As always, The Onion delivers.

Just imagine how pissed guys must be if their HMO doesn't cover whatever fucking dentist this article is talking about. I don't know if they have HMOs in Japan but they probably do since they copy all the rest of our shit besides orthodontics.

Alright so just as a warning you're probably better off not clicking the links in the rest of this post if you're at work or something. Nothing pornographic or anything that would get the FBI knocking at your door, though, so relax.

Okay so another thing Japan doesn't copy is the American notion of a "schoolgirl." Or at least I thought they didn't until I saw this shit. I swear to god that better not have been a Japanese photographer responsible for that and if it was they have shamed themselves and stained their entire family for generations. Add in some really clunky shoes instead of those black loafers and you have what I call the "naughty schoolgirl" look. Here's a better example of the type of garbage I'm talking about that I see all the time that makes my blood boil, and not in a fun way. That look is an affront to everything that's hot.

Listen up, people: real schoolgirls in uniform don't wear their shirts like that. Real schoolgirls don't wear stockings like that. Real schoolgirls don't wear shoes like that. Okay sure some will but go to any fucking Catholic school and I promise you that you won't see any of that nonsense unless if the Church has gotten even more fucked up than I'd realized. What is the point of lusting after something so inauthentic, Mr. In-Denial Pedophile?

Here's the deal: if you're going to do anything "schoolgirl" related you either consult with me or Japan first. We know what we're talking about. Despite the above linked mess (you can find more of that set here if you're an idiot with no sense of taste for the finer things in life) I'm still giving Japan the benefit of the doubt since I'm considering their entire body of work which has been magnificent up to this point. But they should know that they're on notice and if I see any more of that crap I'm coming over there and kicking some ass just to make sure.

Alright, so I just gave up on the sailor schoolgirl site. I finally got tired of randomly discovering that Angelfire had nuked not one but two of the indexes, so fuck it. I'm not gonna get un-lazy anytime soon and create two new accounts and re-upload everything. I haven't totally given up on the concept because that's a site that just needs to be out there, but I really need to hook myself up with some real webhosting if I'm gonna keep going at that. And since I've talked of getting going with real webhosting for, I dunno, 3+ years, I'm sure it will happen soon.

It was a good run. For awhile there I was averaging tens of thousands of hits a month, and then there was the day I got 127,000 hits from fuck knows where. It's been well over a year, though, since I was getting good traffic like that, so keeping it up wasn't very motivating anyway. And like I've said, I do feel like I'm providing a necessary service, but in the end I'm not all that interested in helping other guys get off. Although I guess you wouldn't know it considering my chat room time which is, of course, talking to nothing but a bunch of guys pretending to be girls. Man, I am so good at life it's not even funny. Why are we walking like this? Fuck, time to see if I can get a couple more hours of sleep before work, because this is really starting to get away from me.

The Sailor Schoolgirl site is sportin' a couple of updates for those with issues like mine.