that guy still -- he's a loser.

Must've been something they ate.

Jack

Here's my foray into advertising:


Also:

"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants."
- Dave Attell

You can do anything (as long as you have sound turned up)

This site is 12 years old. How is it that I just found out about it?

In a row

Hey, so check out the logo for search engine DuckDuckGo:


Is it just me, or does that duck look like the victim of some surprise buttsecks?

Hey so is whoever commented on this post still around? Or how about anyone else who has commented in, like, the past year or so? I mean besides ETP; I know he'll wander past here eventually and be like, whoa, you're blogging again.

And hey, how about some newbies? C'mon, people. Step it up.

OK wait so a couple more random things before I go. This is hilarious:



And this is hilariouser:


Also, if you have not seen Inglourious Basterds you have done yourself a great disservice.

Finally, money.

OK so this is kinda random but when I first came across this I thought it said "stew."

Alright so I added something new to my sidebar, a list of "Followers" of this 'blog. Mainly because, somehow, I have some. Yo, check it; one of them is some dude who goes by "wom taits" and I'm like OK whatever but my other follower is an Asian girl. Or at least I hope she's Asian because I A) have the Asian girl fetish going and B) don't wanna look like a total racist here. Either way if this blog is attracting Asian girls then I officially declare this site to be full of WIN.

Also, big ups if you know what a source follower is.

Welcome back

So, a couple days ago I logged in because I was actually gonna make a post. And when I attempted to do so, I saw that my blog had been locked from posting -- because it had been flagged as a potential spam blog. Blogger apparently has an automated tool that scans blogs and tries to find ones that are spam. And I was like, oh really.

I don't really get this. Sure, I'm impotent in so many ways, but it's not like I talk about Viagra or other fake dick meds or anything all the time. I'm not trying to pull off any Nigerian bank scams. So WTF? If it had been a shitty blog detector, then yeah, OK. You got me. But spam? Dude.

Anyway, once I submitted the request for review, it got unlocked pretty quick. I guess I'm lucky they didn't just say, dude, we're killing your blog anyway, 'cause it sucks. So it the end, a minor annoyance, and all around it was retarded.

No time for love, Dr. Jones

Interesting. I don't remember Wanosky giving us quite this perspective on the subject. Fuckin' showboatin' lib. Not to say that we weren't still fucked up, which of course we were, and still are.

A smattering of random crap for ya.

A webcomic I discovered a few weeks back that somehow I have not linked yet. Maybe cause it's just kinda okay-ish, but it does have its moments. Wonder what they'll do moving forward.

Ted Rall: badass.

Yeah, that's not a bad way to put it.

And finally, I complain, 'cause I've dealt with some stupid shit, mostly but not entirely of my own making, but I haven't gotten it as harsh as this guy. Yet. Damn.

Fuck yes.

Have your own fun here.

Okay, two things before we get on with this post:

1. The follwing link is not NSFW. Wait, I have serious trouble with double negatives. Let me rephrase. The follwing link is NSFW. I worry that someone out there doesn't know what NSFW means and will lose their job for clicking my link and then come and kill me so I will clarify: the following link is not safe for work, or you know what fuck you if you don't know what NSFW means by now you deserve to be fired anyway.
2. This is probably just for the guys, or at very least, people close in age to me.

Anyway, please tell me in the comments, so I can see if you think like I do (in other words, if you are fucked up like me): what pisses you off about this?

So much more awesome than it needs to be:


Courtesy of DRGBLZ. I literally had to have that spelled out for me. I was like, Dragon Ball Z? WTF?

Hungry like the wolf

I just figured it out. I figured out how I'm gonna hit it big. I'm gonna make a porno. The theme of it will be chicks who do DVDA while they suck a cock. The title? Five-Tool Player.