He came here a boy, and left a man

Since some sissy was playing Sims -- ERRR -- doing homework, tonight was boys' night out . For once, it was actually spent out, as opposed to just sitting around at someone's house playing videogames. Okay, there was some Kart action towards the end of the night, but that was after the running around. And what did we do while we were out? Drive.

First up with ETP's RSX. Since I'm still shaky on a real manual, I toyed around with it for awhile. Then the real fun (mostly for him, some for me) began. See, where I live, I'm on the edge of some farm country. Which means there are lots of straight, narrow roads that aren't patrolled by cops. He got her up to 110 and... Yeah. That just sounded pretty. Felt neat, too. You could tell just by the wet spots in both our pants.

Next up was the Audi. Yeah, I've still got the PussyStick Wagon. Of course, that thing doesn't have the raw power of the RSX. It can move pretty well, but it's still fucking crippled thanks to the automatic, even especially with Audi's PussyStick implementation. Instead of speed trials, it was time to try out the handling. Hey, I don't have all-wheel drive on a regular basis, so fuck it. Let's try out some windy roads. Oh, and throw in hand brake turns just for good measure.

Hey, even if we were being... Somewhat reckless, we're still the smart kids. We're out where no one else is, and we saved the drinking for afterwards. Now I just need to get myself a fast car with a real transmission and actually learn to drive the fucking thing, and we can troll around town fucking with high-schoolers in their souped-up rigs. Yeah, that won't end badly.

Ahhh... Hot engines and warm tires. Nothing quite like it.

This appears to be the Neocon weapon of choice for when they get caught. "Hey, I didn't do anything wrong. I was misled." That's rapidly becoming the "Hey, she told me she was 18" of business and government crime denial.

You're not from Brighton

Last weekend we found ourselves wondering what Norman has been up to for the past few years, and now we know.

Well, fuck. There's one more thing I'll have to buy in October. Hopefully Palookaville will be better than his last effort, Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars. Which wasn't bad, it's just that it was nowhere near as good as Better Living Through Chemistry or You've Come a Long Way, Baby. But of course, HBGS did produce "Weapon of Choice," and, more importantly, the video with Christopher Walken. A video that is nearly the best ever, second only to Norman's video for "Gangster Tripping." That video literally has everything. Well, everything you need, anyway. "Exploding furniture, an exploding toilet... All this video needs is a hot chick. Oh, and there's a hot chick. Thank you Norman!"

The validity of some of the documents recently released about Bush's service has come into question. From what I understand, though, Team Bush hasn't really said much to refute the supposed forgeries. You'd think they'd be all over that shit, so someone is up to something. As if that wasn't obvious.

Yeah, the Vietnam shit just won't die, and it's fucking retarded. Even if the 60 Minutes documents are fakes, it doesn't really matter, does it? It should be plainly obvious to anyone who gives it more than two seconds of thought that Bush avoided fighting in 'Nam by going into the Guard. And hey, I don't exactly blame Bush -- I'd do the exact same fucking thing if I were faced with that situation and I had his options. Of course, likening someone's actions to what I would do (WWBLMD?) under those same circumstances isn't exactly a ringing endorsement of someone's patriotism or heroism.

Krugman gets shrill.

It's not Saturday yet

Nice to see congress wasting time on shit like this. I don't even care if it's a nice gesture, stuff like this doesn't do a fucking thing. Seriously, the House better not have spent more than five minutues on that resolution, because it's not like our intelligence system needs to be overhauled or anything.

Alright, so the 9/11 anniversary is coming up. I know, dooode, you nearly totally forgot about it! Because it hasn't gotten any coverage lately (The Onion put it most succinctly in this week's edition).

Here's my challenge to everyone out there: just avoid as much media coverage as you can. TV, radio, newspapers, whatever. No, I'm not trying to be all clever with some kind of boycott here. A) The six people who read this site aren't a big enough force to make any kind of impact and B) even if I did reach what you could call a "sizable audience," a one-day boycott isn't going to do a fucking thing in terms of "hitting them where it hurts." Can we get another bullshit phrase in quotes here? "Sure."

No, don't do it to be clever or to have a meaningless impact, do it for the same reason I do it every 9/11: for your own sanity. Go do something productive and non-exploitative: look at some porn, shoot someone in the ass with a dart gun, molest a child, do what you gotta do. Just don't blame me if you do something stupid like, say, molest a child.

Oh, but wait! We have to "Remember." Yeah, because we're all going to forget that horrific day that changed oh-so-much without some dipshit redneck's or soccer mom's bumpersticker. Or, in case if that's not enough, wall-to-fucking-wall coverage containing images that are already burned into our fucking minds.

Yeah, this Saturday, I'm out. In fact, I think I'll "celebrate" by going out and doing one thing that 9/11 was supposed to teach us to migrate away from but in the end didn't: I'm going to hang out with my friends making fun of America and being a selfish, self-centered, consumer asshole. Nevermind the fact that Bush himself advocated going out and being a consumer asshole in the wake of 9/11. Whaddya want from that guy, leadership and inspiration?

This is really fucking stupid. Here are a handful of reasons as to why this is a fucking waste of time and money (and yes, time is money); I'm sure you can come up with more:

1. If the scanner goes off, you can talk your way out of it. Damn, just when I thought that the three biq questions were tough enough, they show me that we can go way further.
2. We'll scan residue from people's hands, but we still won't bother scanning checked-in luggage.
3. The time wasted questioning all those false positives could be spent, I dunno, doing "security" things.

Don't worry everyone, we're really safe.

Note to Team Kerry: whenever Dick Cheney starts saying things like this, don't start whining that he "crossed the line" and is being "un-American." Just tell everyone "That's bullshit" and then proceed to explain why it's bullshit.

Conservatives everywhere have got to be pissed. "Dammit! We were so close!"

If Clinton does end up coming though this just fine, I have one question to ask of the Religious Right: where is your God now, motherfuckers? If God were the good Christian you've made him out to be, wouldn't he have struck Clinton down? Clinton vs. God: Clinton wins! Now, it's not like I worship the guy or anything, but maybe the reason Clinton avoided a coronary is because the man is god.

Nah, nevermind, that joke doesn't work, because I would hope that god could get better chicks than Monica. Clinton would have gotten some hotter tail, but he was BUSY.

Yeah, and fuck them for performing a function that might save my life someday

I don't think there's anything I hate more in this world than home smoke detectors. Let's face it; those things are fuckin' worthless. I mean, really. Has one ever gone off in your house for a legitimate reason? I didn't think so.

Alright, fine. It's nice "just in case." That's not what I'm really pissed about, I'm just making shit up to bolster my case. No, what pisses me off is the battery. Why the fuck do those things lose their charge? Shouldn't it just be in there as a back-up for in case the power goes out? Unless your power company is supremely shitty, the fucking thing should be running off of AC pretty much non-stop. So again, why the fuck is the battery getting run-down? Sounds like a a conspiracy between smoke detector manufacturers and battery companies to me. Don't give me any shit; I know there's dirty shit afoot when it comes to battery companies. Why the fuck else would so many electronic devices require three batteries, when batteries always come in minimum-sized packs of two or four? I'm a EE; I know they could work on that shit.

I also hate those fucking things because they're timed to run low on battery life at a time when you're asleep. They'll never start that annoying fucking beeping when you're perfectly alert and wide awake; no, they want you to get up on a ladder when you're still too groggy to even focus and see yourself in the mirror. Fuckers.

Speaking of rigging shit...

Yeah, we already know this. The election is less than two months away, after all; it has to happen sometime before then. I'm not saying that this shit is rigged, but this shit is rigged.