It's been pretty difficult to get myself motivated to 'blog for a long time and even harder since I got serious about using Twitter. That last part alone makes me want to punch myself in the face. Anyway, I may not 'blog that much, but when I get a chance I will post something written by Carville, because that weird-looking motherfucker cracks me up.

So the SpHerminator's sexual harassment issues just won't go down quietly.

"I want you, Mr. Cain, to come clean."

Yeah that's really the only reason I posted this. Sometimes the jokes just write themselves. Reading the article though I couldn't help but wonder if those who put it together were having some fun or if it's just my fucked up mind:

"... get it out in total"

"Until something comes out that's concrete..."

"...it, is really hard"

"I think what you're seeing is a huge assault..."

So you may or may not have seen this video:

After which you need to see this, if you also have not, to know that Jon Huntsman's daughters are awesome:

And of course I would be remiss if I didn't go find a pic of them sans mustaches:

It's nice to see that the Republicans have their limits. After years of calling Obama a nazi, a socialist, questioning his religion and where he was born, saying he's destroying America... And of course those are just the things they will say in public. But a depiction of Obama as a zombie with a bullet hole in his head, that's too far. Good to know.

Yeah, so at this juncture it looks like I was wrong about Perry being a force in the Republican presidential field. That man is an idiot. Out of the past two governors of Texas he appears to be the dumbest.

Yeah, I was off the mark about Perry. Just like I was wrong about Newt being a potential cure for what ails the Republican party. In case it wasn't obvious I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when it comes to politics. Well, politics and pretty much anything else come to think of it. That's one of the great things about being a blogger with a blog that no one reads, though: you don't have to know shit about shit and you can just run your mouth and never back anything up. Which, actually still sounds like a recipe to be a political pundit on TV. Where the fuck's my money and airtime?

Anyway, I think basically if we want a candidate to go in the shitter, all we need is for me to say that they are a solid candidate. So Herman Cain? Well I'm still convinced that there's no way he will keep any real momentum going. As I've mentioned before Republicans of all people are not going to vote in the second black president in history (this one being fully black AFAIK). Does that make me racist? Don't care. No way I'm not right on this one.

So as we await Herman Cain's inevitable nomination, and also speaking of punditry, some that is at least funny, Carville.

Carville cracks me up. Yeah, this is a totally pointless excuse for taking cheap shots at the Republican candidates, and, well, I guess you don't really need an excuse to do that. Well done, Jimbo.

So Michele Bachmann won the Iowa corn hole, ERRRR, the Iowa straw poll. Irrelevant political theater won by irritating political actor. Even more irrelevant as all the Republican candidates are in trouble now with Rick Perry in the race. There's a "real" Christian running (sorry Mitt) who so far doesn't have that crazy vibe (sorry Michele) who is governor of a state people have heard of (sorry Minnesota).

I think Perry is a very interesting candidate in the sense that he is quite possibly exactly what the Republicans have been in need of. I used to think that Newt was what the Republicans needed but that dude's campaign is in such disarray and thinking back he is probably too cerebral for the Republican electorate. OK, that's partly unfair; he's probably too much of a thinker for the voting population at large. Keep in mind this is a country that wants a president that they could theoretically sit down and have a beer with. Fuck that; I want a president who is too busy studying to be doing fucking keg stands and shit.

Again Perry is like Newt -- not someone I would back in reality but if I put myself in Republican shoes I think I would. Along those lines I can't say Perry won brownie points with me after the recent prayer rally controversy; as I said in my long religion rant it's not that I automatically discount someone because they like Jesus, but when you're a sitting governor and you're a really really big fan of Jesus and you're blurring the line of separation between church and state, well, that's not helping.

Here are some interesting perspectives on the debate over that event. Some of this I can get on board with, such as the fact that we can't just bar politicians from exercising their faith or expect it to become totally private for them. But I don't see how "use of official resources, including a gubernatorial proclamation, to promote the prayer service" is not a violation of the establishment clause of the first amendment.

It's a pipe dream, but I really just wish people didn't need for the president -- you know, the most powerful person in the world -- to believe in not just an invisible man in the sky, but a very particular invisible man in the sky. It's required for a person to believe in ghosts and fairy tales to hold the highest office in the land. That just bothers me, but I'm getting off on a tangent.

This does allow me to come back to what I was originally talking about, and that's Rick Perry. I think religious conservatives really will breathe a sigh of relief with Perry in the race. They don't have to bullshit themselves anymore that they can accept Romney's Mormonism, which, let's face it, is weird to "mainstream" Christians even though they all believe in god and Jesus. OK sure, there's Bachmann, who has staunch religious street cred. But let's face it, conservatives will be way happier with a male Christian candidate than a female one.

So, he's got the religious and social conservative check boxes checked. As mentioned before he's not a nutcase like Bachmann, although of course that craziness she exudes really does resonate with a lot of stupid people who are yearning for a true moron to get behind.

