What is Rumsfeld doing in that picture?

Just a fantastic story all around.

This here is yet another example as to why I think the Bush administration is dangerous. They're running around saying that we need to stop the proliferation of WMD, striking preemptively if necessary. That's such a dangerous gamble, because in cases like this, we have individuals as well as nations who think that because of our aggressive posture, they need the very weapons that we're trying to keep out of their hands in order to protect themselves from us. Our actions end up helping to create the situation we're supposedly trying to avoid.

If the government really does want to keep weapons out of the hands of "evildoers," then they're looking pretty fucking stupid right now. And if they're actually trying to incite an arms race, especially since we were all so keen on the Cold War, then they're getting exactly what they want.

Kentucky and Iran on line one...

Taft, a Republican, denied assertions that the law promotes intolerance. He said the new law would send a strong positive message to children and families.

Yeah, a strong message of intolerance.

Ignorance is strength. Ignorance is strength. Ignorance is strength...

" I do not think my impartiality could reasonably be questioned."

Actually, it could. Scalia, I hate you and all, but I still have respect for you being way fucking smarter than that.

Evil? We had better invade to look for WMD just in case.

Okay, so Blogger now has the option to syndicate 'blog content with something they call Atom. It sounds kinda like RSS, only it's not. I'm pretty sure. All because we in the tech community can never agree on anything, and instead must create 67 standards for everything so we can have a ones and zeros pissing contest while everyone else is getting laid.

At least one person has expressed interest in an RSS feed for Fe. If this Atom bullshit is useless to anyone who'd like to see this site syndicated, let me know, and I will finally get my shit together and bust out RSS. I know that it's not difficult, I'm just lazy when it comes to simple shit. Just like yet another project, which maybe I'll get to this weekend (for about the twentieth weekend in a row).

See, this is still one of the things that I like about Dean. Granted, he's not some totally magnanimous guy, but sometimes I do get the sense that he does feel that getting Bush out (and, hence, trying to get us back on track) is priority one. There was a speech, I believe after Iowa but before New Hampshire and the shitstorm that followed, where he made mention of how he would support whoever got the D nomination in the end. It showed to me that the man, while still with some confidence and willing to work, was realistic in the sense that he knew he may not be the ultimate victor. It's not much, but still more than I see from the rest of the field.

Of course, Dean is doing what I said awhile back - namely, only admitting that he'd accept the #2 job only after reaching the point where his chance of getting the #1 job has pretty much passed. Still, the fact that he's being slightly more honest wins a couple of points in my book. I'm sure that will be a nice consolation for Mr. Dean once it's all said and done with.

"Oh, boy, I don't have a shot at being president, but some stupid loudmouthed kid said I'm slightly more honestthan everyone else. This is way better than being president of the United Fucking States."

Sorry, Howard - that's all I've got.

Personally, I'm just going to wait for the revised numbers.

Hopefully Night Rider really is just joking. It wouldn't surprise me if he isn't, though, since Hasselhoff is just so damn pathetic. Seeing him in interviews, you really get the sense that he thinks he's some really great man, when he just isn't.

My favorite Hasselhoff story was the one about his big Pay-Per-View concert several years back. It tanked, naturally, but he had the perfect scapegoat - while his concert was playing, OJ was running around in a white Bronco with a gun to his head. Sorry David; it's not OJ's fault. Your concert just plain sucked, and would have done poorly no matter what.

I find no end to the amusement that Europe is supposed to be all sophisticated and shit, yet people like David Hasselhoff and Jerry Lewis are practically demigods in places over there. Of course, we don't have the art, the culture, or the history of Europe over here, but at least Hasselhoff can't release chart-topping hits over here.

Then there's the fact that we know what sick fuckers the Germans are. Apparently, they'll eat any shit you feed them. Literally.

As always, Bush gets to define his own playing field. I almost feel decently OK about it with McCain in there, but if he actually believes that politics can be kept out of the probe, then, yeah, he's just another puppet.

The power of prayer comes through once again.

I don't understand why the phrase "Orwellian" is being thrown around so much these days...

As already commented on by Jared, the latest from Maureen Dowd. I probably would have linked this sooner, had those NYT bastards had the link on their front page earlier like they should have. Excuses, excuses, I know. Eat me.

Do you believe in miracles? ... Not really.

Here's another thing I'm sick and tired of. Have you heard the story about the missing 11-year-old girl? Well if not, don't sweat it, because that's not really relevant to this rant. The girl is still missing, and right now on CNN's front page they have a picture of a woman holding up a sign urging passersby to pray. I can't read all of what the sign says; suffice it to say that it's a call to pray for the girl's safe return. Wait, maybe if I wasn't just fucking retarded, I would have seen that it says "Pray for Carlie" the first time I read it. Like I said, fuckers.

