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Wow, the liberal media has gotten really.. Liberal.

I am a huge whore

So Fe has gone commercial. Sorta. Just like when we "went commercial" with the Fe store that no one ever buys anything from. Anyway, I got an e-mail from the guy who runs JList (a place where some of my money has gone in the past, as some of you may recall), and he wanted me to put up an ad for JList on my site. So, after dicking around for I don't know how long in typical BLM fashion, I finally went ahead and did it. Shouldn't be too obtrusive, but let me know if it's fucked up in terms of where it is on the sidebar. It's right where I want it in Mozilla, and I'm too lazy to fire up Windows to see if it's where it should be in IE. Also, from what I've seen, the randomly rotating ad occasionally shows a product with nudity. If this is some kind of issue for people at work, we can figure something out.

I'm not getting any ad revenue out of this, but instead a link back which I think might be more useful since I don't really get what you'd call a ton of hits here (or maybe I just fell for it). Sure, traffic has been coming on like gangbusters lately (to the tune of 150-200 hits a day) for some reason despite hardly posting, but those are mostly Google related. If traffic does start becoming decent due to things other than random pedophiles or dogfuckers looking for porn, I might consider mixing in some Google ads or something else (probably on the sidebar as well) to see if it actually generates any money (which it probably won't). Rest assured, I have no plans to put up annoying banner ads, unless of course if annoying banner ads could make me decent money. Either way, they won't be like the ones that have been in the guestbook (which I have no control over unless I want to pay for a guestbook, which I don't and won't), again, unless of course if said ads would also make me money.

Oh wait, I'm sorry, intelligent design is based on some things after all: pseudo-reasoning along with out-and-out bullshit.

You know, Darwin himself could show up tomorrow and say "Hey, guys, you know what? I led you all on the completely wrong path, just as a joke. Sorry about that," and belief in creationism would still be stupid.

I also find amusement in the term "intelligent design." Well, amusement right after the anger over such a bullshit euphemism. Intelligent design? I'm an engineer; I can show you some guys who are capable of intelligent design. But if God really designed all of this shit -- complete with things like wars, disease, pollution, poverty, and no real sense of justice in the world -- then he is a fucking retard and his bullshit "design" couldn't win a 3rd grade science fair.

Oops, science? What the hell am I talking about? It's not like there's any study or proof to back any of that shit up; it's just all blind belief that you buy into because your parents and some child molester in a robe scared you into believing it. My bad.

A CBS/New York Times poll at the time of the election found 55% of Americans believed God created humans in their present form, 27% believed in evolution guided by God and only 13% believed God was not involved in human evolution. And 65% backed teaching creationism alongside evolution.

Yeah, and 100% of people are stupid. You have the people who believe in nonsense like creationism, and the rest of us who are too stupid to put an end to bullshit like that.

"Religion has nothing to do with intelligent design."

Either that, or, it has everything to do with it. I hate people who are so willing to lie through their fucking teeth like this. If we didn't have religion, this intelligent design shit would have never come about.

Does evolution explain every single fucking thing with no holes whatsoever? Well, no. But at least it's based on something. Intelligent design, on the other hand, says what? "Life on earth is too complex to have developed at random." That's pretty much it; there's nothing to back up or qualify the statement. Why does complexity automatically exclude randomness? Oh yeah, it doesn't. This is the kind of empty, meaningless, and ultimately unjustified kind of nonsense that you'd expect from a religious person. What it's really saying is "we're too dumb to even begin to understand this, so let's just punt and say that someone really powerful did it." Of course, this is part of how we got religion in the first place. We didn't get it, so we made shit up to comfort ourselves.

These people are so bloody small-minded that they cannot grasp the concept of things happening sloooooowwwwwwwwwwwlllllyyyyy over millions and billions of years. Many of them really seem to believe that evolutionists think that one day, suddenly and without provocation, a monkey gave birth to a modern human being. But, of course, these are the same dumbfucks who think that the whole earth was created in one week back in like 1922 or something. I don't know why I bother talking about this since anyone who agrees with this, well, already agrees with this, and anyone who doesn't never will. But if I didn't preach to the choir, I wouldn't have a 'blog. Not that there isn't something to be said for that.

That's okay, it was all worth it, and, well, no it wasn't. This isn't really news for anyone who's been paying attention for awhile, plus I still can't get excited one way or another about politics, but figured it was worth posting since the whole WMD bullshit was part of what started this 'blog. Still, it's fucking sad to see the most powerful nation in the world having fucked itself just so it could run a bunch of "wild goose chases."

Return to prominence

Okay, we may as well get this over with. I was about to stop posting entirely (for awhile longer) just to spite someone who told me I needed to post, but I also don't want ETP to have to keep using code phrases like "your recent purchase" in anticipation of an upcoming "big post."

So guess what, everyone? You don't have to hear anymore bullshit about the 3 Series I want to get. Now, should I care enough to post, you're going to have to hear about my 3 Series. Yeah, that's right: it's Bimmertime.

My name's Bitter Little Man. I drive a Bimmer.

So I initially wrote up this huge post about the saga of Project 3 Series over the past few months, but it really wasn't all that funny. If anyone really wants to hear about it, just say the word, and everyone else can blame you, not me, for the post that ensues. It's pretty much ready to go as we speak.

After an aborted attempt to satisfy my spoiled desires back in December, I finally just went for it last weekend. The low-down:

BMW 330i
Imola red exterior
Black leather
Performance Package (ZHP)
Cold weather package (ZCW)
Aluminum silver cube trim
Xenon (HID) headlamps
Six. Speed. Manual.

I probably don't need to say this, but I like the new ride better than everything and nearly everyone. What have you done for me lately? Nothing. What has the car done for me lately? Guess.

