Here's another one of those stories that if you don't at least chuckle, you have no sense of humor.

Also in the random eBay shit department, I thought this was fucking awesome.

"Shatner. I'd fight William Shatner."
- Fight Club

Hey, that kinda looks like... Tom Selleck.

This is a CNN article, but I'm going to warn you up front that the picture attached to it is not pretty.

Christina Arrugula has cancelled her tour because of "strained vocal cords." Yeah, we know what that really means: a quart of cum in her stomach.

Yeah, the bad news theme has been broken, but this definitely counts towards spreading horror and atrocity. Jesus fucking Christ that girl thing looks awful. She was actually attractive at one point, and fuck if that hasn't gone south.

I guess I'm out of bad-news-only mood, because this is pretty neat.

Our media sucks, and yup, I suck for linking to all their shit all the time. I suppose this isn't exactly bad news per se since we already know this, but it's still an unpleasant reminder, so what the fuck.

And yet more fun AIDS news.

Putting stuff like this on TV is pretty fucked up and exploitative. Would anyone be surprised if they turned the concept into full-blown competition, complete with immunity and lifelines and shit? A couple of questions: what does this 16-year-old mother look like? Can I adopt her? I think it's pretty clear that she puts out.

That last post was too fucking happy. How about a little more death & disease?

We are such as sad, sick fucking society that we try and force people who are suffering to stay alive and suffer some more all because of some retarded fucking "sanctity of life" bullshit that we get from - where else? - religion.

"I'm pro-death penalty, pro-abortion, pro-assisted suicide, pro REGULAR suicide... I'll kill anything. Basically, anything that gets the freeway moving faster."
- Bill Maher

Hey, some monogamy and abstinence classes should fix that problem right up.

Australia is thinking of shooting 20,000 koalas. Yup. It's all for a good reason, but still depressing. Unless if you hate koalas.

Either that, or RUN+BLK, DN DN FWD UP

Since I'm in a supremely shitty mood - worse than usual - I'm going to make a concerted effort - more than normal - to dredge up nothing but bad news. That is, until I just punt on everything for the day. Doing what I can to spread the joy. Happy Friday! Fuck everything.

Oh look, bad news from Iraq. That's just fan-fucking-tastic, and should do wonders to help our already shitty image over there. Is this just an isolated number of incidents? Probably. But do you think people are going to see it that way or give a shit even if they do? Hell no. We can't win over hearts and minds if we're too busy torturing and abusing said hearts and minds. It doesn't matter if it's "regrettable" or in small numbers; any incident is one too many. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no one ever said it was going to be easy, BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED IN THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I also liked CNN's article on the subject. Kimmitt said he has met with representatives of Iraq's newspapers to discuss how to report the story. He met with them to discuss how to report it? What the fuck is that bullshit? We're shutting down papers who don't like us, telling, ERR, discussing with the others how to report our fuck-ups... Yeah, just fucking great.

Seriously, I wish I could do Smoke's fatality - the stupidest fatality ever - where he just unloads a bunch of bombs and blows up the world. RUN+BLK, UP UP FWD DWN.

One more new linker:

Anomalous Noodge

Just a test

You know what? Fuck the Swiss. Hey, what're they gonna do?

History in the making.

Another reason I hate straight people: no sense of humor. And, they're assholes. Yes, yes, there are plenty of gays who don't just fuck assholes but are assholes. C'mon, I'm generalizing here. It's funny; get over it. These dooshebags should be happy that I'm not there making posters for HUNT High. Now that would be fucking disruptive.

Right up there with Get Smart references

If you decide to start a 'blog about the Chicago Cubs, I will probably link to it if I find it. Also, these guys get mad bonus points for putting "Old Style" in the title.

Baseball: the most boring sport you'll ever love.

Since I'm an "active" Blogger user (about the only time you can refer to me as being "active" in anything), I've gotten to be part of the initial beta test of Gmail. No one knows what constitutes "active" since according to a recent Assdot discussion some people who 'blog a decent amount haven't gotten the invite while those who have been less than active have. My guess is that "active" is Blogger code for "random." All I know is that I had BETTER be considered a fucking active Blogger user, even during slow weeks like this one. Anyway, I've been rolling with GMail for a little over a week, and thus far, I'd have to say that it's pretty decent. Not the end-all, be-all of e-mail services, but not too shabby.

