This is awesome. Extra awesome that she's a freaking knuckleballer. Yeah, we all know how I feel about young girls in specific and women in general playing baseball, but let's try to set aside the pervert shit for a minute. This is awesome for two reasons:

1. Two years until she's legal. 'Cause, you know, that's relevant -- two years from now I'm on it.
2. Unlike the 11-year-old from a couple years back, this girl is only five feet tall. Nice.

Wait, what?

Okay, so this may officially be the dirtiest thing I've ever seen:


What is that, aside from yet another figure of a young anime girl in a provocative pose? If you didn't look closely enough, look at that box down beneath her, uh, box... Between her knees. It's a pencil sharpener. Look, as usual I'm not passing judgment here on the Japanese since we share a lot of fetishes/mental issues. When I "complain" that it's "dirty" that complaint comes with a good dose of amusement and laughter. But I do recognize that it's messed up, at least to people who don't have the issues that we do. I mean, as if the pose isn't bad enough, she's got her hand on her little ass, almost... Nevermind.

Considering the series that she comes from, Kodomo no Jikan (Child's Time), the toy, errr, office supply, whatever, is actually pretty appropriate. Both the anime and manga are pretty dirty. The series revolves around Rin, featured in the above shown pencil sharpener, a precocious girl who has the hots for her third-grade homeroom teacher and tortures him in all sorts of naughty ways. Yes, third-grade. I don't know how exactly the Japanese school system works but the character is like 9 years old. Some of you are shocked, and some of you know that's just par for the course with Japan. Anyway the show/comic is not outright porn, but again, it's dirty. You know, in a cute sort of way. Which makes it even dirtier.

It is fairly entertaining, though, and not just because I'm a pervert; I've watched a couple of the episodes of the TV show and read translations of some of the manga. While the basic premise is the whole naughty lil schoolgirl thing, there actually is story, character development, and depth to the series, or at least there was with as far as I got in the manga. The manga was created by a woman, which I also find interesting because at first blush you'd expect for something like this to be created by a man as a simple pedo fantasy.

You won't be able to buy the manga at any point soon here in the States (at least not in English) after the American distributor for the title pussed out and pulled it all thanks to a shitstorm kicked up by the blowhard who writes the "Hey, Answerman!" column on Anime News Network.

Probably without having seen a single page of the manga this moron and a bunch of other moral grand-standers in forums started this huge controversy over the title, calling it "lolicon" and "virtual child porn" and blah blah blah. For anyone unfamiliar with lolicon, here's a quick primer. True, balls-out lolicon manga and anime involves the showing of genitals, sex, all that fun stuff. With kids. So yeah, it's messed up, but it's fucking cartoons. Maybe a bad choice of words there, but you know what I'm getting at.

At this point I should probably go full disclosure and point out that I haven't seen a whole lot of real lolicon stuff. Yeah, I really need to edit this site's header to just reflect that I merely have a lolita complex but I'm not a collector of that genre. 'Cause, you know, that makes me seem like a more balanced individual. Okay so I did that and now I'm a normal person fit for polite society.

Anyway we can sit down and have a discussion about lolicon and its merits or lack thereof, but what was really stupid about this whole thing is that Kodomo no Jikan is not kiddie porn and it is not lolicon. Again, I would know that because I've actually read enough of it to get a feel for just how naughty it is. At most it's a bit worse than a lot of stuff that's already on the shelves and considered "mainstream." It's dirty, but it's not that dirty. Maybe too dirty for Puritan America, but of course Puritan America is stupid.

I have never wanted an 11-year-old more. Don't give me that look; you can't tell me that a perfect game isn't hot and that she isn't cute in that uniform. Hey, from another article I saw that she's already taller than me, so I think that gives me a pass.

I should really be depressed for about a million reasons right now, but I'm not. Okay, I'm a little depressed about the "five inches taller" thing (yes, five), so let's move on.

Okay, now that he obligatory "I am a huge pedo" jokes are out of the way, I'm going to re-new my completely serious call to allow women to play Major League Baseball. Baseball got lame when it became all about home runs. I know that some of you are saying that baseball was lame to begin with, but fuck off. I mean, it's not like I don't agree -- baseball is fucking boring -- but for some inexplicable reason some of us enjoy it. As usual, I'm digressing. I'm just tired of games ending 13-12, because that's not how baseball is supposed to be. I'm tired of moving the fences in, lowering the mound, and doing whatever else to hamstring pitchers and help hitters. And of course, this doesn't even get into the whole steriods thing.

Women could totally help slow things down, and I'm not saying that because they'd suck because they wouldn't. Sure, most if not all women aren't going to rise to the ranks of the elite power hitters, but I still think some women could make good pure hitters. I'm telling you, some women have gotta be able to parlay an eye for shoes into an eye for a 95-mile-an-hour fastball. They seem to run plenty fast enough when they want something. So yeah, they won't hit lots of home runs, but they will hit for average. Again, boring to everyone, but something baseball junkies appreciate.

Then again, though, considering the schoolgirls on steriods article I posted a few days back, it might not be long before having women in the game just turned into the same old bullshit as we have now. Well, maybe not. If my completely unbacked theory that women could hit holds, then some women on roids could hit for power, but it probably won't get as ridiculous as it is now, so I'm still cool with that.

Considering how fucking shitty some teams out there are, adding women certainly couldn't hurt anything. My new girlfriend Katie could probably help shore up the Cubs' rotation until that magical day when all our pitchers are healthy. And my hometown and second-favorite team, the Rockies, already plays like a bunch of 11-year-old girls -- ones who can't hit or pitch, that is.

And what if my theory holds true, and women players turn out to be good hitters? Not just good hitters, but even great ones? How much do you think it would piss off some of those beer-swilling sports fucks if a woman hit .400 in a season or got a hit in 57 straight games? Come on, this plan is fucking perfect.

As I see it, the only other option to fix baseball is to bring back the dead ball. I'm sure Major League Baseball will be happy to hear my proposals and enact at least one of them.