Listen up, people: PRAYING DOESN'T DO SHIT. While you're busy praying, you could be out doing something useful. Like looking for the girl in this particular example.

God, I hate that stupid praying bullshit. I could obviously be very wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that any time you pray for something that ends up happening, that's just coincidence. Of course, when something does turn out happening, the prayfuckers are dancing in the streets. "Yay God! He answered our prayers!"

Yeah, you just keep thinking that.

In addition to the fact that I think praying is wholly ineffective, I think it's a cheap excuse to get out of doing anything. "I'm gonna pray for you!" Thanks, asshole. Thanks for taking out all that time and effort to say fucking words to an imaginary creature instead of doing something. Yeah, that'll get me through my cancer.

Just to make sure there's no confusion, I don't have cancer. Yet. That was just an example, but considering the history on my grandfather's side of the family, it might catch up to me someday. I'll pray that it doesn't.

You know what? Here's another strike against the anti-drug people: action might very well be the anti-prayer, and if that's the case, it can't be the anti-drug. Wait, though, you could make a case that prayer IS a drug. Fuck, I just backed myself into a corner. Punt!

Yes, prayer does serve to give some people peace of mind, but that's just stupid. Which is okay, really, since we all have plenty of stupid shit we use to put us at ease. Alcohol, for instance. But quit thinking you're doing humanity some great service when you pray, because you're not, you lazy self-righteous fucker.

Update

Let that be a lesson to you, kids: you should always, always be ashamed of anything even remotely sexual. Sex is dirty, sex is bad, and you're going to hell because of it. It's damn near everyone's favorite thing in the world, but you're going to suffer for all eternity if you come close to even thinking about it. Especially in a place called Effingham County.

But remember, God loves you!

Wait, I just realized something: the baby Jesus was asking for it. Hey, he had on a skimpy loin cloth.

For all one or two of you sick perverts, there are some updates over at Serafuku. I'm over my bandwidth limit for the time being, so you might have to wait awhile. Think of it as something to look forward to. Or a total cocktease; your call.

I know, I know. I could set up a really smart pipelined scheme like John has with his other 'blog, Pantystockings!, but I just don't care enough to go through all that effort just to A) give the feds more ammo and B) help other guys get off. Sorry. Of course, I don't seem to care about doing work (cough*one-handed typing*cough) to help guys get off on IRC, but that's so totally different. I'm pretending he's a girl, just 'cause he says he is. That is so much more normal.

Geez, between two posts with incest jokes and ones like this where you once again learn more about me than you ever wanted to, I've gotta wonder how many readers we've lost this week.

As Erin pointed out, there's yet another anti-drug lurking around out there: friendship. Yet more total bullshit. Statistically speaking, doesn't friendship increase your chances of doing drugs? The more friends you have, the better chance you have of either finding a druggie friend, or finding a friend who knows some druggies. If nothing else, I think that I'm a perfect counterexample - I've never done drugs, and I never have any friends. WHERE'S YOUR FANCY REASONING NOW, ANTI-DRUG PEOPLE?!?!?!? Oh yeah, that's right, you don't have any. My bad. No, wait, your bad.

Okay, I'm pretty sure my counterexample isn't quite logically sound. Oh effing well; I'm still doing better than those anti-drug fuckers.

Whatever. In the end, I'm pretty sure that no matter if it's friendship, responsibility, parents, or action, none of those colliding with "drug" produce pure energy. Hence, none of them can be the anti-drug. Listen, as soon as you people take some PCP to FermiLab and throw it in their accelerator, we can talk. Until then, fuck off.

Okay, so it's much more crude than decent

Oh, and just so that I can make a halfway decent point while being crude, just imagine if some church put up a picture that depicted Clinton raping the baby Jesus. Conservatives would be shitting themselves with how fucking cool they thought it was, and you wouldn't hear any complaints about how the church is showing a "conservative bias."

Also, don't ask why so many posts as of late have titles. It's just happening, and I'm not really sure why.

More liberal bias on campus. Oh fucking no. I never would have expected a liberal bias from an institution known for sex, drinking, drugs, and just partying in general populated by a bunch of kids who have not yet seen how badly this place sucks. God, I am getting sick of these whiny campus conservatives. This, of course, coming from a whiny liberal.