There's been a big shitstorm over the fact that GMail scans your messages and displays text ads based on the content of your message. I can see where this would bother some people, but it's not like it really matters. I mean, what are you doing that's so fucking important that you need to keep it a secret? Get over yourself. In all seriousness, I can understand that. Privacy is just a fundamental right that we have in this country (in essence). The thing is, it's not like a human being at Google has been assigned to read my mail and create ads. It's all done automatically, and it's not the first time we've had something that scans our mail - spam filters, for instance. So for me, the privacy thing wasn't a huge deal. Sure, it bugged me a bit since I'm a ninny like that, but I got over it. Besides, I'd have to laugh if anyone was taking the time to read my mail - it's not like there's anything very interesting going on in there since it's, well, me. For anyone who's all that worried about it, hey, just don't use it.

GMail supposedly has some sophisticated spam filtering capabilities, but from what I've seen, that's a bunch of shit. Sure, it can filter some spam, but it also does a nice job of marking legitimate messages as spam. I've had a decent amount of real messages - at least on a relative scale, seeing as how I get so few legitimate e-mails since no one cares about me (and rightly so) - sent to the spam bin This false marking of spam even included a message from my mother, who I can assure you is not a spammer. Of course, there have also been plenty of spams that have made it into my inbox that should have gone right to the spam bin. I understand that this is just the nature of spam filtering; there are always going to be false positives and false negatives when something like this is done algorithmically. Basically, if anyone ever says that they have some great spam filters, they're full of shit. Unless, of course, if a real human is actually reading your mail. It'd definitely be nice if GMail had some way for users to have some control over the automatic spam filtering (in addition to the custom filters you can set up).

The other big deal with GMail is that you get 1 GB of storage space. That's pretty neat; I just wonder how exactly they're managing all that since I'm a dork. Still, just so long as it works. The notion behind this is that you never have to delete mail, which is nice. For fun, I've even been keeping my spams around - just so that I can see them piling up, and also for statistical purposes (looks like I'm averaging about 100 spams a day).

Another nice thing is the ability to give messages a label. There's a list of labels on the sidebar, and whenever I want to see the messages grouped into one label I just have to click that to see a list. This in many ways is about as close as you'll get to folders of some kind to help sort messages. Messages can be archived, which means they're removed from your inbox but still show up in an "all mail" listing and are also searchable. It would be nice if GMail didn't totally shun the folder idea and at least have a separate bin for archive-only mail. Speaking of search, thus far I haven't used the search facilities, mainly since pretty much all the messages I would have to search through are still on one bloody screen. I'm sure search will be decent since it's based on Google's normal web search.

Another big concern that people have is that while GMail is starting off free, they may end up charging for it someday. This is a legitimate concern as it has happened with other e-mail services, and I'm pretty sure that Google even said somewhere in their initial info on GMail that the service would always be free or come at the cost of a "nominal fee." So yeah, they're probably going to charge for it someday.

All in all, it's not bad. Like I said, it doesn't have me dancing in the streets, but it is nice to have a web-based account that I can forward my main mail account to where I don't have to worry about storage space and whatnot. It's not the best, but I'm liking it way more than MSN's CrotchMail. Yes, that's the best I could come up with for something that sounded remotely like "Hot."

... Or two

Google search:

international baccalaureate program elitist hatred

Wow. One bloody search sums up that entire fucking program.

Even though I'm doing some real posts today, or whatever the hell you want to call them, but the day wouldn't be quite right withoout a Google search or two. As such...

Google search:

link & zelda kissing while having sex

You know, I could buy Link and Zelda fucking, but I can promise you that he's still not getting that goddamn kiss.

Jesus Christ, a whole slew of new (and possibly one returning) 'bloggers to link and thank:

The Qvenxian Scripts
WHY NOT RESIST?
Underexposure!
CCAA Students Rock!!!!!!!
Hibernation
Dialectic Humanism
hardyandtiny in seoul
Chase me ladies, I'm in the cavalry.