I think your typical 330 driver is changing for the better. And by "changing for the better," I mean "staying exactly the same."

Here's a breakdown of why I chose what I chose. This will give even more true insight as to how big of an asshole and just how bad and shallow of a person I am.

When BMW dropped lease rates (yes, I'm leasing) back in December, I was like "Hey, fuck the 325, I can swing a 330!" So that was the end of the 325. Project 3 Series became Project 330. Then I test drove cars that had the ZHP. ZHP stands for "Zee HorsePowaaaa!!!." Either that, or all of BMW's packages start with "Z" and are followed by a two-letter acronym, and "ZPP" was already taken by the premium package. Project 3 Series became Project ZHP.

The ZHP is beyond fun. It trades a bit of the luxury and elegance of the regular 3 Series (hereafter referred to by its German designation, 3er, to save typing whenever I feel like it) and turns it into, as BMW's literature says, an "aggressive 'sport car'". Modest changes to the engine for more horsepower and torque, an exclusive color (the Imola) and fabric available along with exclusive trims, a slick-as-shit M3-esque body kit, some nice 18" wheels, a short-throw shifter, and other things to distinguish it from the rest of the 330 offerings make it a perfect compromise.

I initially wasn't going to get the ZHP because -- horror! -- you can't get it from the factory with wood trim. For awhile, I was wedded to getting an Oxford green exterior with bullshit wood trim inside. Relationships change, because...

It's not just the luxury, it's the performance.

I all but gave up on wood trim after I had a damn-near religious experience driving a car with the ZHP. I mean, seriously, after that test drive, I wasn't the same. I was changed. And it was even a shitty automatic! Then ETP and I drove a ZHP with a six-speed, and it was all over. Anything less would be shit. ETP wouldn't respect anything less, and I'd rather drive the Civic until the end of time before getting anything less. So I didn't settle for less.

The ZHP is fast. Not, say, WRX STi fast, but pretty damn good for a sedan turned aggressive sport car. The theoretical 0-60 of about six seconds is good enough for me. Oh, and it sounds really nice thanks to the throatier engine and exhaust. The suspension is delightfully tight (I'll dispense with any jokes about underage girls here, and, fuck, there goes that), but still giving a ride that's not too rough on normal roads. The front, side, and rear underbody spoilers and 18" wheels look great, even if they now have me terrified of curbs (broken front spoiler) and huge potholes (bent rims). And the Imola red color is just perfect.

235 horsepower standard (for the biggest assholes).

Getting the cold weather package was a no-brainer, since I wanted heated front seats and a fold-down rear seat (which, as I've said before, is sadly an option). The headlight washers are a nice bonus.

So, in addition to getting a car that only assholes drive, getting the "fast" 330, and getting it in red, why am I so shallow and such a huge prick? Well, I haven't talked about leather or xenons, have I?

At first, I was just going to get the base upholstery for the ZHP -- a combination of cloth and Alcantara (a suede-like material). It's a pretty nice setup, it's unique amongst the 330 sedans in that only the ZHP has it, and it doesn't cost extra like leather. But the thing is, I didn't want anyone to be able to look down on me for getting a Bimmer, considered a luxury (or at least near or entry level luxury) car, without leather seats. I didn't want to have to explain to any passengers why I have cloth instead of leather in my car. I did not want any inferiority complexes with my new car. So I got leather.

One night I was driving down highway 36, and all of a sudden some bright-ass lights appeared in my rear-view. I'm saying to myself "Who the hell is this fuck?" And then a short time later, the fuck with the bright lights blows past me, and I see that he's driving -- what else? -- a 3er. I wanted to be that guy, that asshole. So I got Xenons.

So yeah, that's it. Project 3 Series 330 ZHP is now finished. Now we're on to discretionary spending: off. Which is fine. Like I said a few months back, I could either have a bunch more toys, games, DVDs, porn, and photobooks, or I could have the Ultimate Driving Machine. Silly me chose the Ultimate Driving Machine.

Now, really, all I have to do is plan for the inevitable future where I get laid off and get totally fucked, but until then, we have some fun. We have fun driving, and when not driving, occasionally going down to the garage just to LOOK AT IT!!!!!. Yup, I'm an asshole. I got a car based on reasons that were 50% image, and 50% suspension. But finally, I am the asshole I was always meant to be. Now, I have the tools, and I have the talent.

Price: way too goddamn much. Fuck your best offer.

So, what's next? Well, now we need to work on the Bimmerfication of those around me. BOETP is already set, as she's eyeing an X3 Special Victims Unit. ETP is thinking about a used M roadster (since the Z4 sucks ass and they don't even make an ///M version of it) or the beast that is the M5. Once that transition is finished, then look out, world. Look the fuck out. Self-entitled pretentious assholes are out in force (either that or parking our cars at one another's respective houses and then sitting around). Until then, we can make do with my ZHP, ETP's RSX-S, and, uh, BOETP looks good in the front seat of the RSX (learn to drive stick and set the Cavalier on fire and collect the insurance).

Oh, and you know what? Fuck that Audi I had for awhile. It doesn't even register anymore. For anyone curious, here and here are a couple of pictures of what my car looks like. That isn't my car, but it's the ZHP and the color I got (although the red looks better in person). Also, of course, there will be a different tool sitting in the driver's seat of mine.

Finally, I go in to change my voter registration later this week.

Since, for the moment, I'm down with posting, there was a strory last week about a guy who is suing Fear Factor because he's claiming that an episode in which the contestants were forced to eat rats made him throw up. I know what you're thinking already, so be sure to carefuly read this so that you can see the extra special twist. Hopefully you won't have a seizure/outburst like ETP did when I brought it up at lunch one day, but if you do, it's perfectly understandable.