Holy fuck. I haven't posted in almost a year and a half? Oh well, probably no one is... Anyway. I think about posting on this piece of shit from time to time, but then I'm like, fuck it. I can go be mostly ignored on Twitter with a lot less effort. So yeah, a lot of it is just laziness. But also I'm like, who fucking cares? Nobody gives a shit about my views on religion or politics. Hell, I barely give a shit about my opinions on anything.

But yeah I think I'm mostly lazy. I'll form an opinion and spout off at the mouth (virtual or otherwise), and I know I'm ill-informed and probably full of shit. And to become informed and not full of shit, well, that's gonna take more effort than I care to put in. So yeah, lazy.

But I do enjoy writing. And despite all my crippling self-doubt, I actually do think I'm a good writer. Even if I unflinchingly start multiple sentences in one post with "but" and "and." I write the way that I talk which is all the way I think. So go eat shit asshole.

Alright, we'll see if I do anything with this or not. Mount up.

The Undiscovered Country

OK so I just can't figure out what to do with this 'blog anymore.

So what's this blog about? Bitching is pretty much the focus here. Oh, and if you're not a big fan of sarcasm, this place probably isn't for you. Not like any of this matters... I'm sure no one is going to read this crap, anyway.

That's how we got started here. Originally, the main purpose of this 'blog was to give me something to do. I was bored, working in a cube, and pretty much going nowhere in a dead-end internship that ended very embarrassingly for me, and this place was a great diversion even if I was just talking into a void.

I wasn't quite talking into a void though as the secondary purpose of this 'blog was to communicate with ETP. We lived pretty close to one another and hung out regularly, but this place was a good way to quickly share interesting links and ideas and shit. This was before we had things as retarded as Twitter. And you can see what I've done with that.

Blogging took on a whole new life however when I found out that a handful of people besides ETP and BOETP actually read this crap. That was pretty nice. Sure, it was part ego, but it was cool interacting with people I didn't even know who enjoyed the ramblings I vomited out here. Also, Google pedophiles.

Discussion of politics was big here back in the day. I was a self-proclaimed bleeding-ass liberal and I was proud of it. As time went on though I got a BMW and a gun. I still like queers and baby killing, so those penalties offset, as I covered in a recent post. But anyway, what ultimately reigns is boredom and disillusionment.

Other things have changed. ETP and BOETP have moved off to the deep South. To keep in touch we have things like Facebook. Arguably more retarded than blogging, but hey not any dumber than acid wash and it comes in handy. If I want to share something with them, that's the easiest way. Plus, Blogger doesn't have FarmVille. God, how retarded is that crap?

Retarded, but addicting. I have been trying real hard today to not plant anything new so my entire farm will be fresh and I can get all my crops in sync so I'm not harvesting a million times a day. Yeah, I know I don't have to harvest fully grown stuff immediately, but A) I have OCD and B) I can't (and really don't wanna) concentrate on anything else for more than like a minute, minute-and-a-half.

Also, I really really need to find at least an 8th neighbor. I still have just the basic 12.5x12.5 farm and as such my shit is packed tighter than a 12-year-old girl. I can't expand my growing operations and barely have room for my animals and trees and all the other things I'm gifted every day. What I'm talking about is Lebensraum, people.

You know what I find kinda interesting? Firefox's built-in spell-checker does not flag the word "Lebensraum" as some kinda misspelling. Fuckin' Open Source fascists.

Okay, so back to WTF to do here. There are current events that I've always got an opinion on, or more importantly, are pissed off about. But I never really think to blog about it at the time. Or I'm just lazy. I may break something off here in a moment though.

Quick intermission: here's a good summary of blogging in general.

Typically the only time I feel like blogging is late at night, after some drinking, and all I have on my mind is this girl my dumb ass is chasing after. That's no good, and there's no way that can end well. In fact, I have proof that it doesn't end well in the form of many a rambling draft dating back nearly a year that I either never posted or posted and then pulled when I came to my senses.

(Just FYI, I am completely sober right now and it is about 6 in the evening. Well, in the interests of full disclosure, I wrote a good deal of the stuff prior to the previous paragraph during one of those late night sessions, but A) that shit's not too horrifying and B) be glad for the nonsense I cut out that came after. And you wanna know what's really fucked up? I just added in the FarmVille rant right now, again, when I'm completely sober.)