I have really got to quite putting it off everytime I say to myself "You know, you should really get those links up there tight about now."

Also, thanks to those who e-mail me, even if I'm too lazy to reply, like the 'blogmaster of Dialectic Humanism as well as the guy who runs The Reel Deal and Other Bad Jokes.

This is quite possibly my most favorite spam ever:

get a university diploma even if you don't deserve it!

Do you want a prosperous future, increased earning power
more money and the respect of all?

Call this number:

1-212-714-8290

(24 hours)

# There are no required tests, classes, books, or interviews!
# Get a Bachelors, Masters, MBA, and Doctorate (PhD) diploma!
# Receive the benefits and admiration that comes with a diploma!
# No one is turned down!

You want a prosperous future and you can get it even though you don't deserve it, all without having to do any work whatsoever. Even better, you're going to get respect! Because we all know how much we respect people who got their "diploma" via e-mail! The best part is, there's no way you can lose; no one is turned down! This damn near sums up everything that's wrong with this country. It falls just short due to no mention of Jesus.

First Maureen gave us a rundown of Cheneyworld, and now she does the same for Bushworld. Welcome to Hell, kids. Population: us. Man, am I sorry I missed that column several days ago, but hopefully I got it out there soon enough before if hits the Times pay-per-view archive for anyone who cares. That or anyone who hasn't read it on their own... You're not dependent on me for all your daily linkage, are you?

I wonder if the 9/11 commissioners brought chainsaws to cut through all the bullshit they'd be up against?

Bush and Cheney have been criticized - and rightly so - for insisting on meeting together with the commission. The notion that they did it "to get their stories straight," I think, is partially correct. They wanted to meet as a team for this reason, but also because they didn't trust Dubya to meet with the commission on his own. Bush has to meet with the commission alongside his nanny for the same reason he has held so few press conferences - he's an idiot. He's going to get confused, say the wrong, thing, and fuck everything up for Team Bush.

The lack of a question mark is intentional

Yeah, this sucks. We've got Bush on the R side, and not as bad as Bush on the D side. Why are we so fucked up that there's pretty much no hope of ever getting a decent candidate in there who can win.

D. Trump is going to ask for a prenup? No way.

I just would not want to bother getting married if I felt the need for a prenup. On the other hand, I can understand wanting to hedge your bets since, hey, shit happens. Lucky for me this is never going to be an issue since A) I'll probably never have that much money and B) I'm never going to get married anway.

Okay, I've just about had it with the Pat Tillman story. This was the big news at the end of last week, and it's continued this week. Maybe I'm getting a bit more fed up with it since I listen to JFR everyday, and (ostensibly) being a sports talk show, the Tillman story has been a major topic for the past several days. No matter what the story, pretty much anything will reach a saturation point, and that's where I'm at on this one.

Now, I've gotta say that even I'm impressed with what this guy did. He gave up millions of dollars to go and become an Army ranger in response to 9/11. That's balls right there. Someone willing to volunteer to do something that I don't want to do even if I'm forced. Of course, there's a reason why I don't want to go into the military, one I'm not afraid to admit - I'm a coward. As such, I'm impressed with anyone who is willing to volunteer for the military on at least that level. Things are compounded in Pat Tillman's case since the guy walked away from a wad of cash for seemingly all the right reasons. He wasn't looking for any publicity or accolades, he just wanted to serve his country. At least, as far as I know. I obviously didn't know him personally. Regardless of motives I wouldn't do what he did, and again, that's part of why I'm impressed with it.

One thing that irritates me about this story is the general trend of people making a bigger deal out of something when it happens an athlete or someone else famous as opposed to just a "regular" person. I understand that someone even semi-famous is going to get more attention than someone obscure; that's just a natural extension of our celebrity lust in this society. Still, it irritates me that one guy is getting so much attention when there are so many others out there who are making the same sacrifices. Sure, not everyone gave up an NFL contract, but they are still sacrificing time with their families, their psychological well being, and potentially their lives, just like Pat Tillman. Like I said, I understand that someone like this is naturally going to get more attention than your everyday Joe, but c'mon, let's try and see a little more balance here. I really don't think all the rest of the people in our armed forces - all volunteers - get the credit they deserve beyond lip service. "I support the troops!"