Okay sorry but that brings me to a quick aside on Bachmann:


There was much ado about nothing with regards to this Newsweek cover this past week. It was slammed as sexist, liberal media bias, blah blah false indignation blah blah blah. I agree that the pic chosen was not exactly the most flattering. But people don't want to admit one thing: that's pretty much what she looks like. Michele Bachmann is a weird looking woman and I wish people would quit fucking pandering to the notion that she's some kinda MILF.

What the fuck was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Perry. Republicans have fucked themselves in the ass by focusing so much on national debt, in particular with the recent debt ceiling crisis. On the surface, tackling the debt/deficit looks like a win-win for republicans: it allows them to look like serious fiscal conservatives while at the same time cutting funding for stuff they don't like. Like programs that help the poor and the middle class.

Meanwhile, the biggest problem in this country isn't the deficit, it's jobs. Particularly for the poor and middle class. Yes, government spending is absolutely something that needs to be addressed. This includes things that are near and dear to the left, such as Social Security and Medicare. But right now, jobs and the economy are the most important things that need to be taken care of. Deficit reduction is not going to create jobs, and cutting government spending during a time of recovery is a dubious measure at best if you want to keep the recovery going.

Rick Perry can claim that he is a fiscal hawk as he has done things in office such as balance the state budget (as always, there is more context). Even more one thing he can and will push hard is how he's a job creator (I don't just mean in the sense that he's rich, as all rich people are job creators now). Again, there is some context here too. High numbers of low-paying jobs, a good deal of the jobs not necessarily due to his actions, etc.

Still, Rick Perry appears to be a formidable candidate although not an unbeatable one. I know Republicans would be more than willing to fight dirty and go after him, but in the end I don't know if any of them have anything substantive to counter with. And should he get the nomination, I don't know that the Democrats have the balls to really go after him in ways that are completely legit.

In other words, will anyone really add the necessary context to Perry's rhetoric? They need to do Perry up Karl Rove style and tear him down on his strengths. In fact, if Perry becomes the Republican candidate for the general election, the Democrats need to just go balls out and just hire Karl Rove. Seriously. He'd do it, too; give the man enough money and he would suck off James Carville.

I have no ending for this other than leaving you with that image. You're welcome.

Run, Rick, run!

She turned me into a newt

So Republicans hate Obama so much and are so scared of how he's ruining America that precisely no one will man up and say "Yeah, I'm gonna take down that commie-Nazi-Muslim-not-born-in-America-motherfucker." Yeah, OK, Palin is pretty much a lock, but she hasn't said anything other than her usual gibberish yet. And there's D-Trump who is so full of his own bullshit that he thinks we're laughing with him and he will probably give it a go since he can't see past his own terrible combover. But again, he hasn't said anything definitive either (unless I missed it because I wanted to).

And then there's Newt, who's said he's kinda-sorta thinking about maybe running. For awhile there, I was really on board with the idea of Newt running for a handful of completely pragmatic reasons. One reason was me thinking, god, just not Palin, alright? Yes, it would be a major embarrassment to the Republicans, and funny in that right, but I think right, left, or center, Palin shames us all by her very celebrity, to say nothing of a legit presidential run.

Newt, on the other hand, is someone I thought I could respect intellectually. Look, I'm not saying I like the dude, OK? I fucking hate Dick Cheney -- I frequently refer to him as one of the biggest pieces of shit alive -- but I do have a begrudging respect for him on an intellectual level. I don't think Newt is as big of a shitclown as Cheney (although still a pretty damn big one), but it's the same kind of deal. And at least I could say, "Hey, at least dude's smart, unlike many others."

And to further clarify, should he run, no, I'm not gonna vote for him. Or anyone else for that matter. If you're not part of the problem, well, you're not part of the problem. Voters on the other hand are part of the problem. I'm not saying we abandon the illusion of representative democracy, but I am saying that the electorate is fucking retarded.

Anyway, back to Newt. I also first thought that he is what the Republican party really needs -- a smart dude with some street cred. But then there's stuff like this.

"I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists..."

What? Secular atheist radical Islamists? Is that like Jews for Jesus (which I thought were called Christians but no they're a separate group)? Newt is not going to get better. And neither are the rest of us.

I don't understand the whole notion of Islamists becoming a dominant force in this country, anyway. This is not the first time some scaremonger has ejaculated this on a group of sheep. Islamists. Really. A group with no current political power? A group of people who can't get on an airplane without making white people tremble? A group of people that many dumbfucks refer to as sand niggers? They're seriously going to be in charge in a handful of decades?

Sure, the scaremongers might not really believe that, and they're just doing what they can to rile up people who are dumb enough to believe anything. But shit, maybe they do believe their own nonsensical rhetoric. And besides, everyone knows that it's really the hispanics who are going to be in charge in the medium-term future. And, holy fuck, I just figured it out! That's what all this radical Islam shit is about -- it's just one big feint operation by all those illegals and other Mexicans to distract us from the fact that they're taking over!

Ya see how stupid shit like that sounds, Newt? Hey, not any dumber than acid wash, right? I close with this:

Bitch.