I'll try and keep the talk of the Dreamgirl saga to a minimum. There's not a whole lot to tell on that front at the moment because there's pretty much nothing substantial going on, just our weird, mostly online pseudo-friendship. But, I am gonna see her for the first time in nearly two years this coming week. Despite my excitement over this I'm pretty sure I'm only gonna end the week more confused than I started and as such am not gonna solve her just yet. Once I finally do manage to win with her though you will all know because fire and brimstone will rain down from the fucking sky. And you can say thanks BLM, thanks for ending our lame-ass existence. But either way I am fighting the good fight. I am running the race. I am keeping the faith. Haha yeah, everyone's fucked if I'm paraphrasing the Bible. May as well just start chanting in Latin.

Alright, that's enough of that. We all know how posts go when BLM gets too personal.

On the random bullshit front it looks like I still have a tendency to overuse the words "anyway" and "though," and also to completely violate good grammar conventions by frequently starting sentences with "and" or "but."

Oh, and hey, it looks like BOETP may start blogging again and this can only be described as a good thing. Maybe that will help motivate me to start blogging at least somewhat regularly again? I guess we'll see. Buckle up. Or not; whatever.

Good, I fucking hope he does go blind, and worse. There are few bigger pieces of shit out there that I hate more than David Blaine. To me, Blaine is the embodiment of so much that is wrong with the world. Inane, pointless, self-centered garbage. I'm not kidding when I say few worse are lower than him; as far as my level of hatred goes he's like getting into Cheney territory. I know what you're saying: how can you even begin to compare the two? Cheney is the biggest asshole alive and he's caused way more grief for the world than some nobody.

David Blaine is just that big of a prick.

Sure, we all do dumb shit. We have dangerous hobbies or just fuck up or whatever. But this asshole does all of this immensely retarded shit, and for what? For attention. That's all. No other reason than for attention. God damn it why can't he just fucking die in one of his experiments? He clearly wants to die. He's like that stupid cunt Amy Winehouse. If you're doing all this fucking crap you must want your life to end, so please just fucking die already.

The biggest danger for magician David Blaine...

What's magical about being an attention whoring douchebag? Tell me, please, what is magical about that.

Nevertheless, Napolitano says the stunt could yield valuable data for doctors.

I have an awesome idea: let's finally get our shit together and invent the time machine and send this fuckoff back. I'm sure Dr. Mengele would love to meet him, and I'd love for Blaine to meet him too.

Final Fantasy Football

Son of a fuck. You know how I feel about the Pats, so it must be something pretty serious if I'm pissed about an epic fail for them.

Well, how about my fantasy football season being blown up, for starters? Wait -- you probably figured that from the title of this post. No, the post has nothing to do with the videogame, unless Square-Enix has something up their sleeves that I'm unwittingly prognosticating. I just got that phrase in my head one day and it stuck.

But yeah, I'm fucked now. My draft strategy? Draft Tom Brady. After having Steven Jackson (one of the highest rated players at draft time) last season and Ronnie Brown (was leading the league in rushing several weeks in) after Jackson got injured, I was like, fuck the stud running back theory for fantasy football. I'm gonna go with a solid quarterback for my first pick and watch as everyone else sees their star running backs either disappoint or go down in injury later on in the year. I was kinda nervous about that foot of Brady's for awhile. Aside from it potentially being a lingering issue from the end of last season, as a foot fetishist I'm not pleased at having to be overly concerned about another dude's foot. I figured it would be fine; the guy's a veteran and he's a fucking horse. He's not gonna be setting records like last year, but he'll be fine.

So what happens? Before I even fucking got out of bed today, my season was pretty much hosed. The guy's started 128 straight games, but he had to pick today to (probably) shred his ACL and miss the rest of the season. Well, I was right about one thing -- the foot wasn't a big deal after all.

But, what did I expect to happen? Well, this, actually. Even during the draft I was already pessimistic. I even got called out for being such a whiny douche, by a potential dreamgirl nonetheless. So afterward, I had a bit of an epiphany. I was like, yeah, I do complain way too fucking much. Is it any wonder no one likes me? Stop that. Of course, I've had this epiphany before in my life, and then...

And then it turns out I was fucking right. I love how people have the gall to ask why I'm so pessimistic realistic about shit. I mean c'mon. This is all just learned behavior; it's not my fault, it's Pavlov's fault. There is no danger of me becoming a "happy person" anytime soon (happy people don't say "fuck" just so you know... long story).

I know what some of you are saying. "Well, that's what you get." Karma or some shit. Whatever. Either that is A) dumb or B) if I can actually influence peoples' lives just with my shitty attitude then I am clearly in the wrong line of work.