Here's why this pisses me off, other than the fact that everything pisses me off. It's just another instance of the right-wing crowd insisting that they have everything their way all the time, no matter where they are. Look right-wingers, the left is really not good at organizing. Actually, let's not sugar-coat it - the left fucking sucks at organizing. All you have to do is look at the Democratic party and how they've been doing nothing but rolling over and then failing to get it together in terms of putting up a decent presidential candidate. College campuses are just about the last liberal stronghold. That's all they fucking have. Can't you just leave them that ONE FUCKING THING?

Of course you can't, you selfish fucking babies. This coming from one of the biggest most selfish babies I know. Fuck, I should know; we can smell our own.

Did I mention the torture? God, what a bunch of bullshit. But you know what? We're going to put up with the bullshit, and Bush is going to ride it all the way to re-election.

I love how Tenet keeps saying that they were never told "what to say or how to say it." Yeah, because the Bush administration is always straightforward in its rhetoric. You know, the people who never actually said Saddam was involved in 9/11, but most certainly tried to imply it. The administration doesn't have to say anything directly to the CIA to get them to behave like they want them to; there are plenty of other subtle and not-so-subtle ways of influencing people working for you.

They can predict how much the deficit will be cut over several years in a still uncertain economy, but giving an estimate of war costs is right out.

So, will Kerry campaign his guts out in Wisconsin, or has everyone pretty much accepted that Dean is done?

I am so embarassed by us that it's not even funny. Look, no one besides fans of "mature" women want to see 80-year-old breasts, but it's not like it's doing any harm. I mean, if you think... Oh, forget it.

I'd throw up if I had more food in me than coffee, OJ, pretzels, and Pocky. Actually, now that I review my food intake for the day, coupled with 80-year-old boobs and how fucking retarded we are, I just might have a food recall after all.

Even I'm not this desperate. No, seriously.

Besides, no one who knows me would believe it.

I think it's great how "unconditional love" comes with the condition that you pony up some cash.

I think we can handle a 50 plate

Believe it or not, I actually go to Hooter's for wings. Seriously, there's no point otherwise because it's not like I'm going to get with one of the waitresses anyway, plus we NEVER get the hot one. So often, there's always a bunch of mediocre ones running around, and then one really nice one. Like one time, there was one who was short, brunette, and wore glasses. Yeah, we never got her table.

Also, it's because of the fact that I go there for wings that I no longer go there. Holy hell are those things good, and Jesus fucking Christ are they bad for you.

Anyway, back to the story. I don't really know where the dad gets off (no pun intended) saying Hooters has "high standards." Sadly, though, lots of people do take their kids in there. It's not like it's going to damage them or anything, but it is pretty low-class. I mean, the place is designed for men to get drunk and ogle chicks in tight, skimpy outfits. Some things are for kids, and some things are not.

In the end, I think pretty much anything a daughter does is OK if a father gives it the thumbs up. Unless of course if it's like this one girl we knew in high school, who another guy was convinced was being fucked by her dad. His reasoning? That's what he'd be doing if he were her dad. There were lots of reasons we didn't hang out with this kid on a regular basis (the one with the "theory").

Yeah... I should probably stop telling you stories about people we knew in high school right about now.

Today's entry in the "doing shit just because we can" category. There are so many fucked up things with this that I don't know where to begin.

"It might also be possible to grow human sperm in mice..."

Yeah, because that won't end badly.

"Theoretically, it could enable a boy to become a father before he reached puberty."

Like I was fucking saying...

Even Captain Picard thinks that going to Mars and the moon is stupid.

You know, I feel bad calling Patrick Stewart Captain Picard. I mean, it's just that Stewart is such a good actor apart from Trek, and he's probably sick of the Picard shit. Of course, some actors would kill for that, but still. Patrick Stewart is fucking cool, and deserves way better than frothing at the mouth geeks jerking off to episodes of Next Gen.

Yeah, this is the kind of stuff that I feel bad about. That pretty much gives you an idea as to just how bad of a person I am. Well, actually, no, it really doesn't, which is fucked up.

Hey Joe, I just got done playing Vice CIty and now I'm downloading naked women. Just wanted to stop for a sec to say "hi."

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

"I don't know why I love that show, I just know I love that show... Although I don't understand a word that guy says, I know he's got huge game."
- JFR comments on Sabado Gigante and its host, Don Francisco

Even though this is an interesting idea, I don't know if Hillary would go for it. Even though, as Cheney has proven, a VP can be more influential than the president himself, she wants it all. Furthermore, I don't think Hillary would run for anything, VP or otherwise, unless she knew she could win. And finally, Hillary is just not the type to get out of the way of the charging bull - if she were to do that, it would only be momentary so she could get behind the bull and fuck it in the ass with her massive schlong.