Even I will point out that there is a good side of this, though. When something like this happens to someone who's famous and it gets a lot of attention, it at least puts a face on what's going on. While I do think that things are way out of balance, in a way, this helps to remind people that we've got lots of men and women fighting and dying over there and maybe restores some of that balance. I just wish we'd quit acting like the life of a celebrity is more important than the life of anyone else.

With regards to the original article, the backlash against the student is of course unsurprising. Also unsurprising is people like UMass president Jack Wilson coming out and saying the things he did. Just like with people who say mindless things like "I support the troops," this is just hollow, empty rhetoric that's being spewed only because it's completely safe to say and they feel like it's what they're supposed to say. Okay, okay, a lot of people like Wilson probably at least believe what they're saying, but it still seems to be living on a base without any critical thought. There's no heart or feeling behind shit like that, and as always, I'm tired of it. I don't agree with the grad student who wrote the article (but again, I didn't know Tillman personally so who knows), but I applaud him for actually having the balls to say something that's bound to be incredibly unpopular. That takes some balls as well, especially in this day and age.

Yeah, but I still wish dating sims would catch on over here. That concept is so fucked up and socially imbalanced that I can't help but get on board.

Sweet. We are just hurtling towards this election becoming a full-blown circus. Because, oh yes, it can get way, way worse than it already is.

I'm telling you, if Japan really is in a recovery, it's all on the strength of a handful of friends and myself.

The U.S. government spent how much time and money trying to get to Castro, and these guys manage to pull it off, and they're in trouble? Okay, it's not quite the same thing, but still - these guys deserve some kind of medal, not a fine.

Also, looking through some of my favorite Penny Arcade strips, I came across this one which had me laughing uncontrollably for a few minutes.

And of course, this strip.

And finally, this one. Okay, I'm done now.

Yup, just going through some of my non-pr0n links... Here's another funny one.

I can't remember if I've posted this link before or not, but if you're a dork like me, you'll find it hillarious.

Google search:

Teacher's who fuck

This is one of the most INFURIATING classes of Google hits that I get - people who can't use apostrophes. Look, I'm sure you can find plenty of cases where I've fucked up apostrophe usage, but usually not with something as basic as this. I have gotten so fucking many "something's that fuck" hits that I'm well past saturation with them. Just be glad someone was looking for "teacher's" today as opposed to some of the other "something's" I get that would just make people sick.

MSN search:

pics of naked guys in uniform

Make up your mind: do you want them naked or not? God fucking damn it people are stupid.

Looks like it is on in Fallujah.

Yeah, pretty much.

Not in the mood to post anything of consequence... Don't ask how this differs from normal.

MSN search:

fuck mouth

I think this would make a great band name. We could go on tour and announce ourselves as the sworn enemy of Smashmouth.

Part 2

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Oh, yeah.. Part 1

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Spam:

Debt Consolidation with a Christian Perspective

This is really fucking stupid. I don't need a religious perspective on handling debt. I need a fucking smart way of handling debt perspective. But, you know, if you want to be retarded and go this route, have fun in the poor house. I'll be looking forward to laughing at you. Some more.

But what would Jesus do? He'd probably find a way to keep Himself out of debt in the first place. And if He failed, He'd just do what everyone else does - have His dad bail Him out.

Women who need to put their fucking clothes on and go the hell away:

Carmen Electra
Pamela Anderson

Oh look, another Google search:

girls who fuck for 1000 dollars

This is at least the second time I've gotten this exact search string. What the hell is this, Priceline for hookers? Why are you setting your price at $1000? Why don't you start lower and then bargain with her? What the hell made you choose $1000 as your line in the sand, anyway? Does she need to weigh exactly 125 lbs., too? God fucking damn it people are strusfrating.

A potentially troublesome site that helps track down online stores selling Transformers.