So, fantasy football gets me waxing existential. How sad is that?

Anyway, it's not all that bad. I'm having fun with it; I already changed my team logo picture to be a shot of Brady on the turf clutching his knee. And it is fucking fantasy football after all, which for many years I referred to aficionados of as quote losers. So yes, it's highly hypocritical flexible of me to be playing fantasy football, for the second straight year no less, but who cares. It's entertaining when you're in it with friends and co-workers; it's one more thing to BS about and talk shit about. And as long as I'm not one of those guys who spends all of Saturday setting my lineup (definite losers) then it's not all bad. But what am I gonna do if I can't impress Dreamgirl (hereafter referred to as Unlimited Candy Shopping Spree for reasons known only to me) with my fantasy football skills? Good thing I have so many others to fall back on.

"Once again Negative Z is kicking the hell out of Positive Z as the arguments rage."
- Line from Dr. Z, SI columnist and one of the most entertaining out there, in one of his NFL Power Rankings columns from last season

Okay so apparently this blog has become nothing more than a vehicle to announce to 30 or some odd pedos who show up here via Google each day new webcomics I've discovered. I guess that is a step up from usual topics, though.

Anyway, the new discovery is Treading Ground. There are only like 70 comics or so, and the guy's been doing the comic since like '03, and reading his news posts he's really not into the comic, so no telling when or if updates will show up. Fucking figures.

Speaking of those 30 pedos who show up here via Google each day, WTF is up with my traffic numbers? I punted on this blog in February of last year and started things back up in early November. Take a look at the trend. Hmmm, what exactly is the world telling me? Man fuck this place.

While we're on the subject, I don't suppose one of you 30 pedos knows how to draw, do you? I've had a webcomic idea rolling around in my head for like at least four if not five years but I've never really gone anywhere with it 'cause I'm just too lazy to learn to draw. I've been thinking about it lately and doing a bit of work on it but I'm guessing it will go nowhere. While I can't draw I can write like a mother fuck so I need to find a Gabe to my Tycho. If I could just find someone who can draw cute female characters I'd be set. I would think at least one pedo out there could handle this if they weren't busy handling other shit.

Just imagine how pissed guys must be if their HMO doesn't cover whatever fucking dentist this article is talking about. I don't know if they have HMOs in Japan but they probably do since they copy all the rest of our shit besides orthodontics.

Alright so just as a warning you're probably better off not clicking the links in the rest of this post if you're at work or something. Nothing pornographic or anything that would get the FBI knocking at your door, though, so relax.

Okay so another thing Japan doesn't copy is the American notion of a "schoolgirl." Or at least I thought they didn't until I saw this shit. I swear to god that better not have been a Japanese photographer responsible for that and if it was they have shamed themselves and stained their entire family for generations. Add in some really clunky shoes instead of those black loafers and you have what I call the "naughty schoolgirl" look. Here's a better example of the type of garbage I'm talking about that I see all the time that makes my blood boil, and not in a fun way. That look is an affront to everything that's hot.

Listen up, people: real schoolgirls in uniform don't wear their shirts like that. Real schoolgirls don't wear stockings like that. Real schoolgirls don't wear shoes like that. Okay sure some will but go to any fucking Catholic school and I promise you that you won't see any of that nonsense unless if the Church has gotten even more fucked up than I'd realized. What is the point of lusting after something so inauthentic, Mr. In-Denial Pedophile?

Here's the deal: if you're going to do anything "schoolgirl" related you either consult with me or Japan first. We know what we're talking about. Despite the above linked mess (you can find more of that set here if you're an idiot with no sense of taste for the finer things in life) I'm still giving Japan the benefit of the doubt since I'm considering their entire body of work which has been magnificent up to this point. But they should know that they're on notice and if I see any more of that crap I'm coming over there and kicking some ass just to make sure.

It's a well-known fact that humor is one of the most under appreciated art forms. I'm not talking the shit that I try and pass off for humor here at Fe. I'm talking about the kind of humor that takes talent and maybe even some practice to get good at.

We can see how underrated comedy is just through Hollywood. Take a look at the best picture category at the Oscars. Comedies are in the minority, and pretty much always a long-shot to win. And then there's all of the dooshebag comic actors who start doing dramatic roles just to win an Oscar and validate their careers which in some cases shouldn't need validation. Comedy is just not taken seriously.