Um, yeah... No. We were told preemption was needed because of an imminent threat, not a looming threat. We were told that there were tons of weapons ready to go in 45 minutes, not explorations into future capabilities. Preemption was supposedly justified because there was no longer any time remaining before we were going to be totally fucked.

Again, all the backpedaling would be funny if it weren't so goddamn infuriating.

Preemption's only hope for justification was that Saddam had already done bad things, i.e. developed and harbored illegal weapons. It turned out that he had no such weapons. Oh, but preemption can be justified based on what we think he might want to do. Ignoring that we were already wrong once in guessing what Saddam was thinking and up to, this is still dangerous thinking. It turns into this ugly game of guilty until proven innocent. I keep hearing all this bullshit talk about America's credibility, but how can we have any if we don't accord people around the world the same treatment as we would give ourselves in our own justice system?

I know, Saddam was a crazy lunatic madman. I know. That's why we found him cowering in a hole, guns decidedly not ablaze. We thought we were so right about everything, and it turns out that we managed to fuck just about everything up.

Yet more commentary on the budget.

Not surprisingly, Krugman is unimpressed with Bush's proposed budget.

I just love how Lieberman and Kucinich are all but footnotes in this quick rundown of today's caucuses and primaries.

Some more on Tony Blair.

Meanwhile in British politics, Tony Blair gives in to pressure to take a dump.

Some reaction to Bush's proposed budget.

Some people have their shit together.

Super.

It's nearly 2 AM right now. I'll see where this is at later in the day, because I have no idea if the tests they're running for ricin are anywhere near as accurate as the ones they've been running for suspected chemical finds in Iraq.

With all due respect to Groundhog Day, which was a good movie

If you're making a trip of more than seven feet to Punxsutawney to watch a rodent, especially if you were inspired by Groundhog Day... You probably need to be shot.

Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we ask the real meteorologists instead? Oh yeah, because they don't know a fucking thing, either. That should go a long way towards my goal of having sex with a weather girl (because at this point, I have so many bitches to choose from that I can pick whatever profession suits my fancy; also, they love being called "weather girl"). I'll even go for the one on the Weather Channel who's always pregnant, but she's already stopped returning my calls.

I don't know why, but at one point this fetish for weather girls just kinda started when I noticed that a statistically alarming number of them were hot. Wait, "noticed a bunch were hot" sounds suspiciously like a reason for the fetish starting. Okay, it was only like three, but when your life is the sausage fest that mine has become, three is astronomically high. It was mainly two on the Weather Channel, Sharon (the preggo) and some other blonde, and locally we have Kathy Sabine on 9News. Maybe it's now past time with Kathy, but, nah. I'd still do Kathy Sabine.

"Oh my god, I would fuck her on top of my girlfriend."
- Steve Marmel, biggest asshole in the world who coincidentally failed to get any after making that joke (I'm guessing)

Sister love... Yeah!

Hey, you'd be doing drugs too if your sisters were that hot but you couldn't do anything about it.

Ummmm... Maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud.

Coincidentally, I also have good taste in everything, because I'm not one of those fucking guys

I heard yet another bullshit anti-drug commercial today. This time, it's urging parents to confront their druggie kids, taking "action: the anti-drug."

Yes, Meatwad! With action!

Jesus fucking Christ, how many "anti-drugs" can there be? As far as I know by using, oh, logic, I'm pretty sure there can be only one. There's matter and anti-matter. There's X and anti-X. There's "20-something American male" and "good taste." Unless of course if parents, responsibility, and now action are all one and the same, this ad campaign is not only bullshit but completely illogical. But yeah, go looking for logic with people who think they can defeat drugs.

You know what the anti-drug is? Not taking drugs. Seems to have worked pretty well for me.

Since a trip to Anime Central is on the table, I was perusing their site today. On the registration form, there's a section for ordering con t-shirts. There are the expected sizes - you know; S, M, L, XL. Then there's XXL. And XXXL. And XXXXXL. What exactly is this saying about anime fans? Either a bunch of them are huge fatasses, enough that there's a demand for 5XL, or they're a bunch of cheap bastards who will buy one t-shirt to be simultaneously shared by five people. Since I know just how costly an anime habit can be, even for the fiscally responsible (as another t-shirt says, drugs would be cheaper), it must be the former.

I'm still in kind of an anime backlash mode. I'm not really watching anything, and I'm not buying anything. There are a couple of series that have some kind of priority, but I just don't care all that much right now. It's not so much that I'm back in the days where I thought anime was stupid, and therefore lashing out against that particular form of entertainment. It's more of a lashing out against anime fans. I've made no secret as to how big of a fucking nerd I am. Furthermore, I'm not ashamed of being a nerd. I'm just not one of those people.