Yes. Yes exactly.

Wait... Cindy McCain is cool? OK I really don't know much else about her other than she's loaded and looks really creepy but this is a big point in her favor.

So the Democrats are going to lose Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. That is hilarious. Hope you enjoyed that supermajority while it lasted, dumbasses. You guys could not be more limp-dicked of an organization.

OK so I was totally thinking about commenting on the whole Harry Reid thing a couple days back when it was quasi-relevant but like usual I was lazy. Fortunately, the second quote of this Onion bit pretty much sums up everything I wanted to say about it anyway.

While I'm probably getting myself accused of being racist, I was never quite sure where to come out on the whole "Barack the Magic Negro" thing. On one hand, it was like, dude. You're a white guy passing out a CD to other white people with this song on it 'cause you think it's funny and you think they'll think it's funny. You're also a Republican, which puts you in with a group that -- fairly or unfairly -- is not exactly associated with racial tolerance and inclusiveness. Are you kidding me. How do you not expect that to go over poorly?

And while of course there was all the false indignation from white people, well some of them anyway, there were also a lot of black people who were like "whatever." So in the end, stupid white dude, no one cares. Let's move on.

I did find this to be an interesting take on the situation. Haha, fuck you liberals. Also, could there be a better name for an internet column? Robert Brockway: Word Puncher.

Solid.

Bitch, shut the fuck up. Seriously. First off, why the fuck is anyone still talking to this woman? Please just let her go away now, thanks.

"I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration — that’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”

Huh? Shut the fuck up, cunt.

"The mama grizzly rises up in me, hearing things like that," she said of a skit. "Here again, cool, fine come attack me. But when you make a suggestion like that that attacks a kid, it kills me."

What? That wasn't an attack on your kid, that was an attack on you, dumbass. But using your kid to try and stir up sympathy for your misplaced or false indignation? That's exploitation. That's despicable.

In the wide-ranging interview, Palin also faulted the McCain campaign for agreeing to a series of sit-downs with Couric after the first one appeared to go so poorly.

Yeah man, fuck them for having confidence in you and thinking you could pull your shit together and answer simple questions like "what newspapers do you read?" They should have recognized you're a moron and put you in hiding, which they more or less were doing at some points. Speaking of the literacy debacle:

“To me the question was more along the lines of, ‘Do you read, what do you guys do up there, what is it that you read?’”

Ummm, yeah, pretty much. But of course, Couric clearly asked quesions like that to trip you up because, unlike the McCain campaign people, apparently, she recognized that you are a blithering idiot.

"... Katie, you’re not the center of everybody’s universe," Palin added off-handedly.

Haha yeah what a bitch Couric is for thinking that.

“I’ve been interested to see how Caroline Kennedy will be handled, and if she will be handled with kid gloves or if she will be under such a microscope,” she said.

“It’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out and I think that as we watch that we will perhaps be able to prove that there is a class issue here, also that was such a factor in the scrutiny of my candidacy versus, say, the scrutiny of what her candidacy may be," she also said.

What? You were going to be -- since McCain could very easily die soon -- just a couple of years away from being President of the United States. There is just no useful comparison between that and a U.S. senator.

There is a class issue here, Sarah, and the class you are in is one of dumb whiny bitches who, again, just need to shut the fuck up and go the hell away now.

In the closing days of the campaign, this saga of McCain people throwing Palin under the bus was my favorite storyline. The most cynical, political pick of all time (Country First!) didn't pan out, and as the ship was going down all the rats started... Uhhh... Okay that metaphor completely failed to materialize but you know what I'm talking about.

In response to the allegations that she was ill-prepared for interviews and debate, Randy Scheunemann, an aide assigned to Palin, called her "brilliant" and said she has a "photographic memory."

The only way for that statement to be true would be for all of us to be running around with goatees right about now.

Well, I still don't really know what to think about all this. Aside from, what a cluster fuck.

Republican leaders, who had pushed their reluctant members to vote for the bill, pointed the finger for the failure at a speech given Monday by Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif.

What? 'Cause of a speech? What a load. Either that's bullshit or you're all just children.

Pelosi, speaking on the House floor, had blamed the nation's economic problems on "failed Bush economic policies."

Okay, so it's bullshit and you're all just children. Not voting for something 'cause of a speech -- lame. Using this opportunity as another chance to regurgitate campaign talking points -- lame.

Here's a quandary. A lot of Republicans are against this. So does that mean it must be a good thing? Or does the fact that they're against handing out a bunch of money to these firms a sign of just how fucked up the bailout proposal really is? "We're all about helpin' Whitey, but damn."

Something is amiss.

Well, um, basically, yeah.

If you're wondering what the hell that loud bang was that you just heard, it was the sound of the hypocrisy barrier being broken.

This is fucking stupid. Phony outrage, indeed.

Not that I give a fuck about what celebrities have to say about politics, but now we know one thing: Sarah Palin will not be fucking Matt Damon.