Yes, I know the Oscars are a yearly autofellatio event for Hollywood and are total bullshit, but that lame-ass awards show serves as a nice microcosm of what I'm complaining about here. Although the fact that Jim Carrey will never win an Oscar is pretty sweet.

To me, if you can be educational and funny, that's awesome. If you can be poignant and funny, that's awesome. I also think that it's much harder to mix comedy with these other things, and of course no one in history has ever espoused such an earth-shattering opinion. Courtesy of Cracked, here are a couple of articles that demonstrate what a bad-ass comedy can be when it's done balls-out.

First up is a list of The Five Biggest Badass Popes. Entertaining and informative.

As a quick aside while we're on the subject of the Papacy, while I was on hiatus these past nine months I had an important revelation. I finally decided what I want to be when I grow up.

For the next Cracked link, I'm not going to say much. Other than the fact that this is one of the most fucking awesome things I've ever read.

Defective Junk Hero

No, this isn't some kind of Viagra spam post. I picked up Shitty Cover Band III (AKA Guitar Hero III) this past weekend. Twice. On Friday I pick the game up after work, head home, get my wireless network shit set back up, and fire up the game. I start playing "Slow Ride." I'm a bit rusty since I haven't been practicing my fake plastic guitar skills in awhile, but I'm doing OK. Not stellar though, as I realize my timing sucks because I just cannot hit a red+green combination.

After awhile I realized the issue wasn't me (for once), but the shiny new wireless guitar. You know, the one us 360 owners get jacked an extra ten bucks for thanks to Microsoft's proprietary wireless interface (at least, I'm guessing that's why it's $10 more than the PS or Wii versions). Upon further investigation I found out that it actually worked when I would strum up, but not down. I was about to call ETP and ask him if this was some new dumbass feature they'd added to make the game more challenging.

Playing some more I further realized that doing a red+green+down worked, if you consider red+green+down registering as yellow to be working. At this point I'm like, probably not a new feature. Oh, it's a feature all right, the kind that plenty of other people are having. It didn't take much searching through forums to see that I was not alone in my wireless guitar woes. Yay for quality control and product testing.

I started to take the guitar apart but got to a point where I felt like a circuit board wasn't gonna move without me breaking it so I was like, fuck it. Back to the store for an exchange.

My second one seems to be working just fine. I haven't put in a ton of time on the game yet (and you know there's the looming spectre of my video game ADHD), but it's not bad. It's Guitar Hero. It looks a bit different but pretty much plays the same. My biggest complaint is the extra shit it puts up on screen while you're playing, like when you hit a note streak. That always fucks me up because I think it's telling me I have Star Power when of course I don't. I'm busy paying attention to shit at the bottom middle of the screen assholes, and it used to be useful for the game to tell me up top about Star Power. I'm not actually gonna read it douchebags, but when it popped up I knew what it was without looking away from what I was supposed to be playing.

As an aside, dontcha love how when you've been playing for awhile and then you finally look away from the screen, everything around you seems to be moving upwards? That was rather unsettling the first time it ever happened to me. And now it's just normal.

The only new feature I've come across is the whole boss battle thing, which I found rather annoying. Partly because it took me a buncha tries to beat Tom Morello since I'm retarded. Then there was the time I was trying to attack and I tilted the guitar up so quickly and violently that i hit myself in the head, also because I'm retarded. And now more so. But in the end I beat Morello, and afterwards we had a nice discussion on geopolitics and he pointed me in the direction of a communist bookstore for references to support his dumbass opinions.

I was under the impression that a good deal of songs were the actual songs by the original artists, but no, most (so far for me at least, and I'm too lazy to go look it up right now) are just performed by shitty cover bands. Hence my nickname for the game still stands. And yes, I'm full well aware that Shitty Cover Band would be a better nickname for the impending Rock Band, but I started referring to GH as such a ways back and it's too late to change now. Maybe I'll just refer to Rock Band as Shitty Rock Band.

So while the track list is pretty badass, I'm rather disappointed in all the crap ass cover bands. I was especially pissed when I heard "Barracuda," one of the first songs I can ever recall listening to and enjoying (can't fuckin' believe that song is actually two years older than me). I was looking forward to playing that song, and while fun, the whole shitty cover band experience kinda took off some of the lustre.

Speaking of Shitty Rock Band, I can't say I'm all that enthused for the game. It's like, I can already be mediocre at playing the fake plastic guitar. Am I really that stoked to learn to play the fake plastic drums? Because I sure as hell will not be doing any singing. I have a good voice and all, but singing? Fuck that shit.