This, again, sounds hypocritical. But as I said a couple of posts back, I don't wanna fucking talk about that, so get off it already. It also smacks of bullshit elitist posturing, but it's not like you weren't warned about that the moment you got to this site.

I think the backlash started when I realized that pretty much every time I got together with friends, we wouldn't even watch much anime. We'd spend all our time talking about shit we'd bought and crap we were going to buy. Great. I hate myself. I'm the biggest perpetrator of this and, yeah, this is pretty much what I've done for 24 years. So yeah, in oh so many ways, I'm one of those people.

I'm working on not being such a prick, but I don't think there's any escaping being "one of them." After all, I'm talking about crossing state lines to go to a fucking anime con. No escaping that stigma, even if, as ETP pointed out, we're pretty much going there just to shop. See? I am so much better than those people.

Got a hit today from halliburton.com. At first I was like, oh, shit. Clearly, they were here since I exposed the little known fact that Dick Cheney used to be their CEO and concerns had arisen over potential favortism being shown to the company as a result.

As it turns out, Halliburton got here via a Google search for Melissa Panarello. It's always nice to see people busy at work. Like me. At least I'm not looking for stroke material, though. I can wait five hours. Or at least until the car ride home.

Hey, look! An article on WMD. Because we haven't bitched about that today.

How the hell did everyone fuck this up? How is it that everyone had bad intelligence? It's probably not because of any sort of political pressure.

At first glance, it may seem hypocritical of me to be criticizing the administration for thinking there were banned weapons in Iraq only to find out that there were none when, in fact, I believed the exact same thing. Since hypocrisy is nothing new for me, we can just say "fuck that" to that line of discussion, and instead rationalize it away. Yes, I even agreed with the administration on the existence of WMD (but not the imminent growing threat), only to be proven wrong. But I'm not in fucking charge of anything. Which, let's face it, is probably best for everyone.

Now an inquiry may be on the table over in Britain. Do you think Tony Blair can even take a crap without first calling up George Bush to see if it's okay?

Dude, I so totally want a position whose name can be abbreviated NMOS. Then I can go up against my arch nemesis, PMOS, and we can fucking throw. Down.

Unlike the war issues, this really is a joke, on all sides.

It is so fucking sad that people are all up in arms over this bullshit. People actually called in to CBS to complain about the show. How bankrupt is your life if you're calling TV stations over an exposed breast? A dirty, filthy titty. Meanwhile, as these parents are on the phone their kids are getting into the drain cleaner.

Explain to me where the big fucking deal is, even if kids are watching. Is one partial boob going to suddenly destroy them? For any kids who were breast fed, they've already seen breasts. Granted, mom didn't usually unbutton her blouse and then pop off a pastie, but still. Give me a fucking break. Why don't we just start keeping women off of TV altogether since they have cooties? Grow up, America.

A couple of notes for those involved in making this happen:

• MTV: Don't give us this bullshit that it wasn't planned. I mean, you're fucking MTV, the king of soft, mainstream porn that no one wants to see anyway.


• CBS: That's what you get for letting MTV be involved in anything.

Michael Powell: shut the fuck up. I'd come and yell at you, but you're so far up on the moral high ground that I can't quite reach you.

"Wardrobe malfunction." He must have been up all night thinking that one up.

Bush didn't see it because he fell asleep. That is so good, on so many levels, in so many ways. At least he wasn't "choking on a pretzel" or whatever.

This country is pathetic. The fact that this is such a big deal... Now that's deplorable.

TB has released their budget for fiscal 2005.

Just for good measure, some more war bitching from Maureen Dowd.

Our credibility is pretty much shot at this point.

So, Gee Dubya is ordering an investigation. It'll be a year or more before we hear anything, so just in case something damaging to the administration comes up, it'll be well past election time.

I like how TB is looking to see "where we stand." Shouldn't we have checked out where we're at before getting involved in a fucking war? Maybe we should have checked where we're at after 9/11. Sounds reasonable. But of course, the administration has been doing lots to make us all safer. Christ, I would call all of this a joke if it weren't so bloody serious.

These people need to be shot.

Here's a front-page question currently on Slashdot:

"My longtime girlfriend recently had to move to complete her studies at a University, which is nowhere near where I live. Talking on the phone is quickly becoming old, as I'm a typical guy and hate being on the phone longer than 3 minutes, but I try. So I was thinking - I like games, she likes to talk, why not combine the two? So are there any online games suggested for couples using a headset? I can't see Counter-Strike or Rainbow Six working, but I was thinking maybe DDR Ultramix on Xbox Live? How about PC titles with headset support? Any suggestions?"

Yeah, I have a suggestion - break up.