New look

Alright, so the last time I changed my template was probably June of 2003. That's... Pretty awesome. I never wanted to change it because I'm not anywhere near strong enough with web page coding to come up with a decent layout on my own, and all of the templates suck balls. Plus if I use one of the lame-ass templates it's gonna take forever to get all of the customization shit I've added into the template.

Well, an hour or two after deciding to take the plunge, I see that I was exactly correct. The new look is ass. Like, it wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't all this useless blank space to the left and right of the blog. What the fuck is that about? I gotta figure out how to fix that because that shit is annoying. The parts where I've written shit are a waste of space as it is, we don't need more completely useless space here.

And of course getting all the shit I want in the page back in there has been a chore. Like for the most part it wasn't bad, until I got to comments. At first I was thinking, fuck it, I'll just start using Blogger's commenting system. And I quickly saw that those suck, so I had to get HaloScan up and running. Which was also a pain, but I guess I'm there now so I'll let that rest until something turns up broken.

So, there you go. I changed my look. I did that for you. And what do I get as thanks? Probably not even a comment after going through all that fucking trouble. Yeah, why the hell am I blogging again?

EDIT: Okay, so I changed to a different template, which also blows. But at least it stretches the width of the page now.

yes, no, maybe, fud, notfud, itsatrap, securitytheater, thinkofthechildren

Even though Valentine's Day is nearly over, I thought it was still worth it to post a story about the pure love that is incest. Or lack thereof. Dunno about the study, sounds kinda flaky. Like did it take into account whether or not your sister is hot? Not saying that makes it better, but we understand. And you're at least gonna think about it even if you're not happy about it. Or maybe that's just me since I've got the hot stepsister thing going on so I don't have to feel as guilty for those thoughts.

Anyway... Found this line interesting, and by interesting I mean, maybe you should have phrased this better to get your point across:

Especially strong was the effect of watching one's mother care for a younger child. "They would be very altrustic towards that baby and they'd be grossed out at the idea of sex with that baby as an adult," Cosmides said.

At first I was like, I sure hope you'd be grossed out by the idea of sex with that baby, otherwise you've got more problems than I do.

If you're at all bothered by this post, save it. You should be happy I did it considering the fucking trouble I had to go through so that I could make it. What trouble? Where should I start.

First, I go to Blogger. Of course, where the fuck else am I gonna go, right? Anyway, I try to log in, and it's giving me some shit about switching to the new Blogger. And I'm like, fuck this, I don't wanna switch. Why not? Couple reasons. One, the last time Blogger went through a major change, I referred to it as "the worst thing ever." I even e-mailed Blogger and said as much, and I don't think I got so much as a form-letter reply. Fuckers.

But I was like, fine. I'll switch. Even though I've tried switching before but you complained that my 'blog was too big to transition over, even when you were out of beta. Now, though, when it's up to you and not me, yeah, I've gotta switch. Prick.

So fine, let's do this. I'm a, no, fuck it, I'm not going to finish that Dane Cook reference there because that guy's shit is played out and he's not funny anymore. Anyway, I decide to just get it over with. I get through step one of verifying my "old" Blogger identity. Why I needed to do that when I just did it six seconds prior I don't know. But I did it. And then I get to the page asking for a Google account. Great, I've got one of those. On the page there's a button on the right to create a Google account under "no", and... And a light blue box under "yes" with not a fucking thing in it. And I already know what's in there, it's something useful for the task at hand and neither Mozilla nor Firefox ever show useful things.

So, fuck. After fucking with about three different browsers I was just, like, forget it. I'm done. With blogging. Forever. We know that that means nothing, as evidenced by this post right here and my track record. I was just discouraged because I knew to get things set right I was gonna have to reboot into Windows and use IE (keeping in mind that I use an OS where shit doesn't work because that makes me cool, AKA a weenie).

But I sucked it up and I did it, and here I am. The new Blogger. Woo fucking hoo. At this point I haven't used it enough to figure out what I hate about it yet, but I'm sure I'll find some things. One thing I am stoked about, though, is tags. That was pretty much my only motivation to migrate when I had tried it before. Not like tags really contribute anything, as evidenced by tagging on Slashdot, but maybe it will keep me marginally amused for awhile.

Sorry, labels, not tags. And it automatically alphabetizes them for me (let the record stand that incest was the first tag applied to a post on this blog). Yeah, the new Blogger is already pissing me off.